Enough to Stay
by Sparkle Itamashii
Summary: Happening during and after the seventh comic. Hopefully a satisfying explanation of anything that was left unexplained by the actual series. [OLD WRITING]
1. Introuction

If you know the drill (I own nothing, bad things within-It's rated R!) don't read this, just go to the first real chapter.

Series Title: Enough to Stay

Part 1: Find Yourself

Part 2: The World's a Dream

Part 3: Enough to Stay

Part 4: Cause and Effect

Part 5: Take Your Chances

Part 6: Bittersweet

Author: CONTACT _Con-4922D8771 Sparkle Itamashii

Warnings: This is rated R for a REASON!!! There IS violence and there IS language. VIOLENCE AND LANGUAGE ARE IN THIS. If you have a problem with foul language or violence of any kind, please, please stop reading right now. Don't even read the disclaimer, just close your browser. There is going to be angst, there is going to be sap, there is going to be happy there is going to be sad, angry, crazy, homicide, and perhaps even suicide. I HAVE introduced a character and ideas of my own making but I promise they are used only to explain anything I thought needed to be explained from the real book (my interpretation ONLY) and to further the plot line.

Disclaimer: I do not own any part of Johnny the Homicidal Maniac (JTHM). I have never claimed to, nor will I ever claim to. Jhonen Vasquez is keeper of all rights to JTHM and anything associated with it (SQUEE!, I Feel Sick, etc.) I have copied parts of his book directly into this story without permission, but only as a reference as to when the parts take place. I have used the characters Jhonen Vasquez (aka… GOD) has created without permission. Should Jhonen Vaquez find this and wish to sue me for doing so, Jhonen Vasquez should know that I am a poor college student writing because I am insane and would die if I did not.

Authors Notes: This is a series with an overall title of "Enough to Stay" There are going to be several parts and an epilogue, and each part is going to have a couple chapters. This whole thing is VERY LONG.

The first part takes place during the seventh comic, almost all the way to the end of it. I tried not to change any part of the actual book, and tried to include all the parts of the storyline that were there in the comics. What I've written takes place between scenes, like the parts of the story that you don't see in the comics. Have fun and don't take it too seriously. It may be good or bad but it is STILL just a story.

I love comments and criticism, so send me word (or words!!!) on what you thought of this if you make it to the end and even if you don't. Thank you, and I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it.

~Sparkle Itamashii


	2. Part One: Is this Life?

Series Title: Enough to Stay

Title: Find Yourself

Author: Sparkle Itamashii

Warnings: Rated R for a reason. Don't read if you can't handle it.

Disclaimer: I do not own JTHM, the characters therein, or any of the ideas behind it.

Find Yourself 

Chapter 1: Is this Life?

He lay alone in the dark room, the bits of broken furnishings scattered around him in a dizzying array of disorder. A small space had been cleared, enough for him to lay belly-down on the floor as he was now. There was a dusty journal open in front of him, covers stained in blood and the pages slightly water-warped. Despite it's appearance it was merely well used, not old. The scrawling script splayed across the open pages was a doorway into a mind few had learned of and lived to tell the tale. Not that it mattered who they told about the horrors therein… No one ever believed them. Though it was just as likely that no one cared.

The boy picked up his pen, holding it delicately between slim fingers as he thought on what to write. So much had happened in such a short time. Even having woken up to a decimated house in a pool of his own blood, he was still unsure about the events that had taken place. It made sense that he was still alive- after all he couldn't die. He'd proved it over and over again as he tried to kill himself and each time, failed. It even made sense that when he finally _had_ succeeded… they sent him back. What didn't make sense was what he was supposed to do now. He was no longer a waste-lock, was not responsible for picking up and channeling the invisible trails of slime-aura that all humans left. His life was his own, finally… but he had discovered that he now had no direction.

He gingerly touched the top of his head for the billionth time since he had been sent back. Two long, thick bangs and a few small patches of hair along the top of his forehead were all that was left of his blue-black hair. His head was always feeling cold now and he could not, for the life of him, figure out why anyone would ever intentionally shave his or her head… Being sent back from hell was another story all together. It had been excruciatingly painful until he had hit the real world again. Then his real eyes fluttered open and he was sitting in his house, blinking back what felt like the haze sleep always brought with it. He hated sleep.

He sighed and the tip of the pen met the paper. _Dear Die-ary, I have been to heaven and hell… and I still don't know if there is a god or a devil. Still… it's something to write about._ He wove the story of his trip late into the night, not bothering to sleep.

He sat, staring out his window. The journal was still on the floor, where he had left it in the other room, pages open. He had moved all the broken pieces of house and furniture into that room to be sorted through when he had the time. He found that some things had been left intact. True, the couch had been overturned and was propped unceremoniously against the wall, but it had been an easy feat to push it back to it's location and patch up the fair sized holes that had been torn in it. There were two unbroken lamps that needed light bulbs, and he was pleased to find that whatever had destroyed the inside of his house had failed to touch his room. Upon finding that the front window boards had been broken through, he had returned to feeling sullen and a bit lost. New boards had done the job for now. He was very thankful indeed that nothing had seemed to even _phase_ the sound system in his room.

Now he was waiting for an answer to dawn on him. After being given so much time to think everything out, to turn it over and over in his mind he had concluded that he no longer wished to be a part of humanity. He didn't want to be a waste lock of any kind ever again. Getting close to people, feelings things for or about people made him feel as though everything would start over along the same tracks, lead to the same (very painful, he thought) end. A soft sigh escaped his lips.

"… Systematic detachment from emotional reaction. Terrifying to realize how easy it is to be affected. It seems an emotional enema is next on the agenda. Flush out the excess humanity." He almost shuddered at the word "flush" remembering being told he was a flusher. His gaze moved upward out the window. "Whether what happened was a dream or not, it still signifies the start of something new and untainted by slavery to some external thing. I feel more whole than before, and that brings its own danger- that of self-servitude." The sound of his whispering voice echoed in memory for a moment as his thoughts trudged in circles around his words.

A knock on the patched up door startled him. He pulled his elbows off the windowsill and listened behind him, not yet turning around. There was no further sound and Johnny's curiosity got the better of him. After all, who _ever_ came to visit of their own free will? Maybe someone had come to play. He turned and slipped over to the door, cracking it open. Involuntarily, he raised an eyebrow at the scrawny looking boy standing on his doorstep, a suitcase covered in band stickers at his feet. This was going to be interesting.

(AN: I know… this is a lot like the comic- that's because I'm trying to do the story between the comic parts. It gets better, just wait a bit for it to get interesting.)


	3. Part One: Dreadful Inspiration

I still do not own JTHM, the characters therein, or any of the ideas behind it. Find Yourself 

Chapter 2: Dreadful Inspiration

Sunlight failed to reach the dark room he now resided in. The screaming had long since stopped ringing in his ears and he could think of no better way to spend his time. The tips of his left hand fingers spilled over the edge of the bed as he lay spread-eagle on it. His boots were on the floor by the door, lined up next to the frame. The faint notes to "Moonlight Sonata" drifted through the room, almost lost before they were heard they were so quiet. The paint (or was it just dried blood?) on the ceiling was flaking off, falling like slow, irregular snowflakes in time to the flowing music. The bed had been speckled with them when he entered and instead of trying to brush them away he tore the covers off and lay on the bare mattress. It didn't matter; it was not like he was going to sleep in it.

The boy Jimmy, or "Mmy" as he wanted to be called, had been unpleasant to deal with. He aspired to be like Johnny and kill people, but something had gone terribly, terribly wrong. Bringing his own case of 'tools' he had wanted to show Nny all about everything he had been doing to be like him, and each step had only made Johnny feel more and more disgusted with both the boy and humanity itself. Was this society really breeding shit like that without anyone catching it? Hearing the boy prattle on about this murder or that murder had made his head throb, sure, but nothing like the horror and rage he had felt when the boy described one act in particular. Mmy had raped and then killed a girl. Johnny felt sick remembering how he had heard of it on the news. That girl he had captured just before he died had blamed _him_, _Nny_, for it, for something that utterly distasteful.

He would admit to having some twisted morals when it came to killing people. Pain, suffering, death, all were usually deserved by those he dealt it out to. It wasn't like the law was likely to do anything about them anyhow and Johnny knew he would not be caught for ridding the world of the assholes infesting it. However, he _did_ have morals and violating someone in the way this… BOY had violated his victim, was unacceptable. It was a disgrace, a monstrosity… it was Nny's creation because it was his acts that had 'inspired' the young man to do what he had done… But Johnny would _NEVER_ have done what this child had done to that girl. Never. Johnny did have morals somewhere and his morals were telling him that one chance to leave was more than enough and if Mmy insisted on following him he would get what was coming to him.

What was coming to him, apparently, was a flying knife. Stupidly insisting on following Johnny into his basement, the boy hadn't realized what was going on until it was too late. The thunk-thunk-thunk noises his body made as it fell were somehow both pleasant and incredibly irritating at the same time. Nny only stared as the body tumbled and landed at his feet. He remembered facing the wall and looking for something useful, eyes settling on a short pole with a wicked looking hook on the end. Perfect. Without turning he had begun his speech, hoping to scare the boy into learning a lesson before he died.

_"Ah… I see you've decided to follow me once again."_ He sighed, spreading his hands in the air above the pole, _"…Let's continue along this artistic vein of discussion then, shall we? Imagine a sculptor being confronted by a stranger, who, as it turns out confesses to revere our sculptor. Imagine the flattery known to anybody who is told they've inspired some noble aspiration in somebody."_

His own words rang in his ears as clearly as though he was in the room all over again. He could almost smell the metallic scent of fresh blood as it mixed with the almost stale air of the room. Twitching on the ground behind him, Mmy could not find words to interrupt or ask the question undeniably at the very front of his thoughts- why? Johnny remembered laying his hands down on the pole and standing there for a long moment as he listened to Mmy attempt to regain his composure, or at least breathe through the pain of the knife in his shoulder. It had gone clear through. Nny was proud of how clean a cut his knife had made. He had whirled, crouching over the boy like a spider crouches over its prey, pole clenched in white-knuckled control behind his back.

_"The student then presents our sculptor with a work fashioned after the sculptor's own style- a likeness of the student himself. It is a monstrosity! A fucking mess."_ His lip curled and his disgust for the child had deepened. _"Even worse is that our artist sees that this piece of shit before him is a more reasonable facsimile of his own work than he'd like to think."_ Rage overtook him as he bent closer to his victim and his voice rose in volume, _"You fucking IDIOT!! ADMIRE me?!! You SHIT!!! I'm the VILLAIN in this fucking story!"_

A few moments and a good lecture about morals later, Jimmy lay pinned to the ground by six large tent spikes tied to ropes attached to the hooks that held open his stomach cavity. He left the room after leaving a thick wooden mallet in the misguided boy's skull. The protest that he was just like Nny irked the killer, and he had simply replied, _"I don't like myself much."_ Though his words fell on dead ears by that time, it didn't seem to matter. The words haunted him now.

He let out a heavy sigh and turned onto his side, letting his feet slip over the edge just enough so he could feel the weight of gravity tug gently on them. To let him know that he was indeed still awake and feeling the real world as it affected him. "Something is still wrong. I still don't know what I'm doing." His thoughts wandered to before he had died, or dreamed he had died. He hadn't seen Devi in a while, and he missed following her around. She really didn't appreciate what he had tried to do for her, for them. He could understand now, though, because he had realized he didn't really want to kill her and that it was the doughboys that had convinced him to even try. It was a bit late to hope for anything now. Except…

He really didn't like to leave loose ends. Even if she didn't forgive him, perhaps she could be persuaded to not entirely feel like coming to some violent end at the very thought of him. He couldn't talk to her in person because she might decide to try to kill him again. She probably would not let him finish talking if he called her on the phone and he didn't have a computer so that was out. He stared at the ceiling as though it could give him an answer. A few flakes of blood-red paint chipped off as gravity pulled their weight ever downward. Aside from the darkness and paint-flakes, though, it gave him no insight as to what he should do. He just knew he had to get her to listen to him without interrupting.

Moments later, it finally dawned on him. A tape-recorded message. He could then rehearse what he wanted to say so that it sounded elegant and non-threatening, and she could not interrupt him because he would not actually be talking! It was flawless, supposing that she answered her phone. He would, then, have to make sure she was alone and willing to answer the phone before he called. Not a hard thing to do- she always spent the early part of the morning by herself, unwilling to let even Tenna (should she be awake at the ungodly hours Devi usually kept in the morning) inside. If he made the call soon, he would catch her alone. He rolled off the bed and snatched up his diary, scribbling a speech as best he could do on such short notice.

Thinking back to when he was coming up with a plan of action, he decided that he probably could have come up with a better idea. Actually, there were probably a TON of better ideas. The thing was that he had not expected her to try and talk over the recording to yell at him. Was that even _allowed_? If it was, he really didn't think it should be. "THAT could have gone better…" He whispered, staring wide-eyed at the phone. He was unsure as to whether he had ever heard that much anger in her voice ever before. Quickly deciding he had not, he began to wonder if he should devise another plan. Mr. Samsa wandered into his line of sight, and he stared at the trundling bug for a long moment.

Mr. Samsa froze, cockroach antennae quivering as it sensed the vibration of Johnny kneeling by the table. He watched the insect as it remained stock-still for a long moment and imagined he could sense its terror. After all, he had been killing this same bug for nearly two and a half years. Growing tired of watching it perch in one place, he whispered in a soothing, thoughtful voice, "Hello, Mr. Samsa. Don't worry. I'm not going to kill you again. You're of more use to me alive as a study tool. Aside from the vermin thing, you are quite the admirable character." That seemed to do the trick as the little pest began to trundle along its way once again. Nny's eyes followed it until it disappeared off the edge of the table.

"Psst! Hey, Nny. It's been days since you've eaten anything. Don't you want to go out? Maybe get some Chinese?"


	4. Part One: The Sacrifice

I still do not own JTHM, the characters therein, or any of the ideas behind it. Find Yourself 

Chapter 3: The Sacrifice

That horrid little figurine. The one of the creepy little boy holding up a creepy looking hamburger, and giving off a big, creepy smile. It _sounded_ like one of the doughboys, it _acted_ kind of like the doughboys… but it looked really different. Currently, though, there was only one of it, and it hadn't done anything worth getting angry about. He hadn't noticed that it was the only thing in the house, aside from him, that was able to speak until just then. Though when asked about it, the little figurine heartily denied being like the doughboys, and Johnny decided to take that at face value.

He really didn't enjoy that conversation very much, either. After being so violently turned upon by Devi in both actions and now words, he was just not up to dealing with the world around him. Especially not anything that remotely resembled the doughboys. Reverend MEAT, as Johnny later found out he was called, had concluded that Johnny would always be a slave to something, whether on the outside or the inside of himself. Believing that was more than difficult and Johnny had spat vows he never intended to keep before storming out of the house. He indeed could not entirely ignore his hunger if he intended to stay alive, he didn't really want to be entirely alone and he rather preferred his genitalia to remain attached. Though he really did want to cleanse his mind of all feeling, he could see few ways to do such a thing.

That line of thinking was the reason he now found himself standing quietly at the edge of Dragon Books, watching Devi's slight figure ring up a pile of books for a man who was hardly paying attention to anything but his books. Every time he came in here he wondered if she saw him or even noticed that he was here. Though he seriously doubted that she spotted him _in_ the store (she would have thrown a fit, he just knew it) he knew she had seen him standing outside the window, dark brown eyes filled with tears. He had been torn, regretting trying to kill her and wanting to just be able to talk to her again. Now he knew better than to let her see him, even to let her know that he still existed.

She was getting off work at five. It was quarter to five right now, so he still had 15 minutes to catch flaws in his plan. So far the only one that he saw was that he was leaving himself open to getting himself beat senseless again. However, he had decided to avoid that road by expecting it and being ready for her to attack him when he finally confronted her. It had been so long since he had seen her up close that he wasn't sure he remembered entirely. Just one more thing sleep may have washed from him, and that made him angry. He slowly calmed himself, glaring intently at the books on the shelves. There wasn't really anything interesting in the particular section he was in, but it was easily hidden from view of the main desk.

"Can I help you?" Came Devi's voice from less than three feet away. He nearly jumped out of his skin at the noise, fearing that he had been caught. Did she not recognize him yet? Should he run? Should he turn and face her? WAS SHE WAITING FOR HIM TO TURN SO SHE COULD GET A SHOT AT HIS FACE?!

Slowly, ever so slowly, reason, sense, reality dawned on him. Yes, she _was_ less than three feet away- on the other side of the bookrack. He had heard her voice as she spoke to the young girl looking for a book on the other side of the case. Johnny's heart thudded in his chest for a long moment as he fought to catch his breath. How had he let her get so close without noticing? Now she was pointing out books to the girl, using an only slightly softer tone than she had been using with most every other customer. A voice tainted with only a little more patience. Nny's eyes widened slightly as he took in the sight of her through the bookshelves. She was every bit as beautiful as she had been before… All she had to do was look up and she would see him.

All she has to do is look up and see me?!! He quickly shoved the book he had been clenching onto the shelf and beat a hasty retreat out the door, not noticing the people as they moved out of his way. Good. He really didn't want to take any strangers home with him tonight. One had to be in the mood for that sort of thing and death and blood were two of the farthest things from his mind at the moment, oddly enough.

He wandered down the nearly deserted street to Devi's house. He was still a far cry away, but he knew this was the way she walked every night to get home from work. She would stop in at the little 24/7 and buy a bag of Cheese-nubs to bring back with her. Chances were that she and Tenna would split the box between them and 'spooky'. Spooky, who was to Tenna what Shmee was to Squee. Johnny didn't know how many times he had followed her back to her apartment, wishing he could talk to her face to face again. He checked the only true alley along her way home to see if there was anything dangerous. It was at the edge of town, the side where no one paid attention to what screamed in the dark. There was nothing, tonight. Finally it seemed a lesson was being learned and the bad people of the city were avoiding that alley like the plague. Anyone hunting it turned up dead the next morning, regardless of how strong or skilled.

He stayed covered in the alley for a while, making sure it remained safe. Devi would be along any moment now and he could watch her get home safely from the top of the wall. She had never noticed him, there. He had never really thought of himself as the sort that would end up protecting someone, but this seemed… right. It wasn't as though he had anything better to do, and making sure that she got home safely relaxed him. At first he hadn't intended to make it a nightly following, but after he had found a real scumbag lurking in this very same alley he had rethought his decision. The back wall was spiky, for whatever reason, and coated in the man's now-dried blood. It almost made Johnny giggle- he was painting walls with blood again, but this time it was just for fun. It made him feel that much more free.

Footsteps echoed hollowly in the surrounding area and Nny quickly melted into the shadows. Devi was finally on her way home and he was pleased to note that she had made it this far safely and surprisingly, alone. It wasn't uncommon to find her walking with Tenna after the girl had stopped by the store just before Devi left for the night. It was something that had started ever since Johnny had attempted to kill her. He sighed. That was going to be a sore point **he** was going to have to avoid like the plague. He knew she was still upset about that whole killing incident. All he needed was a little bit of time to EXPLAIN things and he knew she would understand. It wasn't _entirely_ his fault, and he really didn't mean it.

Time to explain! That was it! There was no one around in this part of the city, yet another reason so many evils chose this place to target the lone people that passed by. No one would hear them even if they screamed their lungs out at one another for the entire night. All he had to do was confront her _here_ and she would have to listen! He could- He stopped himself abruptly and drew shaking hands away from the handle of the smiley-faced blade on his belt. What was he thinking? THAT would have gone over really well. Quickly and silently he drew the blade and shoved it deep into the trashcan beside him. Now he would not be tempted to use it to _make_ her listen to him. The footsteps had grown louder and were almost on top of the alley now.

Thinking fast he stepped from the darkened entrance behind her as she passed, bringing his right arm under both hers and behind her back, holding tight while covering her mouth securely with his left hand. He yanked them both back into the alley before she could make an attempt at figuring out what was going on. "I'm not going to hurt you, okay? You can scream all you like out here and no one will hear you, so just try to stay calm. Nothing bad is going to happen, I swear. I'm going to let you go now." As quickly as he could he let her go in a single motion and stepped backward just fast enough to miss being hit by her fist. He rose a careful distance away and flinched as she recognized him.

"NNY?! You little shit! What the FUCK are you doing hiding here? If you even _THINK_ about pulling that "I'm going to kill you" business here, I won't just leave you down I'll take you OUT." She raged, furious that she had been caught, and caught by Johnny no less.

He winced again and held up his hands in surrender, "No, I just, I wanted to talk to you…" He took a breath and a small step forward. Her fist hit him in the jaw and he hit the ground, almost cracking his head on the cement. "Fuck!" He rasped, rolling to the side and out of the way of a vicious kick directed at his groin. Springing to his feet he narrowly avoided getting smashed in the face again and he quickly vaulted to atop the wall of the alley, the same spot he used to perch and watch her return home safely. He wondered briefly if he would make it home in one piece tonight, and suddenly thought that maybe this hadn't been the brightest idea he had ever had. "Are you crazy?!" He cried, catching his breath and trying to still his frantically beating heart.

She took a deep breath and stared up at him incredulously. "Am _I_ crazy?! AM I CRAZY?! Where the fuck do you get off asking a question like that?!"

"I don't KNOW!" He retorted, growing defensive, "I don't often dismember people who have something important to talk to me about!"

"I don't believe that!" She shouted up at him, taking a stance at the opposite end of the alley. "I can't believe anything you say! You probably _have_ dismembered people for just that!"

"I said often!" A pause. He raised an eyebrow, suddenly confused. "Wait, are you angry with me because I kill people or because I tried to kill you? Which, might I add, I happily did not succeed at doing."

Devi really wished she had a gun, though she didn't know which of them she would put out of her misery. "So you DO kill other people! WONDERFUCK. How the hell do you think I will _ever_ trust you enough to even talk to you, knowing that for sure now?" She couldn't wait to hear this one.

"Look." He finally stated, "I'm not armed. I only keep one knife on me when I watch you walk home, and it's in the garbage can over there. I can't possibly get to it before you would beat me senseless again. You can even check for it." He didn't think giving her a blade was the best of decisions, but it might make her relax a bit to think that she could hurt him a lot more than he could hurt her.

"YOU FOLLOW ME HOME?!" She shouted, reaching a blind hand into the can and pulling out the semi-long blade. It was one thing to suspect something, to think you caught a glimpse of someone tracing your moves as you went about your life. Paranoia can do that to you, easily. Knowing for sure that someone was stalking you, knew everything you did was a completely different ball game. "Not only do you try to kill me, but now you're stalking me!" She shook it, point end first, at him "I thought I saw you following me around, but I was never sure. How often?" she demanded.

He sighed, staring at her for a moment. "Every night you work. I've been keeping this alley safe. I've kept your whole road home safe. There were some very bad people hanging out along this way, but I… 'protect' you from them." He waved toward the wall with one hand, a gesture meant to let her discover the blood that coated the wall. "Why would I hurt you if I do that?"

Devi lost it, chucking the newfound knife at him. The projectile flew past him as he slipped to the ground, only to be met by her fist again. This time, his head _did_ hit the cement of the wall, and stars danced momentarily behind his eyes. He managed to avoid a second blow as she shouted at him. "Because you hurt people! You've _killed_ people, Johnny! Even more, you KILLED because of ME. Now I've got blood on my hands, too, THANK YOU. FEAR MY SARCASM!" She lashed out at him again and they danced all over the alley as she tried to bring him down and he tried to avoid just that.

"But you didn't kill anyone, Devi!" He finally managed several minutes later as she paused for breath, "Those people deserved it, they would have hurt you! They would have tried to kill you, even!"

"LIKE YOU DID." She snarled. Her resolve to hate him almost broke at the look that comment caused. Like a small child who had just been kicked. His brows knit together and his big brown eyes softened, glistening in the evening light.

"Devi, no… That wasn't me, please let me explain!"

He ducked under her punch, whirling around even as she tried to slam him into the wall of the alley. Catching both her wrists he managed to slow their backward hurtle only inches from the wall. It would have been unfortunate for him if he had not reacted as quickly, because the bricks of the wall back wall were spiky and very unfriendly looking at the moment. Especially coated in blood as they already were. Maybe he shouldn't do that anymore, with the painting of the walls and... the… killing… Right. He thought to himself Fighting for life, must concentrate on the issue at hand first.

They were both panting from exertion, trying to catch enough breath to keep up the struggle. She was livid at being halted and he was terrified that she could keep this up all night if he didn't think of something quick. He could kill her, yes, or she could kill him, yes, but neither of those options accomplished what he had set out to do, which was to apologize. This could be going better… Her brilliant green eyes met his soft brown ones and he found himself quickly losing the ability to think. Before he lost it completely he blurted out the next thing that came to his mind.

"Please." He managed in a quiet, almost pleading whisper, voice hoarse from the strain of yelling at her while trying to catch his breath, "Devi, please!" He shook her wrists gently, only slightly at the advantage while he spoke. Dropping his hands from her wrists was a stupid gesture, one that was likely to get him beaten or worse, but he did it anyway. She had to see him as someone who was not threatening. He dropped his eyes to the ground before closing them. His voice lowered to a whisper. "I love you."

Devi froze, every muscle in her body taught. This could be a trick, it could be a joke, something that was meant to get her to let her guard down so he could try to kill her again. She waited quietly, fists and feet ready to pommel him into the ground if he so much as thought of making a wrong move. Studying his form she realized that he wouldn't move if she walked out, right now. Somehow she didn't get the feeling that he was flat out lying to her… Instead her gut feeling told her that he rarely, if indeed had ever, said those words to anyone. Maybe she was being a bit rough on him? She shook her head and her thoughts cleared. No way! He tried to KILL me! He's a KILLER. He can't LOVE things, not people, and not ME. and that nagging voice in the back of her mind spoke up, quiet, insistent.

_He was so sweet. He can't be _all _bad if he was that nice.___

Like hell he can't! She thought fiercely. Her thoughts snapped back to the situation at hand as his voice echoed in the alley. "What?" She had missed what he said.

He flinched at the accusing tone. "I know there isn't a logical reason for you to even give me one second of your time to try to explain, but I have to request it… I know you don't trust me, and I know that you do not want me anywhere near you ever again, but I just-"

"Fine." She cut him off in mid-sentence. Her mind reeled as she realized that she spoke before she'd even thought it thoroughly through. Her resolved tightened. If _only_ for the sake of the Nny she knew before he had tried to kill her, she would give him a few moments to attempt to explain. She didn't have to agree or forgive him or trust him again, but she would at least hear why he thought he could ever come near her. Then maybe that voice inside her would shut up once and for all on the subject. "Fine. You have three minutes." When it looked as though he was going to move, she pulled back her fist and he froze. "But you stay there." She backed away from him until she was about ten feet away, retaining her steady fight stance.

Johnny was dumbfounded. He hadn't actually expected a chance to explain everything, and he wasn't quite sure what to do. He sunk back carefully on the wall so that none of the prickly spikes dug into his skin. "You promise you won't interrupt…?" He questioned quietly.

He sounded so much like a kicked puppy dog that Devi almost forgot what he was. Cold blooded murderer. Must remember that. Cold blooded… sweet… pretty cute murderer… Oh this is not good. I should not even be listening… walk away Devi, run for it while you still have a pulse. She stood in silence for a moment, mind and body in disagreement over what to do. Finally she nodded. "I make no promises, but I'll try."

He seemed to relax a bit, and sighed heavily. "Okay…" He collected his thoughts and regained a reasonable resemblance to normal breathing. Though his heart was still racing, it was for entirely different reasons. "First… I'm really sorry about trying to kill you- I really didn't mean it like that." He winced as she rolled her eyes and stared stonily at him. "Honestly. This is going to take a lot of explaining and even then you probably won't believe half of it…"

"The point, Nny. Get to the point. It's getting late." It wasn't really that late, a little bit before six, but she didn't want to be trapped in this place with him any longer than she absolutely had to.

"I know, I'm so sorry… But you see, I was not me when that happened. I was me in the sense that I was there, and I was aware of what was going on, but I was not in complete control. It was a sort of slavery, to a demon I still know next to nothing about. Those little Styrofoam pastry figurines on my dresser? They were the vessels for this demon. They were trying to control me so that they could escape and be completely free to terrorize people. But the wall monster got out before then after I stopped feeding it, and… then… um…" He realized that he was making less and less sense as he kept rambling, and it was only sounding worse and worse. He froze up for a moment, fearing she would give up entirely after what seemed like such a lame excuse. "Oh, this isn't going to make any sense in such a short time! Listen, Devi, please… Will you come back to my house for a moment?"

Devi looked as though she were going to have a brain aneurysm at any moment. "Oh FUCK no, Nny, no way you are _ever_ getting me back to that little circus of horrors, WAY too much of a memory to need to relive the moment on site!" She paused for less than a second to gather her thoughts. "What the hell is going through your mind that would make you ask a question like that?"

He sighed heavily, debating on whether he actually wanted to tell her the true reason he wanted her to come back with him. "I have a gift for you, Devi." He said in the simplest voice he could manage. "I meant to give it to you last time we spoke, but then that whole incident happened and I really didn't want to just leave it in your house because I thought that might be a little scary for you. You didn't seem particularly prone to wanting to hold a conversation with me until a few minutes ago and even now I think you're only still standing here because you don't want to turn and expose your back to me. Not that I would hurt you, not now."

"No. I've given you time to explain and all you've done is make it worse! Not only did you try to kill me but now you're listening to doughboys and seeing monsters behind the walls! It's too much, Nny! I don't want to have to deal with all that shit. So no, I won't follow you home, and I'm not going to stay here and listen to you spout bullshit in a lame excuse for what you did. Goodnight." She started to back out of the alley, keeping her eyes trained on him.

"Please…" He started, standing deathly still at the back of the alley, the need to explain things now greater than ever. "You don't have to walk with me, and you don't have to come in. You don't even have to get closer to my house than across the street if you don't want to. If I tried anything you'd see it coming. If I wanted to kill you I could have done it a million times since last time, but I didn't and I won't. After tonight, if you still want nothing to do with me, I'll leave you alone. If you want, I won't even…" he paused, considered everything it meant to say this, "I won't even follow you anymore. Please."

Devi hesitated, very tempted by that offer. All she had to do was follow him for a little while, let him give her whatever it was, and tell him she never wanted to see him again and he would disappear. She wasn't sure she trusted that, but he seemed pretty sincere and while it could hurt very much to try, it was at least worth a shot if it did work. Tenna would be worried in about half an hour if she didn't show up, though. Not to mention that she worried a great deal about what it was Johnny planned on giving her- for all she knew it could be a 'neat' body part from one of his victims, or in a twisted sense of humor or whatever it was he functioned on it might be another offer to immortalize the moment. She shuddered. In the end, never seeing him again seemed like a better offer than she was likely to get again. She began to wonder at the messes she got herself in to sometimes. "I have to let Tenna know I'm going to be late. She'll flip if she doesn't hear from me soon."

"Call?"

"I don't have a cell."

"You could call from my house, though that would involve coming inside."

She rolled the idea around in her head. It was another ten minutes before she'd get home, and ten minutes back to the alley if he waited for her. Probably less if he came with her, but she didn't want him near her home. Tenna wouldn't let her leave again if she knew where she was going, and Devi really didn't feel like lying to her best friend. The girl had a way of KNOWING when someone was lying to her and would still not let her go. She could always keep an eye on the guy, and if it would get him out of her hair that much faster she was all for it. "Fine. But if I come inside I want you at least ten feet away the entire time and in my line of sight at all times. Understand? Even think about THINKING about trying anything and I'll beat the shit out of you and leave."

He nodded quickly, "Understood."

She risked a quick glance over her shoulder before turning her gaze back to him. He hadn't moved a muscle. "I'm going to walk on the other side of the street. Don't even set one foot off the curb toward me, and we'll be fine." She backed up carefully until she was across the street. She watched his slim figure emerge from the alley, hands in his pockets and a sad look etched into his face. He looked so innocent, if only she ignored the memories of that time. She could almost believe that he was an okay kind of guy, someone she wouldn't mind knowing. She started walking, never taking her eyes off him as they walked.

"I died, you know." Drifted Nny's voice across the street.

"What?" She questioned, confused.

"I said, 'I died.' After you hung up on me I ended up getting shot in the face and dying. At least I think I died. I woke up in heaven, or at least at the gates. An angel gave me a band-aid for the bullet wound and it worked, oddly enough. I saw God, only he didn't seem inclined to tell me what was wrong with me. There was a bit of trouble with me being there and all… I guess you're not supposed to make people's heads explode while they are in heaven. So they sent me down to Hell. Hell is a lot like earth, actually." He was well aware that he was rambling. She knew he was filling the time with prattle, though she found herself actually believing some of it. It was just strange enough that he wasn't making it up, though she suspected it was going to sound like a really strange acid trip by the end. "Mr. Satan was there, and he was… strange. I wandered around for a bit and got a really nice trench coat. It's too bad I had to leave it there, you would have liked it. It fit so well. I had a bagel and then it was time for me to come back. I learned some interesting stuff, though, while talking with Mr. Satan."

"You're rambling non-sense, Nny. If you're going to make up excuses, please make up some good ones. Believable."

He snorted a bit, another sad look replacing the thoughtful one. "That _is_ the truth, Devi. When they sent me back to earth, most of my hair got burned off. I have a big scar over my eye, where I got shot. There's still blood on my floor where I bled all over it after getting shot. It's all there, still, or I wouldn't have believed it either."

She sighed.

"Well… anyhow, I learned that I was a waste-lock. People leave behind big trails of ethereal slime, everywhere they go. It was my job to pick all of that slime up, to channel it to the holding cell and keep it locked there. I think that is what made me so… like that. Oh, I'd still probably kill people… but I wouldn't have had to deal with the wall monster or the doughboys if I hadn't been a waste-lock. The wall monster was my charge, the thing I was sent to lock all the bad things in, the holding cell for human residue- I guess they didn't really count on me being homicidal naturally. It backfired. They couldn't do anything about me killing people, and they had to keep the rest of the world from doing anything. That's why I never get caught and I wasn't supposed to be able to die." 

That actually explained a lot, and it would make more of her world make sense to believe the something was interfering with him being caught or discovered. She had called the police dozens of times since the attack and they hadn't seemed to know what she was talking about. It was like she had never called at all. If there _was_ divine intervention going on it would mean that the police weren't stupid, merely just as susceptible to the divine powers as anyone. "That makes sense, I suppose. Wait, if you weren't supposed to be able to die, then why did you die?" AH! She sounded like she believed the whole story! She didn't believe it... Did she?

"A bullet to the head is a little hard to recover from, I think."

"Apparently not if you're still around."

"I died. They sent me back. Maybe it's kind the like a reward for putting up with all the stuff waste-locks pick up- you get another shot at life."

She thought about that for a long moment as they walked. It would make sense. You would need a very intrinsic person to be able to handle the energy it would take to constantly be collecting the huge amount of slime trails she figured bad people would leave. They probably did not count on him being homicidal. She wondered briefly what kind of slime trail Nny would leave, what with being a murderer and all. Would he collect his own waste to store? "Are you still-"

"No. I don't actually know. I don't think I'm a waste-lock any more. The wall monster, the doughboys, everything, it's all gone. I'm not anyone's slave now, I'm under my own control."

This was sounding like a badly written horror film the more she listened to it…. But the more she heard the more it made sense, and she saw the larger plot. "So now… you're you. Free."

He finally looked up and over to her, eyes wide. "Yes! That's exactly it!"

"Nny…?"

"Yes?" He replied hopefully.

"You're still pretty fucked up. Stay on your side of the street."


	5. Part One: Bloody Apology

I still do not own JTHM, the characters therein, or any of the ideas behind it. Find Yourself 

Chapter 4: Bloody Apology

The key slipped into the lock and the satisfying clunk of the lock releasing was eerie in the silence. Nny turned around, signaling to Devi, who stood about three meters away, watching him warily. "The phone is just inside, on the table." He reached in and flicked the light on so that she could see. With only a slight leaning movement, she caught sight of the phone inside. He stepped to the side. "How do you want to do this?"

She sized up the situation. She didn't want to go in first because that would leave her back open to him. She didn't want to go in second because it was his house and he would better know how to get her if she let him have enough time to hide. Finally, she sighed. "Keep in my line of sight. Go stand by the phone, where I can see you. Then I'll come inside. We can maneuver inside then."

He slipped silently into his house, staying where she could see him. His boots made a hollow thunking noise as he moved across the old floorboards. The phone was next to the arm, which still had the gun in it, unloaded, he was thankful to note again. He really didn't need it being triggered when she picked up the phone. In fact… He thought as he reached over and clicked it off Let's be extra safe.

"What the hell was that?!" Devi screeched, freezing in the doorway.

Johnny blinked, trying to figure out what she was talking about. It dawned on him after a moment that seeing him reach over and flip a switch on a big arm holding a gun could be construed as lethal. He rushed to explain, "It's the arm that held the gun that shot me when I died. I was turning it off completely, even though it's not loaded. I didn't want it accidentally firing."

She tried to decide whether she should trust his words on that. He could have been turning it _on_ for all she knew. However, if he had wanted to kill her, he'd probably have done it by now. She moved into the circles of light and walked to the telephone as quickly as she could. He moved out of her way and she almost forgot to turn to keep her front facing him. Dialing quickly, she kept her eyes trained on him. It rang three times before Tenna picked up the phone.

"'lo?"

"Tenna? It's Devi." Without thinking she turned away from him to talk, an old habit of hers. She just didn't like facing someone while talking on the phone.[1] "I just wanted to let you know that I am going to be a little late coming home, I had to make a stop somewhere." There was a pause as she listened to Tenna rant. "No. Don't worry about it, I'll be fine. Yes, I can take care of myself for less than an hour, thank you." She ended irritably. "Look, I'll be home. Don't worry. Yeah. Night." The click of the phone was deafening in the silence. She had cut her only chance of being discovered when she hung up that phone. Tenna would not come looking until it was too late, and she would not know where to start when she did look. It was just her, Nny, and whatever he had planned on giving her. She really hoped it wasn't deadly. 

"Well?" She whispered quietly. A quick glance around the room threw her into a panic. Nny was nowhere in sight. She hadn't even heard him move! "NNY!!" She demanded, hoping he wasn't planning on anything dangerous. She tensed when she spotted him entering the room again. "Where did you go? Didn't I tell you not to leave?!"

He looked a little confused. "You turned around, I thought I could get some gauze while you were talking, before I bled all over everything."

"You're bleeding?" She could barely get her voice above a strangled whisper.

His look of confusion deepened. "You threw my knife at me…" He protested quietly, "Did you expect it to miss or not?" He was quickly unfolding a patch of gauze as he began to kneel. "Do you mind if I treat it or should I just bleed all over the floor for you?"

If it had been any other person on the face of the planet she would have decked him right then and there for being a smart-ass… Watching him look at her expectantly, though, she realized that he meant it. If she told him to leave it be he probably would just sit there and bleed. She didn't even know where she had hit him, it had looked like the knife missed entirely. Thinking back on it she didn't know if she had wanted it to hit him or not. "I- I don't care. Go for it. Just, don't disappear like that, it makes me nervous." She leaned back against the wall Nervous. Understatement of the year.

He sat there for a moment, as though trying to decide something. "You may want to turn around-"

"No. Uh-uh." She shook her head, "I'm not taking my eyes off you, don't try that little scheme."

"-Because I have to take my shirt off to get at this. So you can turn around, let me leave to patch it up in the bathroom, or-"

"Rrr!" She growled, frustrated. "It really doesn't matter at this point, it really doesn't. Whichever way is faster so I can leave!"

If he had been a dog his ears would have been pressed flat to his head at the chiding. He peeled off his black shirt and she winced at the amount of blood covering his left side. The knife had taken a good, deep slice into his arm. From here it looked clean enough. Nny picked up the damp piece of towel he had brought with him and started to quickly wipe away as much blood as possible. As the fibers passed over the wound it welled up with new blood and he attempted to wipe that away too[2] before Devi ended up getting so frustrated at having to wait she forgot to be afraid. She stomped over to him, pushed his hands out of the way and gave the wound one quick, clean swipe. She found herself pleased to note the sharp intake of breath at the spiking pain when she did so. Good. Maybe he'd think twice about breaking his promise to leave her alone after this.

"Ee!" Johnny squeaked when she wrapped the gauze tightly around his arm and tied it securely there. He sounded so much like a little kid that she almost laughed. "Do you have to be so rough?"

She gave him a withering look. "Yes. That knife must have been very sharp, it left a very clean cut. It may or may not leave a scar. Clean that up, too." She ran a finger through the blood along his side, stopping just above his hip.

Johnny shivered at the touch. Her fingers were very cold indeed. "Yes. In a minute." He breathed. They sat for a moment, eyes locked, until the silence was almost tangible. Breaking the tension as soon as she could bring herself to, Devi withdrew her hand and rose, returning to the wall. Nny shook himself and shrugged into the new shirt he had brought with him, trying to avoid turning a vivid shade of red. "Um, I picked up your gift while I was in my room."

He drew a small, velvet package from his pocket, holding it very carefully. He set it on the table, respecting her wish that he remain as far away from her as possible. Stepping back, he relaxed against the opposite wall, unsure of just how one gave another person a present. Was he supposed to say something? Like, Happy birthday or merry Christmas, or another well used phrase? Deciding that there was indeed not a phrase for this occasion, he opted for silence. She moved forward and gingerly touched the purple velvet before picking it up. For how small it was it was fairly weighty, probably some kind of rock. She glanced over to him.

There was a small, silver button that clipped the opening to the bag closed. Snapping it open she tilted the case until it's treasure slid out. Her eyes widened as she looked at it. It was a silver necklace with a small, clear crystal hanging as a pendant. The chain was delicate, interwoven and more than likely done by hand. The crystal was glass-clear and had some kind of red center. As she picked it up she realized that the center of the crystal was a thick liquid of some sort. The lamplight caught it just right and it sparkled in her hand, a brief flash. "It's… beautiful." She whispered, looking back up at him.

His face was glowing with delight. "You like it? I'm sorry I didn't give it to you before, I never got the chance to." He looked so pleased, so much like the Johnny she knew right before all that happened. So sweet and nice, unlike all the other guys she had ever dated. It was hard to remind herself that he was not a person she wanted to keep contact with.

"What's inside of it?"

His eyes widened considerably, and he looked a little nervous. "I know you'll take this the wrong way if I tell you, so let me explain. I got it for you before all that happened, when I didn't know that was going to happen. I really liked you, and I… I mean now… but that isn't the point. I had it made. The crystal is grown hollow and you can put something in it. Then more crystal is grown over the opening."

"Nny…" Devi stopped him, her voice dangerous, "What's inside of it."

"So I thought, well, wouldn't it be neat to make it a charm? I-"

"Nny!"

"Blood." He replied instantly to her command.

She clenched her jaw and set it down on the table. "How can you think of giving me something with _blood_ in it, Johnny? After all that, you just don't learn. I don't want people's blood in little crystals, as hard as that may be to believe."

"Devi, it's _my_ blood. It was supposed to be a charm. Kind of silly, really. They're supposed to tell you if the person whose blood is in the crystal is safe. I had two of them made and I thought we could each have them, but I know it's all kind of ruined now anyhow, and-"

"Stop. Please stop talking for a minute." Thoughts turned themselves over and over in her head. If this had been before the incident, she would have thought it was one of the coolest little ideas to grace the planet. Taking away the killing and stalking thing, it was still really sweet of him, and it did have good intentions. Their own little inside joke. Finally, she sighed and picked up the necklace. "This doesn't mean I'm going to trust you again. You still have some explaining to do, Nny. I've got time before I have to be home, why don't you start at the top and be very, very careful how you tell your story. On that couch." She clipped the necklace around her neck and sat on the arm of the couch at the opposite end from him. He took a seat on the other armrest and settled in to tell her exactly what was going on.

Notes:

[1] Have you ever noticed how people do this all the time? Whenever someone talks on the phone it seems to be an instinct to turn away from everyone else in the room, as though if you can't see the other person they can't hear your conversation. Weird.

[2] Have you ever watched males try to clean wounds?! My god… There's only two ways they do it- either they timidly poke something to absorb the blood at it, not really touching the wound to clean it, as though afraid touching it will I don't know… kill them, or they don't patch it up at all and it just bleeds and they're like "It's just a cut." People are weird. I'm done rambling.


	6. Part One: The Past Always Returns

I still do not own JTHM, the characters therein, or any of the ideas behind it… I need minions. Find Yourself Chapter 5: The Past Always Returns 

Devi sat in stunned silence, staring incredulously at Johnny. She was tempted to reason out how he had come up with such an elaborate story when it struck her that he may very well have been telling her the truth. He had shown her the wound under the band-aid. It was almost entirely scarred over, but she could feel the weak spot in the skull where something had indeed passed. She could not think of a way to explain that away. His details were too precise, too consistent for him to be making all of it up, so there had to be a basis of truth. She had relaxed about half an hour into the story, finally listening to what he had to say rather than concentrating on how it could be a lie. She had honestly felt bad for him when he explained about finding out that he was a 'flusher'. No one should have to be told something like that, not even Johnny. Over the course of the lengthy story she had begun to see the human behind the monster again, and wasn't sure she liked the idea of finding that human again. It was so much easier to hate him once he had become a monster…

"So you're free now. They released you from being a waste-lock. Yet you're still killing people."

"Um… If I say yes, are you going to leave…?"

"I don't know."

"Then I will opt for honesty in this. Yes, I have killed people since I was brought back. Though I don't count Jimmy, he deserved it."

"…Oddly enough, I agree. But Nny, now that you're not under their protection, you could get caught and jailed or killed or something."

"Actually, I don't think so. I think the perks of having been a waste-lock include complete freedom in this part of my life, as well. I still can't be caught."

She shuddered involuntarily at the way he said the last sentence. They shared a long silence as she thought about that. Here she was sitting in a small room with a homicidal maniac that had tried to kill her not too terribly long ago. She was wearing a vial of his blood around her neck and listening to him tell her about how he kills people. At the moment, she was going to say morbid curiosity had indeed gotten the better of her somewhere along the way. "I have a question, Nny. What got you started on killing? How did you end up like you are?"

He looked a bit taken aback by the question. After so many years of trying not to remember, he wasn't sure he even knew why he had started killing people. "My parents were killed when I was very young."

That implied a lot to Devi. She was tempted to say she was sorry to hear that, but she had other doubts on her mind that were more urgent than regret, "Did you-"

"Devi." His sharp command of her name effectively stopped her from talking. "Don't…" He said softly, "Don't ask questions you don't want an entirely honest answer to. You don't want to know about my past."

"Your past makes you who you are. It's a part of you that you can't erase. You'll have to learn how to deal with it sooner or later, and the more you put it off the worse it gets to deal with. Did you?"

He stared sullenly at a spot on the floor, terrified that she would run if she knew too much about his past. "Yes. I killed them. That was the first time I remember killing humans. I got fed up with them. I didn't leave the house, and I figured that I would be caught within a few days. I didn't really know what to do because I didn't have anywhere to go, nothing really to live on or live for. But no one ever came to the house to find out what happened. No one called. It was as though my parent's disappearances from the face of the planet meant nothing to anyone. I buried them in the back yard and planted willows over them. They were really beautiful trees. After that, no one questioned me living there."

"How old were you?"

He thought back carefully. "I think I would have been about fourteen. Maybe fifteen. That was so long ago… Would you like some tea? It's getting a bit late."

Devi glanced at her watch for a moment. "Actually, it's getting a bit early. Three a.m. Nny. Tenna will probably be worried."

Johnny had stood to get tea for them when the thought occurred to him. "What will she say about you being gone all night? Didn't you only say you were going to be late?"

"Yeah." Devi rolled her eyes and sat back, "She'll probably throw a fit for a few minutes before demanding what lucky guy was graced with my presence all night. She won't believe me when I tell her nothing happened."

"Nothing did happen. I didn't try to hurt you at all."

She stared for a moment before chuckling. "She doesn't expect most guys to try to kill me, Nny. Most of them would be trying to make _other_ things happen."

She could almost see the gears in his head clicking seconds before his eyes widened and a scarlet flush graced his cheeks as he shook his head, "Oh no, Devi, I wouldn't, I mean-"

"I know." She cut him off with a wave of her hand. "As odd as that is, I believe you. How about that tea?"

He nodded quickly and escaped into the kitchen area as fast as possible. He hadn't expected her to stay nearly as long as she had. She was listening to everything he had to say and it seemed like she was taking it pretty well. She had even relaxed quite a bit since she'd gotten here. Getting her home may be a problem, though, because he didn't want to let her walk home alone and he wasn't sure that she would let him walk her home, even after all the talking they had done. Maybe it would be better if she stayed the rest of the 'night' at his house. It would be safer and make easy sense. He set water to boil on the stove and rooted around in a cupboard for the small case of tealeaves he kept. The strainer was already on the counter.

"It'll just be a minute." He told her, leaning against the doorframe. "It's kind of… well, odd to ask, and I can understand if you don't want to, but since it's already so late, do you want to just stay the rest of the night? You can have my room, if you want it, or the couch, or anyplace else, really, if you want to sleep."

"Not that I would sleep but where would you sleep, then?"

"Oh, don't worry about that. I don't sleep."

"You have to sleep sometime."

Nny shuddered a little. "The last time I slept was last month sometime." He remembered well the demons that plagued his sleeping hours. His dreams were worse than nightmares, worse than night terrors. "As if sleeping and dreaming the things I dream wouldn't be enough to keep me awake, waking up is almost worse. Every last shred of certainty that I have about the universe or any part of the universe, dissolves. Nothing is for sure, everything is foggy." He shivered and turned to get check the water, "No thank you."

Devi stared at the doorway long after his form had disappeared beyond it. If he didn't sleep that would explain quite a bit. Maybe she could coax him into sleeping for a little bit tonight. As suddenly as she had thought of it she decided she would stay the rest of the night, if only to keep him company. After all, he had been very nice all night and really did seem to be sorry. Her fingers toyed with the charm around her neck. Hadn't he said that he had two of them made? It couldn't be more than seven or eight drops because the inside of the crystal would have been too small to hold more. Of course, there was still no way she would let him have the knife, but maybe she could trade the blood he was giving her. Once that was done she could consider all debts paid and maybe they could start over.

His footsteps announced him before he appeared again, carrying two small mugs of steaming tea. She could smell it even from across the room, and it smelled really nice. Chamomile, she thought idly[1]. He gently handed her one of the cups and started to move to the other side of the couch when she caught his arm. "It's okay. You don't have to sit that far away if you don't want to. I think I'll live." She chuckled at her choice of words, and he surprised her with an almost nervous smile. "Where is the other vial?" She motioned to the crystal hanging lightly around her neck.

"Oh." He set his cup down and reached into his pocket, pulling it out. "It doesn't have anything in it, this is what it looks like before it's finished." He handed it to her softly.

"Let's change that." She dipped her fingers into her own pocket and pulled out a small pocketknife. Before he could stop her she buried the edge just past the skin of her thumb. She drew a quick breath between clenched teeth and held the small cut to the opening of the vial. She was right, it took seven drops to fill the vial almost to the top. She put her thumb to her lips to keep it from bleeding all over the couch, and handed Johnny the vial. His eyes were big and round as dinner plates and he looked as though he was going to have a hard time breathing when he started again.

"Devi…" He finally managed to protest.

"Look. All debts paid, all right? You tried to kill me, I beat the shit out of you. You followed me around, I threw a knife at you. You gifted me with seven drops of blood, and now you've seven of mine. Now it's done."

His hand tightened around the vial careful that he didn't spill anything from it. His eyes dropped to his hands and he looked as though he might cry. "I guess that's it then… I'll leave you alone after you leave, like you want."

"What?!" She leaned over, picking up his hand in hers. "No, Nny. It's just that everything in the past is in the past. Everything can start over, like a whole new chance. You said you died, right? So then you must not be who you were, entirely. This is your chance to change into what you want to be. So who are you?"

"I'm Johnny. Nny."

"No. Your _name_ is Johnny. But I could call you Billy or Seth or Joe because a name is just a name. Who are you inside, Nny. Who is the part of you that does not change no matter what it is called? Who are you?"

He looked up, finally, and studied her closely. She was so very serious. There was no fast answer to this. There was no way that he could tell her who he was inside when he did not know anymore. Hadn't he been wondering the same things not too long ago? Where he was headed, who he would become along the way? "I don't know." He whispered.

She nodded slowly and gave his hand a quick squeeze before letting it go. "That's okay to start out with, then. You need to discover who you really are before you ask me or anyone else, for that matter, to let you into their life."

He remained silent as everything sunk in. She was right, he was going to have to find himself and judge who he was before anyone else would ever be able to. He just didn't know where to start, if there even was a good place to start. This house, it was a large part of himself he had thought… but if he had died, then was it still a part of him? He wasn't sure. "Yes." He stated plainly. He caught her eyes and said weakly, "Will you stay for just tonight, then? I don't know where I'm going to go from here, but it would be nice to not have to start out alone again…"

She grinned suddenly. "Fine. But I call the bed." She got up and bolted out of the room. Johnny didn't move a muscle until a few moments later when Devi returned and sat down on the couch.

"Couldn't find it?"

"Basically."

"C'mon, I'll take you there." He rose, offering his hand to help her stand. She slipped her hand into his, but did not use it to stand. Just outside the main room there was a very small opening. If he hadn't known it was there he probably would have missed it, too. Nimbly sliding his fingers just inside the opening, he swung open the door. It cut off the hallway they had been facing, opening an entirely new one. At the end there were two small steps upward into his bedroom. It wasn't very big, and the bed took up most of the space. He flicked on the light and was glad he had put the covers back on the bed. It almost looked comfortable now. "There." He let go of her hand and stepped aside.

She crawled up onto the bed and sat down on it. As he turned to leave she stopped him. "Where are you going?"

"Um… back…down to the…" His voice trailed off as she continued to fix him with a stony glare, "Really. I just have to say goodnight to Squee."

"Squee?"

"My neighbor. He's a little kid. I haven't seen him in a while."

"So you're going to leave me here all alone?"

"I'll be gone five minutes, promise."

She glared for a moment longer and then flopped down on the bed and rolled over to face away from him. "See you then." She turned over again to watch him leave when she realized that he was already gone.

Notes:

[1] Chamomile is known to make people sleepy, in case you didn't know.


	7. Part One: All Debts Paid

I still do not own JTHM, the characters therein, or any of the ideas behind it. Find Yourself Chapter 6: All Debts Paid 

"Squee is such a good kid. It's too bad he got stuck with shitty parents." Nny whispered to himself as he walked back from Squee's house. He knew the little kid was terrified of him, and that damnable bear, Shmee, didn't help one bit. Chop him into little bits and put him in the garbage, indeed! Johnny snorted and slipped inside his house. It was too bad that he couldn't chop Squee's parents into little bits and put THEM in the garbage. They had a wonderful child right under their noses and they weren't even bothering to take notice of him! After his own childhood experiences, though, he had decided Squee still needed them, despite how awful they were. He had to learn how not to be. He'd left the father with a good-sized lump, and Squee with a good bunch of information. He hoped the kid would be okay for a while.

Devi was laying in his bed, half asleep, by the time he got back into his room. She looked over at him and it took her a moment to understand that he was back. He smiled and sat on the end of the bed watching her. She was really beautiful when she relaxed. Slim fingers wrapped around the crystal vial, she was fighting to stay awake. He had put his own crystal vial on the counter downstairs before he left the house. It would only take a few hours for the crystals to grow over the top. Then he would be ready to start searching for the real him. He needed to eliminate everything but pure thought, the analytical part of himself that would be able to view everything objectively and discover who he really was inside. But for now… he was content to sit on the end of his bed and guard her sleep.

"Nny…" Devi whispered, her eyes fluttering open for a minute. "Lay down, you're making me nervous sitting there like an owl."

He froze, unsure what to do. Slowly he forced himself to relax and stretched down until his hands hit one of the pillows. The bed was fairly large, more than enough room for both of them to lay comfortably apart. Yet as he lay he found her curling up close, facing him. She studied his eyes as he tensed up again, and smiled. "Go to sleep." Her eyes slid shut and her breathing evened out almost instantly. He mentally soothed his muscles into relaxation, concentrating on keeping in one place until morning came or he fell asleep there, whichever came first. With Devi sleeping so close by, he found that he was much more calm than he would normally be at the thought of sleeping. She abandoned herself to sleep so easily. Finally, he closed his eyes and slept.

Less than an hour later, Nny's eyes snapped open and he was left gasping for breath. His gaze flew wildly around the room as he tried to decide where he was. Beneath his right hand, something moved and he nearly jumped out of his skin before he remembered everything. That's right… Devi stayed the night. It's safe. He closed his eyes again and laid back, regaining control of his breathing and his butterflying heartbeat. He hated waking up more than anything. This though… he thought to himself as he turned his head so he could see Devi, this he could get used to. Waking up with someone there was not nearly as bad as waking up on his own, alone and unsure. He looked to the clock; quarter to five. Sighing, he slipped from the bed and pulled a piece of paper from his journal. The least he could do was leave her a note.

Finally, he was ready. He walked slowly back to the room and watched her sleep for a few more minutes. That was how he wanted to remember her, peaceful and happy. He leaned over and softly kissed her cheek. He had to lock his heart away after he left the house. He took the few things that he wanted to keep out of his room with him when he left, like his die-ary and the crystal necklace, which he was wearing under his shirt. Some nicely tipped pens and enough money to keep him fed for a while, and he was out the door. He turned back at the end of the walk. Somewhere in that little shack was a reason to live, a reason to figure this all out and become someone. He turned and slammed the door to his car, revving the engine as he took off.

Devi woke hours later. There was no one there with her and it took her a moment to remember where she had ended up. She groaned when it hit her and she closed her eyes again. She has spent the night all right, and by the looks of it had survived unscathed. She wondered if he had gotten up to go downstairs. Tenna would be worried sick by now, and she knew that Nny needed space and time to figure everything out. She rolled out of the bed and headed for the doorway when the note caught her eyes. Her name was penned onto the outside in a very neat, calligraphy style. Fingers grasping the edge she removed the pin. A key dropped to the floor with a tiny, chiming thunk. She ignored it, already afraid of what she was going to read.

_Devi,_

_ I hope you slept well and that I did not scare you too much last night. I don't think I did, but I have thought stranger things before. You are right, I need to find myself before I can let anyone else in. I suppose there is only one truth I know anymore- I still love you. I'll find you again once I have found myself._

_Yours,_

_ Nny._

_Ps. Take care of Squee… He needs someone to watch out for him._

_I'm leaving you a key, so you can stay as long as you like._

She sank back against the wall, free hand picking up the key and closing around it until the ridges began to bite into her hand. "Nny, you little shit." She whispered, tears welling in her eyes. "You'd better come back."

He sat atop the same cliff he and Devi had sat by before. The moon was shining, full, brilliantly white and pure above him. Stars were slowly fading from the sky as the sun overtook the horizon. Dawn was coming and he knew Devi would be awake soon. She was right, he had done a lot of awful things in the past. Maybe it was time to change, find in him the motivation to try to change things for the better without bringing so much pain to people. His die-ary lay open in his lap and he began to scribe.

_Dear Die-ary,_

_ The passions that drive us should be the ones we respect and admire. To feel contempt for one's own motivations is a vulgar thing. Too often, it seems, I've succumbed to less than admirable compulsions, driven by this furiously reprehensible machine of mine. So many things inside that I can do without- desires and urges and whatnot. So extraneous. By the time I write in this book again, I hope to be as cold as the moon that lights this page._

*To be continued /part one*

Feel free to tell me what you think of this. If you don't want to leave comments or whatever, feel free to email me at ItamashiiSparkle@yahoo.com. Yep. Have a good day and don't stress out if you didn't like how this ended- There's a whole bunch of other parts that are going to be added (some already are added) and they are supposed to get better and more original as they go. So maybe you will like the ending. Though I doubt it. I really hate letting anything end happily… this could be an exception. Or not. I dunno yet. Yep. I'm rambling.


	8. Part Two: Twenty Questions

Title: Discovering Nny

Series Title: Enough to Stay

Author: CONTACT _Con-4922D8771 Sparkle Itamashii

Warnings: Rated R for a reason.

Disclaimer: **I still do not own JTHM, the characters therein, or any of the ideas behind it. Spree is mine, please don't steal him without asking.**

Discovering Nny

Chap 1:Twenty Questions

Soft fingers played down his bare back, leaving trails of tingling fire. He drew a soft, ragged breath in the instant before their lips met. Her eyes were like blue fire when she pulled gently away. Shivers raced over his skin as she put a trembling hand to his jaw and smiled that intoxicating smile of hers. He didn't know why he was here, how he had gotten into this room… but it felt good. His body trembled as they sat there, motionless. She stirred first, and leaned closer to him. A gunshot rang through the room, ringing in his ears. Pain washed over him, blossoming from above his left eye. He was rocked backwards, saved from falling off the bed only because he had been sitting.

The girl's form twisted, morphing hideously. Her skin melted and flowed into something… Else. The hide on the beast she was becoming was a mixture of scales and roughened, pebbly skin. It's jaws twisted from being human, elongating and filling with serrated teeth. The skin of it's back ripped apart with a sickening crunch and wings unfurled, bony protrusions with black fire for webbing. Johnny thought he heard someone screaming and considered telling them to shut up until he realized it was himself. Before he could rise to make a run for it the beast lifted a huge, taloned claw and tossed him against the wall. His head snapped back, the crunch of his ribs as he hit audible over the beast's rasping breath. It sidled over to him, watching him with fiery red eyes as he tried to rise and run.[1]

Just as he had gotten up and was pulling himself along the wall it reared back and slammed it's hand down over him. The weight of the beast's hand was crushing, but not quite lethal as it pinned him to the wall with a soul-tearing scream that drowned out his own screams. "Silence!" It thundered. Its voice made Johnny want to rake his fingernails across a chalkboard to make it stop; the noise would have been an improvement. He closed off his throat, trying to keep from screaming.

"Do you think you _deserve_ to continue living, Johnny? Do you honestly believe that your life is worth anything at all to anyone? You've tortured so many people, so many innocent people have been forced to forfeit their lives to you!" Small, deep slices tore open in Johnny's shoulder, as though he had been stabbed with a thick pocketknife. Nny screamed, shaking his head from side to side as the creature bared its fangs. "Do you?!"

"NO!" He shouted back, "I shouldn't be alive, just kill me, PLEASE!" His words slurred into screams as the same kinds of marks opened in his other shoulder. There was nothing visibly causing the wounds, only the pain existed.

"Not likely, Johnny C., not for a long time." It pulled its haunches under it so it could sit easily while pinning him none-too-gently to the wall. "You're going to live a long time, to suffer for what you have done. Everything that you would do." Shallow whip-marks bit into his back, though there was no physical weapon causing the marks. He screamed until his voice was hoarse.

Breathing was becoming quite a task as the beast's claws pressed him into the wall. "Please…" Johnny managed, head hanging limply.

The world dissolved around him and he slumped to the ground, trying to keep from crying at the pain. Looking up weakly, he saw the doughboys, grinning evilly at him. The memory of pain lingered, but there were no longer marks on his flesh. He didn't move further, relishing in the ability to breath freely. "You again…" He mumbled, not trusting his voice to remain steady.

"Hello, Johnny." Mr. Eff sneered. "We thought we'd pay you a visit."

"Maybe convince you to kill yourself before someone takes the option out of your hands all together! Now doesn't that sound like _FUN_?" D-boy squealed.

"Just leave me alone, please… let me die in peace." He mumbled.

"Oh, we can't do that… That'd be letting you off easy! Nailbunny isn't here, won't come back now. How does it feel to have alienated the best part of yourself? To know that all you've boiled down to is a hopeless pit of writhing hatred and inhumanity."

"Your true humanity, the one thing you thought you had left to cling to- Poof!" D-boy cackled, "Gone, just like that! So tell us how it feels to lose your conscience… Are you going to kill more people, Nny? Would you have killed that girl back then, if you could go back?"

"SHUT UP!" Johnny barked hoarsely, "Just stop!"

There was a crackling of wood splintering under him as the floorboards began to rip apart. The need to kill, to smear the blood of victims all around him nearly overwhelmed him. He knew that feeling far more intimately than he ever wanted to. The Wall Monster. It's tentacles pushed through the softening boards and it pulled it's huge, twisting form into the room, great jaws dripping with blood. His blood, he knew. He trembled, unable to move or even scream. The monster poised, motionless above him, suspended as though it had been put on pause. With only the slightest of shifting to give itself away, it lunged for his face.

Johnny woke in a cold sweat, screaming. He clawed at the sheets, struggling to get out of the bed he was so hopelessly tangled in. Breathing raggedly in terror, he hit the floor and rolled free of the restricting blankets. Realization dawned on him slowly, not easing his terror. "Fuck." He cursed, pulling himself into a standing position. His muscles burned as though the nightmare had been real. He wasn't so sure that it wasn't, though, and he supposed it didn't matter anymore. It had been one of the better ones, he reflected. He had lived through it, or at least thought he had lived through it. His fingers strayed to the crystal around his neck and he took a few deep breaths before crawling back into the bed.

It had been a week since he had left his world behind. Still nothing had begun to make sense, and he had found himself succumbing to sleep the past two nights. If only for a few hours each time, it was still more consecutive nights of sleep than he had gotten in years. As unnerving as it was, he couldn't help it. He had been writing in his diary last night about letting go of emotions. He had let go of his hatred and his anger almost as soon as he had let go of his love and his happiness. The fear he discovered at the core of his being was surprising, though not entirely unexpected.

He lay back. He sorely missed having someone to talk to, even if some of the people he used to talk to had only been manifestations of himself. His victims were not always the best at being conversationalists and the past week had made him even more jaded than the entire rest of his life. Losing his emotions was harder than he had thought it was going to be, though not for the reasons he had thought. It was not the actual shutting down that caught him; it was the fact that he _missed_ feeling things. There were a lot of bad things, but there were good things, too, sometimes things that made the bad things seem worth it.

He picked up his pen and scripted into the diary. _Dear Die-ary, I survived another nightmare. I have not the faintest idea as to why bits of my past are haunting me, though it seems another beast has joined their ranks. If this is what life is going to be like for as long as I am alive, I do not think I wish to finish out my days. Someone out there must be able to figure out what went so wrong. I_

He froze as he felt another's presence in the room. His eyes settled on the intruder without a movement from his head. A small boy stood there, probably about Squee's age. It was the only thing that saved him from being killed. The two stared at one another for a long time. Thoughts raced through Nny's mind as he thought back moments in time. How long had the child been standing there? How had he gotten in and gotten so close to Johnny without him noticing? Ever so slowly he slid his pen into the binding of the diary and closed it with a slight crackling of pages. "Yes?" He questioned mildly.

"Hi."

"…Hello…"

"I'm Spree."

Squee, Shmee, Spree, what was with these names?! "What are you doing in my room…?"

"Hm… It's not really your room, you're just borrowing it."

"That doesn't answer my question."

"You're right." The little kid's voice was slow and thoughtful, as though he were much, much older than he looked. They sat in silence for a while before Johnny realized that the child wasn't going to answer his question.

"What do you want?"

"Johnny, Nny, you're asking all the wrong questions today. _Ask a different question._" The child hissed in an exact replica of Nny's own voice.

Eyes widening, he took a closer look at the boy. "You're not a voice in my head, are you? Cause if you are…"

"No. I am not a part of you in any way."

"Why are you here."

"Good boy, now that's the kind of question I like to hear. I am here to tell you about your life, Nny."

"What about my life?" He demanded sharply, fingering the knife on his belt. He had recovered the smiley-faced dagger from the alleyway before leaving. The blade was stained with his blood and he did not know why. Nothing had ever stained the blade before.

"ALL about your life." He spread his arms and took on Johnny's voice again "_So, Whaddaya wanna know?"_

Shuddering, Johnny though hard about it. What _did_ he want to know? Would this kid really be able to answer all of his questions? "Am I still a waste-lock?" He questioned timidly. That was the biggest thing bothering him- he felt so different, but he was still so messed up inside. He had to know if it was really him that was doing what he did, that he was not still under someone else's control.

"Certainly not. One lifetime as a waste-lock is more than enough for anyone, though some people do get chosen more than once. I really doubt the higher powers will be making that same mistake twice with you."

"Mistake? I wasn't supposed to be a waste-lock?!" He wasn't sure whether to be happy or angry. Seeing as he had shut both of those emotions down days ago, disbelief was all he had left.

"Oh! Oh no, you were definitely supposed to be one. Waste-locks aren't supposed to be homicidal, though. Being homicidal is enough trouble all on it's own, much less pairing it with the duties of a waste-lock and the protection of the divine. It was an anomaly that must never be allowed to occur again."

"If I don't have the waste-lock duties any more, why can I still get away with killing people? Why haven't I been caught?"

"That's a little tough to explain. You see, even for us there is a waiting period when someone stops being a waste-lock. Everything has to be sorted out, a new waste-lock/waste-cell pair must be chosen, and all that. During that time the old waste-lock gets to… adjust. You are still under the divine protection, but that's going to end very soon. Once you are no longer protected, you can be caught and/or killed like any other human being."

"So… no more killing."

"No more killing."

"Mm…" Johnny lay back, thinking about everything that meant. He wouldn't be taking care of the assholes of the world any longer. He wouldn't have anything to do with his basement. There was so much room down there and he had nothing to fill it with- besides, what would he do with all the equipment, anyhow? If he could be caught soon, throwing away at least a ton, possibly more, of bloody torture equipment would be a dead give away that something was up. Somehow he doubted the excuse "I found it like that." would suffice in this situation. "Where am I supposed to go from here? I'm still crazy, aren't I. Something is still wrong with me."

"There always will be, Nny. How you choose to deal with it makes you who you are."

"Who… I am…" That was right, that was what he had set out to do. Devi told him to find out who he was inside. She told him that everything in his past had made him who he was today. He touched the crystal hanging around his neck and an idea stirred in the depths of his brain. "I have another question. A request, really. Since I was your little toy for so long, can you do something small for me?"

"Size is only relative, Nny."

"Yes. This is then, shall we say, insignificant. I would appreciate if you would enchant this crystal." He pulled it from underneath his shirt and unclipped it, passing it carefully to Spree. "It's a sort of charm I made. It's crystal, silver, and blood. Can you enchant it so that it will indicate the health of the person's whose blood it contains?"

Spree studied the charm carefully. It looked simple, but very clean. Very receptive to being affected in the way Nny was asking him to change it. "I don't suppose that would be too much of a bother." There was only a pause so short it seemed like mere hesitation. What Johnny did not see was that the boy had discovered that the crystal linked to it's sibling pendant- the necklace Devi wore. The enchantment changed both crystals at the same time, much to the amusement of Spree. "There you go." He said, somewhat evilly as he handed the crystal back. "It will take on a nice bright shade of red when she is in danger or hurt. It'll glow if she has died."

"Well, that was easy. If you can do that, you can do other things. Can't you change it so I was never a waste-lock? Without being a waste-lock, I wouldn't be like I am. Isn't there a way to do that? Wouldn't it be easier for you to at least make it seem that I had never been one? Drop me into another reality or something."

"You would not like that reality, Johnny."

He was getting a little impatient, "I don't really like _this_ reality, the other one can't be that much more fucked up. Change it, I want to know about my life as it would have been if you people hadn't mucked it up with your waste-lock business!"

Before he could blink everything went black.

Notes:

[1] Welcome to Sparkle's Nightmares! This monster was taken from a recurring dream I have had many times over. I don't actually know *exactly* why Nny doesn't sleep, but this is one reason I know *I* don't sleep.

~~AN: Plot twists? Oh, just keep waiting… there's a lot of them soon. I'd really like to thank all of the people who reviewed Part One to this story. All of your comments meant a great deal to me. Thanks to all pleas for a second part, because that is what got me through writing this… thing. I can only hope that I do not disappoint in any way. As always, feel free to email me (ItamashiiSparkle@yahoo.com) if you don't want to leave official reviews- I just like talking to people. Trust me, my fish (while I love them all the pieces) are not the greatest conversationalists. No they are not. *looks around* What was I doing?~~


	9. Part Two: Someone Else's Skin

I still do not own JTHM, the characters therein, or any of the ideas behind it.

Discovering Nny

Chap 2: Someone Else's Skin

_A thick blanket of fog lay over him and he tried desperately to open his eyes, panicking when he found that he could not. He could not move any part of himself, not even a finger. He found himself screaming into an endless void until he thought he could not possibly scream any more. And then his eyes opened, and the world came into blurry view. He was turning, looking around a room that was decorated with band posters and stereo equipment. Again he tried to control his limbs but lost hope when he realized he was not the ruling power of this body. He was rising, walking to a large, oval mirror on the dresser, rubbing sleep from his eyes._

"Goddam it's early."

_Johnny screamed. A lot. It was his voice, his body, it was HIM in that mirror. There he was, dressed in a pair of blue boxers looking like he just slept for hours. Many hours! Though… He thought carefully, I do look a little different… He was fleshed out a bit more than he had been. His ribs did not leave outlines just below his skin and his stomach, normally taut and well muscled from all the digging he did, was a poor comparison. There were no deep bags under his eyes, and his hair was… neat. Almost. For having just woken up it was looking awfully… Fuck! he shouted at himself. What happened to my hair?! It was cropped fairly close to his head and the mirror-Johnny was pouring a glob of gel into his hand to spike his hair. What are you DOING?! He screamed at his mirror self Nononono! AH! The gel was freezing_.

"Johnny C.! You get your scrawny butt down here to have some breakfast before you go to school!" Came a rich female voice from outside the bedroom's door. It sounded far away.

_Who…_ _But Johnny did not have time to finish his thought._

"Coming mother!"

_His world came crashing down as the realization of just exactly what had happened dawned on him. He had wanted to see what his life would have been like if he had not been a flusher, and here he was- A normal, high school Johnny C. He had a mother, at least, and was, by the looks of the room, into all the things he despised people for interacting with. In the moment he had not been paying attention he had gotten dressed._

His body stepped to the corner of the room where there was a small hutch practically built into the wall. A small grey-colored bunny hopped into view and stared up at him, nose quivering. If Nny could have cried he would have. Just like Nailbunny… I'm so sorry… This is a better life for you, isn't it? This is the kind of life you should have had, not one nailed to a wall of my house, destined to become the object of my twisted manifestations… Perhaps this world truly is better… He knew it wasn't the same rabbit he had nailed to the wall in his reality, because that would be years away, but he still felt guilty over it. He felt his fingers run through the incredibly soft fur of the bunny's back before he rose. Moving out of the room and down the hallway to the stairs. Stairs! He was upstairs, he remembered… There were two floors to his old house. He clunked down them and slunk into the kitchen with a childish grin.

"Hey mum." He greeted the woman standing at the sink.

She turned around with a small smile. "Good morning sweetie. Your cereal's on the table. I cut up some cherries for the pie tonight and I put some aside in a bowl for you. They're fresh!"

_Nny was crying inside. He had not seen his mother in many years, and here she was, standing before him. He recognized this day, the cherries in the small purple bowl by his box of some kind of oat cereal. The details were fuzzy, but oh god did he remember them. By this time he had been a waste-lock for a few years already, his room would have been barren save for his bed, and his mother and father would have stopped trying to talk to him except in the mornings. This was the day before they were to leave to visit the rest of their family for some kind of get together. This was the day everything in his life had changed, taken that leap into the hellish world Nny lived in… This was the day he had killed his parents. Was he going to do it over again, was he going to have to re-live that day even now?_

"Thanks, mum." He mumbled and sat down in the old wooden chair. **Oh, I really don't want to go to school. This is FAR too early. Why is mom being so weird today? Oh yeah. Family gathering. I don't know why the fuck she would want to visit **them**. They're all freaks.**

The thoughts were not his own, they sounded rough-edged and devoid of the intelligence he could usually find in his words. He hadn't realized how completely free of thought the World-Nny had been until this very moment. There was nothing roiling around in his brain, no constant stream of thought running a litany through his mind on a regular basis. Something had had to PROMPT that last thought and now the boy had sunk back into a completely blank state of mind. Not only that but the one stream of thought he HAD had was moronic! He was glad that the World-Nny could not hear HIS thoughts.

He still had no control over what his body did, how he moved or what he said. It was as though he was only allowed to watch. That made sense, though. Knowing everything he knew he could not participate in this world- it would become no different than the one he lived in before. Maybe all he had to do was sit back and relax, enjoy a life where he did not have to be in control of his happiness- someone else was making sure he was happy. Then again, wasn't that exactly what he was trying to avoid? Everything was getting so confused as it started to make sense and then violently stopped making sense. Why was everything always like that? He would have growled if he had been in control.

_SPREE!!!!_ _He screamed at the top of his 'lungs'._

The world twisted and froze as the little boy appeared in the room. "You rang?"

"What the FUCK is going on?!" Johnny shouted, not expecting to be able to move or talk. This resulted in his almost ending up face down on the floor with the jerking motion his body made as he gained control.

The boy shrugged. "You said you wanted to live in a reality where you were not a waste-lock. This is it. Aren't you having fun yet?" His smile was pure evil. Whatever it was that was using that boy's body was not human, Johnny decided.

"No! Well… yes, but I mean, I'm not me! I can't control anything!"

"You didn't _ask_ for control, and I can't give it to you anyhow. You'd mess up this reality. The Johnny C. in this reality is happy with his life. Just you wait it out and see!" Spree's eyes lit up with evil joy. "You're going to love it after a while. Let me know what you think!" And before Nny could protest the world twisted again and roared back to life and he was once again a prisoner in his own body. The oat cereal was rather tasteless this morning.

"Johnny! Hey, NNY!" Came a sweet voice from behind him as he trudged to school. He turned slightly to look at the girl who was trotting to catch up with him. **Hey, it's mah girl. Damn she's hot.** He felt himself smile, something he rarely ever did in his own reality. A warmth blossomed inside him at her presence and he found himself leaning over to give the small girl a kiss. Horror washed over him as he found he could not stop himself from doing ANYTHING. This world was so completely different.

"Morning Cyndi." The World-Nny quipped, allowing her to slip her hands around his arm as they walked. **I wonder if we're still heading to town tonight?**

_Cyndi? CYNDI?! What the FUCK?! That sounds like a-_

"Hey, guess what?" She perked up instantly and Nny felt a growing sense of dread that his other self did not share.

**You learned a new routine.** "I couldn't possibly."

She grinned. "We learned a new routine last night. Well, we started on one. Want to see?!" She pulled her hands away from him and backed up a step.

**Not really… **"Sure."

_Oh god please no…_ _came their simultaneous replies. Johnny would have put his head in his hands if he could have. This was a nightmare… a fucking nightmare. It had to be. Wait… wait… The girl, Cyndi, started a cheer routine before his very eyes. Nope, NOW it's a nightmare… he thought sullenly._ _Why the fuck am I dating a cheerleader?! What is WRONG with me?!_

Nothing is wrong with you… That's exactly it. You're normal now. came the voice of reason.

_Cheerleader! HELLO!! SOMEthing is wrong with me…_

**My god I have seen this routine before, I know I have. Why do I put up with this? Oh yeah.**

_Nny shivered at the patterns of images that flurried to accompany the thought. There was no WAY I would touch that girl like that, no fucking way. This reality is getting more and more unbelievable every second I stay!_

They were moving again. The doors to the school loomed before them and he could not remember ever liking entering through them. Apparently this reality, if on nothing else, agreed on this. World-Nny shuddered going through the doors and into the dimly lit hallway. If there had been more windows the halls could have been perfectly lit. School, however, is not a vacation-no. It is a prison. A prison of the mind and while one is in it, of body. It sucks you in, forcing you to believe that you need it, that you will benefit from simply being within its walls every day. If cheerleaders did not exist, Nny would have said that school came a close second to being pure evil. However, cheerleaders did exist and the proof of that was hanging on his arm again, prattling on in a perky, high-pitched voice reserved, Johnny knew, solely for the souls doubly damned to hell. No one should be that perky in the morning.

They were, indeed, still going out tonight. The World-Nny trudged home from school, stopping in at the house only long enough to drop off his stuff. His parents greeted him politely enough and reminded him that there was still a family function and that no one had been horribly mutilated or killed in an attempt to cancel the party. He left without commenting after giving the Nailbunny-look-alike a few carrots and a celery stalk. Now he found himself taking the ever-lengthening street down to the downtown area, looking for fun.

_HA!_ _Nny scoffed, wishing he had never had to witness what he had become. He was just like every asshole he had ever hated, had ever brutally killed. He insulted anyone who so much as crossed his path or looked at him funny, and beat the shit out of a kid for coughing while in the same hallway._ _He had patronized undeserving people and hadn't killed one person yet, despite all of that. __Apparently our views on 'fun' differ vastly. At least I put my victims out of their misery when I am done teaching them. If I were in my world, _I_ would kill me! This is insane…now what?!_

They were fast approaching a group of World-Nny's friends. They were laughing and joking about something Nny could not see, and it bothered him. Whatever they were up to it would not be good for anyone decent. They had someone in the center of their group, one of the larger kids holding the captive tight. He jeered "Found her leaving the bookstore, walking with some punk. Told us to fuck off when we told her how pretty she was."

"You've got a pretty fucked up way of telling someone they're pretty!" The girl spat venomously.

_Nny almost went into shock. He knew that voice, it had haunted him for a long time, and was always on his mind. It was Devi. Devi was here, and these… These… monsters had her. DEVI! He screamed, completely helpless to stop them, DEVI! Get out of here! These guys are real assholes, they'll hurt you! I can't help you, they think I am their friend! I'm not, Devi, please, get out of here! His desperate thoughts were drowned out by World-Nny's thoughts and words._

**Such a pretty thing, I'm sure one of the guys would like to keep her. Cyndi would kill me if she ever found out, so I'll stay out of THAT. But no one says you can't have a little fun while you're out!**

_Nny felt sick hearing that. Not Devi, please not her._

He felt himself lean closer to her, his slender fingers gliding along her jaw line to force her to look up at him. "So tell me. What are you going to say next time someone gives you a compliment like that?"

"I'll tell them to fuck off! They can-" Her words were cut off sharply as World-Nny's opened palm struck her flat across her face. She slumped downward from the force of the blow, shaking her head to clear the wisps of hair from her eyes so she could glare at him. "Fuck you."

"You'd like that too much, whore." He turned to one of the guys holding the girl. "Do as you please. I got some disks I'm picking up from the CD cesspool. Just don't get caught, all right?" He shouldered past them and continued on his way to the store. **Some people just don't know when to keep their mouths shut.** He thought sullenly to himself. **I'm getting out of here as soon as possible. Pick a different city to call home.**

_Inside, Nny sobbed, trying to forget the stinging sensation left across his palm when it connected with Devi's cheek. He was a monster here, worse than anything he had been in the other reality._ _I want to go home now. I just want to go home._

Notes:

Yes. I thought I would give a big thanks out to the people who gave me criticism on this- I had forgotten about the time-lines in this. I am, however, going off that I believe Nny to be about 24 years old during the comics. I don't know why. Anyhow, Nailbunny is indeed –not- Nailbunny. Sorry about the mix-up. ^.~


	10. Part Two: I Am Me Alone

I still do not own JTHM, the characters therein, or any of the ideas behind it.

Discovering Nny

Chap 3: I Am Me Alone

A car door slammed outside and World-Nny rolled from his bed, where he had been reading a comic. His friend had arrived and he could finally escape the house. **Why are my parents always being such hounds about me spending time with them? It's not like they give a damn about what I do with my life.** His feet warmed as he pulled on socks and shoved his feet into his tennis shoes. A cursory examination of himself in the mirror proved that he was at least presentable in the outside world, if not downright wonderful. The hair-gel he had used to spike his hair with earlier was still intact. Jeans, a white tank top and a black button down shirt created a look of control and just-under-the-skin mockery of the world.

_Nny groaned I look like an ass…_

There was a knock on the door and he shouted down the stairs before his parents had a chance to get up. "It's for me, I'm going to the mall and stuff! I'll be home late tonight!" The stairs thundered beneath him as he charged down them, nearly flinging himself out the front door and past the guy who was standing there. "Let's go! We're going to be late!"

"The mall doesn't even open for an hour." The boy said, turning slowly and following Johnny down to his car without any kind of rush.

"Shut up, Matt, and open the fucking doors. I don't know why you ever lock them. No one would steal this piece of shit anyhow." He replied irritably.

Matt gave him a withering look and clicked the button that opened the doors. "Old habits die hard. What do you want to do 'till the mall opens?"

"Take a drive downtown. Tell me a story. Kill small children. Whatever, but let's GO." Johnny snorted, slamming his door as he sat down.

His friend sat down beside him and started the car. "Sounds like a plan. I can tell you about that girl we found yesterday."

_Suddenly, it hit him. He knew this boy. On the way to the CD cesspool they had met. He had been the one gripping Devi's arm, twisting it so that she knew he would break it if she tried to get away. It occurred to him that if he had control of this body he would kill this boy. It was exhausting not being able to move except in his own mind._

"Is there any way to stop you?"

"No, because I'll keep talking even if you stop listening."

"Then I suppose protesting would do no good."

"Nope."

**Enh… I'm really not up to hearing about his little exploits into the realm of torture. The last girl ended up in the hospital and he should have gotten caught. Bastard would have told them it was me, too.** He sighed and leaned back in his seat, kicking his feet up onto the dashboard. "So go."

"Bitch put up a fight, too. She was strong, she didn't look like she was, did she? Like a little demon. I'm going to have some permanent damage. I'm serious, Nny, damn! Stop laughing."

Johnny could not help himself. **He's too stupid to realize it. How dumb do you have to be to botch something like that?** "And the moral of this story is- be careful where you stick your dick." He cracked up again.

_Nny groaned and curled up inside himself. He couldn't shut out the boy's voice, he couldn't even shut out World-Nny's thoughts. The images called to his mind as World-Nny laughed were chilling. This was not the first time this Matt person had done something like this. Shivering, Nny saw images of the last girl Matt had handled… her back was covered in thin, shallow lacerations in columns of even, horizontal patterns. She had been beaten into unconsciousness and had had to be taken to the hospital. She died several days later._

"Shut your muzzle. It wasn't that funny." He launched into the story of how they had taken their time with her. She had put up quite a fight, from what he was saying. The only thing they had been able to do was beat, her, though. Johnny rolled his eyes and wondered again why Matt never got caught.

_He never gets caught because he is a waste-lock. Nny thought sullenly, despair creeping through him like a slow working disease at the news of Devi's murder by this scumbag's hands…A world without Devi doesn't seem worth the trouble. I thought waste-locks were supposed to be introverted? He tried desperately to shut out the boy's droning voice, but to no avail. All he could see was his own hand connecting with Devi's face. This day could not get any worse._

"She got what she deserved, anyhow." Matt wrapped up. 

Johnny sat up suddenly, rolling down his window. "Slow down, slow down! Do you see that?" It was a group of girl in their late teens, maybe 17 or 18, walking down the side of the road. The car slowed as Johnny made a megaphone out of his hands. "You dropped your pocket!" Johnny hollered out the window. They turned around before realizing what he had said. Had they heard it properly it would have sounded incredibly stupid. As it was, it only sounded rude. "Hey baby, looking good!"

His jeer was cut short as a soda cup exploded against the side of the car, splattering him with coke. The girls broke into raucous laughter and congratulated one of theirs on the excellent aim. Matt put his foot down on the gas pedal, hard, and they sped away. "Well, that was exceedingly smooth." He snorted.

"What can I say." Johnny sighed, flopping back against the seat. "They had the uncanny ability to resist my endless charm."

"You sound like a queer when you talk like that, you know that? Fucking creepy, man." Matt said.

"Drive the fucking car." He retorted. **So trying to be intelligent will get me labeled. Wonderful.**

_Maybe that's the problem with so many people in my world… Nny thought dejectedly. So many people were afraid of getting labeled as something that they were not that they changed who they were to escape._

They eventually reached a winding road with hardly any traffic. The air was fairly nice here, though still a far cry from being pure. There was a bike path sectioned off from the road by a thick yellow line. Matt straightened up and hit Johnny's shoulder. "Hey, hey, take the wheel. J.C. take the wheel!"

"What? Why?"

"Just take the fucking wheel!"

Johnny sat up and grabbed hold of the wheel as best he could from the passenger side. Matt guided the car to the opposite side of the street, almost driving on the biking trail. Johnny didn't even see the biker until they were practically on top of him. Matt let Johnny have the wheel entirely as he hung out of the window. Nny's heart was thumping so loud he wondered why the entire planet couldn't hear it. Matt extended his hand as they passed the biker and the resounding smack as he hit the biker's raised butt was priceless. They both cracked up as Matt floored it and left the biker screaming obscenities behind them.

After they had calmed themselves down considerably they headed back into town. The small 'ding' of a low gas tank alerted them to the fact that they had less than ten miles to find someplace to refill their tank. They pulled into the nearest gas station and Matt got out to fill the car. Johnny kept watch on the station clerk, to see if he would start to get edgy, but there was no reaction to the two teens. When he glanced up, Johnny waved, conveniently assuring the clerk that he was friendly while blocking a clear view of his face. Matt glanced up, rolling his eyes.

"Almost done."

The nozzle clunked as it finished filling the tank and Matt removed the dripping end from the opening. The cap clicked rapidly as it locked and he closed the hatch carefully. He opened the driver's side door as though to reach in and get his wallet, but instead of pulling back out he dove into the car, started it up and roared out of the gas station like a bat out of hell. Johnny held on tightly and listened to the engine purr as Matt shifted from zero to sixty in less than four seconds. The clerk didn't have time to understand what had just happened before they were out of sight. Johnny lay back again, grinning. They had done this a million times.

"You dropped your pocket." Johnny very seriously told a passerby, pointing at the ground to reinforce his statement. He watched as the guy turned around, looking for a fallen pocket before realizing that one couldn't drop a pocket.

"Hey!" But there was no one there.

They had reached the mall several hours ago. Making general asses of themselves without getting caught by security had been quite the task, but they knew all the good hiding places within the mall. "So, what kind of game are we up for today?" Johnny asked, walking at an even, slow sort of pace that didn't call attention.

His friend shrugged. "I dunno. Something with lots of death."

_Try life… Nny suggested, though he knew neither of them could hear him. It's the most dangerous game of all. No matter how you play, you still end up dead._

"Sounds good." They ducked into the gaming store and pawed through the racks of video games. Matt pelted Johnny with a game and smiled impishly. "What's this?"

"I dunno, but it looks good." Matt seemed to melt into the background only to appear toward the center of the store. He trailed his fingers along the neat rack of games toward the front. After a moment he started breathing audibly before gasping for breath and practically collapsing. The store clerk glanced around nervously before coming around the counter to see what he could do. Matt pulled an inhaler from his pocket, taking several long draws from it. Johnny slipped the game into one of his pockets, the bulge masked entirely.

"Derek?!" He called, stepping over and kneeling down beside Matt, who was doing a very good job looking as though he were recovering his breath. "Are you going to be okay?" He looked up to the clerk. "I've got to get him home."

The clerk nodded and escorted them outside and told Nny to keep a good eye on his friend. He wished them the best of luck and health, and returned to the inside of the store. The black electrical tape lining his pockets kept the alarms from even thinking of going off, and they were home free.

"Time to bolt!" Johnny whispered as the mall's security cops began watching them walk.

"I agree." They slipped out the side entrance and Nny produced the video game with a small flourish. "Tada! Tomorrow we can see what this one's all about."

_They must do this often… Nny thought glumly. How did I end up being such an asshole? What was so different between my life and this one? He knew that being a waste-lock could not have made THIS much of a difference… Could it?_

"Where to now?" Johnny wondered aloud.

"Ice cream and since it'll be almost six, why don't we head out to Kay's place. He's having that shindig, right? You're always trying to get me to go out more, here's your chance."

They drove in relative silence for a while before stopping at the drive through of an ice cream place. Nny ordered a Snowstorm, vanilla ice cream blended with lots of little pieces of candy. He rooted around in the ice cream with the overly long spoon to see if they had indeed mixed the chocolate bits to the bottom. Pulling the spoon out required him to pull nearly the entire glob of ice cream with it, which could have turned into a messy affair had Matt not stepped in and used another spoon to hold down the ice cream whilst Johnny rescued his own spoon. They seemed like a pretty normal couple of kids just out for some ice cream, and Matt was being unusually quiet. 

_He seems as though he would have been pretty introverted until I started influencing him. Until I turned him into the monster that he is. The monster who would hurt Devi like he did. This is all my fault… the realization made his mind numb. This World-Nny did not deserve life._

"Any idea who's going?" Johnny quipped as they were finishing their ice cream.

"You know I don't like talking with people. Probably the entire world, since it's Kay, but who knows. Cyndi should be there."

"Fuck!" Johnny cried, sitting up. "I'm supposed to go get her at six, I promised we could spend some time together. Chicks, always wanting time together."

"Perk up, maybe you'll get laid."

Johnny shot his friend a look and settled back. "I'll meet you up at the party after I drop her at home, okay?"

"Sure."

Johnny rolled down his window at the next stop light and leaned out. By all laws of physics he should have fallen out he was leaning so far, but he remained relatively in the car. The small old man in the car next to them glanced over and did a double take at the boy hanging out the window. Johnny wildly shook his ice cream spoon at the old man and screamed "I'm going to eat your ASS with my SPOOOON!" The light turned green and the boys rocketed away from the intersection, leaving the man to his heart attack.

_He was shaking, violently, inside his own mind. Every part of him that was still functioning was on the fritz, all of his nerves frayed past recovery. Is this what people _do_ in a normal life?! Is there always that much _touching_ going on, on such a regular basis?! The girl, Cyndi, was asleep in the seat next to him, and Nny could not bear to even think about her. Why, oh WHY had he demanded to be sent to this reality? As if merely _knowing_ a cheerleader wasn't bad enough, this me is _dating_ one, doing… doing THAT with one! He shuddered and pushed himself as far away from this reality as he could go. While it had not gone as far as sex, it might have well have, and that was far more than enough for Nny to stomach._

The car plodded along the deserted road. The trip out to the peak was a long one, but it was very secluded, very beautiful. The whole downtown was spread out before them like a little glowing treasure. Due to the lack of streetlights or car lights up on the overhang, the stars shone brilliantly. The city became a poor, color-tainted reflection of the vast expanse of space above them. It never failed to awe Johnny. He regretted having to leave so soon, but Cyndi had to be home by ten and he was not one to argue with her parents. **Beside… I have a party to get to, soon.**

_Over the course of the two days he had been trapped inside his other world self he had come to a few conclusions. His past was not as he remembered it. He was, he had concluded, sixteen years old. Which meant that he had been sixteen when he killed his parents in his world. Though this entire trip has been a fucking nightmare, I'm beginning to catch glimpses of my past. I wonder if it's my past or this world's Nny's past? It's starting to get confused._

The car pulled up in front of a ratty looking shack. There were cars parked up and down the street and all over the front lawn. Next door was another one-story house with all the lights off. The street was silent, save for an almost undetectable thrum of a thick bass beat. Johnny hopped out of the car, locking the doors and checked to make sure the windows were rolled up. He didn't trust half the people here and those people he did trust still wouldn't hesitate to take something from an unlocked car. Weaving through the veritable sea of cars, he reached the front door and stood for a moment prepping himself to enter the house.

_Nny's insides had gone ice-cold at the sight of the shack. He knew this place. This was his neighborhood, this was his house. It looked slightly less dilapidated, for sure. The windows had been replaced, the door was new, and the lawn had a struggling coat of grass choking to death beneath the cars cluttered over it. Despite the outward appearance, the numbers beside the door read 777, a mockery of the holiness those numbers should represent. He didn't want to see how his house had changed._

Johnny opened the door and slipped inside. The thumping of the bass was louder here than it was outside, but it was still very muted. He moved to the side room and left down a short hallway. Opening a door at the end of the hallway, he moved into another, small room. There was some sort of padding all over the walls, covering every surface. The back of the door was covered, too, and the edges of the door were covered in a rubbery Styrofoam material. He closed the door gently and walked along the wall, fingers feeling for the small break in the material. Finding it, he tugged gently and another door swung up. Music blasted from the new opening, deafening him as he descended into the basement.

_The padding absorbs the sound, that's why we couldn't hear it outside! Nny thought excitedly to himself That's genius! He could use that for silencing the screams so often heard in his basement! Not… he reminded himself sullenly That it matters anymore. I can't kill people there. Hell, if I'm trapped here, it REALLY doesn't matter, because I can't do anything at all!_

Mobs of people writhed all over in the first two floors of the basement. Johnny waded through them without really noticing, reaching his goal of the third floor down. He caught sight of Matt, who gave him a mischievous look and a shot of straight tequila. Johnny studied it for a moment to figure out what it was before tossing back his head and downing the small glass. Fire burned up and down his throat and he closed his eyes tightly. **That could not have been the best idea I've ever had…** He thought sullenly as the pain receded.

"Nice to see you could make it!" Matt shouted over the din around them.

"Better late than never! This place never ceases to amaze me!" He marveled, looking around him in wonder. "It's so huge, you'd have to wonder what someone would have built it for! And it always looks so tiny from the ground-level!"

_If only you knew what it was meant for, kid. Nny thought regretfully. So many people lost their lives on these floors in my reality. I guess taking pleasure in the pain of others is a part of my personality, isn't it? He didn't know why he bothered asking questions; there was no one here to answer him. Despite being surrounded by all of these people… Nny suddenly felt very, very alone._

His friend shot him a crafty look. "Get any?" He shouted over the crowd, an obscene gesture accompanying the motion so as to get his obvious point across.

"Ha! Good one. No."

Matt laughed and handed Johnny another shot of some kind of dark brandy, which he drank only slightly slower. "Don't worry about it, another day. You got plans for the rest of the evening?"

"Well," Johnny replied as he finished the liquor, "Seeing as there's only an hour and a half left of night, not really. Why?"

His best friend shrugged, "No real reason. Maybe we could go out and get a few people's houses tonight. Y'know, the usual."

Johnny gave Matt a disbelieving look as he accepted a bottle of beer from a passing freshman. The frosh of the nearby high schools were always trying to prove themselves and would do just about anything for the upperclassmen if it was deemed 'cool'. "I don't know why you're always so inclined to do all this stuff. You're going to get caught doing something really bad one of these days."

"Don't pussy out on me, Johnny. Besides, I've never gotten caught before and that's one habit that I'd like to keep, thank you. You've never been caught either, so why're you worried about it now?"

"I suspect I've never been caught only because I was with you!"

"Bull-shit!" Matt shouted with a grin, "You know you're just as good as me."

_Nny was laughing now, a bitter, cynical laugh. You don't know the half of the things I have done, everything I have witnessed, endured through. You are not half my equal…_

"Yeah, sure, let's get out of here soon, though."

"What's up with you? You sound kind of nervous, J.C."

"It's nothing."

_So I still have a fairly good sense of when something bad is going to happen. Maybe that isn't a waste-lock ability, it's a part of me. Strange to think that I could discover parts of me in this fucked up reality. I will be happy to see my own reality again, if I ever do._

There was a cracking splat as another egg hit the window of the ancient looking three-story house. The moon was sinking slowly as two o'clock rolled around and they were getting lazy. Johnny slung a blue paint-ball half-heartedly at the wall beside the door and leaned back against the car. They'd been out for nearly two and a half hours now and even Matt was beginning to look bored. A red blotch of paint blossomed from the next paintball and Johnny got up to walk to his friend, who was using a spray-chalk to write along the side of the house.

They had been all over the neighborhoods in the past two hours. In the trunk they had a "For Sale" sign that had been a bitch to dig out of that lady's yard, a big stone goose that had been a bitch to carry back to the car, and a pile of license plates that were going to be a bitch to hide come morning. It had been a rather eventful night after a short chase with the cops had cornered them in a neighborhood. They had parked in someone's driveway and turned off all the lights, ducking down so they could not be seen. The cops drove past and eventually left without complaints. Thus, they found themselves here, new territory.

"Matt, c'mon. I'm beat and people are going to start noticing if we keep going this early." His vision doubled momentarily, the only sign of his intoxication.

He paused to give Johnny a long look. "No one wakes up this early, J.C. They're too lazy." As Johnny just continued standing there, Matt sighed and capped the spray-can. "Fine. Your parents will probably shit a brick if you're not home soon, anyhow."

His friend pocketed the can and they walked quietly to the front yard. Muscles froze as they spotted the cop car parked directly behind theirs. The blue-uniformed officer that had been taking note of their license plate turned to look at them. The world slowed to near stillness as the teens stared at him with wide eyes. Before either of the others reacted, Matt spun on a heel and nearly tripped over himself as he bolted. The officer dropped his notebook and started after them just as Johnny turned to follow his fleeing friend. The ground was still slippery from an earlier mist, making it difficult to outmaneuver anything. Johnny grabbed hold of a fence post and used it as an anchor as he slid around the corner of a yard. His footing slipped and his palms skidded against a small garden of volcanic rock someone had used as decoration around the bases of the shrubs. He rolled to a stop and found himself quickly pinned to the ground by the cop as he rounded the sharp corner only slightly slower. Matt's receding footsteps told Johnny that he, at least, had made a safe get-away.

He forced himself to relax and got to his feet with the cop holding roughly onto one of his arms. "Leggo…" He muttered, jerking his arm away, "I ain't going anywhere, you caught me. Now that you have me, what're you going to do with me?"

The officer sighed. "Take you home. Your parents can give me your information and I'll be asking these people what they want to do with you."

"Don't bother, they'll probably press charges anyhow." The officer only snorted and led him out to the patrol car.

_I cannot BELIEVE I got caught. Me! Caught by a passing cop! Nny was beside himself. He had never been caught for anything, not even murder… Yet in this world he was getting in trouble for chucking a couple of eggs at a house! The irony of it all was really starting to get on his nerves. How stupid do you have to be? No news of whether Matt had been caught or not, and World-Nny was not allowed to use the phone, so he had no way of finding out. Then again, I suppose this is all my- his… This world's me's fault… After all, he was the one to draw Matt out, to try and show him this world. If he hadn't done that, things might be going better for everyone._

I think I remember why I killed my parents, now. Why are these details so fuzzy? I remember them lecturing me for so long when there were better things both of us could have been doing. I used to just sit there, not able to do anything. That had to have been the reason. This me stood up for himself, it's like he owns the place instead of his parents. He had realized a short while ago that the Nny of this world and the Nny of his (himself) were two separate people, that they could not ever overlap. The experiences both had been through were so totally different that even if this Nny were to become a waste-lock now, things would still never be the same. After the two days he had spent with this Nny… He had come to the conclusion that he wanted nothing to do with him.

The cop had left after a long discussion with his parents_._ They had lectured him for almost an hour and it was now creeping onto the four o'clock hour. He lay awake in his bed, staring at the ceiling and wondering if Matt had made it home all right. **Probably, all things considered. He's good at escaping getting caught. Too bad his luck isn't contagious. **One knee was pulled up, the other crossed over it, bobbing up and down as he studied his bandaged hands by the light of the moon. It had been such a long week, with no end in sight. He put his head back with a sigh and his eyes slid shut. **Why aren't things different?**

_Because you'd be a killer if they were… Nny thought sadly. It had come down to one truth. What he chose to do, everything that had ever happened to him had happened to him to make him who he was. He knew that now. He knew that he was a killer through and through and nothing was going to change that. He knew that he had emotions that he could not just shut down because they would always resurface. He knew that the people in his life- Devi, Squee, and anyone else he'd ever stayed his hand against killing (or had it stayed for him)- they all meant a great deal more to him than he had initially concluded. Life was going to be a little different if he ever got back, but at least he knew where he wanted to go. He wanted to be happy again._

SPREE!!!! He screamed into the darkness as Johnny slept. SPREEEEEE! He shouted until he was hoarse, until he thought he could not yell for the demon-child any longer. Maybe I can't call him anymore… He closed his eyes and put his face in his hands, hope escaping him. Maybe this really was it… He was stuck here, trapped inside a body that was not his. The worst part was that he had asked for it, and would only be getting what he deserved if they left him here for all eternity.

"Yes, Nny?" Came a childlike voice from the end of the bed. "So how do you like the reality you're in? You seem to be having loads of fun!"

Nny sat up, flexing fingers and staring around himself, in control of the body he was in. "I hate it. Send me back."

"Don't be rude, now."

"Send me back _please_." Nny repeated, gritting his teeth.

"What if I told you I can't do that?"

"WHAT?! You mean I'm STUCK in this SHITHOLE for the rest of my life?! I can't even move! No one can hear me at all, there isn't anyone to talk to!"

"But I thought you _liked_ the peace and quiet, Johnny C. I thought you wanted to shut off all emotions and live apart from Humanity? What better opportunity could you ask for than this?" The child's glee was evident in his voice.

Johnny sprang forward, hauling the kid up by the front of his shirt and slamming him against the wall. "Send me back to my fucking reality, NOW."

They stared at each other for a long time. Nothing moved, the entire world frozen around them in suspense of the demon-child's decision. Finally, Spree shook his head sadly and squirmed to the floor with a shrug. "Well…"

(AN: um. Yes. This was the stupidest chapter of anything I have ever written. Spare me and just go on to the next chapter peaceably… Please)


	11. Part Two: Why Sleep is Bad

I still do not own JTHM, the characters therein, or any of the ideas behind it.

Discovering Nny

Chap 4: Why Sleep Is Bad

Devi stood before him, a look of bewilderment on her face. He could only stare at her, he could not move to speak. They were standing in the front room of his house, the one he had tried to kill her in. Everything was like it had been that night. The couch was still intact and the small table next to it was still in one piece. It was as though the wall monster had never torn a path through his house. Was he being given another chance? Hope welled up inside him and he felt a smile just behind the mask on his face. Devi tilted her head slightly to look from his feet to his face, and she smiled softly.

"Nny…" Her voice was so close to a whisper he was afraid he was imagining her talking, "Nny, I love you."

Horror overtook him as he realized that he was still not in control of his own body. Stepping forward briskly, he slapped her. The open palmed strike left a red mark that welled up almost immediately. She dropped to her knees with the force of the blow and her hand flew to her cheek. His hand stung with the pins and needles sensation. He gaped, confused and hurt that he could not speak to her, apologize to her, say something, ANYthing to her.

"Admit it, Johnny boy, you liked that." Came the maniacal voice of Mr. Eff from behind him. "You'd do that again if you could. But wait- you can!"

He felt himself move forward again and the double points of his boot hit her in the stomach, knocking her over. "NO!" He shouted hoarsely as he gained control of his voice. "Nononono! Stop it!" She lay where she had landed.

"The pleasure you feel at bringing harm to others, Nny, how much is that a part of you now, eh? If you're not careful you'll end up like that Matt kid you hate so much. Wouldn't want that, best take care of the problem before it begins. You can always take a knife to yourself instead of Devi." D-boy joined in on the taunting.

Nny looked down to the wicked looking knife he held in a white knuckled grasp. It clattered on the floor next to Devi as he dropped it. His eyes widened and his pulse was through the roof as blood soaked into the floor below him. The knife glinted in the sunlight that managed to make it through the patched up windows. It was covered in Devi's blood. Realizing his hands felt warm, his eyes dropped to them. They were covered in her blood as well. He tried desperately to wash them clean on his pants, but to no avail, as the blood seemed to renew itself as soon as he had gotten rid of it. He groaned, dropping to his knees and putting his head in his hands miserably. "Why…?" He croaked, his voice cracking.

"Because you know you would like to, Nny. You'd like to see how a knife feels deep inside her. A flick of your wrist and the wound would never close in time for her to live through it. You'd like her blood on your hands. You've already made an attempt, why not succeed in something for once?" Mr. Eff started laughing and Nny closed his eyes tighter.

"No… I wouldn't hurt her!" He gritted, shaking his head and trying to ignore the feeling of the blood, slick and sticky on his face where it had smeared off his hands. "You LIE, you're not even REAL! You're just me, you're just me!" He dropped his hands to the floor, reaching over for the knife he had dropped. Its handle was slippery, but he gripped it hard and turned to face the doughboys, anger burning in his eyes.

What faced him was not the Styrofoam pastry figurines that so openly mocked him any time he saw them. The beast that stood before him was huge, full of teeth and spikes and spines. Its warped jaws cracked open in a terribly mockery of a smile, teeth gleaming in the sunlight. Scales and pebbled skin mixed over the creature's body, creating a mismatched illusion of two beings in one. Its hollow eye sockets glowed a sickly yellow, frightening against the blood red of its skin. Johnny recognized this monster- it had haunted him the last time he slept. His skin shuddered at the thought.

"They were you, Johnny C, but you let them escape you. You can not even contain your own mind, how do you ever hope to control your urge to slaughter things, to bring about death to anyone who encourages that blood lust?" It grated, it's voice only slightly less painful than before. It sounded like pebbles rolling around in the bottom of a wooden barrel, gravelly and hollow.

Nny's hand flexed, but the knife was no longer in his grip. "I'm not afraid of you." He whispered.

"You should be." It replied, rising. Its limbs were lanky, the bones pressed against the skin that was stretched taut across them. Bones grated as it moved toward him, talons clicking on the wood, splintering it.

He couldn't run away, he couldn't turn, he couldn't even take his eyes off the creature. It stood before him, about a foot away from his face. It's warm breath washed over him smelling of rot and honeysuckle, a scent that made Johnny want to retch. He opened his mouth to breath but could not. He was choking.

"You should be very, very afraid, because I am not a part of you, Johnny C. I am your worst nightmare, I am everything in this world that you fight against becoming. I am corruption incarnate, and you already know me because I am not a part of you. I _am_ you."

"NO." Nny gasped, pain spiking between his eyes, "You aren't me, only I can be me. No one else."

"Oh, but look, take a long look at yourself in the mirror, my boy. You'll see more than you ever wanted to see." It's chuckle sent shivers racing down Nny's spine.

He started as he looked around himself and realized that the entire room was made of mirrors. Everywhere he looked stood the demon, reflected a thousand times in an endless hallway of mirror reflections. The room seemed to narrow around them and it darkened, every wall but the one in front of him becoming totally black. Nny tilted his head to stare back behind the demon, to look into the only remaining mirror. In it stood two identical demons, facing one another, and no sign of himself anywhere. He closed his eyes quickly and tried to shut out the images.

Pain lanced through his side and he was forced to open his eyes. The beast shifted, pulling its bloody claws from his skin. "Don't take your eyes off me, little one." It rasped, "We can't have you miss a moment, now can we? So tell me, how much is this one worth to you? As much as the girl?"

A circle of light grew from where the beast pointed, spinning to look like an oval mirror. The inside darkened for a moment before resolving to the image of a small, sleeping child. The ratty looking bear tucked in beside him stared maniacally out at the world, protecting the child from all the corrupt things of the world. "Squee…" Johnny croaked, going limp. "Please, not Squee…"

The image cleared and the circle faded from view. Before him stood a likeness of himself, holding a bound Squee at arms length. "Now, let's see how much fun we can have." It looked like him, but it still sounded just as god-awful as before, and Johnny sorely wished it would stop talking.

"Leave him alone." Johnny said through gritted teeth.

"Or you'll what? Isn't this what you've wanted to do all along? I thought you liked torturing people, Johnny C. I thought it was your favorite hobby. Isn't it, Squee? Don't you hear him killing people in the middle of the night?"

The boy nodded his head fearfully, eyes wide.

"Good. Good answer." The boy crumpled suddenly as waves of pain washed over him. The beast did not seem to notice. "I wonder how long we can keep him writhing, don't you?"

"Please…" Nny felt sick watching Squee convulse on the ground. "Please don't do this. Squee never hurt anyone."

"Oh, but that's the great part about this- some of the people you killed never hurt anyone, either. Yet you killed them, didn't you?"

Squee screamed and Johnny dropped to his knees, slamming his fists into the floor with enough force to splinter the wood. "STOP!" He shouted. "Go AWAY!"

Silence.

Nny looked up. He was standing on a cliff, overlooking a city. The buildings burned below him, and the screams of the dying drifted to him on the breeze. It was beautiful in it's own right, but Nny was in no mood for more death. He tried to close his eyes but found himself mesmerized by the dancing flames so far below him.

"Pay attention now, or you'll miss why we're here today. Look around yourself, Johnny C. Look at all the destruction you've caused."

"I didn't do this."

The creature didn't contradict him. "Devi didn't make it out in time." It stated idly. Nny could not turn around to face it, did not know if it was still there or if he was only hearing it's painful voice.

"No. She couldn't have been down there. She's still alive."

"She burned to death. It's your fault."

"NO."

"Nny…" Nny's eyes widened as he heard Devi's voice behind him.

He whirled around to see her only to be met with the business end of a handgun. She held it leveled to his face. "Devi! You're-"

The click of the gun cocking was enough to silence him. "You caused this mess, Nny. You're causing everyone so much pain, so much more pain than anyone could ever give you. You shouldn't be alive."

"Devi, why…?" If she had lost faith in him again, he wasn't sure he deserved to live, either. "I found myself, Devi, like you told me to. I know who I am."

"I know who you are. You're a killer, Nny. Scum that needs to be cleaned up. You are all the bad things people look to get rid of."

He could do nothing but stare helplessly at her. Why was she saying those things? He was not going to kill any more, he loved her, didn't she know that? Hadn't he told her more than once? "No, Devi, that's not how it is. Why won't anyone listen to me?! Things can finally be different and no one lets it… Devi…" He took a step toward her, reaching out his hand to take the gun. The sound of the explosion as the gun fired rang in his ears. Intense pain blossomed from above his left eye, spreading through his entire body.

The bed shook under him as he started and opened his eyes, heart fluttering. His forehead throbbed, still healing from the only time he'd actually gotten shot. Delicately, he traced along the scar with the tips of his fingers. He was alive still, at least. He wasn't really sure, but it felt like he was alive this time. Whatever else he was sure of, however, he was certain that he had been returned to his own body, probably even returned to his own reality. He lay back against the pillow, looking up at the ceiling.

Why is everything always so difficult to understand…? He thought wistfully. I wish I could just know what's going on all the time. I'm really glad to be home, though. … Home! He bolted from the bed and shoved his stuff into the plastic bag he'd found. A quick once over of the room assured him that he had grabbed everything important. Nice one, Spree. I know who I am now. Let's see the world deal with me this time around. But first, I have to talk to Devi. The door closed behind him and the child sitting on the bed smiled. Things were about to get interesting.

~~~~~~~~

"Spree." Johnny repeated for the hundredth time. "Spree. … Spree." His car rocketed down the long highway, the only vehicle in sight.

"What?!" Came the child's irritable voice. "What can you possibly want?"

"So you're still bound to me?"

Spree glared dully at him. "Yes. Yes I am. Now what?"

"That's funny. I want to know how long I was gone."

"Two days. The same two days you were gone for in the other world."

"None of that 'return me at the same time I left' shit?"

Spree snorted. "Hardly. The realities may be different, but time is always the same no matter where you go, unless it stops."

"Wait, so does that mean that when you stopped time before, that ALL the realities out there stopped?"

"I suppose."

"Doesn't that mess things up a bit? Wouldn't time be continuously stopping for everyone every time you visited someone?"

"So far it hasn't been a problem, until we had to keep stopping it for you."

"You didn't stop it this time."

"Why should I? There isn't anyone here to see me but you."

"Oh. Okay. What did I miss in my world while I was gone?"

"Nothing you wouldn't have missed if you were here, anyhow. Time here just passed normally and since Devi and Todd are the only two who know you have left home, they are the only two to miss you."

"They miss me?"

"They noticed your absence."

"Oh. Hey. Is this reality going to change because I went to that reality? Isn't there some kind of overlap?"

"I can't tell you that, Nny. Can I go now?"

"Um… I guess. How much longer do I have before I'll stop being under your people's protection?"

"I'll let you know when they've finished ironing out the flaws and all that. Sometimes realities must be shifted to incorporate the new waste-lock and to make sure the old waste-lock adjusts well. It shouldn't be too much longer."

"Oh." There was a long pause as Johnny drove and Spree sat quietly in the passenger seat. "Hey, thank you, by the way."

"For?"

"Helping me to find myself. I guess sometimes you have to get a real slap in the face before you realize how much you stand to lose."

"I guess so." Spree shifted uncomfortably. He really didn't think Johnny should be grateful for anything he did. "Well, bye."

"Bye." Nny replied… but Spree was already gone. The road ahead seemed to stretch on forever lacking all signs of life. It suddenly seemed like a very lonely place to be.

End Part 2

Well, feel free to tell me what you think. I have split this into four parts now, so yeah. Each part looks like it's going to be about this length, which is… long. I was going to do this part and the next part together, but I decided it would be a year before I got it out if I did that, so I split it up. My shoulder is falling off, if you wanted to know. ItamashiiSparkle@yahoo.com if you want to email me. Or leave comments. Or don't. I'm tired now… *sigh*


	12. Part Two: What Comes Around

Warnings: There is TORTURE in this chapter. Stupidity at it's finest. 

READ THIS NOW, RIGHT NOW: Here is where it is at- this chapter really sucks. It's simply a torture scene that I needed to have to wrap things up all around. I wanted a bit of payback and I needed a reason for Nny to have blood on him. You can almost completely skip this entire chapter and not miss a thing. If you wish to skip it, **_SCROLL ALL THE WAY TO THE BOTTOM, READ THE VERY LAST PARAGRAPH, AND CONTINUE WITH THE STORY._** Thank you.

I still do not own JTHM, the characters therein, or any of the ideas behind it.

Discovering Nny 

Chap 5: What Comes Around

Johnny pulled into the parking lot at Hallmart, taking the first spot he could find. He locked the doors, slamming his behind him as he headed for the store. The parking lot was packed full of all manner of cars and people out to do their Sunday shopping. He shoved his hands into his pockets and shifted the black and brown backpack slung over his shoulder. This was supposed to be a normal place. Walking in here to get batteries for his CD player was his first test. He really hoped he would make it out of here without meeting anyone he would have to take home. He didn't know exactly how much time he had left to be protected against detection, but he suspected that he did not have long to learn.

Despite the crowded look of the parking lot, there were relatively few people wandering the wide-open aisles of Hallmart. He kept his eyes turned down, trying to avoid the stares of the people around him. He knew his clothes were going to draw attention still, but he tried really hard to keep from caring. After all… He reasoned, They haven't done anything but stare. I cannot help that they are all ignorant of the fact that differences should not separate people. His footsteps rang hollowly on the rubbery tile floor.

"Don't touch me." Came a voice from the next aisle over. Nny paused in his search for batteries to listen, a prickling sensation tingling over his skin.

"What're you going to do about it if I do?"

His thoughts froze. He had spent the greater part of two days listening to that voice and he knew he would never mistake it for anything other than what it was. Hatred welled up inside him at the memory. The other reality was close to this one, so close, in fact, that he realized he might be running into a few of the same people. He had really hoped he would run into this one in particular, because he had devoted so much thought to the different ways he would make him suffer if Nny ever got his hands on the boy. He quietly replaced the batteries on the hook and stepped around the corner, coming into view of the scene.

Matt stood there, plain as day if a bit older than the last time Nny had seen him. Apparently age does not always bring wisdom, for he was still acting like an ass. His fingers were wrapped tightly around the wrist of the girl in front of him and they were staring at one another rather intently. Judging by her glare of death the boy would have been long gone and buried if she thought she could get away with it. Well, maybe she can't, but I still can. He stepped forward, drawing the smiley-faced blade from his belt. A quick rap with the pommel to the back of his head dropped Matt to the floor. Nny bent quickly, to make sure he hadn't outright killed the boy, before turning to the girl.

"Hello. Sorry about all that," He toed Matt's limp form as he stood, "but I noticed he was bothering you. Don't worry, he'll be getting what he deserves."

She stared at him, jaw dropped. "You- you killed him!"

"What?" Nny said, slightly confused, "No I haven't. Yet. Hm. Now that I think about it I've realized that I haven't thought about it. I can't take him home with me, that might take too long. Plus Devi might be there, and she'd be very upset with me if I brought home… well, such unpleasant things." He fingered the knife's tip, trying to decide what to do. "Ah, well, it doesn't matter. Don't you worry about it. And don't bother going to the police over this- I can't be caught. Have a nice day!" He was gone before she got a chance to react.

He waited silently for consciousness to reclaim the boy. It had been almost an hour since he'd left Hallmart, his rather ungainly burden dragged behind him. People had stared, but no one had made a move to stop him. He would have laughed if the circumstances had been different. As it was, he was nervous that his luck would run out at any moment and he would not have a chance to finish what he started. He really hadn't liked dealing with the cops in the other world and he suspected he really wouldn't like dealing with them in this one. Matt stirred, groaning.

"What the hell…" His eyes opened and he squinted into the darkness, trying to divine where he had ended up. "Is anyone out there?" It felt as though someone had hit him over the head with a metal baseball bat. He attempted to move a hand to rub at the sore spot only to find that he was rather forcibly restrained by something. His mind cleared and he realized that he was shackled. "What the fuck?!" The sounds of clattering chains rang in the room for several minutes before a single lamp turned on, revealing a slim, black-clothed figure.

"Hello, Matt. Welcome to Hell, I'll be your tour guide!" Nny said cheerfully, taking a seat in front of him. "This isn't really Hell," Nny confided very seriously, "Hell's a lot less painful."

"Where are we?"

Johnny shrugged, leaning back and placing his hands on his knees with a small sigh. "Well, I'm not really sure. We're in a room, and I suppose that will be all you need to know about the where of this event. I mean, it's not like you're going to leave, right? So try not to think about it."

"Why am I chained up?"

"Oh, that I think you know the answer to. You've been a very nasty person and I happen to hold a few grudges against you that don't really carry over to this world. Actually…" Nny reflected, "They might have if things were just slightly different. As it is, I know Devi is still alive," He placed his hand on the dark crystal around his neck, "so I shouldn't be angry with you in this world, too. However, it has been my experience that you are the same type of person in this world as I made you in that one, so I can't let you live. Cheer up!" He quipped at Matt's terrified look. "It can be the one truth you hold on to- no matter what else, you'll get to die at the end!"

"A less than comforting thought. Will you at least tell me what I did that would validate killing me?"

Nny was before him, blood-stained blade to the boy's throat before he could blink. "You hurt her. You killed Devi." He growled.

"I never killed anyone!"

"Don't LIE!" On the last word Nny slammed a long, thin spike into Matt's ankle, grinding it until it shone through the other side. Matt screamed. "Oh, just be quiet." Nny said tiredly, knowing he could not be heard. "You haven't begun to feel pain. Now, tell me something. How many girls have you hurt in this reality?"

"None…" Breathed Matt.

"Wrong answer." Another spike in the opposite ankle.

"Sixteen!" He managed after a long time. "But I never killed any of them!"

"Hm…" Johnny said, tapping a wicked looking hook against his lips as he thought. "I will believe you on that one, because I don't think you could escape being caught in this reality." He perched on the chair in front of his victim and studied him. "Did you enjoy watching them?"

"Fuck you." He could not even bring himself to open his eyes.

"A rather small vocabulary. I could change that." He reached forward with the hook, tapping it against Matt's eyelids. "Now, open your eyes or I will open them for you. I am lead to believe that the first would be more pleasant for you, and the second more amusing for me."

Matt's eyes cracked open.

"Wonderful!" He sat back again. "So answer my question. Did you enjoy watching them suffer?" Matt started to answer when Nny shook his head, "And don't lie, because I will know if you are lying. So!"

There was a moment of silence and Johnny thought he wasn't going to answer. Finally, he shook his head "Yes."

"Yes what?"

"Yes, I enjoyed it."

"I wonder if you'd enjoy watching what I'm going to do to you, then? Or would it be more terrifying to not know what was going to happen, not see your impending doom until it painfully engulfed you in its fury? … What a tough decision! They both seem so equally amusing…"

He had started crying, eyes closed tight to keep it from showing. He really didn't want to die. "What is your _problem_?" He whimpered.

"My problem? MY problem?!" The hook in his hand split into two symmetrical halves and the points were quickly buried in Matt's eyes. The boy shrieked, trying to jerk his head away from the pain but only embedding the hooks deeper into bone. Johnny released the handles of the hooks and picked up a delicately shining tool. "I have more problems than you could ever hope to imagine! On a normal basis…" He calmed down, smoothing his blood stained shirt, "I wouldn't have bothered taking this much time with you while I am on such a tight schedule, but you see I have my reasons. You've hurt people in ways I never would. Hey, wake up. Pay attention." He set the selected tool down again, revising his use of it just yet.

Matt had gone into shock at the intense pain. His mind was foggy and he wasn't sure he was hearing everything all right. He could feel the hooks digging into his bone, but he knew they did not go deep enough to have harmed his brain. That was a pity, because it would have meant he was that much closer to death. "Nngh…" He moaned weakly, his head lolling to one side.

"Hm. That's not going to do." He pulled out a small pocketknife and knelt before the man, silently. There was no sign that he had been heard. The click of the pocketknife was audible over the dripping of blood onto the tile floor. Johnny lightly picked up one of his victim's hands, manipulating it until he was holding just one finger. There was a weak attempt to regain control of his finger that Johnny calmed with a quick jerk. "Now, let's make sure we stay awake."

He dipped the tip of the sharp blade underneath Matt's thumbnail and with a flick of his wrist popped it off. Pain washed over Matt again, resonating from the small point of his thumb. Johnny quickly released his hand, backing away from the blood. "Egh… You people bleed so much." He watched the man cry for a few more minutes before repeating his action on the other hand.

"Now that I've got your attention, let's continue. Did you enjoy touching them?"

"Yes…" Matt answered weakly. "I did horrible things, just kill me."

"Hee!" Johnny giggled, climbing onto his perch on the chair again. "Not that fast, oh no. I remember what you did to Devi, I remember what you did to that other girl. I think you should remember, too!" The rational part of his brain had apparently taken a vacation. He waved the bloody pocketknife in front of himself with a small grin. "No matter, we will teach you."

He turned to the small table of instruments he had managed to scrape up. There was not a whole lot there that he could use. Most of what would be useful was merely kitchen utensils. That was part of the reason he had blinded Matt, because wielding a nutcracker would seem a little more terrifying if you didn't know what it was. He picked up the little metal nutcracker and walked calmly back. The tool had been modified by Nny while he was waiting. It had been bent into a peculiar design, the handles not interfering with the contraption closing completely, while still giving it the leverage it would need. He slipped it around one of Matt's fingers and squeezed it shut with a quick snap of his wrist. The crunch of bone was drowned out by another shriek.

"Eeee!" Johnny made a face. "Are you always this loud? Probably not. Would you like me to make you a little quieter? We could take that tongue out real fast. It would only be excruciatingly painful." The room fell silent save for a small whimper.

Johnny picked up the small tool again. It was silver, the ends curled and sharpened into needle-like points. He held the boy's arm still and placed the tip of it against his skin. "Now, if you don't move, this will be a hell of a lot less painful. So, feel free to move!" The tip of the tool pushed past the skin and blood welled up around it. It sliced through the first few layers of skin like butter, leaving a dotted trail of blood behind. "You get to be an easel. Doesn't that sound like fun? No, not really. I'm going to write on your back. It will be a better lesson than just lecturing you. I've noticed people stop listening when it's just me talking. Hey! Why don't you guess what I'm writing? That'll be fun! If you guess wrong, that'll be even more fun!"

Johnny traced an intricate pattern down both of Matt's arms before switching to his exposed back. The metal bit into his victim's skin for a few minutes and he tried desperately to keep in mind what he thought he felt being written. "I will not touch people, I will not hurt people."

"Ooo… so close! It says harm, not hurt." Johnny snapped Matt's pinky fingers with the nutcracker. "I'm so nice, though, that I'll give you another chance." He wasn't sure he'd been heard over the guy's sobbing, but he supposed it didn't matter. He checked his watch. They had already been there for nearly an hour and a half, and he was getting pretty nervous about getting caught. "But just one more, because I am on a rather tight schedule, you see." He took the utensil to Matt's back once more.

"I don't know… It's too long… please…"

"There is a time in everyone's life when death will claim you. Even wrapped in the eternal blanket of death can you not find peace within yourself. It is unattainable, unreachable, unreasonable. Some day I will see you in Hell and you will know what I am talking about, but until then, say 'hello' to Mr. Satan for me." Johnny read slowly. 

The business end of his smiley-faced dagger found Matt's throat before a response was decided upon. Nny wiped the knife on the corpse's jeans, checking the back pocket for a wallet. He pulled the cash from the inside, pocketed it and walked out, humming "Moonlight Sonata" under his breath. The clerk at the front desk was asleep, entirely missing the blood-covered stranger that exited the hotel.

**THE VERY LAST PARAGRAPH**: Basically this is a summary. Nny finds Matt (the asshole from the other chapter that killed Devi in the alternate world he visited) at Hallmart and brings him to a hotel to torture and kill him. Whee. Little bits of moral dilemmas but other than that you missed nothing but seven pages of torture. FUN! Now keep reading.


	13. Part Two: Discovering Nny

I still do not own JTHM, the characters therein, or any of the ideas behind it.

(In case you get confused, when Devi comes into this chapter, it's a meanwhile, to tell you what she's been up to for the ten days Nny has been gone.)

Discovering Nny

Chap 6: Discovering Nny

The nozzle clicked and bright red liquid poured slowly into the waiting cup. The ice made a tiny grinding noise as it settled within the liquid in minute chunks. The Sucky machine whirred with new life as it started the process of cooling more ice for the next eager customer. He released the handle and the liquid dripped to a stop. He capped it, carefully, and slid a long, red straw inside through the small opening. Smiling, he headed for the counter, tugging a dollar bill from his pocket.

Sucking on the new icy drink, he held the bill out to the clerk, who gave him a very frazzled look. It might be because I still have blood all over… Nny mused to himself. Then again, it could just be because I'm different. But I really think it's the blood. I hope he let's me buy this. I like cherry.

He glanced out the window to his waiting car as the man rooted around in the register for eleven cents. His die-ary was visible from where he stood, and he tilted his head a bit. He hadn't written in several days. He smiled a bit, turning back to the storekeeper. He accepted the change gracefully, and slipped it into his pocket. Walking back out to his car, he felt as though a great burden had been lifted. After running a hand through the fine layer of hair that was just starting to grow back, he slung his backpack into the passenger seat and took off again for home. He might still not have a real direction, but at least he knew where he thought he wanted to end up, and what he intended to do about it.

_Dear Die-ary,_ He thought to the small, blood-stained, water-warped, memory bank laying on the seat next to him, _There's nothing wrong with feeling lost, so long as that feeling precedes some plan on your part to actually do something about it. Too often a person grows complacent with their disillusionment, perpetually wearing their "discomfort" like a favorite shirt. I can't say I'm _**very**_ pleased with where my life is just now… But I can't help but look forward to where it's going._

Devi trailed her fingers along the wall, as though feeling out a texture only she could feel. Nny had disappeared very early this morning, leaving behind only a simple note and a small, silver key. When she had calmed herself down and walked to the main area of the house, she found that she didn't know what to do now. She didn't want to go home, because Tenna would be there, probably having a brain aneurysm at her extended absence without notification. She sighed and stared blankly at the phone. Evening was approaching and she was going to have to do _something_.

"…Hey, Tenna. Yes, I'm alive, I'm fine."

She sat down on the couch, crossing her legs to listen to Tenna's lecture. At the first pause Devi could catch she broke into the conversation. "Tenna!"

"Yes?"

"Cool it. Look, I'll come home, you can see for yourself that I am alive and well. Does that work?"

"…Fine. You'd better actually be coming back this time, none of that 'I'll be home in an hour' shit you pulled last night." Spooky squeaked in the background.

"Promise. I'll see you in about half an hour." The phone clicked and silence blanketed the room as Devi lay back and closed her eyes. "What's happening to me…?" She questioned the emptiness. It didn't seem to have the answer she was looking for.

"It LIVES!!" Tenna boomed, welcoming Devi home with wide-open arms, Spooky held in one hand.

Devi stared dully at her for a moment before shrugging off her light coat and tossing it on the couch in her own living room. "I guess."

"What? You _guess_? Sit down, what's the matter, talk to me!"

"I spent the night at Nny's house." Devi's voice was flat.

"Eee!" Tenna squeaked, eyes as big as dinner plates. "You did WHAT?!"

Tenna found herself fixed with an iron glare. "Don't assume anything. Nothing happened, really. He wasn't being hostile at all."

She lost it. "You TALKED to him?! You were in his presence for longer than ten minutes?! YOU SPENT THE NIGHT WITH HIM?!" She threw herself down next to Devi and took up the girl's hands, checking her forehead. "What is WRONG with you? Did you go insane and forget to take me with you? Devi, he tried to KILL you. As in dead. Really dead. SUPREMELY DEAD. What on earth could possibly possess you to do that?!"

Devi sighed, softly prying her hands away from Tenna's and flopping against the back of her couch. "I know. But he wasn't being like that, and he said that if I would just come with him so he could give me a present, he would leave me alone forever."

"DEATH!!! Death could have been that present!"

The clasp of the crystal's necklace clicked open and Devi passed it to her friend, who examined it very, very carefully. "It wasn't. He'd been following me, he even told me that much. Getting him to agree to stop following me, agree to never have anything to do with me again was too good of an opportunity to pass up."

Tenna gave her a flat, somewhat confused look. "Devi: Killer. If he kills people he's not the best candidate for keeping his promises."

She buried her face in her hands, running them back through her hair. "Yeah, I know… At least, that's how it's supposed to work. I just don't get the feeling that he would lie, though. At least, not about that."

"So tell me then… You're free. He won't be involved in your life anymore, right? Now it's a non-issue. You can get out more." Devi was silent. Tenna's eyes widened after a moment and she fixed her best friend with an accusatory glare. "You _did_ tell him you don't want to see him again, didn't you?"

"Um… Yes and no."

"Devi…" Tenna said dangerously.

Devi groaned, getting up and pacing in front of her. "I didn't tell him I never wanted to see him again. I _do_ want to see him again. Everything that he told me explained everything that had happened, and it's all changed now."

*SQUEEK*

Devi whirled around to glare at the squeak toy. "He's been through a lot, Tenna. More shit than I could have imagined. I've been through my share of shit, and I know what it can do to you." She shuddered at the memory of Sickness, pinned to her easel, empty eye-sockets gaping. She had beat her demon and she wanted Nny to be able to beat his, too. "He's working to _fix_ that. If he can right the wrongs that are going on, then I will just have to stick it out. He doesn't have friends. I saw sides of him I never knew existed and I don't honestly want to write that out of my life because of a misunderstanding."

"Some misunderstanding!!" Tenna exclaimed, dumbfounded. "Has someone fed you stupid pills or what?!"

Devi stared at Tenna for a long time, hurt. She could never understand what it was like, she would never know how awful things could get. "Tenna… I have to go." She said dully, choosing that over being sad. She needed some serious alone time to think this all out, time away from her cheerful friend.

"Devi, no. I didn't mean it like that. Where would you go?"  
She knew where she had to go. "I don't know. Someplace safe. I'll just be gone for a bit. I guess there's a lot of thinking that I need to do, by myself. I promise not to get myself killed, and I'll call in a couple of days, all right? Take care of yourself, you've got a key, right?"

"Yeah…" Her friend replied quietly. "Yeah, I got a stupid key." *squeek* She sighed. "I'm sorry. I guess I just need a better explanation, because I don't understand why you would ever go near him again. I thought you hated him."

Devi looked down at her hands. "Yeah. I thought I did, too." She pocketed the necklace when Tenna returned it, not bothering to take the time to put it around her neck. She silently grabbed a few things and stuffed them into her backpack, slinging it over her shoulder as she left. The door clicked shut behind her, almost deafening in the silence. Her footsteps receded down the hallways, finally fading into oblivion.

Tenna put her head back, closing her eyes. "Fuck."

Devi stood in front of the dilapidated house. She delicately traced the numbers painted on the wood nailed in beside the door. Seven, Seven, Seven. It was very ironic that such a demon could have lived in a house labeled with such sacred numbers. She knew there was no one living there at the moment, maybe never would be again. There was no longer a car parked in the street, no lights, no sound, and no movement… But the house had presence. It felt a little haunted, if nothing else. Considering that he's probably killed a whole lot of people here… It probably _is_ haunted… Devi reasoned. She slipped the key into the lock and turned the bolt. The dark maw of the doorway creaked open as the door turned on its hinges. With only a small shudder to betray her fear, Devi entered.

The light from the lamp flickered on as she clicked the button. It was not much of a light, but it did a fair job of fending off the all-consuming darkness of the immediate room. She set her backpack on the desk and sat on the floor against the wall. Her eyes drifted to a painting on the opposite wall. It was fairly large, done mostly in blues and greys. She couldn't tell quite what it was from across the room so she pushed away the laziness that threatened to keep her chained to the floor, and walked over to it. It was perfectly at eye level.

A city spread out for miles beneath a darkened cliff. Each pin-point of light was done very precisely, no smears. She could see beyond the city limits, far off, to the countryside. On the cliff, a car was parked, silhouetted by the light of the moon setting over the city. Two figures sat on the car, one on the roof and one on the hood, taking in the city below them. She squinted trying to make out details that were not there. They were only done in pure black, empty silhouettes, hollow of personality. As so many things are these days. I wonder what the rest of the house is like?

She shuffled over to a doorway at the back of the room. It was locked, and the house key did not open it. She wondered briefly where it led to, but decided that it was locked for a reason, and she probably really didn't want to know. Moving on, she found a door that was partially propped open. She pushed lightly against it and it swung open silently. The room it presented her with was trashed, everything in it broken. 

She recognized the small cabinet from the front room, by where Nny had perched that night so long ago. It was in pieces. There was a TV, front smashed in, lying up against the wall. Knives littered the floor amongst bits of chain and leather. One corner was taken up entirely with painting supplies and unfinished work that had been smashed. He must have painted the picture in the front room, too. She thought, surprised that he had done such nice work. She knelt by a box labeled "X-mas decorations + torture restraints" but found nothing of interest inside of it. As she turned, her foot hit a small, black journal resting in the middle of the floor.

She reached down, fingers slipping around the rough covers of the book. She drew it upward, letting it fall open in her hands. Thumbing through the pages she noticed that it was only filled three-fourths of the way. She wondered why Nny had not taken it with him. She wandered out of the room, flipping to the beginning of the die-ary, as Nny had titled it. She scanned the first few pages, surprised at how often her name appeared in his writing. Quickly she made herself a cup of coffee and sat down to read the account of Nny's life, unsure if she should be reading, unable to put it down.

_Dear Die-ary, I have a new neighbor. He seems like a very nice little Squee, but that bear he carries around with him disturbs me. Squee let me borrow some Bactine, after I got into the fight. It still stings. Why are people so… distasteful? I think that it has something to do with the environment they are subjected to as youths…_

_Dear Die-ary, Today some friends came over…_

_Dear Die-ary, Today I stuffed some dolls full of dead rats I put in the blender. I'm wondering if, maybe, there really is something wrong with me…_

Devi read until late into the night. She was beginning to understand why Johnny was the way he was. He had indeed been traumatized by the 'doughboys', tortured by the wall monster into doing a lot of the awful things he had done. Reading his journal she realized that he had done some really awful things, some so bad they made her feel a little sick at the thought of them. She wondered how any human being could ever do any of that to another human, when she realized that Johnny was not entirely human. Or at least hadn't been.

She stared out the front window, watching the trees tickle the belly of the wind as it blew over them. Something had to of snapped inside Johnny to make him start in on his life. From what she had read, he had not always been a killer, or had at least not always acted on his homicidal thoughts. She had to know what changed. He had told her, the night he left, that he had killed his parents. She knew that was the start of it but she had also reasoned out that that had not been the _cause_ of his snapping. It was merely the first result. So what was she missing?

_Dear Die-ary, I have been to heaven and hell and I still don't know if there is a god or a devil… Still, it's something to write about._

She glanced down before closing the journal laying open on her lap. Pressing the little button on her watch, she noted that it was indeed time to be getting some sleep. It was well past four in the morning and she was supposed to be going to work at nine. She sighed, depositing the journal on the couch before steeling herself to search for the bedroom. She locked the front door (though she knew it wouldn't do any good, because the windows were just haphazardly patched over) and entered the hall she remembered the bedroom being down. She spotted the opening right away, because she had left it partially open.

The bed was flecked with little red specks when she arrived, and she took quite a while trying to figure it out. Finally she glanced up and noticed the small, red flakes peeling away from the ceiling. She wondered briefly if it was paint or blood coating the ceiling, but dismissed it as a non-issue because whatever it was it was still flaking. She sighed, standing in the doorway with an "I can't believe this…" look and tried to decide what to do. She would like to claim the bed again, because it was _really_ comfortable. She didn't know why Nny didn't sleep in it. Technically I don't know why he doesn't sleep at all anywhere, but… However, she really didn't want to wake up covered in little bits of… red flakes.

She growled softly and started removing the bed-sheets. When she had stripped the bed down to the mattress, she removed that, too. Everything was piled in the hallway now, and she wasn't quite exactly sure what that accomplished, but she felt that it was a step in the right direction. There has to be SOMEthing in this house I can use to just scrape down all that stuff, clean it up, and be done with it. She remembered seeing some kind rough material in the Broken Room. She hurried back to that side and rooted around in the "X-mas decorations + torture restraints" box until she found what she was looking for.

It was a smooth block with a thick leather handle for a grip. The bottom was painted in thick, spiky protrusions, very much like a cheese-grater. She tried not to wonder what the dried, yellowing flakes stuck in between the spikes were. A few minutes later found her standing on the bed's frame, scraping at the ceiling. She was covered in little red flakes by the time she finished, but the ceiling was clean. She found that if she rubbed the instrument one way it viciously grated anything in its path, but if she were to drag it along a surface in the opposite direction, it sanded smoother than sand-paper. It made for a very strange effect on the ceiling. I should paint the ceiling sometime. That would be interesting. There's a lot I could do with all that texture.

Cleaning out the room after she was done was fairly easy, though time consuming. She swept all the shavings onto the floor from off the walls and bed-frame and little dresser that held a very neat looking, compact sound system. After that it was just a matter of sweeping it into a corner, as the hallway was not an option- it was still stuffed full of the stuff from the bed. She spent a few minutes dragging the mattress and all of the bedding back into the room and setting it up. She checked her watch again. Groaning, she flopped onto the bed. Seven o'clock in the morning and she hadn't slept yet. Looking up at the ceiling was making her tired, but not sleepy, so she closed her eyes instead, hoping to just fall asleep.

A few minutes passed and she got tired of waiting for sleep to claim her. There were too many thoughts whirling around inside her head to let her fall into oblivion, and she didn't feel like lagging the rest of the day because she'd only slept for an hour. She rolled dejectedly out of the bed and padded down the hallway to the Broken Room, as she had dubbed it previously. Staring over the contents, she realized just how much of Nny's life she didn't know. The jagged edges of the junk piled in the room softly radiated an aura of sadness, of a broken person looking for someone to fix them. She knelt in the middle of the room and started sifting through the mountains of stuff, setting aside anything that looked as though it could not be fixed.

She had only begun to make a dent when her watch beeped, telling her it was time to head to work. With a groan, she scrambled to her feet. Her watch was set to go off so she could get to work in time from HER apartment, not Nny's house! She shoved her feet into her shoes, grabbing her coat as she left, the front door banging shut behind her. It was going to be a long day.

"I'm looking for a book."

Devi looked up from the book she was reading to the man in front of the counter. "Well," She said somewhat dully, "You're in a bookstore. You've come to the right place, at least."

The man gave her a searching look, as though trying to determine if she were being sarcastic or not. "I was wondering if you could help me find it."

"I could."

"Um…"

Devi took mercy on him. "What was the name of the book or the author?" She sighed, tapping a key on the keyboard in front of her to wake the sleeping computer. It grumpily dissolved the screen saver and sat, awaiting orders.

After a long, drawn out wait he was able to scrounge up the author's name, someone Devi had never heard of, and by the titles of her books, didn't want to. She came around the counter, found the book, and rang it up for him. He left after a failed attempt to engage her in conversation while she checked him out. She glared into the space of the bookstore, trying to remember what it was she had been doing before being interrupted. It finally occurred to her that she had been reading, but as she reached for her book her boss called her name.

"Devi?"

Her face dropped into a sullen glare for a split second before she turned to face him, smiling slightly. "Yes?"

"Why don't you head home for the day, okay? You're not looking so good. Are you still having trouble with that guy or something?"

"Oh… No, I mean, I haven't seen him in a while, and I'm not so worried anymore. I know I'm a bit out of it and all, but I'm fine."

He studied her for a long moment before shaking his head. "You really don't look good. Why don't you take some time off. I'll let you know when we need you back."

Devi groaned inwardly and slipped off the stool she had just started to sit on. "I guess. Um…" It occurred to her that she was not going to be at her own home. She wondered briefly if she should say something about that, or just let it be. If no one could find her she wouldn't have to come back until she was ready to. It was always easier to plan an excuse than to try to make one up on the spur of the moment. "Okay. I guess I'll see you in a day or two…" She shrugged her coat over her shoulders and trudged out of the store. It was about four o'clock, so she wasn't leaving too early. She wondered briefly if her road home would be safe, now that Nny no longer guarded it. The thought sent shivers running down her spine, and her fingers curled around the small can of mace in her pocket. Just in case…

Her path home was relatively clear. She had run into a group of teens out wandering the streets into town, but they were being harmless. She stopped at the alleyway Nny had dragged her into, but it was still empty. She had spotted someone start to enter it, check his watch, go a little pale, and leave as quickly as he could. She looked at her watch now. Four thirty. She shrugged it off and turned around. If she had thought it were possible, the streets seemed even more deserted than they had when she turned onto them. Raising an eyebrow, she stood stock-still. Did the people here know something that she did not? Or was this merely a very slow time? She didn't even hear the birds.

It took her a moment to realize that this was the normal behavior for this street. Eyes narrowing she tried to recall every time she had walked down this street in the past few months. Deathly silent seemed to be the regular pattern, actually. She hadn't seen people down this street in a long time and she had never wondered about it before just now. Before, though, she had never known that Nny was guarding her way home, to make it safe for her. It occurred to her that it may have been his influence on the street that kept it so quiet. Shoving her hands into her pockets, she continued walking. It took a lot longer to get to his house than she would have liked, and she was kicking herself for forgetting to time it so she could get back to work on time.

There was still no sign of Nny's return when she reached the house. It was just as foreboding and decrepit as before. She sighed, wondering if there was some way to make it look a little nicer. Probably not. I would say windows might help, but there is no way I could afford to be buying windows, and no way that I would even if I could. Though it might make it warmer. She stood at the end of the walk for a long time, just staring toward the house. Why? She wondered. That was the one question plaguing her every waking moment. Just why? There were so many things that could apply to.

Why am I staying here, why would I leave myself open to his return by staying IN his house? Okay, he was nice for a bit, then he tried to kill me, and now he's nice again. The pattern dictates that he will be trying to kill me again, so WHY AM I HERE? She flipped the key end over end around her fingers, like a coin. It was not helping her think, but it was amusing. She knelt at the end of the walk, determined to sort at least one thing out before she went back inside the little house. I'm here because I walked here. Now why did I walk here? Because I don't want to go home, and I don't want to go to Tenna's… She'll tell me to get out more, and I don't want to be out more because I don't want to have to see society anymore. There isn't anywhere else to go where I can be alone to think, and Nny isn't back yet. I don't even know if Nny will be coming back. And afterthought surfaced, I hope Nny does come back…

"That!" She shouted suddenly. "That's the part I don't understand! Why would I hope he comes back? He's a killer. He's killed people. He was going to kill me. Why would I not hope that he drops off the face of the earth?"

"Are you his friend…? Shmee says you are over at his house a lot." Devi turned to see the small child standing as far away as was nicely possible. The little boy was hugging a beat-up, patched-up, scary looking teddy bear tightly to him, staring at her with eyes as big as soccer balls. "Do you see him kill people?!" He squeaked.

She didn't move, afraid of terrifying the child. "Well…" she said slowly, in a very soft voice. This must be the 'Squee' Johnny had mentioned to her. He looked as though he had only just woken up, still dressed in his pajamas. "I guess I'm the closest thing to a friend that Nny has. I haven't seen him kill anyone, though." Which was true, she had never _seen_ him kill anyone. She suppressed a shudder at the memory of the screams she had heard over the phone when she called. "Are you Squee?"

"Um… That's what some people call me… He calls me Squee. Sometimes he calls me Squeegee. My name is Todd. I don't think I should be talking to you…" He started inching away when he froze. She had started to rise, but stopped as well when he did.

"Don't worry, Squee. I wouldn't hurt you, I promise."

He stared at her, wide-eyed. "But… You know the scary neighbor man… you said you were his friend! He's SCARY."

She winced and offered the child her best attempt at a smile. "Yes, he is scary, but he's also very lonely and sad, Squee. Do you ever feel lonely and sad?"

Squee's muscles relaxed and his head dropped. He looked as though he might start crying. Devi could see what Nny saw in this child. "Yes…" Squee mumbled, hugging Shmee tighter. "I know what that's like."

She sat down, draping her hands over her knees, which she pulled up a bit. "It's not very fun, is it…" She stated. She began to wonder why this kid was outside on his own when he looked like it was time for him to be going to bed. It was only eight, so she supposed it wasn't _too_ late.

"Not really… But Shmee is always here when I need him."

She nodded in understanding and the child stared at her. "And what about your parents, don't they live with you?"

Squee nodded. "When the aliens don't have them, they do. Shmee says they are bad people, but I know they love me."

"Nny doesn't have anyone as good as Shmee to keep him company, and he doesn't have any parents to love him or even to be bad people. He doesn't have anyone at all, so he is all alone."

Squee thought about that for a while before shaking his head. "He brings people home with him to do bad things like kill them. If he didn't kill people he wouldn't be alone. Shmee says so."

"Shmee doesn't sound like he's very nice…"

"He has a lot of work to do."

"Well, Nny is trying to fix himself, and I want to be there to help him. If I can help him get better, then he won't have to be alone, and he won't kill anyone else, right? So that's why I'm here." In the silence, Devi thought about that. It had taken the logic of a child for her to understand why she was drawn here, why she had arrived (again) on Nny's doorstep. "Wouldn't you try to help him if you could?"

"Maybe. I think he would try to chop me up, though."

"I think he likes you, Squee. I think that he wouldn't hurt you." She started, "Hey. Don't you have to be getting home? Your parents are going to miss you."

Squee sighed and squeezed Shmee a little bit. "They won't notice that I am gone. They never do. Even when the aliens take me."

Devi could have cried at the look of heartbreak on the small child's face. Her mommy instinct (whatever was left of it in this broken world) almost overwhelmed her. "Well, Squee… If you don't think that they will notice, would you like to join me for a cup of hot cocoa? Nny won't be home for a couple of days, and it's awfully lonely without someone there. We can even make some for Shmee, if he wants some."

Squee looked up at her as she stood, and didn't move. She didn't want to scare him, and she didn't want to walk away, so she merely stood there, staring back. Finally, Squee moved a little closer. "I guess so. Shmee says you are okay, but he doesn't want any hot cocoa." He walked slowly over to her and accepted her offered hand.

"It'll be fun. My name's Devi." She said as they entered the house. Somehow, it seemed a little less dark and scary this time.

The cocoa was delicious. She had rooted around in the cupboard until she found a box of the instant powder. Inside the box was another box with actual ground cocoa powder. There were instructions in a little folded pamphlet on how to make it. She had had to use water instead of milk, but neither of them seemed to notice, because it was just as good. There were no marshmallows, so they used little pieces of bread instead. There didn't seem to be a whole lot to eat in the house, something she decided she was going to have to do something about. She promised herself a trip to her house with a wagon or something, to bring back food with her. There was never much at her house, either, but it was more than here. Maybe Squee would go shopping with her.

It was going on nine thirty when Squee wound down and started looking tired again. Devi was staring listlessly into the space around him as he tried to keep his eyes open to finish telling her his story about dinner with Pepito and his family. The kid had a pretty wild imagination, a phenomenon she suspected he had picked up living next to Nny. "I think it's best," She cut in when he came to a good pause in the storyline, "that you be getting home… It's probably past your bedtime, and your parents will be worried, don't you think?"

"No…" Squee said, his eyelids drooping. "They don't care if I don't come home ever again. At least Shmee thinks so." His eyes opened suddenly. "I guess I should go, though, you probably don't want me here all night long, huh?" He slid off the chair he had been occupying and started to head for the door. "Thank you for the hot cocoa, it was very good. You're very nice. I hope you can fix him."

"You know, Squee…" She said hesitantly, "I wouldn't mind if you stayed the night. It would be kind of like a sleepover. I can call your parents and let them know you're okay, if you want to stay. How does that sound?"

He studied her, trying to decide if she had an ulterior motive. Like trying to kill, stew, and eat him. Deciding that she did not, he actually smiled just a little bit. "Is it really okay?"

"Sure! Do you know your phone number?" She was already walking into the other room to get the phone. Squee took a moment remembering his number, but finally she had his father on the phone.

"You want to keep my son?"

"Well, sir, just for the night, we're having an overnight sleep-over thing over here, and he wanted to know if he could stay the night with the rest of the kids." Devi lied through her teeth.

"Hey!" Squee hissed at her, "There are no other kids!"

She covered the mouthpiece. "Shh, I know that. I said the rest of the kids- not other kids. The rest is no one, but he doesn't know that." She uncovered the mouthpiece again.

"You're sure you don't want to keep him forever?"

"Um… Yes. I'll have him back tomorrow."

The father sighed. "If you must." There was a hollow click and Squee was signed over to her for the night. She turned to smile at him, but he was glaring at her, looking hurt.

"You lied!" He squeaked quietly.

"Are we having an overnight sleep-over thing?"

"I guess so…"

"Did you want to know if you could stay the night?"

"Yes…"

"Can't 'the rest' mean nothing at all? If I had a bunch of oranges and I had grabbed them all and asked someone to take the rest of them, and they took nothing, wouldn't they be taking the rest of them?"

"…I guess… But I mean…"

"Don't worry about it, Squee. Did you want to sleep in here or in the bed?" She was suddenly very glad she had cleaned the bedroom out.

"I don't really want to go to sleep yet. Sleeping is scary… I have bad dreams!"

She frowned a little, thinking. She didn't really have anything that could keep a child occupied for very long, other than talking, and she figured Squee would get bored of that real fast. "Well, there's a room I'm sorting through, just around that corner. Would you like to help out?"

"Um… Are there dead people?"

"No…"

"Pieces of dead people?"

"I'm not sure, but I don't think so." She had cleared out as many knives and people parts as she could find last night, so that she would not cut or scare herself too badly later on. "I'm gonna say it's safe, but we'll have to keep an eye out."

He thought about it for a long moment, little mind racing. "Will it… Will it help the neighbor man get better?"

She was pleased to note that he had dropped the 'scary' prefix from Nny's appointed title. "I'd like to think so. I think it would help to have someplace nice to come home to, so things weren't as scary for him."

"Scary is bad." Squee stated firmly, marching past her and into the Broken Room. She smiled, just a bit, and followed after him. They had their work cut out for them, but it seemed like a much less daunting task to complete with someone there to talk to, or at least sit quietly and keep her company while she worked. They settled down in the middle of the room and Operation Clean-Up commenced.

It was growing light outside before Devi finally took a break. Squee had drifted off about an hour ago, leaving her to her own mind once again. She had carefully picked him up, making sure that she did not wake him, and moved him into Nny's bedroom. The soft bed was far more comfortable than the floor of the Broken Room, and a lot less likely to kill him, should he roll over. He had been a great help and they had made it through about a fourth of the overall room. Despite it's small size, there was a lot of junk to go through. It hadn't helped that they carefully examined each item they found, trying to decide whether to keep or dispose of it. Because none of it was owned by either of them, they chose to discard only things that were broken beyond repair.

Devi picked up the small box of things she had set aside to sort through very thoroughly. It had a couple of hand-written books that she suspected were more die-arys, though she could not say for sure until she actually read them. She had found a picture frame with dust all over the glass, dust so thick it obscured the view of the picture entirely. There were a few other things she had wanted to take a closer look at, when she had the time. The time? What time is it…? She checked her watch, reminded that time indeed still existed, "Six thirty seven!" she exclaimed. "I'm so glad I don't have to get up in the morning."

The door of the Broken Room clicked shut behind her. She wasn't entirely sure why she bothered to close the door, it wasn't as though anything was going to get out. Then again in this house, something might. It just didn't feel right to leave the door open. Besides, what if Squee got up in the middle of the night, wandered in, and hurt himself? She would never be able to forgive herself for leaving the door open. She shifted the small box of stuff so it was in front of her, and walked into the main room. Setting it on the couch, she looked around herself, an off the wall thought occurring to her. Why doesn't his house look this big from the outside? She turned in a full circle to look around herself.

"All right…" She reasoned out loud. "There's this room. The door and two windows. Through that door is the kitchen. One window there. So that's the front of the house. The door back in that corner is locked, so I don't know what's over there. That hallway has his room, the Broken Room, and another room on his room's side, where he had those creepy little things, before." She didn't go into that room. "Hm. I guess it just seems big." She shook her head and sat down on the couch, still wondering. She pulled the box onto her lap and started taking things out.

The first item out was the picture frame. It was the only small frame she had seen anywhere in the house, and as she cleaned the dust off the glass, she could see why. It was Nny, as a teen, maybe fifteen, sixteen years old. Behind him stood his parents, and a smaller child was sitting on his shoulders, maybe six years old. She was smiling and waving to the camera. There were people moving in the background that resembled Nny's father rather closely. It was obviously taken at a family gathering of some sort, though she found it hard to imagine Nny enjoying being around that many people who knew him. He was actually smiling, though even back then he looked jaded. She trailed her fingers over the glass of the photo and turned it over.

She unclasped the little metal folds that held the back onto the frame. It took a moment of prying to take the backing off, but it popped out with a sort of cardboard tearing sound. There was a familiar writing style scrawled on the back of the picture, naming the people who had been photographed. _Mom Jill Johnny Dad._ The picture slid out into her hand, slightly marred by time. She flipped it over and stared at the four people there. Nny didn't really look like either of his parents, and the girl riding his shoulders looked like a younger cousin, maybe one of his favorites. Devi set the picture back in it's place, closing the locks again.

Devi wanted very badly to sort through the little pile of junk that had been tossed into the box, but her fingers strayed to the oldest looking journal she had found. It was yellowed a bit around the edges of the page, and looked as though every page had been filled to bursting with the energetic handwriting of a five year old. She put it next to her and quickly sorted the other journals so that she could read them, hopefully, in the order they had been written. Setting the box aside for now, she picked up the first journal. The crackling of old paper filled the silence as the spine bent open for the first time in many, many years. The first page was very clearly an introduction, done by a small child.

_Dear Someone, Hello. My name is Johnny, but you may call me Nny._

To be continued, I promise.

End Part 2

Well, feel free to tell me what you think. I have split this into four parts now, so yeah. Each part looks like it's going to be about this length, which is… long. I was going to do this part and the next part together, but I decided it would be a year before I got it out if I did that, so I split it up. My shoulder is falling off, if you wanted to know. ItamashiiSparkle@yahoo.com if you want to email me. Or leave comments. Or don't. I'm tired now… *sigh*


	14. Part Three: Childhood As It Is And Was

Title: Enough to Stay

Series Title: Enough to Stay

Author: CONTACT _Con-4922D8771 Sparkle Itamashii

I still do not own JTHM, the characters therein, or any of the ideas behind it.

Enough to Stay

Chap 1: Childhood As It Is And Was

_Dear Someone, Hello. My name is Johnny, but you may call me Nny since we are going to be talking a lot. Well, I will be talking a lot, and you must have something to call me by if you ever meet me. Anyhow, my mum just bought this journal for me, so I decided it would be a good idea to use it. I just turned seven, so I am hoping it is going to be a fun year. Seven is supposed to be a lucky number._

_Dear Someone, Mum brought home a little reptile of some sort for me. She thinks it is cute. I think it is kind of funny looking, but it makes a really nice squeaking noise when I play with it, so I think I will keep it. The kids at school were not being very nice today. I wish there were some way to make them be nicer. I try to just avoid them, but they always seem to find me. I think I will become a hermit. I need a name for my lizard._

_Dear Someone, I have decided to name my new pet 'Fluffy' because it seems to be what she is on the inside. I think that is where it should matter, anyhow. Mum says I am right and that Fluffy would be a fine name. I brought her to school today and she scared all the other kids. I think that is okay, because I haven't met anyone worth knowing, only people who try to hurt me. I think Fluffy may come with me more often._

_Dear Someone, Mom and dad are fighting again. I don't know why they are fighting this time, but it's quiet, at least. We started painting at school. My teacher says I paint really good. I think she does not know what she is talking about, but I like painting, so I will keep doing it. I like how all the colors work together to make something beautiful. I think instead of being a hermit, I will be a painter, so I can create beautiful things to make people happy. Maybe if people were happier, they would be nicer, too._

_Dear Someone, I'm sorry to bore you again. I know you hear a lot about me. I'm already halfway through this journal! I can't believe how much I've written. But it's nice to write. I turned eight today, and mum took me out for dinner. We had a lot of fun! I had a cheeseburger as big as my head. Well, maybe not that big, but it certainly looked that way. I ate the whole thing, and won five dollars from my mom cause she said that I couldn't eat the whole thing. I took her out to ice cream afterwards, because I didn't really know what to do with five dollars. She let me go to the pet-store with her and I bought a friend for Fluffy. It is a bunny and it is just as big as my hand. I just know they will have a lot of fun._

_Dear Someone, Are lizards supposed to eat bunnies?_

_Dear Someone, I went on a field trip today at school. I tried not to talk to anyone, but they kept bothering me. I just curled up in a ball and tried not to cry. I don't think I want to talk to people any more._

_Dear Someone, I'm just a couple of pages from the end now. My birthday is in a week again. I'll be nine years old, isn't that old?! I will have to start calling myself an old geezer. School is not going really well. The teacher has called my parents to tell them that I don't have any friends and that I don't talk to people, and I don't play with people at recess. I don't WANT to play with people at recess! All of the people there are shallow, they don't understand that differences don't have to set people apart. Oh well, I suppose it's their loss. I am going to ask for another journal for my birthday, so that when this one is done, I will still be able to write. I will miss writing here, though. Don't worry, I will keep this one in a box where I won't lose it. Hopefully you will find the second journal, too, so you don't think I died._

_Dear Someone, This is the last page. I guess I don't have too much to say, except that today is my ninth birthday. It's been a pretty good day. Mum got me another journal, and it's even bigger than this one. I will have to write more than I did here. Well, I guess I will talk to you in a bit._

_~Nny_

Devi carefully closed the small book, reality slowly coming back into focus around her. Her watch was beeping furiously, and had been for at least the last hour. She had been so absorbed in reading that she hadn't even noticed it. Since it was still set for her to be able to get to work on time, it was an easy guess to say it was coming up on ten o'clock. She set the book down and shook her head, trying to let everything sink in as best it could. So I was right, Nny hasn't always been psychotic.

His gradual decline into the ultimate introverted state she had found him in was already beginning and he was no older than Squee while writing that journal. She was surprised at how neat his handwriting was, despite his youth. The script was very orderly, implying that he had either spent a great deal of time practicing or was very careful when he wrote in the journal. He seemed very fixated on life and seemed to enjoy the time he was spending on earth, but only when he was alone.

Consequently, this lead her back to her original vein of thought- something had happened to make him snap. Though he mentioned several times that his parents fought with one another, he never once mentioned them raising a hand or a voice against him. He didn't do anything that merited that kind of repercussion, he was not a bad kid. He really liked his mom, and he didn't have problems with his father, so what went wrong? Where along the line would he have the desire to remove them from his life? She hadn't seen any outside influences. Nny really had no friends to speak of. He didn't harbor ill feelings toward his parents within himself.

Perhaps… She thought suddenly, His bitterness toward humanity carried over to his parents. It's possible that he started having such an utter distaste for humanity that he wanted nothing at all to do with it. His parents would have been his last link to it. Didn't he say something about them lecturing him? They don't seem to do that. I wonder if he even remembers it, it sounded like it had been quite a while. Her thoughts were interrupted by the soft footfalls of a child. She glanced over her shoulder to Squee, who was just entering the room, Shmee hugged tightly to his chest, eyes huge.

"Um… This isn't my house."

Devi blinked. "What? No, it isn't. You spent the night here, remember?"

"Yes. I wasn't sure you would really let me stay the whole night instead of taking me back to my house. He didn't come back, did he? He's not waiting to kill us, right?"

"Not that I know of, and I've been here all night."

"You don't sleep, either?"

"You don't sleep?"

Squee shook his head. "I sleep sometimes, when I'm not having nightmares or when the neighbor man is not over. He never sleeps."

"He doesn't, does he." She stated. She hadn't really thought too much about it. That could be part of the problem. She was going to have to get him to sleep a bit more because she suspected that was only adding to the maniac tendencies he had given in to so many times. "Well, you can go home now. Just leave."

Squee took a deep breath and let out a small sigh. "Okay." He said, a bit saddened that she was making him leave. Last night she had actually been nice to him. It didn't seem like she wanted him there any more, though, so he supposed it would be best to leave.

"Squee, wait." Devi said, a look of confusion flickering across her features. What am I doing? What the hell was that? Rude, that's what. A momentary wave of disgust had washed over her and she hadn't wanted to be anywhere near humanity for a split second. It had startled her enough to warn her. She had felt the irregular flares of emotion like that before, the thoughts and feelings that were being fed to her. She really hoped this wasn't a repeat of what Sickness had brought with her, because Devi didn't want to have to go through that again. "Um, I have to go shopping." She said, trying to think of a fast excuse. She really did have to get some food for the house, and to fend off that spoon-fed feeling that had overcome her moments before she was determined to force herself into contact with the outside world. "I could really use some company in the Squee-shaped form. Would you like to come with me?"

Squee shuddered, remembering going shopping with his parents before. Some creepy guy had tried to lead him off into an alleyway, but Nny had killed him. Squee still had nightmares about that. "Not really… Scary things happen at malls."

Devi grinned. "That is so true, but I'm just going out to get some food. No malls involved, promise. Unless you want to go to one later, which I doubt."

He seemed to consider this very carefully. "Well… Call my mom and dad. If they say I can go I would like to go."

The phone rang twice and was picked up by the same droning man who had answered the first time she called. "Yes?"

"Hi, Mr. Casil? I have your son-"

"Good, keep him."

"Um, actually, I just wanted to know if I could take him shopping with me."

"Are you going to sell him?"

"Certainly not!" She exclaimed, really beginning to wonder about this child's parents. She was beginning to think that Shmee had the right idea.

"Hm. So you want to keep my son?"

"For the moment, yes."

"By for the moment, do you mean forever?"

"Hold on a minute." She looked over to Squee and covered the mouthpiece. She was absolutely fed up with his father, and didn't think his mother would be of any help. The mouthpiece was enveloped by her hand as she whispered to Squee. "Do you want to stay here for a while, Todd? Your father says you can stay as long as you like. I wouldn't mind, and we could have some fun. How about it?"

Squee fixed her with a very serious, thoughtful look. "You don't kill people, do you?"

"I haven't yet and I really don't intend to."

"Mmm…" Squee pondered. "I guess so. What about school?"

"I'll walk you there tomorrow, okay? It'll work out, trust me. Yes or no?"

"Um. Okay. Shmee says it's okay."

"Thank you, Shmee." She said very politely. Sound fizzled back into the earpiece as she uncovered the mouthpiece. "Mr. Casil? Your son's going to stay with me for a while. I'm not sure how long."

"Forever sounds good. Have fun with the brat."

She slammed the phone down a little more roughly than she had intended to, scaring Squee into jumping. He stared fearfully at her, almost trembling. Her look softened and she forced herself to relax and smile. "It's okay. Don't worry, I won't hurt you, I promise. So where should we go shopping for some good food?"

"Um…" Squee still looked a bit scared. "Anywhere you want to go…"

She sighed, rolling her eyes a little bit and knelt to one knee so she could look him in the eyes at his eye level. "Look, Squee, I promise I won't hurt you. Your father was just being a little frustrating, is all. I don't know how people have treated you all your life, but you must have met some pretty scary people. I want you to know that I am not one of them."

"I don't know that."

"Then you will just have to trust me. What does Shmee say?"

Squee studied Shmee's small, brownish, teddy-bear-form for a long moment, his eyes squinted just a little bit. He appeared rather torn, but he looked over to her and sighed a little bit. "Shmee says that you are not a bad person right now."

"Did he say I'm going to be?"

"No. He said you are not a bad person, but you had bad things happen to you before, that made you a lot like the scary neighbor man. Shmee says that you are okay now, and I think he is right most of the time. Um… Can we get cheese?"

"Sure. I like cheese."

The supermarket was absolutely packed. She tried to maneuver the over-sized cart down the small aisles, and was not having much luck. Squee was sitting in the basket of the cart, curled halfway around Shmee. A box of Frosty-O's, a gallon of 2% white milk, a gallon of 1% chocolate milk, a couple of soup cans, a box of crackers, a brick of cheese, and some form of lunch meat had joined him over the past hour, crowding the small child only slightly. They were on the hunt for a good form of pasta, maybe boxed "mac and cheese" or spaghetti of some sort. They were not having much luck, there, either.

"Spoad? What the hell?" Devi said, tossing down the bag of bean-like dried things, wondering who decided to call those beans "Spoad". "Why can't we just find some spaghetti noodles? The sign on this aisle says 'pasta', doesn't it?"

Squee got up, nearly tipping the cart over as he leaned out and grabbed a box of spaghetti off the shelf. "Here it is!" He exclaimed.

"You're brilliant, you know that? I must be blind. Do you want regular sauce or Alfredo or parmesan or something?"

"Ketchup."

"… Ketchup?"

Squee nodded solemnly. "Yes. Mom let me have spaghetti once, but I ate it with ketchup because we had no spaghetti sauce or anything."

"Squee, dearheart, I can't let you eat spaghetti with ketchup." She pushed her way past the gaggle of ladies standing around in the middle of the aisle with no clear purpose besides to clog the path of all travelers alike. She barreled into the sauce area and snatched up a bottle of regular sauce and a bottle of creamy Alfredo sauce, tossing them into the cart with Squee. "Is there anything else you want?"

"Bread. Fruit. Popcorn."

"Right." Devi turned the cart to make a beeline for the produce department when she found herself very handily blocked by an older woman, perhaps in her forties. 

"Oh, I'm sorry!" The lady exclaimed, as though she had not been expecting to be run into, standing in the middle of everything. Her eyes fell to Squee, who was arranging everything in the cart so that he could take a proper seat again. "Oh, is he yours?" Her voice held a note of doubt, as though she had guessed Squee's age, guessed Devi's age, and was quickly putting two and two together.

"Oh, no. I'm babysitting, you see."

"You are not, don't lie." Squee said absently, finding a comfortable position inside the cart's bed. "You said you would keep me for at least a little longer."

THAT did NOTHING to help the situation. Devi was given a look of utter disgust by the lady, as though she had up and actually _said_ that she was going to be giving this child up for adoption or something equally as wrong in this lady's eyes. She had to think quickly. "I know, Squee, but your father won't let me keep you forever, we both know that."

"I know…" Squee said dejectedly. He was beginning to like staying with Devi more than he liked staying at his own house. Things were not terrifying while he was with her.

The woman's look had changed from disgust to pity, and she shook her head sadly at Devi. "Well, good luck with all that. It was nice seeing you, Squee. What an odd name." With that, the lady wandered off, leaving Devi to stare dully after her.

People change everything they believe in as soon as they learn something new. She was ready to hate me for lying, to both her and the kid, and she was ready to hate me for seeming like I was going to be giving Squee up! Then as soon as her perception of the situation changed, she was instantly full of pity. It stings. She pushed the cart forward. Produce was next on the list.

"So, what do you want to do now?" Devi asked aloud as they dragged their purchases back to Nny's house on a little red wagon. They had stopped by Squee's house before leaving, so that Squee could get 'sleepover' materials. His blanket, some clothes, and the wagon, nothing too elaborate. Okay, so the wagon isn't exactly sleepover material, but it's helping. She thought as they followed the front walk up to the small porch.

"Um, we should put these away. Does Nny have a fridge?"

Devi stood up straight and tried to recall his kitchen. She honestly did not know, and that was going to be a problem if she were going to be staying here with Squee for a little bit. "I… I don't know, Squee, why don't you run in and check?"

Squee quietly pushed the door open and disappeared inside while Devi shuffled the grocery bags around so she could carry the heavy ones in first. As she hefted two of them, Squee came bolting back outside, looking a little scared. "Devi!" He gasped.

She quickly dropped the bags back to where she had picked them up and knelt down in front of him. "What? What happened?" She instantly regretted sending the child into the house alone.

"He has a fridge."

"Oh." Relief washed over her.

"It's not plugged in, so it's not cold!" He exclaimed, looking as though the world was going to end because they could not put the groceries away immediately.

"Did you plug it in?"

"Um… no…"

"Pshht! Go on, go plug it in, silly." She gave him a little push and he disappeared again. She picked up the bags once more and toed the door open in front of her. Squee was nowhere to be found when she entered the kitchen, and she began to worry. "Squee?" She called, setting the bags on the table. She kept an eye on the bags for a moment, making sure that the table would not collapse from having them sit on it.

There was a muffled reply from behind the little refrigerator. Squee emerged, coated in dust. "I plugged it in. Does it work?" The room was silent, no hum of electricity. They stood silently for a moment before Devi gave the machine a good, swift kick. It made a very sickly noise and grumbled to life.

"Yep!" She said cheerfully. "You start taking things out of the bags, and I will go get the rest of them, okay?"

"Um… Okay." He clambered onto one of the chairs and started pulling things out of the bags. She smiled and headed out to get the rest.

"I wonder if Nny has something to play video's on. We could rent movies, then. Kids like movies, right? What am I going to do with this kid?" She sighed. "Why do I never think before I do stupid things? I could call Tenna, but then she would know where I was at, and insist on making me leave, and I can't do that. There's too much I haven't figured out yet, and this place seems pretty cut off from humanity, so I won't have to deal with people."

"Devi…?" Came Squee's voice as she carried the last two bags inside. "Do you think we could go to the park?"

"Sure!" It was actually a pretty nice day, and he could have fun there without her help. Maybe he would see some of his friends and they would get to play until whenever. "How much of this stuff actually needs to go in the fridge right now?"

"The milk and the eggs and the cheese and the meat and the-"

"Well, will it all fit, is the real question. You hand me the stuff and I will put it in there. How's that sound?"

"Um…" Squee handed her the milk.

The sun was shining outside, the park was a lovely shade of… green. A whole lot of green. So much green I'm going to be sick of green in another ten minutes. Devi thought dejectedly. They had been here nearly three hours. Squee had loosened up a bit and was climbing on the playground equipment with another child who had appeared seemingly from nowhere. She had briefly wondered about the small horns protruding from the boy's head, but Squee assured her that it was because Pepito's father was the devil. She had stared blankly and given up trying to understand people any more. It wasn't worth the head-ache, Squee obviously had spent too much time around Nny.

Paint just about covered her fingers and hands, most of it green. She had been painting for the last hour and a half, rough sketches of the things around her that she would be able to fill in later with interestingly twisted designs. Sitting beside her was the little beat-up teddy-bear Squee carried with him pretty much everywhere. If she had thought it were possible she would say it was even creepier just sitting there than it was when Squee was toting it around. She shivered a tiny bit and set the brush to the canvas again. She had been trying to paint-sketch one of the trees across the way, but had lost where it was when she glanced to the bear. Sighing, she set her brushes down again. It was almost dinner time, and she figured Squee would be getting hungry any time now.

"Squee!" She called, her voice being picked up and blown around by the wind. Through some miracle, he glanced over at her words, and looked straight at her. "Dinner?" She questioned.

Her gaze followed him as he slithered to the ground as only small children can, and he ran over to her. "Dinner?"

"Yeah, sure. Tell Pepito… um…" She looked around, but the other child was no longer in sight. "Um… Where did he go?"

Squee looked back over his shoulder. "Home. Sometimes he just disappears like that. Can I help you make food? I promise I won't burn down the kitchen." He said very solemnly as he picked up Shmee and helped her pack her paints away.

"Sure, why not." She really wondered about his parents. They had this almost perfect child on their hands, who never gave them trouble and always seemed ready to help with anything, but yet they treated his existence as a nuisance! If I were Squee's mother I would think he was a gift! I've never dealt with such a well behaved child before. NONE of Tenna's charges are this sweet. She thought to herself as they trooped back to Nny's house.

Dinner turned out to be hot dogs. Squee wolfed his down with reckless abandon, as though he would not get another chance to eat ever again. This lead Devi to wonder what he was fed at home, and she decided that she did not want to know. While he was here he would be able to eat whatever he wanted, she would see to it. "Do you want to take a bath? You're all dusty from the park and from getting behind the fridge and stuff."

"Is it safe?"

She hadn't really thought about that, either. In fact, she hadn't even thought to look for the bathroom. Her brows furrowed in thought and after a moment she rose. "Let me go check, see if I can even find the bathroom." She traced her way long the wall and found the bathroom door by the locked door. She hadn't noticed it before, it almost blended with the wall. The door clicked open and she was thankful that that, at least, was not locked. When she saw the inside, though, the gratitude disappeared like a very small candle in a very big wind.

There were bloodstains _everywhere_. The paint cans on the floor contained a congealing, red liquid that she suspected was also, blood. Metallic scent clogged the air, accompanied by a musty scent of decay, no doubt from the blood in the cans. She felt herself balk at the sight and she quickly closed the door. "Nny…" she whined quietly to herself, chiding the absent murderer, "I can't let Squee go in there until I have that cleaned up."

After making sure the door was tightly closed, she made it safely back to the kitchen. "Maybe you can take a shower later tonight. If I rent a movie, will you watch it? The bathroom's a little messy, so I'm going to clean it up. You can watch the video right out there, so I'll be able to hear you."

"What movie?"

"Well, since you're going to be watching it, you pick one."

He gave her a searching look, as though trying to decide if she were joking with him or not. "You're gonna let ME pick the movie AND watch it?"

"Why wouldn't I?"

He stared hard at her for a long time, confused. "I… Mum and Dad never let me watch movies."

"Well, I'm not your mom or your dad, so it's okay to watch movies here. C'mon, we'll go out to Elephant Video and get a couple movies. First, let's stop by my real home, and we can get my car. I don't know why I didn't take it in the first place. I just like walking places, I guess."

"Cars are scary." Squee stated as he followed her out the door.

Apparently, despite their quiet entrance to her apartment, they had not managed to avoid Tenna's watchful gaze. Devi's door buzzed annoyingly and the electronic guard system told her that whoever was causing the noise was a friend. She was tempted to believe that no one who could carry on making the buzzing sound was her friend, but she opened the door anyway. Tenna stood there, glaring bloody murder at her, Spooky held at eye level where it's spooky little face would be able to look directly into Devi's eyes.

*Squeek*

"Hello, Tenna." She didn't move to let her friend in. Squee was taking a quick shower here, because she was not sure she would have Nny's bathroom cleaned before he had to go to sleep.

"Whatcha doing?" Tenna said, leaning to try to peer over Devi's shoulder into the apartment.

"Harboring fugitives and conspiring with aliens to take over the planet."

"Neat!"

Devi rolled her eyes, knowing her friend would not leave until she was satisfied with an answer. Stepping back, Devi closed the door behind Tenna as she entered. Her friend plopped onto the couch and squeeked Spooky once before turning serious. "Is there someone showering? Is this a bad time? Am I interrupting?"

"Both and neither for the reasons you think."

"Someone's got a bit of explaining to do…"

"It's a little kid I'm taking care of for a bit. His parents are real assholes. At least, his dad is, I haven't met his mother, but I have little faith in her maternal abilities. He's a good kid, though."

"You leave for a day and have a kid!" Tenna exclaimed, eyes wide. "How does that even work?"

Devi sighed, trying not to sound like a broken record. "It's only for a little bit. I just need something to take my mind off my own life, taking care of someone else's life seemed like a pretty good way to accomplish that."

Tenna stared hard at Devi for moment. "…Did you steal him?"

"What?! No! He started talking to me, lives next door to where I'm staying, so I invited him in for some hot cocoa. I learned that his parents aren't the best people out there, so I told him he could stay the night if he wanted, and he did. I'm royally pissed at his parents, especially his father, so I'm keeping him until I decide how to get him out of that environment safely."

"Is that a good idea?" Tenna hissed just loudly enough to be heard over the shower. "I mean, won't they send him to an orphanage or something worse?"

"I don't know what's a good idea. I mean, he's a really good kid, maybe I can find someplace nice for him all on my own. His parents don't care where he is, I doubt they'd even notice if he was no longer living with them. The only thing with that is that Squee really thinks they love him, and I don't want to be the one to tell him they don't. Y'know?"

"I guess. Be careful, okay? Don't get attached if you're going to have to send him home, even if it's not to his home."

"That's pretty stupid advice… I'm already attached, or I wouldn't still have him around. We're going to watch movies. What kind of movies do kids watch?"

Tenna shrugged. "Something cartoony?"

"Hm. I guess so. I'm going to let him pick what he wants to watch." She almost told Tenna about Nny's bathroom, but saved herself just in time. She still didn't want Tenna to know where she was staying. "Hey, he's done." She turned to the bathroom, "Squee, do you have enough towels?"

"Um… Yes. I think so. Can I use any of them?"

"Go for it." She turned back to Tenna, who looked as though she were about to have a brain aneurysm at any moment. "What?"

"There's a little kid in your bathroom!" She exclaimed.

Devi gave her an incredulous look. "Did you think I was _lying_?"

"Well, Devi, lying isn't the word I would use."

"…"

"Hallucinating would have fit better. Devi, there is a CHILD in your bathroom."

"Yes, I am aware of that fact."

"CHILD. Have you gone completely insane?!"

Devi sighed, staring at Tenna for a moment. "Why does everyone ask me that? 'Are you crazy?' 'are you completely insane?' 'what's wrong with you?' I don't KNOW. I am probably utterly and totally psychotic and just don't know it."

"Okay. … Okay. Okay, listen to yourself for two seconds. You disappear for an entire night after assuring me that you will be home an hour or so late. You come back the next day to tell me that you spent the night at your would-be murderer's house, and that you are leaving again for unknown reasons to unknown places for an indeterminate amount of time. You return after another night with a CHILD, who is currently getting out of the shower at your house. You're leaving again, I assume, once he's dried off and dressed, yet again to unknown places for unknown reasons for the same indeterminate amounts of time! None of that is ANYTHING like you, Devi. Last I checked you didn't even really LIKE kids. So here's me, wondering where my little Devi went. What happened to the girl I knew before all this?"

"Sometimes things change so much that there isn't a way to get back to where you started. Sometimes… when you meet certain people, your whole world gets turned upside down, for the better or for the worse. Nny was one of those pivotal people, Tenna. He's flipped my whole world view and I'm trying to figure out where I am now. I hate some of the things he does, like oh, KILL PEOPLE. But there are things about him that I love, too. So, I guess we'll see."

Squee emerged from the bathroom, looking squeaky-clean. He smiled at Devi and looked a little scared when he spotted Tenna. "Hi. I'm Todd, but you can call me Squee. Everyone else does."

"Hi Squee. I'm Tonja, but you can call me Tenna. Everyone else does." She winked at him and squeeked Spooky once. "This is Spooky."

Squee pointed to the bear he always carried, who was sitting evilly on the couch by Tenna. "That's Shmee."

"Hi, I'm Devi! We really have to be going now though, because I'm paranoid of the movie stores closing."

"It's not even eight, Dev. Take a deep breath. Proper introductions are always necessary. Isn't that right, Squee?"

Squee nodded and moved to quickly snatch up Shmee, still a little miffed at finding another person in the apartment with them. He was not entirely sure he trusted Devi 100%, but he trusted her more than he trusted this newcomer. He was glad he had gotten dressed before coming out of the bathroom. "Can we go get a movie now?"

They said goodbye to Tenna, who only reluctantly let them leave. Devi managed to keep Squee from telling her friend that they were staying at Nny's house, pretty much waiting for his return while cleaning things up a bit. The unknown seemed strangely preferable to the known at the moment. I guess when something moves into the known there is no way to undo knowing it. It's an irreversible process of learning. Perhaps we can find a way to learn over what we learned before though. Maybe I can get Nny to over learn his killer instinct with something better.

The bathroom had taken forever to clean, and the entire front room smelled like the bleach she had brought with her. At least the horrible smell of old blood had been covered up. She ended up dumping all the blood down the bath's drain. Watching it slowly loosen up as she sprayed water into it had made her feel ill, but she stuck with it. All together she had washed down seven large cans of blood, two smaller ones, and a glass vial of murky blood that she wasn't sure was human. She tried not to think about it as she looked at the clean…er bathroom. The tiles on the floor were still stained with patches of red, matching the walls and sink. Wiping off the mirror had been the hardest part, because as the blood faded off the reflective surface her face began to show through, startling her. She had stood for a full five minutes staring at her own reflection, wreathed in the dried, bloody handprints. It was almost beautiful if it had not been so terrifyingly real. She knew that it was Nny's handprints framing her face and wondered if she was just as stained for having knowledge of what went on here and not doing anything to prevent it.

Squee was asleep in the other room after watching two mostly mind-numbingly cute movies about little fuzzy something or others. She hadn't been paying much attention to what was going on outside the bathroom except to make sure Squee didn't come in and see anything. She tossed the bloody rag into the sink and slammed on the faucet, watching the blood clear off the cloth. She was going to just end up burning the thing, she finally decided, as she could not get all the blood out of it no matter what. Trying to wash it at least gave her some satisfaction, as though it were that easy to wash the stains from anything- including souls.

Closing the door behind her, she walked into the main room again. Squee was curled around Shmee, looking adorable. She gently scooped him up and brought him into Nny's bedroom. Setting him carefully on the bed, she stepped back to watch him. It didn't seem as though he would be waking up any time soon, though she knew he would have to get up to go to school the next day. His little backpack was sitting by the front door, all ready to go. It occurred to her that she had no idea when Squee was supposed to go to school, but she knew it would probably be early.

She returned to the main room after watching Squee sleep for a little while. It was so peaceful to watch someone else sleep. With a start she realized that she had not slept since Thursday night, the night Nny had left. She really hoped it wasn't going to be a pattern, but she didn't feel tired yet, so she feared that it had already become a habit. Two days can't be a habit, stupid. She reminded herself. She settled down on the couch, reaching into the box that rested up against the side. She grabbed the second journal and cracked it open at the beginning. Reading until Squee woke up or her alarm went off seemed like a good idea. She had at least three hours before sunrise.

Dear Journal, It's me again.

(AN: Anyone want more? My fingers are cramping, and Durichan is going to be on my ass about not calling her if I don't do so soon. My fish is trying to kill his reflection. Someone needs to learn the meaning of vanity. Please let me know what you think of this so far. I want to know if I should even keep writing.)


	15. Part Three: Patched Over

I must thank Anita-chan for helping me fill plot gaps… it got me writing again. Thank you, also, to the people who have provided criticism for this- It helps so much. I love the praise, don't get me wrong, but when people can tell me where the flaws in my story are it makes me even happier. It means you are really paying attention, which is a very strange, very heartening kind of praise. Big thanks have not yet been awarded to Durichan, without whom I would never have had the motivation to write for as long as this is getting. Thank you!!!!

I still do not own JTHM, the characters therein, or any of the ideas behind it.

Enough to Stay

Chap 2: Patched Over

Dear Journal, It's me again I don't know who I am writing to, or why I am writing at all, but it does make me relax. I got this journal for my ninth birthday, from my mom. She knows I used all the pages in my other one. You may have read that, so you would know who I am. If not, if you're just finding this one… I'm Johnny. Seeing as you will be reading all my inner thoughts, you can call me Nny. I'm getting used to writing now, though I don't have enough time to keep writing.

Dear Journal, People are rather distasteful, aren't they? I don't suppose you've met any good ones yet? I was walking home from school today when three kids jumped out of nowhere and attacked me! I'm going to be sore for weeks, I just know it. Mum called the principal and the principal pretended not to know what my mom was talking about. She says 'boys will be boys' and hangs up. I can barely see out of my left eye it is so puffy. I'm going to have a big, painful bruise right there. Something is seriously wrong with this world, I only wish I knew what it was.

Dear Journal, Someone stuck up for me today. His name was Matt, he said. He was one of the boys who beat me up a couple weeks ago. People are so weird! I don't know why he would turn around and be nice to me, because it makes no sense. At least, it doesn't in the sense that the logic of this world is turned about. Usually there is a reason that people are nice to one another, they don't just do it for no reason, even though they should. I'm going to be very careful.

Dear Journal, Apparently, it was a one day affair with that kid. I haven't really seen him since, and he didn't even say hello when I did. Mom got me a fish today. Either it flew away or Fluffy ate it. I haven't told mom yet, because I am not sure that she will let me keep Fluffy if she knows she eats any other pet I get. Are lizards even meat-eaters? I guess I should research them a little more.

Dear Journal, I found out a lot of lizards eat meat. There are not a lot of them that eat bunnies, but I think I can forgive her for that one. I told my mom that we should start feeding Fluffy some kind of meat a couple days a week. She bought me some crickets. Dad sat and watched her eat them with me. It was neat. I haven't been having too many problems at school, mostly because I haven't been letting anyone get near me, really. I'm still a little scared I will get beat up again. Maybe I should train myself so I can defend myself. I bet I could be strong enough to beat anyone who came after me, actually. Then people would leave me alone.

Dear Journal, I turned ten years old today. I thought birthdays were supposed to be happy events. My day has been less than amusing. I walked upstairs to my room and went to feed Fluffy… But she was dead. Well, at least I think she was. There wasn't any blood, just this little soggy-looking thing sitting next to the shell of Fluffy's body. I can't decide if this thing ate Fluffy or if it IS Fluffy. I didn't tell my mother what happened, but she says that lizards don't mutate into weird, soggy-looking things. It has a lot of teeth. I think I'll keep it. I wonder what it eats?

Dear Journal, I don't know what this thing is, but it puts up an awful racket when I'm not holding it. It dried out a little bit and still has a lot of teeth and little prickly claws and some weird little bumps. So far I have not suffered a single cut, but every other surface has. I sneaked a needle and some thread from my mum's sewing basket and made a pocket inside my jacket to keep it in. It curls up and I think it falls asleep. I can't find its eyes, so I don't really know if it's awake or asleep. My teacher called the house today to tell my parents that I seemed very upset today during class. I told my mum that Fluffy died, and she is letting me stay home from school tomorrow. She says we can hold a little funeral. I don't want to hold a funeral, death isn't so much a sad thing as it is disappointing. People are always so fixated on death itself when they should be fixated on the life before and the prospect of life after. I wonder what happens to you when you die? Mom says people go to heaven or hell. What happens if she's wrong though, and we all just disappear and that is the end of us? Or what if we turn into ghosts and just go floating about where no one but other ghosts can see us? I'm not exactly jumping to find out. If we turn into ghosts then it would be just like being on earth. I don't want to stay on earth after I die. Maybe I'll go exploring the universe and find a planet where everyone is nice.

Dear Journal, I was at school today when I was approached by a group of kids. They were of the real nasty sort, the kind who always make fun of me. At least, they normally do. Anyhow, one of them stepped forward. It was Matt. They wanted me to play dodge-ball with them, because they needed one more player. I had to tell them no, because I still had Patch with me. That's what I named the little thing. Patch. Because it looks like it is patched together from a couple different animals. Like it wanted to be a lizard and a fish and a worm and all those things, but just ended up looking like it does. I feel kind of sorry for it. Well, dodge-ball wouldn't be a good idea anyhow, because I don't want to let people know that I'm stronger than I look. I may need that edge of surprise later on.

Dear Journal, No one has bothered me since that one time I refused to play dodge-ball with the rest of the kids. A couple of them were angry with me for ruining their game, so they tried to beat me up again. One of them is in the hospital and the other two are nursing some pretty good bruises. I got into a lot of trouble, my parents were furious with me for fighting. I don't know what they want me to do. Just get beat up? Is that any way to treat a child, to tell them not to fight back for themselves? I really don't think so. I'm beginning to think that they are not as good of parents as I have always thought. I will have to look into this.

Dear Journal, The past week has been exhausting, as you have read. The murmuring in my head has gotten so much worse, it's a continual whine behind my eyes, hurting all around my brain. That's not even the worst of it- I don't know WHY I'm getting this feeling. It's like I'm sensing something that is not me. It's died down a bit now. Patch bit me today, with all those sharp little teeth. It didn't go very deep, and didn't even really hurt, but it bled like crazy! It must have been in a big vein or something. It was wild. Patch licked at the blood though, like he was eating it. I think he might have been. Maybe that is what he eats? I don't know, but I'm feeling well enough to get to sleep for a bit now.

Dear Journal, My teacher called the school councilor today. The councilor called my parents. My parents started asking me all sorts of questions. This all could have been avoided if I had been just a little more careful. My teacher found the little cuts on my hand and thumb that I've been using to feed Patch. Blood is the only thing Patch will eat, and I don't have blood besides my own. I have to remember to keep the cuts in a more hidden place from now on. I want to let you know, though, so that you don't get the wrong idea. I wouldn't cut myself like some people I have heard of. It seems rather senseless. If you want to kill yourself, do it. If you don't, stop hurting yourself. Maybe that's why those people try to hurt me all the time. Maybe they just don't want to be here any more, but they don't want to hurt themselves. Maybe I can help them with that, some day.

Dear Journal, I've been trying to wean Patch off blood and onto something better for him. Jill came into my room and was playing with him and he bit her, too, which is why I started this project. It was weird because as soon as I stopped giving him blood that pain started, and I felt a little sick. It died down enough for me to go out, but I don't like how this is turning out. I don't want Jill to get hurt again, and I'm afraid she will tell mom and dad about Patch. They still don't know, and it's been over a year now. Sometimes I wonder where the time has gone.

"Devi?" Came a timid voice behind her, nearly making her jump out of her skin. Hearing a young child's real voice after hearing Nny's imagined, child-voice ring in her ears for the past few hours was startling, to say the least.

"Don't DO that!" She exclaimed, closing the book. She was a couple of pages from the end, only two years documented within the many, many pages, but she was beginning to see changes in the books that she knew she was not going to like. When Nny gets back, remind me to check for scars on his hands… She thought to herself quickly. "What are you doing up?"

"I'm going to be late for school if I don't leave soon."

"I'll drive you, don't worry. Do you want breakfast?"

"Um… Okay. Can we have Hot-tarts?"

"Sure!" They were easy enough, just pop the sort-of cookie-gooey-and-frosted-pastry thing in the toaster and serve when it comes out. I think I can handle that!

"Have a good day at school, okay?"

Squee waved behind himself at her and turned back to the school with a slightly sick look on his face. It was going to be one of those days, he could already tell. Luckily, Devi could not. She was supposed to pick him up after school, too. He really hoped that she remembered, because he didn't want to have to walk home alone again.

Devi watched him walk up to the school and began to worry almost as soon as he was out of her sight. After reading about some of the things that had happened to Nny as a child, she feared for Squee's safety. She couldn't remember people really bothering her in elementary school, but then, she couldn't really remember much about elementary school. Whatever else, she did know how cruel some kids could be, and she had no doubts that Squee was the object of some if not most of their jeers. He seemed like one of the kids who would have been a perfect target for no reason aside from the fact that he was pretty quiet. She turned the car onto the street and headed for home. It was far from a long drive, less than five minutes, but she thought it seemed like a fair stretch to walk and had been surprised to learn that Squee walked almost every single day.

Since she had left the front door unlocked she had only to push to let herself in. The house seemed far more empty than it had before Squee had joined her, though it did still seem a little haunted. They had picked up light-bulbs from the supermarket the day before, and the added light made the rooms far less dim, more inviting to be in. She stood just inside the doorway, pondering taking off her shoes. She wondered if Johnny had a vacuum or something that she could go over the floor with so that any little pieces of things would cease to be a danger to bare feet. After searching the house over she found a small closet in his room that was mostly empty. An almost brand-new trench coat hung on a thick hanger next to a couple of shirts. A small stack of clean, unused journals were piled on the shelf that the hangers hung from. There was a camera and a few film cases sitting idly next to a small hoard of painting supplies, mostly brushes and paint. Leaning against the wall of the closet, hidden behind the trench coat, was another small hoard, this time of unused canvas' of varying sizes and shapes.

She slipped the trench coat off the hanger a little nervously. It was logical that there was no one home, but she was still pretty uncertain about touching anything in the house. Conceivably, Nny could walk through the door at any moment and although she was beginning to see the kind of things that had happened, although she was beginning to figure out why he was how he was, she could not forget just that- what he was. Whatever else I know about him, he is still a killer. He could still kill me. She stood for a long time, holding the trench coat and thinking. Finally, she set the hanger on the shelf above the rest of the hangers and slipped on the trench coat. She hadn't worn one in a long while. Her parents didn't want to let her wear one and she hadn't found much use for one in the hot, Brazilian weather. It was a fair fit only because the material was very fine. She wondered why she had never seen Nny wear it. Probably because it's new. It feels new. Did he just get it? Already it was getting hot, so she removed and replaced it with a thoughtful look. She grabbed the small vacuum, beating a hasty retreat from the room and back into the front room.

The sound of the vacuum cleaner running was a welcome respite from the roaring of her own thoughts running around in her head. She had been thinking far too much the last few days. The idea was almost humorous as she wondered what Sickness would have to say about that, all the use she'd been putting her brain to. Probably wouldn't say much. Devi snickered to herself, Seems she never has much to say any more. The floor was looking only slightly better when she finished vacuuming. She no longer heard the slight grind of small things under her feet as she walked across the floor. She would get the rest of the house later, because she had realized that she was itching to find out what happened to Nny.

The book was cool to the touch as she opened it to read quickly through the last couple of pages. There was more of the same musings on humanity, and complaints about his pet eating blood. She really wondered about that, because no lizard she had ever heard of drank blood. There were two more diaries left in the box. One she had already read most of the first day she was here, and it seemed to pick up from the middle of nowhere, another thing that had made her wonder. She picked up the next journal and began to read.

Dear Diary, I've begun a new notebook again. I don't know if you have the last two, so I will have to assume that you don't. Since I don't know you I won't ask your name, but you are about to know me, so I will give you mine. I am Johnny, but you may call me Nny. This is the story of my death.

Notes: Okay, I'm just posting a little bit more, I decided to split it up a little bit more. I don't know if Nny is going to come back in the next part or the part after that, but he's definitely coming back, oh yes he is. I'm going to change the style of the diary entries a little bit so that you *feel* like he's back, even though he is not yet. Yep. Sorry this was so short, more in a bit.


	16. Part Three: Story of My Death

I still do not own JTHM, the characters therein, or any of the ideas behind it.

Enough to Stay

Chap 3: Story of My Death

Dear Diary, I've begun a new notebook again. I don't know if you have the last two, so I will have to assume that you don't. Since I don't know you I won't ask your name, but you are about to know me, so I will give you mine. I am Johnny, but you may call me Nny. This is the story of my death.

He sat alone on his bed, a brand new journal laying open on his lap. The pen was leaking onto the page, leaving a little blot as though to mark the passage of time while he thought. "We all die some day, Patch. I guess someone's life is really just the story of how they died." He glanced up, big brown eyes settling on the little ball of creature curled up in front of him. Even in it's 'sleep' the little protrusions on it's back wriggled, so he never knew when it was awake or asleep.

It was about the size of a small cat or a very big rat, it's body a blue-grey color against the black of his bed. It's sizable jaws took up quite a bit of space in relation to the rest of it's body, nearly a third now. Rows of spiny teeth stuck out from it's gums, the upper ones pressed gently into the comforter of his bed as it rested its head. It had too many legs, he had discovered, as the four it started out with had split time and again over the past couple of months, each side becoming a new, clawed foot. The bumps on it's back had slowly lengthened, becoming soft. The new little elongated bumps had motion of their own, wriggling non-stop. Some of them had small, prickly spikes on the end that he feared touching.

**Yes, Johnny. Your life is the story of your death.**

Johnny sighed, putting his pen to the paper again to update the small book on his life. He hadn't found it that unusual when Patch had started talking to him from inside his head. After all, the fact that Patch existed at all was somewhat of a puzzler, why wouldn't he be capable of mind speech as well? "What do you suppose happens to you when you die?"

When you die…A lot of strange things will happen. When most people die, they just go someplace else.

"Like heaven?"

Like heaven.

"You're hungry again, I can feel it."

Yes.

"Why do you eat blood? Why can't you pick something easier to come by? Like grapes. Or cheese. Or toe-lint."

I do not eat in the way that you know it.

Nny put his pen down and stared hard at the still form before him. "But you've got all those teeth. Aren't they for eating?"

Look closely at them, Johnny.

As he leaned forward, the beast lifted it's head, turning to face him and opening his jaws for the child to see clearly. His teeth all pointed forward, toward the tip of his snout. They would have been no use for pulling anything toward the beast's throat. "You're right. You couldn't eat with those." The beast settled back down and Nny returned his pen to the paper of the journal, writing about this revelation. "I can't feed you my blood forever. If you get much bigger I won't be able to keep up. I'm already always tired."

Then you must find me other blood.

"Why?" Nny grew slightly defensive, "Why can't you just get your own?"

Because I am not strong enough on my own.

Nny sighed and lay back, writing for a while before setting his pen down. "I miss the old you. You were easier to take care of as a lizard. Even when you ate my bunny."

There was no reply, only the steadily increasing desire for blood.

Nny scribbled furiously in his journal, hands shaking violently. There was blood smeared across the page he was scribing to, a dull color now that it was getting old. "That was horrible, Patch." He said to the creature, perched quietly on his shoulder, cleaning off bloody jaws and talons with a long, rough tongue. "I don't need to see stuff like that. I don't need to **do** stuff like that." He squeaked the do, still very much upset. He wiped at his face in an attempt to clean the blood off but only managed to smear it more.

You will have to again.

"Already?!" Nny cried, ceasing his mad writing. "That should have been enough blood for a long time! You're gonna get all poochy an' stuff."

**Poochy?**

"You know, fat." He closed his eyes as Patch began to clean the blood off his face, rough tongue scratching up the soft skin.** "**That hurts, you know."

Pain is what lets you know that you are alive. To forget pain is to forget life. Pay no attention to the rabbit, Johnny, it has lived its death.

Nny's eyes fell on the remains of the rabbit Patch had drained of blood. It was merely a shell, no more blood remained. It looked very much like Fluffy had, when he had discovered her. "We… I just killed it, though. It didn't even **do** anything."

Everything is alive to serve a purpose, Johnny. That rabbit has served his. Would you take that from him?

He thought about that for a long moment before sighing and letting Patch lick his hands clean of blood. "No. I wouldn't take that from someone." The room was silent for a long time save for the tiny scratching noise of the beast's tongue. "Patch?" He murmured when his hands were clean enough for him to begin writing again. "What's **my** purpose?"

The floor was hard, despite the carpet underneath him. Cold had overtaken the room and he sat in the almost silence, the only sound the scritch-scratch his pencil made against the paper as he wrote to someone he didn't think he would ever know. It had been a while since he had started feeding Patch off of animal-blood. The beast had grown slightly in size now, and it was getting harder and harder to find animals that would suffice to curb his blood-lust. The murmur of hunger was always at the back of Nny's mind, sometimes so intense that it was painful to endure. His thirteenth birthday was tomorrow and he had no way of escaping the party his mother wanted to throw for him. He would be leaving Patch alone for two days without food, in his room.

He paused in his writing long enough to glance at the balled up form of his charge. Patch seemed almost innocent, with his claws pulled into his stomach and his jaw tucked in underneath him. Nny had seen some really terrible things happen in the past year, things that he was beginning to get used to. Ever since that night he had killed the rabbit for Patch he had lost all desire to be touched. He realized how much he really disliked the fluids of the body. Blood was something he had to tolerate, but that didn't mean he had to like it. He returned to his writing.

"Are you asleep?"

I do not sleep.

"You look innocent when you look like you're sleeping."

Does this irritate you?

"You're not innocent. Neither am I. I lost it somewhere along the way."

Innocence can't be lost, Johnny.

"Then why do we do the things we do?"

Innocence needs to be maintained.

"Like a delicate plant."

Yes. You and I… We have simply stopped maintenance.

"When one stops maintaining a delicate plant it withers and dies, but the remains are still there. It can't be revived, it can't be what it once was. Maybe we can't lose innocence… but it can die, just like everything else."

Yes.

Nny sighed and closed his journal, the pages crackling from the blood a few pages back. He hadn't written in a long time. He had not felt clean enough to. He hoped it was updated enough, now, and that he would get the chance to keep writing soon.

"C'mon. You're hungry again." The door clicked shut behind him, washing the room in darkness once again.

He lay again on his bed, scrawling words slowly over the pages he was writing. Slowly his entries were getting longer, though further apart. It had been a while since he'd written and he was trying to update everything that had happened. An incident a few days ago had shaken him past the point of return. He had been sneaking into someone's yard, Patch curled around his neck because the beast was too large to fit in the pocket any more. No more than three steps in had made him freeze when he saw the dog they were looking for. It was a rottweiler and it looked big enough to rip them both to shreds in a matter of seconds.

Nny had set down the twin buckets he was carrying with him and drew a wicked looking blade from his belt. It was mostly straight, gleaming steel of some sort. The tip was along one edge instead of in the middle of the dagger-like blade. The lower edge rose to meet the tip on a diagonal, creating a third edge that was just as sharp as the other two. Instead of a cross bar at the handle, the blade had a round ball with a little, smiling face. Nny was very proud of this knife, it was by far his favorite because of the way it was designed, and more importantly, the way he had learned to use it.

"Good dog, now please be quiet. This will only hurt for a second."

The dog bared it fangs at them, growling low in its throat. Patch drew himself up, spreading claws in the air and opening his formidable jaws in a challenge. Confused, the dog lay its ears back and attempted another growl. It was enough time for Nny to move forward, swiftly and silently. The knife slipped into the dog's throat without complaint. Nny quickly grabbed one of the buckets before pulling the knife out. The tip made the perfect slot for blood to exit while the dog still twitched. He had filled both buckets before letting Patch slither down and eat what remained.

The blood sat idly in the corner now, waiting. Nny wouldn't have to take Patch out for a couple of days, at least, so he could get back to trying to sleep. His dreams had been less than pleasant lately, filled with the blood of the animals he killed. It scared him a little bit to think that he was beginning to lose himself so entirely to it, that he wasn't sure if Patch went away if he would keep killing or not. It was a concept he tried not to think about for very long, because he didn't like the answer he feared he'd end up at.

Not going to paint again?

Nny shrugged at the question as he changed subjects in his journal. Painting seemed like a good subject to write about. "I guess. My painting are turning so… weird now."

They're beautiful.

"It looks like a murder scene someone did a really bad job of cleaning up after." He said sullenly, looking to his most recent painting. It was done in blacks, reds, and golds, the colors swirling just so. If one did not study the paint too closely images would appear and fade as they watched, a skull one moment, a human the next, a coiled, roiling serpent after that. There was no clear definition of shape, no way to know exactly what he had had in mind while his brush stroked furiously against the canvas, bleeding paint as it traveled.

Death is beautiful, Nny.

"How can you say that?"

When life begins it is completely innocent, entirely beautiful, is that not what you believe?

"Yes! Death extinguishes life, so how can it be beautiful?"

Think carefully. Death is the completion of life, the finishing touch. It is what finishes the painting.

Nny thought about that for a very long time, staring at his small pile of drawings in the corner. Patch had been fed only an hour ago and had consumed enough blood to last him for a while. Without that constant pang of hunger that was not his own, Nny found that his own craving for being creative had begun to resurface. He returned to the journal entry he was writing, explaining things as Patch had explained them. He set his pen down carefully on top of the journal, setting both on the bed as he slipped from it. Stepping over to the pile, he drew out a blank canvas and a tray full of little bottles of paint. The world seemed to drop away around him as he abandoned himself to his art.

His journal lay beside him, somewhat neglected over the past few days. He had been painting almost constantly now that Patch had a supply of blood. The murmurs in the back of his mind were always there, always saying things just below a pitch he could recognize. Sometimes he wished he could understand them, just so he could know what they wanted him to know without knowing. He feared they were telling him things he did not want to hear. The brush hit the canvas again, adding the finishing touches to a dark, whirling piece of almost abstract picture.

I like that one.

"I didn't ask you." Patch had been rather irritating the past few days, something Nny was only beginning to see. A great deal of thought had been put towards wondering why he was never caught for killing the animals like he did. Why his parents never noticed that there was a dog-sized beast living in his room, usually in plain sight of anyone entering the room. It was as though no one thought to question it.

They are not turning out as you had hoped, are they.

Nny sighed, setting down his paints and picking up his journal. "No, they are not." He couldn't take not knowing one more second. "What's your deal, anyhow? Why doesn't anyone ever notice you? You're a bit hard to miss, what with the teeth and the claws and the tentacles, sitting in the middle of my fuckin' room."

My, but your language has gotten foul these days, Johnny.

"It happens. Answer the question." Nny had grown up a lot in the four and a half years he had been taking care of Patch. He was beginning to see how the beast manipulated him.

I cannot say for sure why we are not caught at what we do.

"I don't believe that. You know more than you want to tell me."

Don't push this, Johnny. There are some things better left unanswered.

"Bull. You always have an answer for things. You know stuff you couldn't possibly know. You've never been outside of my care, so you must have been born knowing what you know. Where did you learn it, or who is feeding it to you?"

I was born self-aware.

"And?"

I know more than you think.

"But WHY?! That's what I need to know. You know all this stuff, WHY do you know it? What purpose could it serve? It can't be just to teach me, because other people can do that."

They cannot teach you what I am teaching you.

"Just what are you teaching me?" He hissed, scribbling in his journal every answer he got. He had a feeling he had struck a nerve with the beast.

I am teaching you to kill.

Devi's attention was dragged weightily back to her own reality. She rubbed at her eyes, the dry, painful feeling of having kept them open far too long made her feel less than pleased. Her watch was going off. Why was her watch going off? She stared at it for a long moment, the annoying beeping noise drilling into her skull. There was a reason she had set it. Since she had set it, it stood to reason that it was now going off… But why had she set it in the first place? It was a little bit after three, so she knew it wasn't for her own work. She didn't have anything baking. She wasn't meeting anyone-

"SQUEE!" She leapt off the couch, leaving the diary laying open on the cushions as she bolted out of the house, only pausing to grab her keys. "I can't believe I forgot!"

She reached the school only a few minutes late. Squee was staring at the child from the day before, Pepito, who was crouched in front of another child who looked scared for his life. The horned-child's fists were glowing an odd shade of green and he appeared to be ranting. Devi threw her car into park and tumbled out, climbing over the top of her vehicle to step between them. This series of actions earned her a very disgusted look from Pepito, and two relieved looks from both Squee and the boy.

"Hey, Squee! Isn't this your friend, Pepito?"

His look said that he had found her to be officially, criminally insane. "What?"

"Yes. Yes I am." His voice was childishly evil. "What do you plan to do about it, MORTAL?!"

It was Pepito's turn to be stared at. "Steal your brain. Then I will use it to animate a giant robot and rain destruction upon the lands until there are only mongeese left." Devi simply said the first thing that came to mind. This seemed to set Pepito back a few paces.

"You will ADMIT to this?!"

"Um… Sure!"

He fixed her with a very searching glare for a long moment. Finally, his eyes narrowed. "I don't think the plural of mongoose is mongeese."

"… Probably not. But since everyone will be too busy having doom rained upon them… They won't notice if I make up new words."

"… I like you. Well, take care, Squee!" He turned suddenly to the boy, who froze again. "I'll deal with you LATER!!!" He turned on his heel and walked jauntily down the sidewalk, whistling "it's a small world" in a high pitch.

Devi glanced down to Squee, who was staring after his friend and hugging Shmee close to his chest. "Y'know, kid… You make some really weird friends."

"There is a lot of stuff in that room, huh?" Squee quipped, taking a bite of his grilled cheese sandwich. He was absolutely delighted to be eating so well, and Devi seemed to have learned how to survive on her own somewhere along the way. She, at least, had all the proper kinds of food knowledge- she could make mac and cheese, grilled cheese, ramen noodles, and sandwiches. Everything a kid will ever need.

"Yes." Devi said, crouched over the pan she was grilling the sandwiches on. "There certainly is. One would think he would have gone through it or tossed stuff out. We can learn a lot about him through that stuff."

"Um, Miss Devi?"

"Just Devi, Squee."

"What are those things you read at night?"

"They're books."

"Can you read them to me sometime? I like stories. I write stories sometimes."

"Do you now?"

"Yes. Will you read them to me?"

"What kinds of stories do you write?"

"Ones about other worlds where everything is pretty. Are you gonna read them to me tonight, maybe?"

Seeing that the child was not going to drop the subject, she sighed and turned away from the pan. "They are Nny's journals, Squee. I'm trying to learn more about him before he comes back, so I can help him."

He stared at her for a long time, brows drawn and eyes narrowed only slightly in deep concentration. Nodding once he picked up his sandwich again. "I want to help him, too." Another bite disappeared into his small mouth.

She smiled, watching him chew. She really didn't like kids, but this one had seen and purportedly been through so much that while he wore the skin of a child he seemed so much older. She wondered how he ever managed to 'maintain' his innocence, as Nny had written Patch to of told him. She wondered if hers was completely dead yet or if she could care it back into life again. She didn't think she could. The smell of burning bread finally cut into her thoughts and she was forced to pay attention to the flaming piece of ruined dinner once again.

It was not until hours later that she sat down on the couch and started reading again. She read over several pages that she had already been through, trying to get a feel for the story his entries were weaving. She could almost feel his pain, his bewilderment at the world as it was changing him, as he was letting his demon influence him. She didn't want to see him get hurt. There was not very much left of this third journal, and she wondered how he was going to scribe so much time into so little space. His last journal started in a confused, disoriented way, not remembering much of anything, apparently, as though he wasn't sure of who he was any longer. She wondered if that had been the true snapping point.

_Dear Journal,_

"You're stealing me, aren't you."

Silence blanketed the room.

"Don't pretend you can't hear me, I know you can. Don't pretend you're asleep, because I know that you don't sleep. Are you even going to wish me happy birthday?"

Wishing does you no good, Johnny. You above all people should know that.

"I know that. Answer my question."

What do you mean?

"Don't play fucking innocent with me!" Johnny shouted, pen tip digging into the paper of his journal as though he could press it into the beast's flesh, something he would not dare. "You're taking the pieces of me that are me and you're changing them."

Yes.

"Why?"

Because I need you to obey me.

"We're being awfully blunt today." Nny sighed, knowing that it had to have been something along those lines. "I probably would have listened even if you weren't warping me. I'm weak, I know that. So tell me how you do it. Tell me why."

The how is not something you need to know. I am not, contrary to your belief, stealing any part of you. Merely changing things to suit me. As for why… having you act as a normal human, feel as a normal human does will only cause you further pain than it already has. When you move on to humans-

"NO." Nny spat out, slamming the thick diary closed and glaring at the balled up silhouette of the beast on his windowsill. "I will NOT kill humans."

We shall see.

"No. I won't do it."

That refusal is another reason I must change you.

Nny was off his bed and next to the beast, wickedly curved blade resting on the skin of it's neck, not quite enough to draw blood, but no room to move if it wanted to live. "No fucking way. You want to make me kill humans, I will kill you, first."

You are not strong enough to draw that blade through my flesh, Johnny.

He growled, tossing the knife across the room and into the wall where it stuck with a hollow thunk. "I'm AWARE of that." The journal bounced into the air, tossing the pen onto the bed when he flopped onto his mattress. "Besides, if I kill you I won't ever get me back. I'm going to fight you on this."

Everyone fights at first.

"I will beat you eventually."

Are you going to finish your painting?

Nny sighed, looking to his pathetically neglected works of art, the blood of the paint long since dried. He truly wanted to take up his brush and begin painting again, but he couldn't find a reason, no inspiration to do so. It was as though something were leeching that creativity away, as well. "You've ruined it."

You will come around in time.

"I can't do that." Nny spat, his fingers freezing as he halted his writing. Patch was curled on the end of his bed, facing him. Without evident eyes on it, Nny always found it hard to tell if the beast was looking at him or sensing something completely different. He didn't even know if Patch even saw anything at all in any way, though he suspected it had another way of 'seeing' things. As though it had a different kind of eye than he did.

You underestimate yourself, then.

He quickly corrected himself. "I COULD do it, but I WON'T do it. My family is sometimes all I have, especially Jill."

They are all that is holding you back from being what you are meant to be.

"YOU LIE!" Nny lunged forward faster than he thought he would be able to, drawing the knife that always rested on his bed-side nightstand. The blade bit deeply into the mattress, less than a millimeter away from the skin of Patch's face. "Don't MAKE me kill YOU, instead."

Another impossibility. Do not lie to yourself. You want to kill them.

"No. Shut up."

Even if I were to be silent, you would still hear the truth of my words ringing in your mind. You know that I am right. I need blood, Johnny.

"You need too MUCH blood, Patch. More than I can give you."

You know how to get enough.

"You've twisted me pretty far. I've done some things I should be projectile vomiting over, but they seem almost amusing. Despite that, you haven't twisted me enough for me to kill humans."

You hate humankind, Johnny. Why do you so adamantly resist killing them?

"Because they think. They may be awful, terrible, nasty, dirty, and a billion other bad adjectives, but they are still human. I am still human."

You honestly believe that you are still human, after everything you've done?

"Humans kill animals all the time, for food."

Some humans kill humans for food.

"It's not the same. Those people have problems."

Their mind is sick.

"Yes."

Your mind is sick, Nny. It's fallen ill and you will succumb to it.

"Fuck you!" Nny shouted, rolling off his bed and stomping to the doorway. "I don't care how fucking hungry you are tonight, you can find your own fucking blood." He slammed the door behind him.

The screaming in his head seemed to be growing louder with every passing moment. He scribbled madly in his journal, only a few entries past when he had left Patch on it's own for the first time. Though so little had been written so much had happened until it exploded into the fight he had just solved. Given, Patch was less than pleased with the arrangement, but it was going to stay as it was, anyhow. There was a groaning noise as the wood of his closet door bowed, as though something very strong were pushing against it.

"I don't know why you can't get through wood, but so long as that holds true you're stuck in there until I LET YOU OUT!" Nny screamed at the door. It returned to a more normal state and the screaming increased in volume to make up for it. He wished he had a pair of mental earplugs. "Mother fucker…" He murmured under his breath.

They had gotten into a fight over killing humans. Right in the middle of the seemingly one-sided screaming match that Nny was having with Patch, Jill had knocked on the door and peered in. She looked as though she weren't sure if she was interrupting something. She wanted to know if he would drive her to her friend's house, because his parents were out. Patch blended so closely with his bed-sheets that she hadn't even noticed him. Nny quickly agreed and the siblings left the house.

When Nny returned, Patch had been furious with him for not killing her. The beast had never raised its voice to Nny, except this once, and it infuriated him. He did not want to be told what to do and he was overwhelmed with the desire to think for himself, to stop submitting to this blood-thirsty demon he had raised. After a drawn out yelling match he had simply hoisted the beast up and locked it in the closet. It had thrown itself against the walls, the door, the ceiling and the floor, all in vain. It could not pass through wood. Realizing this gave Nny a small sense of power, a power he did not want to relinquish, over this beast. It was screaming to be let out and he was ignoring it as best he could, scribing furiously into his journal about the past few day's events.

"I'm not going to feed you anything until you behave." He said absently.

The room went deathly silent. He smiled and returned to writing. Yep. Power.

_Dear Journal, Patch's voice has been awful to listen to. It's been two days since I fed him, and he's been screaming and screaming and screaming for me to let him out. He cries and pleads and promises me things I know I will never get. He says that if I let him out he will change me back, that he will make me normal again. I don't believe him because I am not sure I was ever normal. I don't know what to do, it hurts so bad. I can't find it in me to think he should be out though. I have to protect people from him. But it's getting so hard to still my hand against killing someone to feed him, to let him out, to be his slave. Caving in is not an option. I don't know how I'm going to survive this._

_ Dear Journal, His voice has vanished, replaced by an all consuming need to kill and eat. It's taking me over. I can't leave the house without getting a pounding headache, and I can't stay in the house because the longer I do the more time he has to corrupt me, to warp my mind to his liking. Every time I am in the same room as anyone in my family I am overwhelmed with the need to kill them. Somewhere in me I have found the strength to resist so far, but I fear for how much longer I will be able to do so. It hurts so bad… I could end it all, but I would miss being alive, I think. I still don't know what happens to a person when they die, and I fear now, even more. I don't want to disappear. There is a family function a few days from now, after my 16th birthday. I don't know how I will survive leaving the house for that long without killing someone. Hm. This journal's almost done, isn't it? I will write again later, I promise. _

_Dear Journal, I'm leaving this house. It has become diseased. The walls are painted in the blood of innocents, something I never wanted to happen. I'm sorry about all the blood on the page, you see, I just killed my first two humans. Patch was overly pleased with me, I have gotten nothing but praise since it regained it's ability to speak, after I curbed it's hunger with my kin. Jill isn't home yet, she is at her friend's house for the night. I wonder if I will be caught? They're not going to show up for work, so SOMEONE should call to find my parents. Then perhaps I can be arrested, locked away where I will be a danger to no one and Patch can die a slow death in my closet because no one knows he is there, no one can hear him scream. I have to find a way out of this life. I will write in another book as soon as I arrive where we'll be staying. I hope whoever is reading this has a better life than I do, that your monsters are only in your head. It hurts so much…_

_ ~Nny_

Devi stared through the journal as she read the last few lines, her eyes unfocused as they trailed off the last word. Rubbing at her eyes, she shifted position on the couch, trying to stop crying. She didn't know how he had ever lived through that. When Sickness had told her that Johnny wasn't strong enough to resist the others like her, she had thought it was merely because he didn't have the strength of personality to do so. After reading through his trials, how he came to be, she knew it had more than likely been a matter of being tired enough to just give in. He had been worn at for so many years, changed by a demon he hadn't asked for, traumatized by his own actions and thoughts. She closed the journal slowly and set it next to her, in the box with the others. Now she knew that she was missing the next journal. That had to be the key journal, the one that would tell her once and for all who Nny was, who she had stumbled upon that day in the bookstore, so long ago.

She rose slowly and trailed, ghostlike, toward the bedroom. Fatigue was taking over and she decided that she should sleep at least for a couple of hours before she had to be up to see Squee off to school again. She didn't know how the kid was going to survive if he had to go back to his real house. A part of her hoped that he would see how awful his parents were, in their contempt for the small child, that he would actually WANT to leave. It would make her job so much easier. Squee was curled up on top of the pillow, like a cat. She moved to the end of the bed, laying down on top of the covers though not lifting them. Although it did not sink in very deep, the softness of the bed still amazed her. She wondered how Nny could manage to stay awake with a bed like this. I would never wake up in time for anything. She concluded as she closed her eyes.

When Devi next opened her eyes, only a few hours had passed. Finding that she could not go back to sleep, she rolled out of the bed and wandered into the kitchen to start breakfast early. Sifting through the stuff they had acquired, she found instant waffles. A grin lit her face. She loved waffles. She pulled out the decrepit toaster they had found and set the small bottle of syrup on the table. She had bought paper plates while they were there, but she had considered retrieving a real plate or two from her apartment later. Squee entered the room as she popped the first two waffles into the toaster.

"Morning!"

"Morning…" He looked really tired.

"Something wrong?"

"It's Tuesday."

Her stare gave away the fact that she didn't understand.

"The aliens visit on Tuesdays."

"Uh-huh…" She said, disbelief evident in her voice. "Aliens…"

"Yep." He dug into the waffles she set on the table for him.

She watched him eat in silence, waiting for her own waffles to pop up. This kid gets stranger every second I'm around him. Someone gave him a really strange life… Yay! Waffles!

Devi sat on the couch in the front room. She had searched every single room in the entire house, even the one in the back that still scared her. The fourth journal was nowhere to be found. She wondered if, perhaps, he had destroyed it, not wishing to remember what was written in it. That seemed unlikely, because he had kept the others. She didn't know how his situation could have gotten worse, beside the fact that he started killing people. It wasn't like him to keep knowledge from himself- he seemed to crave it in all his journals, in all the time that she had ever spoken to him. So it had to be hidden.

"But where?!" She asked herself for the millionth time. "If I were a journal, where would I be?" No one answered her question, though, and she only sighed.

Squee was upstairs, doing his homework. He'd gotten home from school a few hours ago, so she supposed it was time to be starting dinner. Her search for the elusive fourth journal was going to have to wait. She rose and entered the kitchen, wondering what to make. The kid would eat anything she put in front of him, but she was a little more picky. Something with pasta sounded good, though. Something with real pasta sauce, not ketchup.

About an hour later, Squee seemed to be immensely enjoying his spaghetti. His down mood from earlier that day had faded, and he gave her a smile as he twirled the long noodles around his fork. "This is really good."

"I'm glad you like it." She poked around at her own and took a bite. "Not so worried about Alien Tuesday anymore?" She asked, a little teasing.

Squee's face dropped and he tensed up. "Oh… I'd forgotten…"

"Well, even if aliens do visit you on Tuesdays, who's to say they'll find you here? Aren't you normally just sleeping in your own room?"

"Yes."

"Then maybe they'll visit, and think you moved and stop coming around."

"I don't think so. They'll probably just take my parents. They do that sometimes… Then I'm alone for a while until they come back. The first time it happened, they took me to a big white place with lots of doctors and I guess they forgot I was with them because they left and the doctors said they would be back in a little bit to get me, they were on their way. They put me in a little white padded room to wait and I waited and waited. Then one of the doctors came in and said that there was someone here to see me, and- oh." He quieted down and started eating his pasta again.

Devi couldn't help the horrified expression that had crept into her features. This child's life is INSANE! She thought, even more furious at his parents. They LEFT him at a mental hospital without even telling him what was going on? They let him believe his parents forgot him, instead of telling him the truth! She couldn't believe it. "And…?" She questioned, very curious about the end of the story.

"Oh. Um, it's was the neighbor man."

"Nny?"

"Yes."

"Nny came to visit you? How did he know where you were?"

"Oh. He came in once while I was there, and said hello before he left. I guess he came back."

"So what happened?"

"They took me out to see him. They were really scared of him, they really were. I was really scared of him, too. He made them let me leave with him. There was a bunch of papers and stuff that he had to fill out first, but he did it. He really wanted to kill them, I could tell, but he didn't even kill one of them. I think because I was there. Then he took me home."

"Well, that was nice of him."

"I guess so."

She smiled a tiny bit as he started eating again. Her food seemed a little more inviting as she took another bite. So Nny had a good streak in him, he still cared about little kids. Or at least, he still cared about this little kid. She wondered why he was so attached to Squee, when he seemed to unattached to the entire rest of the world. There was obviously a lot more that she needed to learn, and she wasn't sure how much time was left to learn it in.

By Wednesday morning, Devi had decided that she was going to be taking the world at face value from now on. Squee had indeed not been lying when he said aliens visit his house on Tuesdays. She wondered how anyone had ever missed seeing them, why anyone would turn a blind eye to the ships that landed on the top of Nny's house. She briefly wondered how the entire house did not fall down around them. If there were aliens that visited, just like Squee had said, how much of the rest of the stories she had ever heard, were true? She vaguely recalled Nny telling her a story the first night she was here, a story that she really didn't believe a lot of. Now, though, with living in his house, associating with his 'friend' and reading about his life, she wondered if any of it was made up at all. If it wasn't, how much would she have to change her perspective on life now that she knew so much more?

"Shit. It's starting to affect me. I wonder if these people are affected by the strangeness that is their lives or if the strangeness happens because they exist?" She mused. "If I'm around them long enough, will it catch onto me, like a disease? A strangeness disease? Will I go as crazy as them if I stay here much longer?"

Squee was still at school, so she didn't have anyone to distract her from finding the fourth journal. She was shifting stuff around in the Broken Room, searching valiantly through the piles and piles of junk spread through the room. She was not having much luck and was quickly losing patience with both the room and herself. Finally giving up, she flopped down amongst the boxes, her gaze fixed upward. The past four hours had been spent searching up and down and everywhere in between to find this journal, and she had not even one clue as to where it could be found. Nny had obviously not wanted to find it again, but she figured he would leave himself a way back to his past somehow. She was just missing it. It's probably been written right out for me this whole time and I'm just too blind to see it.

Her eyes drifted over the walls slowly, as though they could tell her everything that they had heard over the years. If the walls had ears, certainly they would be able to tell her everything. Hey… She thought eyes fixing on an irregularly darkened patch of wall. She rolled onto her side and stood, slipping silently over to the wall.

The white paint on the walls was dipped in slightly. Laying on the floor where she had been, the shallow pits had cast shadows on themselves, making a pattern of sorts appear. Standing before it she could not make out what it was. She returned to her spot and stared hard at it. It was writing. Someone had carved something into the wall in such shallow grooves that it must have taken a lot of effort. After staring for nearly an hour, she could finally read the entire phrase.

"To remember the past you've walked, look to the path you're on" She whispered. "What the hell?" It made no sense. Why would he take that much time to write a senseless riddle? Then again… why would he kill people? She sighed.

It occurred to her that this might be the clue she had been looking for the entire time. She wasn't sure how it would ever help her find it, but it was more than she had started with. "The past has to be the journal." She thought aloud. "The path I'm on?" That was confusing. She wasn't on a path. There wasn't a path anywhere except for the sidewalk. Had he chosen to hide it in the sidewalk? She rolled over and started to rise, pushing herself off of the floor. A quiet squeak escaped her as a sharp pain bit into the palm of her hand.

"Shit… splinter." She carefully ran her fingers over the floorboard that had gifted her with this pleasant little surprise, trying to discover where it was so rough. Her gaze froze on the tiny, scripted lettering along the edges of the board. One word to each side.

"The Path You're On"

She grabbed the nearest hammer and took it to the nails of the board, prying them from the wood in an almost frenzy. She hit the edges of it until it splintered, giving her fingers enough room to slip through and pull it upward, out of the floor. She felt a slight pang of guilt that she was tearing Nny's house apart, but it passed quickly as her eyes fell on the treasure she had found. The dusty, crinkled covers of the fourth journal peered back at her, congratulating her on solving the mystery. Her fingers, bloody from the splinters and bits of wood that had attacked them as she pulled the board up, wrapped around the small, priceless book. It was time to know everything.

Notes:

Well, this took forever to get through. I hope it's not disappointing. I promise I will tie everything up so it all makes sense. I hope. *sigh* I'm going to go write some more now.


	17. Part Three: Along the Way

I still do not own JTHM, the characters therein, or any of the ideas behind it.

Enough to Stay

Chap 4: Along the Way

Devi entered the main room, gently clutching the dirty book in her bloody hands. The world had dropped away around her, narrowing to that small, bound collection of pages. Both the front and back covers were already stained with blood- the material seemed to soak it up like a thirsty animal. The book was fairly thick, and there were extra sheets of paper shoved in between the pages. As she sat on the couch she pulled a few of them out. They were drawings of what she supposed Patch looked like. Devi didn't care to look at them very long- they scared her. The drawings were sketchy and very good, but terrifyingly filled with emotion. She cracked the book open gently, almost afraid that it would turn to dust before she got to read it, even though she knew how silly that would sound. The words were neat, in a thin-tipped pen.

_Dear Die-ary, So this is what it's like to die? I suppose I am not really dead, because I am writing. That, or I have arrived in the "Hell" my mother always told me about. My name is Johnny, in case you have not read my other journals. I suggest you put this one down, because I'm not sure how many bad things it will contain, but I can assure you that none of them will be pleasant. Get out now while you still can. If you choose to stay… You may call me Nny. I'm writing from Hell, address 777. And here I was under the impression that that was the number for Heaven._

Johnny looked up from his writing at the gaping maw that led to the basement he had discovered. Patch was seething down there, he could feel it. They had just arrived at their new home. Nny could not leave his little sister behind, so she was sitting in the kitchen, eating cereal. Through whatever miracle he had spared her the vision of seeing her parents slaughtered. He told her that they were going to go live someplace and that their mother and father wouldn't be coming back. She asked if he was okay with that, and he said that he was. She was happy to come and live with him. He swore to protect her.

The wave of hunger hit him again and he clutched at the pen in his hand, trying to force it down. He didn't want to have to feed the monster again, but he didn't want to end up killing Jill like he had his parents. That meant that Patch had been right all along, that he was going to begin killing humans to feed it. He sorely wished that he could have left the beast at his old home, abandoned it to die a slow, painful death of starvation in his closet… But as soon as Patch had learned he was leaving he threw a fit. When Nny got more than ten paces outside the house his entire body was racked with pain and he was forced to crawl back inside. Why none of the neighbors noticed this was a mystery, because he had done it dozens of times until he finally agreed to take Patch with him.

He scribbled a few closing sentences and closed the journal. He set it on the floor beside him, and rose. Pushing back the hunger as he stood, he reached for his blade. It was quickly sheathed in the belt-sheath he'd made for it. "Jill!" He called, tying the sheath to his belt. He glanced up as she entered the room, looking curiously at him. "I'm going to go out for a bit. Shopping. Is there anything you need?"

"Jam, for my sandwiches!" She exclaimed.

Nny dropped his trench coat back around himself and ruffled her hair, a smile touching his lips. "You got it, kiddo."

**Your paintings are getting much better, Johnny.**

"Leave me alone. I don't want to hear your voice unless you're telling me how to kill you." Nny spat, pencil scratching against the paper in his sketchbook. He was sketching Patch's now impressive form.

It had changed a lot since Nny had gotten it. Just over six years after finding the little wet ball of creature in his lizard's tank found them so far from where they started that there was no turning back. The beast had gone from a less than threatening pile of skin and bones to a roiling mass of teeth, claws, and tentacles. It was stretched out on the floor, nearly four meters of poised death. It's skin, a sickly silver color, was pulled across the bones so tautly they nearly showed through in some places. This did not give the impression of being gaunt or undernourished… It seemed as though the creature was already dead. It still had no eyes, and Nny still found it hard to tell if it were resting or 'watching' him as it seemed to do so often.

Toward one side of the room and drain graced the ceiling, congealing blood drying on the grate. A funnel channeled whatever passed through the grate into a tube, which poured out into the basin Patch was laying in front of. Dark blood had already pooled in the container, untouched as of yet. Nny glanced upward, getting a skewed view through the grate and into the floor above. He had rigged an elaborate machine there that would literally tear a person into strips. All of the blood would fall, then, onto the slightly slanted floor and through the drain. It would all end up in the basin. While they were still pretty far down, there were still a few more floors below them that Nny had not yet found a use for. He had plans to fill the rest of the upper levels with equipment much like the one on the floor directly above him.

He finished his sketch of Patch and the machine he lay against, and started writing about his plans for the next few machines. He really hoped that no one would ever find this journal, because he didn't want them to have to know about any of the things he had seen or done. He was turning into a very ruthless killer, and he had yet to turn seventeen. He had been working on creating a few different sorts of restraining machines, and a couple built purely for draining blood, like the one above him. Several he had started designs on purely to be torture devices… He was still human enough that he had not started construction on any of those ones. He had grown attuned to Patch's subtle shifting around inside his mind. Often he had wondered how the creature was able to touch his mind and just as often had been forced to dismiss it due to its lack of importance. Now he was able to tell Patch to stop messing with his brain, to stop changing him. He hoped he had caught on in time to save what humanity he had left.

**You've retained so much anger, Johnny.**

"Shut up."

**Jill will be home soon.**

"You've already got blood."

**You're sure you don't want to give me **_her_ **blood?**

"Yes. Don't even think about it."

**Or you'll what? Kill me? We've seen how well that goes over.**

"Don't piss me off or I'll stop feeding you."

**But you can't, Johnny. You don't want to admit it to yourself but you can't stop feeding me now. You're too far gone, you're too much mine. You will lose control of yourself eventually.**

"I'll kill you before I ever lose myself entirely."

**That's why you are so amusing, Johnny. Even if I were to be killed by you, even if I disappeared forever… You would still kill people. You've already lost the part of yourself that holds back.**

"You're wrong."

**You'd like to think so, wouldn't you.**

"I know I haven't lost that part of me."

**What about all those drawings you have done of the torture machines?**

"They are drawings. Nothing more."

**Build them.**

"No. I have to make lunch." Nny rose and left the beast alone in the room.

Johnny sat at his desk, head pillowed on his arm as he wrote on a sideways sort of angle. He could barely see the words he was writing, but then, that wasn't what he was trying to look at. The fairly large, painted, pastry display piece was what had his attention. The black paint was drying still. The little spirals in the doughboy's eyes seemed to move the longer he stared into them. His hand had trembled visibly as he scrawled the word "Fuck" on the figurine's painted shirt, the letters were proof of that. They seemed to waver just a bit. He had taken the figurine home with him after killing the clerk in the pastry shop and taking his blood. He had asked politely, first, if he could take it home with him, but had only gotten a rude response. Sometimes, he didn't mind bringing home the blood of the rude.

"That's a horrible thing to think, Johnny C."

Nny sighed, his pen stopping its scratching against the paper. "Please don't start with me." He sighed, wondering how Patch had managed to sound so real this time.

"Not quite."

"What?" Nny straightened in his chair and threw a wild gaze around the room. That voice sounded entirely too familiar…

"That's right… Sometimes it's all in your head… and sometimes we get out."

His eyes fell on the little Styrofoam figure.

"That's right, Johnny. It's me."

"How did you… I mean…" Bewilderment had crept into his voice.

"Sometimes the voices in your head have to find someplace to go. This seemed a good a place as any."

"Are you…"

"Still you? Yes. Essentially I am still just you, talking to yourself. I was fading too fast for comfort, so I had to find an escape, a way to get myself noticed. I was offered that chance."

"What…"

"What am I? I am the part of you that still knows better. I'm the part of you that knows everything you have done is wrong, and that you should be taken away from this world as soon as possible."

**Don't listen to that, Johnny. You're talking to yourself again.**

"SHUT UP!" Screamed the figurine. "Don't you tell him what to do! This is all your fault, you-"

Silence fell over the room. Johnny waited to see if the talking would begin again, but it never did. He briefly wondered how insane he had become, but decided he couldn't possibly ever figure that out. "After all…" He mused to himself, "The crazy person never knows they're crazy."

Johnny sat on the pad of the newest machine he had completed. There were seven or eight, each on different levels of the basement. Not wanting to bother with the hundreds of keys it would take to make everything lock, he had made the restraints on the machines lock and unlock with knobs and ties instead. They locked into one another so that only someone with both hands free could undo them. A sharpened saw-blade drooped in front of him, over his journal, as though it were watching him write. He was trying to explain why he was building them, trying to reason away his strange compulsion to kill even when he was not being told to by Patch.

The monster's demands had eased off, little by little. He would talk to Nny when they were in the same room, or when he wanted blood. Usually, only his quiet, sullen seething remained. He was angry that Johnny had begun to talk to the pastry figurine, whom he had named Psycho-doughboy. D for short. D was continuously angry with Patch, and they had gotten into several matches that ended in silence for Johnny. He could only imagine what they were discussing where his ears could not hear.

"Johnny, Johnny, why do you keep building these things? They're made to hurt people. You've lost yourself somewhere along the way."

"That was a long time ago. I'm not sure there is any me left in me."

"Sure there is. That THING could not have taken it all."

"Maybe." Nny did not really feel inclined to be holding conversations. His topics switched as he spoke, which irritated him.

"If there is nothing left of you, you have no reason to stay here. You will merely become a tool."

"I'm not a fucking tool." Nny pointed his pen at D-boy, "I don't want to hear that kind of talk from you. Aren't you supposed to be part of me?"

"I was a part of you. I still am, to a degree. What are you doing?"

"Writing."

"To?"

"I don't know."

"Then why do you do it?"

"I hope that someone will never find it, but I also hope that if they do… they realize a lot of things about their own life. Maybe they can find happiness where I could not."

"Sounds like you still have good wishes for the world."

Nny flinched at that, his pen stopping, bleeding into the page. "Wishing doesn't do anyone any good. I know that."

"You're right."

Silence fell again and Johnny returned to writing about his life. He wished there were something a little less depressing to tell his reader, but he could not think of anything else.

"So this is where you end up, Johnny C. You've finally caved to your own mind, you've given in to that demon a few floors down."

Johnny sighed, staring at the contraption before him. It served no purpose other than to torture people. The wooden block he had sanded was rounded so someone could lay uncomfortably on top of it. Chains and ropes hung from the ceiling, laced with wires that would send electricity racing down into the metal bands he had fashioned for restraints. One for the head and one for each of the limbs. The head-band could tighten, cutting off circulation and making for some interesting shows. With someone restrained in this, he could easily torture them without putting himself in danger, or getting any of the blood on him. The most outlandish feature of this contraption was that there was no way to collect blood that would no doubt fall. This he had not built for Patch… but for himself.

"What's the matter? Can't face the truth of the matter? Johnny C, you should remove yourself from this society before you do real damage."

"What, kill myself?"

"Yes."

"I couldn't take a knife to myself. I've never found that to be very appealing."

"Use a gun."

"I hate using guns on people. It's so… detached. It puts me too far away from the person I'm killing, and I'd like to stay as close to me as possible."

"It's the easiest way. It's important enough to merit the use of a gun, I think."

"I couldn't kill myself anyhow."

"Why not? You've killed so many others, it'd be just one more tally mark."

"There isn't anyone to take care of Jill. I'm still taking care of her."

"If you don't kill yourself, take yourself away from her, you'll end up hurting her. You'll end up killing her like you've killed so many others."

"NO!" Johnny shouted, covering his ears, trying to block the voice out.

"It's the only way."

"FUCK YOU!" Johnny threw the figurine across the room and whirled around on his heels. His boots made hauntingly hollow thunks as he flew up the stairs. His betrayal of himself stung, bit deeply into him and did not let go. D-boy was right… He did want all of this to just end. Maybe there wasn't a point after all.

Johnny sat on the steps, journal in his lap, scrawling furiously. His entire front was flecked with blood from the most recent of deaths. The contraption just a floor above Patch was one of his favorites, because it made collecting blood so painlessly easy for him. He didn't have to deal with a mess, and he didn't have to touch too much blood to do it. Patch couldn't complain because next to no blood was wasted, and it could be used over and over again whenever the beast needed blood.

He paused in writing only long enough to glance up at Patch. The beast was crouched over the basin, long, thin tongue lapping the blood like a cat drinks water. The rough spikes coating his tongue caught blood between them and ridges along the roof of the beast's mouth cleaned them. Johnny supposed that those spikes had been the reason Patch could so completely clean a carcass of blood.

"Is that enough? Can I leave you down here for a while longer."

**You never come to talk, anymore.**

"You're not exactly my favorite person to talk to."

**That hurts.**

The sarcasm in the beast's voice surprised Nny. He usually did not hear much emotion at all. "You **do** try to warp my brain and convince me to kill my little sister. You're not exactly very nice about it, either."

**If you would listen to me like you are supposed to, we would get along fine.**

"We get along fine."

**Speaking of Jill, how is she? Dead yet?**

"No, and she isn't going to be. She's fine."

**How long do you think that will last?**

"Longer than you will if you keep it up."

**I've stopped tampering with your brain. You've been keeping me out.**

"I've been keeping you out or you've lost your ability to?"

Silence.

"There's not really a good answer to that, is there? Either way you've given me too much information. If I've been keeping you out it means you're slowly losing to me… Which means I will be able to beat you. If you've lost your ability to re-arrange my brain… That means you're losing power, which also means I'll be able to beat you eventually. So which is it?"

**How are your drawings coming?**

"Hn. They look like shit. I can't paint for shit. I'm down to just sketching things again, bad sketches of bad things. My creativity is being leeched, though I don't know where it's ending up."

**That figurine, perhaps?**

"I don't think so. No motive."

**Do you have a motive to kill?**

"I have to feed you."

**That isn't the only reason you kill, anymore, now is it?**

Johnny sighed. "Enjoy your blood, you won't be getting any more for a while." He ceased writing again and rose, closing the book. He turned to begin the journey back to the surface level.

Johnny lay on his bed, scribbling senseless ramblings into his journal. He was waiting for the paint to dry on the second pastry figurine he had taken home with him. He wouldn't be going back to that shop… It seemed they could not hire decent employees. Everyone was so RUDE in this world. He wondered, sometimes, why he ever even bothered to put up with the world. Though there were a few exceptions.

A few weeks ago he'd met a girl he had thought he had really fallen for. She had simply LOVED Jill, and thought it was really great that he was taking care of her after their parents died. He had almost settled in, calmed down enough to think rationally for the first time in years. He had let her stay for a couple of nights here and there and they were always sure not to wake Jill. Nny had even considered giving up killing people, considered going through the hell it would take to rid himself of Patch forever. The chance never came, though, because she disappeared one day. He had looked all over for her, thrown himself into a frenzy of unthinking murders when he could not find her anywhere. 

He had tried to find the feelings he had felt when he was around her dozens of times, and each time it failed either because he terrified the girl or killed her. Either seemed pretty damaging at that point. He had given up, eventually and succumbed to D-boy's incessant pleas for him to kill himself… but he had taken the last of the bullets from his gun days ago, and had put away his knives when he had gotten so close with that girl. Now he was sullenly writing in his journal, gun on his bedside table near him, unused. There was another voice in the room, one he didn't want to listen to.

"Are you even listening to me?"

"No."

"Fuck."

"Exactly…"

"I'm trying to tell you something important, here."

"Like?"

"You need to kill again, you're driving yourself crazy. You haven't killed in over a week! Just get out there and do something about that."

"I don't want to kill people."

"Sure you do!"

"No, I don't."

"Yes you do!"

"Who **are** you, anyhow? I don't remember hearing you before."

"I'm Mr. Fuck. You've met me before. Think of me as… your sickness."

Johnny copied that down into his journal. "So you're like D."

"NO." Mr. Fuck spat vehemently. "I'm nothing like him."

"You look like him."

"You look human."

"Fuck you."

"I'm not like him. I don't do the whole 'depression' thing nearly as well. I'm your manic side."

"Okay… But D left because he was disappearing. Why are you out?"

"Yet another reason I am not like him. There was too much of me to be contained. I had to spread out, like a disease, you could say."

"I really hate being sick." Johnny returned to writing.

**Like I said… You have both escaped with my help.**

"But WHY did you let us out." It was D's voice, sounding rather pissed.

**Because I am going to need you. I cannot leave this place without external aid.**

"So you need us, eh?" That was Eff.

**Yes.**

The beast's distaste at having to admit to that was evident. "Well I won't help you with anything. You're twisting him into things he should not be. He has become a serious threat to society." D retorted.

**Society breeds the people he kills as though they were rabbits. They are replaced so quickly no one notices the absence of the ones he takes. You want him to remove himself, I am giving you a means to do so.**

"What do you mean?"

**I need him to either cooperate with me or die. You want him dead, too.**

"I see where you're going with this and I don't like it!!!" Eff shouted, interrupting them. "If he dies, we'll disappear."

**I will give you real bodies, then, ones that are your own. You can be free moving.**

"We can't really trust you on that, now can we?" Eff sneered.

**You will have to.**

"I will side with you on this." D interjected. "It will remove him from society."

"D! Listen to yourself! You want to trade one horror for another?"

"No. I don't believe 'Patch' could make it into the real world. Someone would have something to say about it."

**Those sacks cannot stop me once I am free. They have no way to lock me once I have escaped.**

"Then I guess we'll be working together."

Johnny was terrified, scribbling everything he heard into his journal so that he could sort through it later. He didn't know why he could hear them all so clearly, speaking to one another. He had woken up, disturbed by something outside of his dream world. The voices had been discussing this for the last half an hour, and Nny was beginning to get an idea of what was going on. They were all using him to their own advantage. Hopelessness had set in as soon as he had come to that conclusion, and his world was narrowing into one big ball of feeling alone, divided, separated from everything around him. Even, he supposed after hearing all of that, himself.

"You know you want to."

"Shut up. I'm not listening."

"That's a lie. Kill her, Johnny."

"No."

"She's getting in your way."

"She's fine."

"She almost caught you dragging that man in the other night."

"No, she didn't."

"If you killed her," D-boy broke in, "You wouldn't have a reason to stay here. You could rest peacefully. Finally find a place to relax in."

"Leave me alone."

"We can't, you know that."

"Then be quiet. Save your noise."

"If she were gone, think of all the lives you could save. You wouldn't kill anyone anymore, you could be you again."

"Because I would be dead."

"Doesn't that sound nice?" D-boy's painted face grinned at him from the corner.

"No. It sounds rather dead to me."

"Death can be fun, though!" Eff tried.

"No." Johnny rose, exiting the room with his journal. With these two tag-teaming him with arguments to kill himself and his little sister, he feared he would never concentrate. His artwork had already gone to hell, he didn't want that to happen to his writing, as well.

Patch was waiting docilely for him near the bottom of the basement levels. The basin was newly empty, the urge to kill for blood had subsided more than an hour ago. Johnny sat carefully against the wall by the stairs, and opened his journal again to write. Patch seemed to watch him for a long while as he described everything that was running through his mind. There was quite a lot to fill the pages with. Finally, Patch shifted and turned his toothy snout to face Johnny.

"Don't you start with me, too. I don't want to hear it." Nny grumbled before Patch could even say a word to him.

**I wasn't planning on it.**

"Oh? Then were you planning on telling me to go kill some more people or asking me if you could twist my brain a little more? Perhaps thinking about telling me that I need to start doing more than just killing people?"

**I was going to ask if I could see some of your art.**

"Oh." There was a long silence. "No."

**Why not? You always liked to show them to me.**

"I haven't turned out a single note-worthy piece since I painted those figurines. Everything is turning to shit around me, and there is nothing I can do to stop it."

**There are ways to stop it.**

"Don't."

**You're just unwilling to take those paths.** **They are open to you, though.**

"FUCK! Doesn't anyone have anything original to say to me?! Death this and Death that… give me a fucking break already! I'm tired of this shit." He slammed the journal closed and stormed back upstairs.

_Dear Die-ary, Remember how I tried to stop feeding Patch? Well, he's not really appreciating it very much. He's been screaming for three straight days now. I wonder if mental voices can be lost from screaming too much. I mean, if it's not really sound, can one's voice get hoarse? I have a pounding headache, you'll have to excuse my writing if it is not up to its usual standards. Hopefully this will all be over soon. The doughboys, at least, have mercifully stopped talking to me. They sit there in my room, not saying a word to me. I wonder if they can hear Patch screaming and screaming and screaming. He really needs to learn to relax. Anyhow, things are… not exactly as good as I would like them to be going. I feel drained of all my energy… I am putting every ounce of strength I have left in me toward keeping myself from killing anyone. Especially Jill. I refuse to give in to them… However, I do not know for how much longer she is safe. It seems as though every time I stop writing or trying to draw something, I am overcome with a need to kill something. I know most of it is merely Patch, projecting an emotion so that I will bring him food. What scares me is that there is a part of me that does not kill people for Patch. It's a part of me that grows larger every day. On a happier note… I'm going to be 21 soon. In case that matters to you…_

_ Dear Die-ary, I am shaking so badly that I fear you cannot read my writing. I can hardly read it and I have only just written it. I've been crying and crying for hours now and it seems that crying does no good, it does not bring the dead back. I was laying on my bed, half asleep, when I heard Patch clearly tell me "I've won." A feeling of dread overtook me and I raced to the lower levels to find him… Only to discover that I wished I had never left my bed in the first place. He was there, poised above my sister's body. She was dead, there was nothing I could have done to save her at that point. His jaws were coated in so much of her blood it almost made me sick. He told me that because I would not bring him blood he brought the blood to himself._

_ I panicked, then. My brain shut down and I was taken over with anger. I rather literally took a block of wood to Patch's head, beating him until he ceased to move. I left as quickly as I could and returned with enough wood to keep him contained. I moved him against one of the walls in the lower levels, and created an entirely new wall in front of him. He is trapped, surrounded by wood, the one thing he cannot get through. He is screaming terrible things at me now, but I am ignoring them for the most part. I don't want to listen to him anymore. I can't find my doughboys, it is as though they have gotten up and walked away. That worries me._

_ Anyhow, this is to be my last entry. I don't know if I will pick up a journal again after this. I don't even know if I will survive this. I'm going to hide this journal someplace that I will never find it again. I don't want to remember any of this. I don't want to ever have to remember the look of terror and pain on my little sister's face. I never want to see that look on a child ever again. Children are the innocence that I will never have again. I'm going to clean out Jill's room, but I'm going to keep the dresser. I like the mirror on it, it shows so much of myself… It's broken, like me. I hope that you have read this through entirely, and that you know that life is good because it is not my life. I hope that you will enjoy your life even more knowing that the terrible things that have happened here have not happened to you, and more than likely never will. I won't stop killing people, I know. The best I can hope for is to some day feel regret enough to listen to D-boy and remove myself from society. The next time you read from me, if you do… I hope I don't remember any of this, and that I am happy, though I don't deserve it. Why does it hurt so much?_

~_Nny_

Devi slowly closed the book. She had been reading almost all night. It hurt to think about everything that Nny had been through, all the countless conversations he had held with the voices in his head. If she had gone through half of what he had she knew she would have caved as well. Had she been affected by Sickness from such a young age, the outcome between them would have been wildly different. She might have ended up much like Nny had. She set the notebook into the box, the dried blood on her hands making the skin feel tight, almost immobile. She put her head back and closed her eyes. 

Devi woke to the feeling of someone watching her. She opened her eyes slowly and saw Squee standing before her. His large, brown eyes caught her brilliant green ones, and held them. Long moments passed before the terror in those wavering orbs managed to pierce through the fog of sleep that had fallen over her. She sat up suddenly, worried. Squee took a few rapid steps backward, obviously afraid of getting too close to her. Confusion set in and she tried to look as non-threatening as possible.

"What's wrong…?"

"Did you kill someone…?" Squee's hesitant whisper was so quiet she almost didn't hear him.

"No," Her brows furrowed at the odd question. "What makes you think that?"

Squee hugged Shmee tightly to himself. "You've got blood all over your hands, just like Nny used to sometimes when he came to visit me."

Devi glanced down to her hands, holding in an explicative or two. "Um. It's my blood. I hurt myself in the Broken Room."

Squee's terror vanished, replaced by childish worry. "Are you okay?!" He squeaked.

"I think I'll be okay. It's not as bad as it looks." She turned her hands over, looking at the backs of them. Fuck. Why do I always end up with bandaged hands?

"I have to go to school."

"Oh, Squee, you're late, aren't you! I'm sorry I wasn't up, I'll drive you." She rose, rinsing her hands in the kitchen sink as best she could before leaving.

She pulled up to the school a little while later, and Squee sat in the passenger seat, staring at the building for a long moment. "She's going to be mad that I'm late." He whispered, opening the door to climb out.

"Do you need me to come in and excuse you?"

"Um… If you want."

"Sure, let me go park real quick." She parked and was soon following Squee into his school. It was not too terribly different than she remembered her own elementary school being. The ceiling was low, the lockers were fairly big and still open. There were backpacks and junk shoved into the holes. Every classroom they passed seemed to hush up and stare at them as they walked. She thought they were never going to reach Squee's classroom, but he finally turned into a doorway. The teacher stopped abruptly and stared at them as though they had just caused the universe to implode.

"You're late, Todd. Take your seat."

"It's my fault he's late, Miss…"

"Mrs. Bitters. Why did you detain him?"

"Because I'm evil. He's not in trouble, is he?"

"He shouldn't be late."

Devi stared at the teacher for a moment. "Are you calling me fat?"

The teacher was slightly taken aback as she stared at the girl standing beside her desk, one hand on her thin hip. "No…"

"Do you think I'm stupid, is that it? Don't answer that. Are you looking for a fight?!" Devi asked dangerously.

"No."

"Is Squee in trouble?"

"No."

"Good." She brightened suddenly, barely containing her laughter at the very confused expression Mrs. Bitters now sported. It was truly the funniest thing she had seen in days. "Then I will be on my way. Have a good day, Squee!" She waved as she exited, a giant grin plastered to her face.

Devi sat on the couch again, after seeing Squee to bed. She had done a lot of thinking over the course of the day, and had not really gotten any closer to a conclusion than when she had started reading. The fifth journal, the most recent one, had begun disoriented, disjointed expressions and feelings. Nny didn't know where he was or where he had been. He remembered his name, and that was about it. The doughboys had started talking to him almost immediately, but there was no mention of Patch speaking again. Only the controlling urge to kill. He had started painting the wood that contained Patch, the blood seeping through to the other side where Patch's tongue would no doubt get to it. He had lost all sanity by this point, and she found that after everything she had read… She pitied him, she worried for him, she… loved him.

"I want him home now." She whispered, staring at all the pages of writing. She wanted him back but she knew he had gone. There was no guarantee that he would ever return, no way to tell for sure if it would be tomorrow or the day after never. She effectively had his house, all his belongings, his entire past around her… Everything was there but him. And how **dare** he walk out like he did, just pick up and leave me here to worry about him. I'm going to kill him when he gets back. It frustrated her to no end, and the strain of thought only ran around and around in her brain for several hours.

She was brought out of her endless circle when she noticed that her shirt was… glowing. Yes, she was very, very tired, but she didn't think she was THAT tired just yet. She stared for a long, long moment at the glowing shirt before it dawned on her that perhaps her clothing was not glowing, but that something beneath it was. She touched the brightest glowing spot and her fingertips met with something small and solid. Her crystal! How had she forgotten! She followed the chain down to the small amulet and pulled it out of her shirt. It was glowing a brilliant red color. She tried to remember if Nny had said that that meant something, but didn't think that he had. Logical deduction brought her to a conclusion fast enough, however.

"Something's wrong…" She whispered, terror choking her voice. "Nny's hurt."

The next day was more of the same. She didn't tell Squee about her sneaking suspicion that Nny was in danger, because she didn't want to worry him. Now she sat at the kitchen table, the remains of her lunch untouched before her. The crystal was held delicately in her fingers as she stared at it, wondering what to do. Should she be trying to find him? Start a search party to locate him? Stay here and hope he comes back alive? Was he dead?! There were a million questions and each new one only made matters worse for her to try and discover what was going on.

"Think, Devi!" She chided herself, setting the crystal pendant on the table and putting her head into her hands. "The crystal's glowing. It wasn't glowing when he was fine. He's got to be hurt or worse, somewhere. There is nothing I can do to help from here. Nothing at all except take care of what is here so that if he DOES make it through whatever he is going through… He'll have something good to come home to. He does need something good to come home to… But I can't STAND not DOING something!!!" She vented to herself. "Why is this so difficult?!"

She put her head down on the table. Squee would be home from school soon. Maybe she would ask him what he thought of the situation. Maybe they could come up with a plan, together. Maybe the crystal would stop glowing all on it's own. Maybe… she should stop worrying about it before it really DID drive her insane.

"We have to rescue him." Squee said firmly as he finished listening to her tell him about the crystal.

"We don't even know where he's gone. He's untraceable, to boot, trust me."

"Why can't we find him?"

"I don't know. Something to do with divine intervention. Something is protecting him a LOT from being found and caught. I guess if he's hurt, though… That protection must be wearing off. Maybe we CAN find him."

"We can't go to the police."

"Yes. I agree. They might be able to catch him now. I'll call Tenna. She'll know where to start. I hope."

"You'll have to tell her everything. She doesn't know Nny."

"I know… I'd have to do it sooner or later. Here's my perfect chance." She rose, walking into the main room, where the phone was. Her fingers had Tenna's number memorized. The phone rang several times before picking up.

"*SQUEEEEEEK*… Hello?"

"Tenna?"

"DEVI, OH MY GOD!" Tenna screeched happily, "I thought you'd DIED! I thought you'd been KILLED! Spooky says hello."

"… Hello Spooky."

"*SQUEEK*"

"Tenna, listen." Devi started, taking a seat on the floor next to the table. "I've got a kind of long story that I know you want to hear, and I might not have a lot of time to tell it in. So I need you to not talk until I'm done."

"All right, Devi. But Spooky makes no promises."

The story had taken most of the night to tell to her best friend. Surprisingly after the first few minutes Tenna had become deathly silent, and Spooky hadn't made a noise since. Devi told her everything she had learned about Nny's past, fully expecting that Tenna would not believe much if she believed any of it at all. She still wasn't sure **she** believed all of it, but she didn't have a choice at the moment. Face value, must take things at face value she had repeated over and over to herself over the past couple of days. It was Saturday now, and she was waiting patiently for Tenna to call her back with a plan. She checked her watch again… Five minutes had passed since she had last checked. Time seemed to be slowing to a crawl.

Finally, around noon, the phone rang. Devi picked it up with a hasty greeting. "Hello?!"

"Hey, it's me. I've put the word out about this guy. So long as he hasn't skipped town we should know where he is by nightfall. If he **has** skipped town we're going to have to come up with a new plan. Let's take this little by little."

"Thank you, Tenna. I don't know where you make your friends, but I'm glad you've got them." Devi relaxed. So all she had to do was wait a little bit to see if anyone could find him within the city limits. Somehow she doubted that he would have stayed within the city, but it was a starting place. She didn't need this turning into a 'purloined letter' incident where they searched the globe over only to find that he'd stayed in the town and was right under their noses the entire time. She would be royally pissed if that happened. So Tenna was right… slow and careful was the way to go with this. "Want to go get something to eat?"

"I know the BEST noodle place…"

"Any luck?" Squee asked as he closed the front door and wearily dropped his backpack on the ground by the doorframe.

"No word yet. Tenna's going to call around ten, though. Hopefully she'll have found something. What about you?"

"Pepito says Nny isn't exactly dead yet."

"Isn't exactly dead?"

"Yes…"

"He wouldn't tell you where he is?"

"He isn't supposed to. His dad was pretty mad he told us Nny wasn't dead. Pepito ignored his dad, cause he wants me to join his undead army thing. Anyhow, he did say that he couldn't find Nny at all… Which is pretty weird"

"Like… a he's good at hiding can't find him or a he doesn't exist can't find him…?"

"I think the second, but Pepito said it had to be the first. His dad says no one just disappears anymore."

"That's got to be interesting, to have Satan as your father…"

"I guess." Squee slipped past her and into the kitchen. "Can I help you make dinner tonight?"

"Sure." She said, rising. She had been trapped inside her own mind since she had dropped Tenna off at their apartment building. There had been a lot of worrying to start out, but she was getting a little more confident that Nny would either be okay or they would find him. That he wasn't dead helped to ease her conscience quite a bit.

"All the stuff we figured out is in my backpack. I'm going to have to put my school stuff back in for Monday. I'm glad it's a weekend."

Devi felt a pang of guilt. "I'm sorry to bring your Saturday down, Squee. I know there are better things for a kid to be doing. I promise tomorrow, we can play."

"It's okay. I don't really get to play much at my house. No one ever comes over. My dad is always busy and my mum never pays attention anyhow. Shmee doesn't really like playing games, so mostly I just try to sit quietly and write stories and stuff."

She felt a sort of renewed hatred for Squee's parents. She would definitely have to find him someplace nice. Maybe Tenna knew someone who would take him and take CARE of him, more importantly. "What do you want for dinner?" She changed the subject carefully, hoping to take his mind off of anything bad.

"You can pick. I like the stuff you make, it's always good."

Devi checked the fridge and the one cupboard they had managed to fill. There was not a lot left. "Y'know… Why don't we order pizza? No work for either of us tonight!" She exclaimed, smiling. "Unless you want to do the pizza dance."

Squee looked genuinely confused. "The what?"

"The PIZZA DANCE!" Devi cried, getting up and scrambling for the phone, "C'mon!" She picked up the phone, dialing her favorite pizza place and waiting for it to ring. "Pizza!" She exclaimed when the person picked up. "We'd like a… CHEESE! Pizza! Yes. A cheese pizza. A big one. Yes. 777… Um." She covered the mouthpiece. "Squee… what street are we on?"

Squee shrugged, wondering why Devi had suddenly gone insane.

Devi gave him a 'well-you're-no-help' look and uncovered the mouthpiece. She quickly gave them her own address. They took the order and she hung up the phone. "Hm…" She gave Squee a very mischievous look seconds before scooping him and up making a wild run for her car. He screamed the entire way until she set him down. He stared at her wide eyed as she got into the car.

She stopped to look at him. "C'mon! We've got to race them to my house!! Hurry or we'll never make it in time!"

He stared for a second longer and then mechanically opened the door. He didn't know what had gotten into her, but it was almost comical to watch. "Why didn't you just check the street here?"

"Because it's more fun this way. See? We get an adventure AND a meal!"

"Oh…"

"And the pizza dance."

"We mustn't forget that part." Squee said rather seriously.

They arrived at Devi's apartment building and she squealed to a stop in her parking place, making a mad leap from her car and nearly tackling the pizza-boy who was just entering the building. She shoved a twenty into his hands and he took off as fast as was humanly possible. She cackled evilly for a moment before a squeek sounded behind her, stopping her cold in her tracks. She turned slowly and saw the glowing white face of Spooky in the darkened doorway. Tenna slowly moved into the light.

"Pizza! PIZZA DANCE!"

"WHOOT!"

Squee had finally caught up with Devi and was looking between the two of them. "What IS the pizza dance?"

Tenna grinned evilly. "You have much to learn, young Skywalker." She quoted.

"I'm Squee…"

This earned everyone a long, awkward silence before Devi perked up and hoisted the pizza box into the air and shouted "Pizza dance!" She started marching up the stairs as Tenna picked up Squee and put him on her shoulders. It was time to forget a few troubles and have a bit of fun.

The phone rang halfway through the pizza dance. Devi paused in mid-march and looked curiously at the phone, as though trying to decide what it was. Squee raced over to the little boom-box they had playing and pressed the button with his small finger. The room was plunged into silence. The phone rang again and Tenna walked over to it, giving Spooky a tiny Squeek. She picked it up in the middle of the third ring.

"…Hello?… … Yeah." There was a long pause and Devi could hear the tiny, metallic voice talking hollowly on the other end, though she couldn't understand what it was saying. Tenna was nodding slowly, glancing solemnly between the other two in the room with her, as though they could hear what was going on. "Okay. Well, thanks. Keep your eyes open, will you? I want to know when he comes back into town."

"No sign of him…" Devi said. She wasn't sure if she'd meant it to be a question or a statement, and it came out a little of both.

"Not yet. He said they'll call me when they get word of it." She watched Devi's face fall a tiny bit, the only disappointment she would let show. Tenna tried to smile and kissed Devi's cheek with Spooky. "Spooky says cheer up. We'll find him."

"Does he now?"

"Shmee says we'll find him, too." Squee added from his post beside the boom-box. "He says don't be sad. Nny can take care of himself."

Devi smiled. She had dealt with a lot of assholes in her time, met a lot of bad people and seen a lot of bad things done… But it was the people like the ones she was standing with right now that made her life still worth living. She didn't know how she ever found the good people of the world, but here they were, smiling and keeping everything sane… Well… maybe sane isn't exactly the word… 

Devi woke early Sunday morning. She didn't know what had woken her, but she was wide awake. She threw her gaze around the room, trying to see if anything had changed. Squee was still in the bedroom, everything was quiet. The front door was locked. The windows were neatly boarded over, courtesy of her and Squee one night when they had gotten cold. The moon shone through the plexi-glass they had bolted over several strips, instead of wood. It's light filled the room, the only defender to chase away the darkness around her. There was nothing out of place.

Or was there.

Her hand flew to her crystal. It was stone dark again. She studied it for a long time, trying to decide if she were dreaming or not. It definitely did not feel like a dream, and she was pretty sure when it came to these sorts of things. She rose and headed for the bedroom, walking down the thin hallway and up the two barely risen steps. Squee was laying awake on the bed, staring with wide eyes at the entrance of the room. He relaxed when he saw it was only her. She leaned against the doorframe and smiled, though she didn't think he could see her very well in the darkness.

"Still awake?"

"Sort of. Shmee woke me up when he heard you coming. Are you scared?"

"No. I don't think anything could scare me anymore."

"Hey… where's your crystal?"

"Right here." She said, holding it up for him to see.

"It's dark! Does that mean Nny is okay now?"

"I certainly hope so. I don't know anything else to do if he wasn't. We saw how much luck we have at finding him."

"Um, Devi?"

"Yeah?"

"Can we still play tomorrow?"

She smiled. "Yeah. We can still play."

He closed his eyes and snuggled down with Shmee. "Okay. I liked playing today. Good night, Devi."

"G'night Squee."

"Now, where could he BE!" Devi called in a loud voice, staring around the room in a very exaggerated way. She was rewarded with a small giggle from the corner. There really wasn't a whole lot of space to hide, as there was not a whole lot of stuff in the house. She walked slowly over to the couch and stood before it, casting her gaze this way and that, anywhere BUT the couch. "I think he's hidden too well for me."

Squee could not contain himself any longer. "I'm right here!!!" He squealed, jumping out from behind the couch. There was a quiet, almost unheard clink and they both froze to look down at the little, dusty metal key that had hit the floor from inside the couch. He bent down and picked it up, handing it carefully to her.

"Wonder what this goes to?" She pondered, turning it over in her hands. It didn't look like a car key, because only one side was serrated. The locked doorway a few feet away seemed to come screaming into view, begging to be tested. "Squee… sit on the couch, please."

Squee came around the edge of the couch and sat quietly on the couch, a little scared. She put the key into the door and turned. There was a hollow thunk as the bolt slid home, unlocking the door. It creaked open as she pulled on it, and the darkness was almost a force of it's own. She tried to find a light switch, but there was not one within her range of vision. It must be at the base of the steps. She glanced to Squee, and he looked rather terrified. If she were forced to say, she would admit to being rather scared as well. The basement to Nny's house was very uninviting after everything she had read was supposed to have taken place down there.

"Squee… Just stay here, okay? I'll be back up in a minute." Without looking over to him, she started down the stairs.

The darkness was complete until she reached the floor, only determining that it was indeed the floor when there were no more steps for her feet to feel out. She found the wall and soon after, the light-switch. As the lights flickered to life, she desperately wished that she had not found the switch at all. Her toes were millimeters away from a giant blood-stain on the floor, one that seemed fairly fresh. It had to have been Jimmy's blood, the child Nny had told her about the first night she was here. She closed her eyes and returned upstairs, knowing that she would have to explore the basement further. But not with Squee still here. He's going to have to go home for a night. She thought, feeling a little sick at thinking about what she might find.

"Are you okay?"

"Go home."

"What?"

"Go home." She repeated coldly. She was trying her hardest to control herself, to keep from having a breakdown. So there really is a basement, and it really does contain a horror or two… She mused, her eyes unfocused.

"Oh… Okay… Um… I'll come check on you tomorrow, okay? Please don't die…" He said, grabbing Shmee and his backpack from the front door. It clicked quietly behind him and Devi was left to herself once again.

Devi lay on the couch in the front room. The door to the basement was standing open. She had spent nearly five hours down there, exploring every single room, every single floor and matching up machines with the sketches Nny had drawn and put into his journal. Most of them matched almost exactly. That, perhaps, was not the scariest thing about the basement. The scary part was that she could only find machines to match a little more than half of the drawings. She wondered if he had simply run out of time or materials or if he had stopped himself from building them. Either way, all of them were heavily stained in blood. The contraption he had mentioned many times over that was meant purely for gathering blood into a basin had been very close to the bottom.

Several floors up from that was the worst, by far. She had found the wall that he had locked Patch behind, torn to shreds and covered with blood. The wall directly across from it was smeared with blood, shackles ripped from their holdings. It had been a moment of pure clarity, where she had seen that everything he had ever written into his journals had been true. That the every horror he had written to of endured had happened quite vividly to him. He had killed hundreds of people in that basement, and she found the evidence of that everywhere she looked. She had collapsed on the bottom floor, when she reached it, and cried for a long time. No sunlight reached this far down, and the bottom floor was filled with junk, broken equipment, and bones.

The entire experience had left her feeling drained. She clutched the picture of Nny and his family in her hands, staring through it as though she could divine an answer from that, an absolution for Nny. She wished she could find him a redemption for all the things he had done and had done to him over the years. Hatred welled in her for that monster he had raised, the one who had so mechanically changed Nny's brain into almost as much of a monster. She wondered if he would have the strength to work through all of that, or if he would cave to his own mind again. The vow to lend him the support he needed was unspoken, though just as binding in her eyes.

She closed her eyes and lay her head back, thoughts rolling around inside her head. "Nny, when are you coming back?" She questioned the silence.

The doorknob began to turn, and Devi's entire body froze.

Notes:

Yay! How was that? I hope you are all pleased for at least a day or three, now. I don't know when I will have the next chapter, and I know it will not be this long… but it will be a cliffhanger, I hope. I feel a little evil… scratch that, I feel a little dead. Oh… And by the by… You have all read over 100 pages of this... Why are you still here? Is there something wrong with you that you would go through reading all of this and still want more? *grins* Well, that makes me happy, at any rate. Please feel free to review and tell me what I'm doing right/wrong. Thanks so much and I hope to see you all again!


	18. Part Three: Enough To Stay

I still do not own JTHM, the characters therein, or any of the ideas behind it.

((AN: This is the chapter the entire story was written for… Now you know why you've been reading.))

Enough to Stay

Chap 5: Enough to Stay

Nny turned the knob on his door, surprised to find it unlocked. Had Devi forgotten to lock it when she left? I DID leave a key, didn't I? He wasn't so sure that he had. The door swung open with a whining squeak and he stepped inside carefully reaching for the light switch. The second the light was on his nerves flared to life and he ducked, only narrowly avoiding the object flying at his head. He whirled around to see what had been so unceremoniously thrown at him, and spotted an old picture frame. Another crash as a coffee mug hit the wall just above his head, and he dropped as close to the ground as he could come without laying on it.

"What the hell?!" He snarled, wondering if perhaps someone had escaped his basement. He didn't THINK he'd left anyone down there… His eyes fell on the figure half-perched on the arm of his couch, hand raised to chuck a glass at him. "Devi…?" He questioned carefully, not moving.

Has she been waiting here all this time to try to kill me? He thought, rapidly becoming both confused and a little scared. It wasn't supposed to happen like that…

"…Nny…?" Her voice sounded tired, frightened and highly confused.

"Yes… Devi? Why are you in my house?" He got to his feet, still wary. She had not moved the glass to throw it, but she also had not moved the glass to put it down.

"You… You're back."

"Yes. Yes I am. Um… Are you going to throw that at me?"

She looked at the mug as though unable to determine why she still had it in her hand. The quiet clink of the glass against the table as she set it down was almost deafening in the silence. Nny stood very, very still as he watched her. She almost laughed, but it was far too serious a situation for her to muster the strength to do so. The tables seemed so turned around. His eyes drifted slowly to the basement door, which she had left open. The front door clicked behind him as he pushed it closed, breaking the silence without looking at her. She fidgeted for a moment before casting her gaze to the floor with a sigh.

"I found your basement, Nny." She said quietly. It was not quite an accusation.

Although that wasn't exactly the reaction he had been expecting, it was one that he could handle. "Oh." His eyes flickered back and forth from the basement door to the doorframe, as though trying to decide if it were actually open and if there was time to prevent her from seeing it. The rational side of his brain would have told him it was already too late, and that realization dawned on him a moment later than it should have. "I see."

Devi really didn't know what to say. She hadn't planned farther than telling him that she had found it. Truthfully that hadn't been the reaction she had been expecting, but then again, she didn't know what to expect any more. "It was… big."

"It is very… big." Nny agreed, finally shifting his eyes to look at her. "How did you… It was locked."

She motioned to the key, which was still in the doorknob's lock. His eyes drifted to it, and he stared carefully for a full minute before he seemed to understand why it was there. He turned his eyes back to her and moved a few steps into the room, toward the basement. She froze seconds before he did. It was obvious that she was still a little unsure about him. Raising his hands a little bit in a show of harmlessness, he walked past her and swiftly closed and locked his basement, and returned the key to his pocket instead of its previous hiding place.

"There wasn't any…"

"No. Just machines."

"Oh."

There was a drawn out silence. Nny sat staring blankly into the space directly in front of him, as though he could see something that she could not. Devi slowly backed up and perched on the couch cushion, watching him as intently as ever. He didn't appear to be coming to a fast conclusion, and she was unsure about how damaging it would be to let him have time enough to think himself into a potentially dangerous state of mind. Finally, she cleared her throat and looked pointedly at him. His gaze slowly turned to fall on her and she took a breath.

"I ah… I found your journals, too. The ones in the other room."

"I only had one." He said quietly. "It was in my bedroom. I left it behind because I have a new one now."

Devi raised an eyebrow, considering his words. It occurred to her that he may only remember **one** of his journals, that the others would have been forgotten when he apparently washed everything else from his mind. Wouldn't he have **found** them again, though? I mean, he had them in a box, sort of filed. As much as anything in that room was filed. Well, neatly put away. Sort of. … Focus, Devi, damn. A.D.D. much? She shook her head to clear her thoughts and focused on him again.

"You don't remember them, I'm pretty sure, but they are yours."

"But I didn't… how do you know?" He asked curiously, calmly. She was scared something was going to snap at any minute, and she wanted to be as careful as she could in making sure that he remained calm for the moment. She was relieved that she had sent Squee home earlier.

"You introduce yourself in the beginning of them. It seemed like a logical jump to suppose that they were yours…"

"… Yes." Nny said after a moment of thought. "Yes, that does seem to make sense. What did they say?"

"A lot. A whole lot. Nothing important to this very moment, but you should… y'know, read through them."

"Oh."

Once again, silence fell between them. She fidgeted with the edge of the couch and tried to keep her attention focused on him, but was doing a rather poor job of it. There was just not a whole lot to say. No… she thought to herself dejectedly, There is an entire WORLD of things to say… there's just no good way to say it… She watched him move across the room again, toward the kitchen. He stopped before he reached the door, and turned around, a confused, thoughtful look on his face.

"I'm sorry." He said, as though it cleared up far more confusion than it actually did. He started to turn to enter the kitchen.

"Nny." She called, a short, hesitant syllable. He tensed and turned around to face her again, not entirely sure what to expect from that tone of voice.

"…Yes?"

"Why did you leave…?" Her eyes betrayed her pain at having to ask the question.

His brow furrowed a tiny bit as he thought, eyes closing. They remained motionless for another impossibly long silence until he finally opened his eyes and gave her only a tiny shrug. "There was a lot to think about."

"You could have thought about it here…"

He sighed, staring intently at the floor. "I could have. However, I have been thinking about it here for the past three or four years… And we see how far that seems to have gotten me."

"It would have been different now. You have help, you don't have to do this alone, you know."

"Some things… just need to be done alone. Sometimes a change of scenery is required to change one's view. A new perspective on a tired, worn subject. I learned more than I think I really wanted to, and…"

When he trailed off and seemed to wander into his own little world, she waited for as long as she thought she could wait and still stay sane. "And…?"

"And… I think I know more than when I left."

"What did you know when you left?

"Nothing. Absolutely nothing."

"Yes you did. You knew at least one thing."

"I did…?"

"At least you said you did. You wrote in that note to me, the night you disappeared. Do you remember that note?" She gave him a moment to remember and continued only when she saw the light of realization dawn on him. "You wrote that you loved me, Nny."

"Yes…" He said quietly, eyes slightly unfocused as he pulled that memory to the forefront of his mind. After everything that he had gone through, he barely remembered the letter he had written only ten days before. "Yes, I wrote that."

She nodded, swallowing the lump she could feel threatening to form in her throat. "But you didn't love me enough to stay, did you." It was phrased as a question, but was clearly a statement. His eyes refused to meet her, staring steadily at a spot on the floor. She sighed. "Did you, Nny." Her voice left no room for negotiations and answering.

He looked up finally, and stared at her, a pained look in his eyes. She closed her eyes and forced herself to remain stable as she turned away from him, toward the front door. She froze as she felt his soft, slender fingers wrapped around her wrist, detaining her. Her shoulders dropped slightly as she tried to keep herself from breaking down on the spot. She turned to face him and their eyes met. Brilliant green searched deep brown, and he shook his head sadly.

"No." He replied quietly.

End Part Three

Notes:

Er… heh heh. I really hope this is better than the last time around. The last time around was really… I should have run it by my editor first. She would have told me how much it sucked. ^.^() I think this does not suck *as bad*… But hey! Thanks for reading again if you had to suffer through the first time I posted this chapter. Sorry for the serious lack of length. Keep reading to find out what Nny has to say for himself.


	19. Part Four: Mirror Court

Title: Cause and Effect

Series Title: Enough to Stay

Author: Sparkle Itamashii

Warnings: It's rated R for a reason. I'm not liable if you're scarred for life.

Disclaimer: I still do not own JTHM, the characters therein, or any of the ideas behind it.

Cause and Effect

Chap 1: Mirror Court

"No." He replied quietly. His mind drifted over everything he had been through in the past few days. He had lived freely. Everything that had ever tied him down had been left behind in the city when he drove away that morning. Life outside of his restraints could have been everything he had ever wished it could be… he could have started a completely clean slate, without having to come back to try to correct old wrongs, without having to face the past that he was sure he didn't even want to glimpse. "No…" He repeated, a little more loudly. "I loved you enough to come back." He didn't expect her to completely understand that.

She closed her eyes again and gently pulled her wrist free of his hand. "I'm going home, Nny. Read your past and call me tomorrow." 

She slipped past him and out the door, barely making a sound. He closed the door gently after her, not entirely surprised she had chosen to leave. He preferred the solitude of his own company. At least, he thought he did. Turning, he faced the small box of things Devi had salvaged from his storage room. The journals were on top, covering most of what was underneath. The shadows shifted around him as he moved to the couch and sat down next to the box, pulling the first of the journals from where it lay. Things shifted in the box and the journals parted slightly to reveal a few of the other things she had collected. Johnny quickly closed his eyes and tried to block out the voice before he heard it.

"Hey there, Nny. That girl's been reading through all of your things. What do you think of her, eh? You really like her, do-"

CRASH.

Johnny rose, walking away with the journal tucked into his side. The small pile of plaster and dust sitting in the bottom of the box would not be dictating his life any longer. He didn't even notice the blood dripping from his hands.

"I'm sorry that you had to see… well, anything at all, really…" Nny sighed, holding the phone tightly to his ear. "I honestly did not expect you to stay as long as you did."

They had been talking for several hours now, as Devi told Johnny everything that had happened while he was out. They had spent most of the conversation discussing his past, everything that he had read through overnight. Most of his reading had been skimming through the pages trying to remember everything he had forgotten. Devi had spent the night talking to Tenna about it, and the only conclusion they had come to was that he had been experiencing post-traumatic stress syndrome. Amnesia. Though it had been an unusually long time, it had been an unusually traumatizing situation. Now that Nny had read through everything in the journals, though, it was beginning to come back to him, and he was not sure he was going to deal with it any better the second time around.

"It's just more of the past, Nny. It's all gone, done and over with. You can move on. Start over."

"Can I?" He asked, staring somewhat dispassionately at the small box on the couch. He slipped one foot to the floor and rose from his perch on the arm of the couch. "Because I'm not so sure any more. I mean- Um… Wait, hold on a minute. There's someone at the door…"

"Nny? NNY!" 

Devi's voice faded into a background noise as Johnny set the phone down and stepped over to the door. The bell went off again, a dull buzz from the floor just below this one. The electricity was no longer hooked up to anything, and Nny passingly worried that something would catch on fire if he left it like that. He opened the door after a moment, and stared into blank space. There was no one there. His brow furrowed and he started to close the door when he heard a small squeaking noise. Squee was standing there, hiding behind Shmee and staring up at him with large, brown eyes.

"Oh." Johnny said, opening the door enough for him to keep an eye on the child. "Are you lost…?"

"You… You're home!" Squee squeaked nervously, shifting from one foot to the other.

"Yes. Yes I am." That seemed to be the reaction everyone was having to his return…

"Oh." There just was not a whole lot to say to that.

"Are you looking for Devi?" He questioned quietly, shifting on his feet.

Squee seemed to perk up a bit, and relax. "Is she home?"

"Yes. Just not my home. Would you like to talk to her? She's on the phone right now, actually." Johnny opened the door all the way, an invitation for the child to enter.

He was fixed with a scrutinizing stare. "You won't kill me, will you?"

Johnny snickered somewhat bitterly, the noise sounding strange and foreign to his voice. "No, no I won't kill you Squeegee. C'mon in."

Squee carefully stepped over the line separating the inside of Nny's house from the outside, and stood for a moment, just across that threshold. Johnny went and picked up the phone and quickly explained the situation to Devi.

"Devi…?" Squee questioned quietly when he was handed the phone.

"Hey there, Squee. I'm sorry about yesterday, I was just a little scared for you."

"It's okay. Mom and Dad said I could come back, so I was making sure you were okay. Nny's home."

"I know. We've been talking. I think he's ready for us to help him, but I don't know if he knows how to let himself be helped. I don't think anyone's ever tried to help him before. Can you do me a favor?"

"Um…" Squee looked to Shmee, who only smiled blankly back, "Yeah, maybe."

"Why don't you head home for a bit. Once me and Johnny are done talking, maybe we can all go get some dinner, okay?"

"Nmmm…" He thought carefully, glancing between Nny, who was waiting patiently on the couch's arm, and Shmee, who was being unusually silent on the issue. "Okay. Is Tenna going to come, too?"

"I can ask. You have a good day, Squee, we'll see you later tonight."

"Okay. Bye Devi." Squee moved to hang the phone up and Johnny was on his feet saving it within seconds. Squee squealed and scrambled away from Johnny as fast as he could, pressing himself toward the corner. Nny put the phone to his ear carefully, trying to decide which was more important at the moment- letting Devi know what was going on so she didn't panic, or letting Squee know what was going on, so he didn't panic. He managed to accomplish both with one sentence.

"Sorry, I didn't want Squee to hang up on you, is all."

"It's okay." Devi said. For a moment that fear that Nny had hurt Squee had crept up on her. The fear was fading as she chastised herself for jumping to conclusions so quickly.

Squee, on the other hand, wasn't relaxing as well. Nny was still every bit as scary as he had been before he left, but something had changed, and he couldn't figure it out. He took a few deep breaths as he hugged Shmee to his chest as protection and watched Johnny calmly watching him. Finally, Nny turned back to the phone.

"I'll call you back." The phone clicked before Devi had a chance to protest. Nny turned to Squee with a very serious look. "I'm not going to hurt you."

"Promise…?"

"Promise."

"I'm going to go home for a bit, okay? Devi says we can all go out for dinner tonight. Will you come to dinner with us?"

It was on the tip of his tongue to say no, to not want anything to do with the outside world ever again. He bit down on that instinct, however, and nodded a small bit. "Yes. I would like that, I think."

Squee smiled and moved out of his corner slowly. "Okay, then. Bye Nny." He trotted to the front door and exited the house as quietly as possible, leaving Nny to his own thoughts once again. Nny sat for several minutes after watching Squee leave, staring blankly at the backside of his front entrance. Finally, he reached over and dialed Devi's number once more.

"Yes, Mr. Casil. For tonight at least. Okay. Yes." Johnny hung up the phone without so much as a goodbye. He glared at the phone as though it had been the offender, and turned to head for his room. There was not so much that was different. He hadn't been in his room yet, and was surprised to find that the paint that had covered the ceiling was… gone. It looked as though someone had taken a cheese-grater to it, but the paint was no longer there, no longer flaking little red pieces onto his bed. He would have to paint it again with a better color, and clean up the ragged look to the ceiling. 

Kind of like my life. He thought, a little amused as he shrugged into the new trench coat he had bought upon returning home. Smooth over the rough edges and paint over the past with memories of the future.

He knocked on Squee's front door a few moments later, and adjusted his coat nervously. This was the first time he had actually used the front door instead of his tunnel or the window in Squee's bedroom. The door opened and Squee's father gave him a skeptical look before allowing him into the house. Damn. Apparently he didn't go blind… Nny thought tiredly. He had been hoping.

"You're sure you won't keep him?"

"Only for a bit. Just tonight."

"Fine." The father said irritably. "Todd!!" He called toward the upstairs.

There was rapid clunking of little feet as Squee came scrambling downstairs. He looked oddly at Johnny for a moment before hugging Shmee and walking quietly over. Johnny raised an eyebrow, but turned to leave. "Bye Daddy." Squee mumbled as they walked out the front door toward Nny's car. He didn't get a response. Nny smoldered with anger, but held it in check as best he could.

They exited the car at Devi's apartment complex, and Squee ran over to Nny and slipped his free hand into Nny's and continued walking. Nny's eye twitched with the effort of not pulling away at the touch. He could not help tensing, but he managed to keep walking next to Squee until they reached the front entrance. Nny tugged his hand free of Squee's to push the buzzer to Devi's apartment. The speaker above them made a strange buzzing, squeaking noise and Tenna's cackle was heard in the background. The door popped open to let them in.

#Just wait there, we'll be down in a minute!!!# Sang the speaker in a grating, crackling mockery of Tenna's voice.

Nny moved cautiously inside, looking up at the ceiling as though he fully expected it to fall on his head. They could hear the thundering of steps as Devi and Tenna raced one another down to the bottom. A door at the end of the hall burst open and the two came flying out, skidding to a stop a few feet away. They tried to compose themselves without laughing too hard, but were doing a miserable job of it. Tenna grinned when she spotted Nny and Squee.

*SQUEEEK*

"It's our boys!" Tenna quipped cheerily. "So… This is the infamous Nny." She put a hand on her hip and pointed at him with Spooky, "You've caused quite the stir all around, you know that? It's nice to finally meet you."

"Yes." Nny agreed.

"So! Where to?" Tenna held Spooky up and waved him back and forth once in question.

Nny shrugged and the four of them stared between themselves for a moment, thinking of everywhere there was to eat. Squee finally spoke up. "How about Max and Mindy's? I see that sometimes when we go driving, and it looks… fun."

Devi nodded, "I went there once, it's a good place. Who's driving?"

" I will!" Nny said with far too much haste. He wasn't sure he wanted to sit through anyone else driving. Devi gave him a half smile and nodded.

"All right then. Shotgun!" She called, making a bolt for the front seat. Tenna's eyes went wide and she followed a split second later, leaving Nny and Squee to start after them at a little slower pace.

"Are girls always this weird?" Squee asked quietly, before they were within range of the two girls hearing him.

"You know what?… I don't know." Nny replied as he slipped into the driver's seat.

"There, turn there." Devi said, pointing off to the right side of the street.

Nny slowly turned into the parking lot of the little restaurant. It wasn't huge, but it wasn't tiny, either. There was a brightly colored sign out front, sporting the words "Max and Mindy's" in an obnoxious font. Nny parked the car and pulled the parking brake on. Everyone piled out of the car after a moment, and Nny locked the doors. He was getting tired of listening to Spooky and Shmee talk to one another through Tenna and Squee, but he feared he didn't have a choice. He hoped they would just talk normally in the retaurant. Better yet, he hoped they could have a meal in relative silence.

A meal… He thought silently. He realized in that moment that he had no idea what to do here, in such a situation. It had been years since he had been to an actual restaurant with people to have an actual meal. It had been years since he had eaten a real meal period. Spaghettios, canned soups, and sandwiches had consisted of most of his meals over the past few years, along with the occasional snack-foods. Now he had thrown himself into a situation that he had no idea how to deal with. Why does this never occur to me until it's too late?! he thought desperately, freezing.

Devi paused a few steps ahead of him, and turned to see why he had stopped walking. "Nny?"

Tenna and Squee stopped at the doors to turn and look at their two friends. "Devi, everything okay?"

Devi waved Tenna off. "Go ahead, get a table and wait. We'll be in in a minute." She waited until Tenna had ushered Squee inside before she moved carefully to Nny's side. "Nny, what's going on?"

"I…" He looked up at her with that deer-in-the-headlights look. He didn't seem inclined to finish his sentence, and after waiting for a few minutes, Devi sighed.

"I can't help you if you don't tell me what's happening." She prodded.

Nny took a deep breath and calmed himself down, trying to reason everything out. "I haven't been to a restaurant in… a long time."

The deserted state of his kitchen came to her mind, and she understood what his dilemma was. "It's okay. You just go inside, and sit down at the table. They'll bring you menus of what kinds of food they have, and you pick something. They bring it to you after a bit, and then you eat it. They bring the check, we pay, and then we leave and go home. It's simple, see? Harmless."

Nny nodded slowly, processing the procedure. She was right, it did seem to be very uncomplicated, something that was going to be easy for him to get through. "I know. Okay. I just… Okay."

Devi smiled and turned to head inside. "Come on, they'll probably at least have us on the waiting list, if they're not already at a table."

They entered the restaurant, Nny trailing behind Devi, taking in his surroundings. The place was crowded, people all over the place, talking and laughing. His skin was crawling at the thought of all of the people so close around him, but he pushed the feeling to the back of his mind. The place smelled great, grilling meat and spices along with baking bread and different kinds of pastas and side dishes. He watched a couple get a plate of fries, smothered in chili and melted cheese. The lighting was dim, and had a yellow-red tint to it, reflecting off the thousands of odds and ends nailed and tied to the walls. Everything from license plates to animals skins covered the walls, giving off a very crowded feeling. It was overwhelming. Nny took a halting step forward and stopped, paralyzed.

Someone coming in the door failed to see him stop so abruptly, and bumped into him. His initial reaction was to reach for the knife he always kept on his belt, the one with the smiley faced hilt… but it was no longer there. Devi grabbed his arm and pulled him gently to the side as the people apologized profusely for bumping into him. She waved them off and told them to have a good dinner. Nny pulled his arm from her grasp and stared at her.

"Be nice. I saw that." She warned before he could say anything.

"DEVIIII!" Tenna's voice split through the air over the noise of the place. "WE'RE OVER HEEEEEERE!" Tenna was standing by a booth, waving both her hands around to catch their attention.

"Come on." Devi said, pulling Nny though the crowd.

They sat down and Nny dulled his nerves as best he could and stay sane. Well… as sane as I can stay… He thought tiredly. This was going to be a very long night, if the rest of the meal was going to be this exhausting.

"Hi, I'm Wendy and I'll be your server tonight. What can I get you to drink?"

Nny about had a brain aneurysm. He hadn't even seen the girl come to stand beside the table, and he wasn't used to people appearing from nowhere. This was beginning to feel a lot like a nightmare. "Water!" He managed.

"Chocolate milk!" Squee squeaked.

"I'll have water, too." Devi said.

"Me, too."

"Okay." Wendy finished writing on her little pad and smiled at them, setting menu's before them. "I'll give you a moment to decide, let me know when you're ready. I'll be back with your drinks." She faded into the background and Nny relaxed only slightly.

"Do they always do that?"

Devi chuckled and handed him a menu. "Yeah, sort of. Do you want to sit by the wall? It might be easier for you."

"Please." He said, slipping from the seat. She scooted out of the booth and let him sit up against the wall before sitting back down. She was now across from Tenna instead of Squee.

Nny seemed to relax quite a bit. Normally he wouldn't be nearly as jumpy as he was, but he didn't have any of his knives with him, and he was trying to push down his normal behavior, as he knew it most often lead to someone's death. He was trying to avoid that particular situation. He tried to listen to the conversation still taking place between Tenna and Squee while he looked the menu over carefully. They were on about a story Squee was writing, something about an alien coming by to abduct a small boy and getting foiled every time.

The waitress finally came by with their drinks, and took their orders. Nny ended up with a hamburger, after Devi got tired of waiting for him to figure out what he wanted. He poked at the fries and took a few bites of his hamburger before Devi made an attempt at a conversation with him.

"So, want some help patching up your house? We should do something about those windows, first off."

"My windows?"

"No. Squee's. Yes, your windows. They aren't even really windows."

"…I guess. I never thought about it."

"Don't you get cold?" Squee asked before munching on a large fry.

"Not really. I don't really notice most of the time. I… was in the basement a lot."

Devi managed to suppress a shudder at the thought. "Yeah. Well, so windows. Then we can do a bit of painting. With paint. Painting with paint."

"Yes." Nny said, trying to keep himself from remembering all the times he had painted the wall monster's wall. "Real paint."

"What color?" Tenna ventured. "I vote green. Neon green. Oooo…. Or orange! NEON orange."

Everyone stared at her as though she had grown a second head.

*SQUEEEEK*

"Or y'know, a more… un-neon color." Devi suggested.

"Like neon pink! … Wait. That's neon, too. Hmm…" She thought hard about it.

"I like blue." Squee added.

"I like blue, too." Nny said. "A normal blue."

"We could turn one of the rooms into an art room, if you wanted. Build some shelves to put paint and canvas in, instead of in your closet. Move your sound system into the room so you can have music while you work."

"Painting…" Nny whispered, thinking back to his conversations with Nailbunny, all the times the rabbit had brought up his paintings, the days before his true creativity had been hopelessly leeched from him, stolen by forces that were out of his control.

"You'll have time for it, now. You'll have the creativity to start painting again." She knew that feeling all too well. It had been euphoric, the first days she had been out of Sickness' grasp, when she regained the time and ability to attend to her own work once more. She remembered the sense of freedom and pure happiness it had brought her.

"Yes." Nny agreed. He remembered his food and took a bite from one of the fries.

"We could turn that back room into your art-"

"No…" He interrupted her. "That room is a bedroom." He didn't really remember his sister very well, didn't have the same amount of love the Nny from his journals had felt for her. He had no logical reason to return the room to being a bedroom, but it just felt wrong to do anything else with it. He almost felt as though it would be disrespectful to change the room's original purpose.

"Okay, you can make it into a guest bedroom, then. Or something. We'll figure it out. How about the Broken Room, then?"

"The Broken Room?" Nny was a little confused.

"Yeah. That's what we named the room with all the broken stuff in it. It just seemed to fit. There was so much broken stuff in it."

"Oh. Yes, there is. It will have to be cleaned."

"We made a pretty good dent, I thought. It shouldn't take long to clean."

"I don't need to keep much from it. I just needed somewhere to put everything that had been broken when the wall monster escaped."

"I wonder what happened to it. I mean, did it just disappear?" Devi wondered aloud. "It's not loose, you don't think, is it?"

"I don't think so. From what I understand the universe dissolved for a moment when it escaped, and was re-started with a… sort of… back-up disk."

"A back-up disk of the universe, eh?" Devi chuckled. "Sounds interesting. I wonder why the universe would dissolve, though."

Nny shrugged. "I don't know. I can't have been the only waste-lock out there, there is just too much negative being trailed all over. At least, I think so."

"Yeah…" She stared into space, pondering everything. "Well, I'm stuffed. Anyone else ready to get out of here?"

"Yes!" Squee and Tenna said in unison.

The waitress appeared a moment later with their check, which Nny took before anyone else had a say in the matter. "I'll get this." He handed the keys to Devi as they slid from the booth. "Go on."

Devi smiled as she accepted the keys and started to leave with Tenna and Squee. She watched Nny head to the counter to pay. The others exited the building a moment before her as she stopped to watch him fidget somewhat nervously at the desk, waiting in the short line. She tensed, though, as she realized he was standing in front of questionable characters, who looked absolutely more than willing to cause trouble. She slipped through the crowd of people around her as fast as she could, but she was too late to stop the scene.

The man behind Nny was pushed forward by his friend, bumping roughly into Nny, who turned to see what had prompted this action. The man didn't look as though he particularly wanted to start a confrontation with anyone, though he was the only one in his group that seemed to be of that opinion. He started to apologize and for a split second Devi thought that it might end well. But the person next to him shoved him again, directly into Nny. The group laughed, and Nny's face went from confused and slightly irritated to livid. She saw him reach for where his knife usually lay, and she dashed the last few feet through the crowd. She was stopped as she hit the butt end of the group that was pestering Nny.

He glanced around himself and grabbed for a knife off one of the serving trays that was heading for the washroom. He turned on the group, who sobered up immediately at the sight of the weapon and the crazed maniac wielding it. "Laughing, are you?" Nny started. "You find it **humorous** to push people around for your own amusement?"

"NNY!" Devi called sharply, trying to catch his attention.

Her cry did not register with him, he was gone. His brain had clicked off, shutting down to his more homicidal side, the indignant, raging monster he had been forcibly twisted into. "I'll show you how FUNNY it is to muck around in people's lives, disturbing their nice evenings."

Devi reached his side then, and grabbed the wrist of the hand that held the steak-knife. "NNY!" She grated sharply, a command rather than a name. "Stop. Put it down. Now."

He shook her off, nearly slicing her arm in his attempt to get away. His breathing was ragged and he stared at her for a long time, trying to decide why she had touched him, why she was trying to stop him. Tenna materialized by her side and glanced between the two as they stared each other down. Realization finally dawned on Nny, and the maniacal gleam left his eyes as he started trembling. Devi's muscles relaxed and she moved forward to drag him from the restaurant. Tenna parted the crowd as best she could, helping Devi remove him. Everyone was too petrified to notice that the group left without paying.

They drove home in silence. Devi dropped Tenna off at their apartment first, bidding her good night in case she didn't see her until tomorrow or so. She dropped Squee off next, making sure that he was safely inside before escorting Nny into his own home. He lay his trench coat on the couch as he stared into space, eyes unfocused still. She sighed, shaking her head sadly as she stood inside, leaning against the closed door, watching him. He sat on the couch and put his face in his hands.

"I don't think I can do this, Devi."

She rolled her eyes with another sigh. "What happened back there?" She questioned quietly.

"They pissed me off, the unwashed miscreants, laughing when they cause trouble for the people around them, taking-"

"Nny, focus." She stopped him. "They're just assholes. Yeah, it sucks that they exist, but they're going to exist whether you kill them or not. It's something you will have to deal with. Old habits die hard, but you can work through this, I know you can."

He sighed and they remained in silence for a long time. "I guess." He said unsteadily. "I'll keep trying."

"I'll stay here tonight, if you want me to."

"That would be nice. You can have my room."

It was hours before he had the house to himself again. Devi had fallen asleep in his room, and he had checked on her once or twice as he wandered his house, unable to sleep. There was a small amount of food in his fridge, more since he had put the leftovers in it, the small white boxes taking up most of the space that had been left. He had visited the Broken Room, as Devi had called it, and seen that she had indeed made a rather large dent in the stuff that was piled there. He was glad to see that there would not be much left to get rid of. He was slightly confused at finding one of the floorboards bloodied and torn from the floor, until he remembered that she had said she found his journal. He recalled nailing it under one of the floorboards and pressing a reminder into the wall, in case he ever thought to want to know his past.

He now found himself in the only room he rarely touched. It was empty, save for a large dresser with a somewhat broken mirror on top. He chose a piece of mirror and stood, motionless, before it. His hands rested lightly on top of the dresser, and he stared deep into the reflective surface. The room behind him was there, everything was just like it looked in this world. He methodically imagined away all the bad things of this world, as he had done so many times before.

Oppression, pain, hurt faded. He washed away the misfortunes of the world. No one was hungry, no one was colder than they wanted to be, no one lived on the streets where they could be ridiculed and looked down upon for their lifestyle. The assholes of the world were rinsed clean, the killers and the rapists were picked off, cleaned up, changed into good people. Society was no longer a monster that destroyed so many lives, the competition of the real world was dulled. Beauty replaced the tainted places of the world, and everything was perfect on the other side of the glass.

Then he imagined away the glass itself. He slowly removed everything from his vision, focusing intently upon the single shard of mirror that contained his fabricated world. The barrier between the two worlds melted away, and it became his world, everything he had imagined was true. Nothing would hurt him again, and he could not bring harm to those who were undeserving… because in that world that was now his, no one deserved pain because no one brought it.

Fingers twitched as he reached up to push through to that reality… but his skin touched cold glass, the hard surface jolting him back to his senses, tossing the real world upon him without care. His eyes slipped closed and he cursed under his breath. "Shit." His hand dropped to the dresser and he leaned against it, crossing his arms on top of the flat surface. He stood for seconds before turning to exit the room. He opened his eyes and froze, muscles tensing. He was no longer in his house.

Before him lay an open expanse of marble and polished granite. A single podium stood tall in front of him, meters away. It was fashioned of some kind of dark wood and very closely resembled a judge's stand. There were stands around him, at the edges of the space, but they were devoid of solid life. Fog drifted over them, contracting and spreading as though it were alive. A murmur of voices so quiet he could barely hear them filled the room. The air above the stand in front of him shimmered, the fog taking a solid shape as he watched.

A demon perched behind the stand, horns curling around close to it's face. It's skin was a slate grey with black overlay in the shadowed parts of it's body. Eyes the color of blood shone brightly, the only obvious light in the area. Nny was not sure how the entire room stayed lit, because he could see no lights, now that he thought about it. The demon shifted, fixing him with a scrutinizing stare as though it were trying to decide what to do with him. It looked down, suddenly, to a small chair at the base of the podium. Nny's eyes followed it's gaze and settled upon the small figure sitting somewhat grimly in the chair. Nny closed his eyes and wished he were someplace else, anywhere but where he was.

"Hello, Johnny." Said Spree.

End Chapter One, Part Four

Notes:

I'm sorry this took so long. I was gone destroying things. It was neat. Why anyone in their right mind would give me a sledgehammer, I have no idea… But DAMN was it a lot of fun. Now I am back to write, though. Comments/Criticism welcome!


	20. Part Four: The Divine

I still do not own JTHM, the characters therein, or any of the ideas behind it.w

Cause and Effect

Chap 2: The Divine

"Hello, Spree." Johnny said tiredly, opening his eyes to look at the child sitting in the chair before him. Nothing had changed, he still gave off the aura of something that was so un-childlike it was a mockery to have been placed in a child's form.

"You're probably wondering what's going on."

"Am I so transparent?" Nny replied dully. "You've probably brought me here to tell me everything is worked out now."

Spree raised an eyebrow. "Yes, actually. You're done." He gave Johnny a small smile. "You're free, completely."

"Then you can send me back."

"Well, not just yet, there are a few things we have to tell you, first."

"We…?" Johnny questioned, eyes raising to fix upon the demon perched on the pedestal above them. It was rather impressive, lording over them as it was. Its skin looked to be made of something tough and leathery, as though it had been tanned and plated with resilient liquid metal of some sort. The surface gave off a slight shine, a shimmer that made the demon's form seem to waver. Its long front claws curled over the edge of the podium, but did not disturb the dark wood beneath them. Dark, webbed wings poised half-open behind the demon, making it seem as though it would leap into the air and fly off without so much as a warning. It had smooth jaws and a face similar to a human's only in structure- it lacked a snout, instead retaining flatter facial features, much like a gargoyle. Glowing eyes studied them as they conversed.

It shifted slightly, and its jaws opened only a tiny bit, though it's voice echoed throughout the room. Johnny was unsure whether the voice was extremely painful or extremely pleasant, but either way it was intense enough to make him want to cover his ears and flinch. "_We are the Divine._"

"Yes." Johnny managed to gasp, "You're divine…Okay."

"_No_." It contradicted him in a slightly less intense voice. "_We are **the**__ Divine._"

"Oh." He waited for the stars behind his eyes to fade before speaking again. "I see. Can I go home now?"

It cocked it's head to one side only slightly before looking down to Spree. The child seemed to remember why he was there at all, and waved a hand to catch Johnny's attention. "They don't talk a whole lot, at least to mortals. Mortals seem to find it rather… too much to handle."

"I spoke to God. I spoke to Satan. Neither of them were too much to handle."

"They spoke with one voice." Spree said, seemingly tired of trying to explain this to anyone who asked. "The Divine speak with thousands of voices. They are one and many at the same time."

"What **are** they…" Johnny questioned, staring upward curiously.

"They are the Divine. I know, you heard that the first couple times. What you meant to ask, I believe, is what purpose do they serve. They are managing the world, Johnny. God didn't start up the universe without a plan. He knew how exhausting it would be. He created the universe and then the Divine. Your people call them 'angels' if I am not mistaken, but they are far more than you believe them to be. They were given control of the universe, so that they could run things in God's stead, while he rested."

"So… They're the ones responsible for the shit going on in my reality." Johnny said after thinking about this for a moment.

"Yes. I suppose you could choose to look at it like that."

"You fucking MORONS!" Johnny seethed, finally having found a solid target to direct his anger at. "Do you have any IDEA what's going ON down there?! Are you even DOING your fucking JOB?!"

"Johnny!" Spree said sharply, cutting him short. "Now pay attention very closely, because the Divine are far less tolerant than God or Senior Diablo. They are fully aware of what is going on down there. They are maintaining it like it is for a reason. As I believe it was once explained to you, despite all of the awful things going on down on earth you should know that it is, in essence, perfect. It is running exactly how it is supposed to run, functioning exactly like it was meant to function. Flawless."

"That's not true. They screwed up with me."

"That was… unexpected, yes, but it has been remedied. Your duties as waste lock have been removed, dispensed to others with new waste-containers. The problem was not with you, but with your container. It was an experiment into something new, a potentially more efficient way of running things. They had hoped that by making a fully sentient waste-container-lock system that they could transfer all waste-filtering responsibilities into one place, one easily cleaned up mess. However, it created a problem when the waste-container decided to break free and let all of the negative things it had been containing… out. Release them back into the world. It won't happen again, and the world is no worse off for the experiment."

"I'm still broken. Unless you're going to fix that, too."

"That, unfortunately, cannot be fixed."

"Why not?"

"Truthfully?"

"Yes. I want to know the answers. No more lies. No more stories no more cryptic little messages about oh this and that doom and fear. Just fucking tell me."

"_He can not._" Rumbled the Divine perched behind the podium. "_There is no reason to continue speaking here_." The voice was slow, grating and as intense as the first time he heard it. It almost made him retch with the effort of controlling himself. "_Your duties have been fulfilled. Now they are transferred to another and you are free to live as any other mortal. You shall be returned to your world as-_"

"NO." Johnny spat viciously, "No I will NOT. Not until I get the answers I want! Fuck! Don't you people ever just give a straight answer?"

The Divine stared incredulously at him. No one had **ever** dared interrupt them while they spoke, much less demanded anything of them. Spree was beside himself with disbelief, staring at Johnny as though he had turned into a raging lunatic before his very eyes. There was a long silence before Johnny sighed and shook his head sadly. It looked as though he was not going to be getting the information he wanted, and it seemed that he had done something to irritate everyone around him. He hated how he had the ability to do that.

"Look, there's just a lot of questions that I want answered. I want to be able to see the way things are. See the big picture for once, instead of constantly being in the dark. I feel like I'm looking at everything through fogged glass, like I'm missing something important. I think if you would just answer my questions I could be on my way and all the more happy for knowing. Okay?"

"You are not in a place to debate this, Johnny. You're standing-"

"_You wish to see things in a different light?_" The Divine cut Spree off.

"Please," Spree turned to the Divine, his voice changing to a more pleading tone, "He really doesn't know-"

"Yes, I do." Johnny replied, staring directly into the eyes of the Divine, unflinching. "I want to see things like you do."

"Johnny, you're not under their protection anymore, you-"

"_It shall be done, then. You will learn, mortal, to be careful what you wish for. Go, now. Your presence here displeases many._"

A door flickered into view behind Johnny. It was oak of some sort, heavy and very old. The handle was brass of some sort, fashioned after a small demon that seemed to leap from the door. Johnny reached for the handle, but it swung open before he ever touched it. His front room lay on the other side, empty and waiting for him. He turned to look at Spree, who only shook his head and seemed to look almost sorry for him. His eyes shifted upwards to the Divine, who stared stonily at him, the fire in the demon's eyes flickering with barely contained emotion. Johnny's lip curled slightly. He flipped the Divine off and stepped through the doorway.

When he turned back, only the reality he knew lay behind him. There was no courtroom, no demons, no demon-children, not even the same door. He sighed, wondering if he had been sleep-walking or if all of that had really just happened. With his life being as it was, he realized he had no doubts that every last bit of it was real. He was truly free now, no longer under the protection of… well, the Divine, apparently. He could no longer afford to have a scene like the one at the restaurant earlier, he could not bring anyone back to his home to satisfy his blood-lust. He wondered briefly if it would be like coming down off an addiction. If he would go through with-drawl or begin to crave killing like some people craved cigarettes.

"Nny…?" Devi's voice drifted to him from the hallway. She emerged a moment later, and looked at him. "Where did you go?"

"Huh?" Was his intelligent reply.

"You left. Where did you go…?" She repeated, a little slower.

"Oh. Um… walking. I went out for a bit."

She looked as though she didn't really trust that answer. "Something wrong?"

"I don't know."

"What do you mean you don't know."

"I'm not sure. I don't have all the answers."

"What are you doing…?" She asked, giving him a look that clearly questioned his sanity.

He had been standing in the middle of the room, watching out of the corner of his eyes. There was something on the edge of his vision, but he couldn't quite see it. He whipped around as fast as he could but it was always gone just as he turned to see it, always sticking to the edge of his vision. He realized he must look pretty silly but it was annoying the hell out of him and he wanted to know what it was. "Oh. Nothing… um. Yes." He paused, trying to see out of the corner of his eye without looking like he was trying to see out of the corner of his eye.

"Are you sure you're okay?"

"No." He stopped, looking at her closely. Finally, he nodded a small bit and smiled ever-so-slightly. "Actually, I think things can get better. It's all over now. I'm not a waste-lock any more, I'm not even under anyone's protection. I've been released, I'm free now. Not even one voice to listen to anymore. I'm all me."

She smiled. "Wonderful. We'll all be here for you. I'm going to go make some breakfast. Go get changed, take a shower or something. You'll feel world's better."

Nny watched her exit the room and his smile faded quickly. He stared after her for a long moment, trying to ignore whatever was on the edge of his vision, but his reverie did not last for long. There was something there, he was sure of it, and he could not rest until he figured out what it was. He started to head for the bathroom when he froze and turned to try to catch whatever it was. A thin ribbon of pinkish mist vanished almost as soon as he had turned, but he had seen it before it was too late.

Something… is wrong. Very wrong.

End Chapter 2, Part Four

Notes: Any ideas? Mwuaha. I hope not. Though I'd like to hear what you think is going on with him this time. Sorry to have brought Spree back- he's my annoying-yet-necessary new character that I am pretty sure everyone hates. Good. Hate him. You're supposed to. *grin* Comments/Criticism welcomed!


	21. Part Four: Proper Eyes

I still do not own JTHM, the characters therein, or any of the ideas behind it.

Cause and Effect

Chap 3: Proper Eyes

Nny was sitting silently on his bed, staring solidly straight ahead of himself while watching the corners of his vision. His hair was soaking wet, the fine strands plastered to his head after his long soak in the shower. A large white towel was wrapped around his waist, covered in long-washed blood-stains. It looked rather odd, he had thought, to be drying off with, but he could not find another towel and decided that it would have to suffice. He had been going to get dressed when the faint ribbon of pinkish light trickled into view and he stopped to watch it. He hadn't moved since sitting on the edge of the bed to keep an eye on the room. So far he had not been having the best of luck with it, as he had seen virtually nothing for several minutes now.

He sighed and changed quickly into a shirt that read "I eat food" and a pair of somewhat worn-looking black pants. He glanced to his boots, but decided against putting them on again. They had begun to hurt his feet as of late, as though his feet had grown a little bit or something. Not enough to do anything about it but enough to notice and make him uncomfortable. It seemed as though things like that were happening often lately, a fact that he did not entirely appreciate. He wish he could just lead a normal life, but he was apparently not destined to do so and he decided to take what he had and run with it. So long as he had the help it looked as though he was going to have, he figured it might turn out all right.

Speaking of help… He thought as he pulled on socks, I wonder if Devi really made breakfast…

He slipped off his bed and exited his room, stopping by the bathroom only long enough to hang the towel on the small hook so that it would dry. Devi was indeed in the kitchen, though whether she was making breakfast or burning it was debatable. There was toast charring in the toaster while she stared down a smiley-face's worth of breakfast items in a pan. He leaned gently against the doorframe to watch her, a ghost of a smile touching his features. She poked at one of the eggs and it made a very startling cracking noise and attached to the spatula. Flinging both into the sink as fast as possible, Devi turned around and spotted Nny.

"Oh. Good morning."

"Is it still?" Johnny said, glancing to the small clock haphazardly nailed to the wall. "Good in any case."

"I dunno…" She said speculatively, watching the egg sizzle in the sink, "When the eggs try to eat the spatula, and the toast becomes a lump of char a piece of coal would envy… I tend to say the day could go better."

"Are there more eggs?"

"That would indeed be the last of them. And the last of pretty much everything else, really. Food-shopping is required at this point. I have to actually go into work today, did you want me to pick up stuff and bring it back?"

"I'll go." Nny said after a moment of thought. "I should probably get out a bit more anyhow."

"Can you do it without killing anyone?"

"Yes." There was only a slight pause as he thought about it a little more slowly. "Maybe. I think I can. If I don't talk to too many people, it should be all right. I can't get into too much trouble just buying groceries, right?"

Devi fixed him with a look that clearly said she didn't believe him. "Famous last words…" She muttered, turning to put out the fire the toast was trying to cause.

Nny stepped out of his car and closed the door behind himself. The city was… amazing. There was something very, very different, and he could not figure out what it was. He could figure out that the little strands of whatever it was he had seen at the house were all over in the city. Everywhere he looked there were strands of all different colors, drifting on winds he didn't feel with his skin. He just didn't know what they were. He didn't want to say anything to anyone about it, much less Devi, because he didn't want to appear stupid. What if this was how everyone who was not a waste-lock saw things? Now that he was normal, he had no idea what would change.

The grocery store was fairly devoid people as well as of the colorful strands. Just inside the door he grabbed a hand-basket and headed for the cereal aisle. Once there he chose two kinds that looks semi-digestable and shoved them into his basket. He took out the list Devi had made for him and glanced it up and down once. Does she really expect to be eating all of this in less than a year? He thought to himself. Maybe I should get a cart…

He turned around, eyes trained on the floor in front of him. He had noticed that there were less colors closer to the ground, though he couldn't figure out why that would be. They didn't float so much as just drift. They obviously didn't have weight or they would fall, but they were not light enough to travel upwards, either. It didn't make sense and he was still trying to figure it out when a very loud noise went off all around him. He nearly jumped out of his skin, eyes growing large as dinner plates as he froze up and his skin prickled. What the hell…?

A clerk walked carefully over to him, looking unsure as to if he should be scared or assertive. Ignoring both, he opted for careful and slightly warning. "Sir, you've set the alarms off." He stated, trying to catch the panic-stricken man's attention.

Nny took several deep breaths and his eyes latched onto the boy. "I'm sorry." He managed. "I have to get a cart."

The boy relaxed visibly and nodded as quickly as possible. "I'll get one, please just move to inside."

Johnny took two steps back and the alarms clicked off. He watched the boy grab a cart from the lobby area and bring it inside to him. "Thank you…" He said as he put the two cereal boxes inside the cart. The boy accepted the basket and put it away on his way back to the front of the store. Johnny blinked.

"That was… not good." He whispered to himself. Odd though… He hadn't felt the urge to kill anyone as soon as the alarms went off. He wondered briefly if the Divine had chosen to fix what they could of his brain. Somehow he doubted it.

He turned around and headed for the inside of the store again. Cheese, bread, milk, eggs, cereal… sounds like a lot of stuff… The list went on down the page.

He stopped in the refrigerated section of the grocery store, letting the cold air drift over him when he stopped. The lights were an irritating shade of brilliant white, and the entire cooler made a buzzing noise that would have put any chalkboard-and-nail combination to shame. To top it off, there were approximately eight million different kinds of cheese and about as many different brands of yogurt. "Why would they DO that…?" Nny questioned softly, looking up and down the shelves at the many, many different products. "Why do we need more than one kind of cheese? How do I pick?!"

"Which kind do you like best?"

Nny's eyes flew to his right to look at the slightly older lady reaching up to pick up a jug of milk from the top shelf. She didn't appear threatening in the least and he pushed down his instinct to jump to the conclusion that she was mocking him. "Excuse me?"

"Which do you like best? You asked how to choose, you just pick your favorite and get it. See? My sons like this kind, but I like this kind, more."

Nny looked between the two orange cheeses in her hands. "What's the difference? They're both orange, and they look the same." He had never really had to choose between so many things before- the 24/7 he visited often had all he ever wanted to eat anyhow. This was going to make for a long day if he wanted to get everything done.

"One's cheddar and one's Colby. The cheddar is sharper, with a bit of a tang to it. Don't you ever shop, boy?"

The hair on his arms bristled, but he again forced down his instinct to kill the lady, reasoning that he had not gotten enough information yet. "Not really. First time in a while." He could faintly remember having taken a younger child out shopping once, having taken Jill out to get the groceries, instead of leaving her home alone. This vaguely reminded him of those times and he had to force himself to focus on what the lady was saying now.

"-depends entirely on your own tastes. If you like strawberries then the strawberry yogurt is good and so on. It's not so hard, I'm sure you'll catch on quick, you look like a bright young man."

"Um… Thank you." Nny replied, accepting the little yogurt containers she put into his hands. She wandered away after telling him to have fun with his first shopping trip. He placed the yogurt into the cart, grabbed the nearest block of cheese and a gallon of milk, and booked it for the other side of the store, where he hoped the canned and boxed food items were being stockpiled.

He was right, though upon arriving in the aisles and aisles of dry foods he wished that he had been wrong. Standing before the veritable **wall** of bread he did not know how he was ever going to pick the right brand and flavor and texture and grain size or whatever else determined what kind of bread one buys. "Potato bread… nine grain… rye… white… wheat… … rainbow…" He stared at the brightly dyed white bread. It was swirled with all manner of colors, more than likely to make it appealing to children. Johnny could not imagine ever thinking something so unnatural looking could ever be appealing, but then he was not a child any more. He picked a safe looking, plain, white bread and moved on. This was taking forever, who EVER had time to shop like this on a normal basis.

There were eight million and two decisions to make as he found the items on the list and by the time he reached the checkout he was exhausted. It was nearly two, meaning he had spent nearly two hours in this store, searching out everything he needed to find. It had been the most tiring process he had ever had to live through and he was theorizing that the only reason anyone else had survived it was because the store had been practically empty since he arrived. As he set the items he had picked up onto the moving black belt, he wondered how the place stayed in business. His selections were scanned and placed in bags, which were in turn placed into his cart again, and the clerk smiled cheerfully at him.

"Good day, sir, your total comes to $110.19. Cash, check, or credit?"

"Um…" He rummaged into the pocket of his trench-coat and counted off enough to pay for the groceries. The women gave him a strange look as he did so, but he didn't find it worth it to kill her for looking at him. I would look at me too… He thought as she handed him his change.

He rolled the cart into the lobby and tried to decide how to move everything from the cart to his car without taking the cart out of the store. He didn't want another alarm to go off, he'd had enough of that for a lifetime. He was looking between the doors and the cart carefully, debating on even attempting to get out the door when a lady walked briskly out, her cart pushed before her. She passed over the barrier and there was no sound or lights, no sign that she would be in trouble in the least for removing the cart from the inside of the building. He pushed his own cart forward until it's nose was just past the opening, and nothing extraordinary happened. Society was going to take a little getting used to, he decided, and headed for his car.

Once outside he began to notice the strands of color again. They were thicker here, where there were people coming and going from the parking lot, their cars chugging along and parking and running unattended in one case. He wondered briefly if the strands died off once they were away from the outside world, perhaps from a lack of real sunlight or something. He was not sure and decided that he would indeed have to test that theory at the first available moment. He packed the groceries into his trunk as best he could and headed for home as fast as possible.

Once inside with the first of the groceries, he was faced with a slight dilemma. He had no idea how much stuff would fit into his fridge, and no idea what stuff needed to be refrigerated at what times. He started by putting anything that was already cold into the fridge, except for the ice cream, which he put into the freezer. It seemed as though things got slightly easier once he got into it, and after putting everything in it's place he had come to a few conclusions. The first of which was that living a normal life could not possibly be as hard as he had thought and the second of which was that Devi was crazy if she thought they were going to eat all of that food before the end of the **year**.

The shopping done he realized that he had nothing else to do. He wanted to go through the 'Broken Room' but he didn't want to go through it today. A little bit at a time was enough for him. He wandered through the house, all the familiar territory changing around him. Everything seemed to be new, just a little different. It was all the same, the same house he had been in yesterday, but he couldn't help thinking that something had changed. For the life of him he could not place his finger on it, and a half an hour of thinking about it had not brought him any closer to the conclusion. Perhaps it was just his imagination. He sighed and grabbed his trench coat from where he had dropped it in the kitchen, and headed out the door. He was going for a walk, to clear his head. Maybe he could walk Devi home from work. A real walk home.

He found himself wandering aimlessly in the city about an hour later. It was coming up on four o'clock, and he had begun to get used to seeing the strands of colored light drift around him. Still not having a definite conclusion, he had at least thought more about it. He saw two main colors- that pinkish color he had seen at his own home and the greenish color. The green moved faster than the pink and in the same general direction, but he had no idea where it was headed or if it were even going anywhere specific. It may be that it just drifted along a path, like a current in the ocean. The pink didn't seem to have an actual path, and seemed to like to cling to things for seconds before moving on, like it was sticky. Maybe I should ask Devi later… she might understand why I don't know what it is. Probably something stupid. He sighed.

He found himself following a strand of green along the street. Several of the strands that he had watched had gone through things like buildings and mailboxes, but this strand seemed inclined to follow the street as though detesting the effort it would take to go through solid stone. Nny wondered if perhaps the strands were sentient, something that knew what it was doing, thought about where it was going. That led him to wonder what purpose they would serve, just drifting around, and why couldn't he see them before? Maybe they help the Divine. He thought a little bitterly.

And what the hell is their PROBLEM? He ranted internally. You'd think I'd asked to do their job or something, asked to rule the world. I just want some **answers**, is that too fucking much to ask?! And that little RAT of a child, that SPREE. He never seems to help a situation! You'd think he could have asked them to just tell me what I wanted to know. It's just a couple of questions, I think they owe me that much for being their shit-monkey for so many years. And what's with that?! They should at least ASK before making someone into a waste-lock, before putting them through hell and back again. Ha. He chuckled out loud, trying not to make it obvious, Literally in my case! Hee. What the…

Johnny trailed to a stop and turned slowly to look at the fire hydrant he had just passed. The green strand he had been following dodged out of his view when he turned, but he didn't notice. The area around the hydrant was completely clear of color. All of the pink strands hovered at the edges of the area, and the green drifted just slightly faster than a crawl. Neither of those had stopped Johnny in his tracks. Leading from the fire hydrant to the alley was a thin strand of almost solid green, like a neon-green ribbon tying it to something. Normally the mist-like strands were almost completely see through. The hydrant was glowing a sickly green color in front of him, and he started to follow the strand when his watch went off. He nearly jumped out of his skin and shut it off.

"Devi!" He squeaked, turning hastily to head for the bookstore. Luckily he wasn't very far away, less than half a block from her store. He should still be able to catch her leaving, since it was only just five. As he walked away from the hydrant and the weird-looking ribbon-strand, he began to seriously question the world. There was something he was missing, and he was afraid it was a rather large part of the puzzle. The only question now was- what was it?

End Chapter Three, Part Four

Notes:

Any ideas yet? Sorry this took so long, I wasn't' sure what I wanted to do with this specific chapter. Comments/Criticism welcomed!

Oh yeah! I drew my version of young Patch. Not when he was first born, but when he got up and started walking around. Feel free to go look at it, the link is in my profile here.


	22. Part Four: Contagious

I still do not own JTHM, the characters therein, or any of the ideas behind it.

Cause and Effect

Chap 4: Contagious

Johnny leaned carefully against the side of the building directly opposite the bookstore. His left arm was tucked under his right and his right palm rested as gently as possible on his chest. He didn't know why but it was starting to hurt to breathe, something he thought was probably not normal. It felt as though he didn't have quite enough room for his lungs to expand into. He wasn't sure what to do about it, though, because it had never happened randomly like this. He turned his eyes to Devi, who was dragging herself from the bookstore while some guy tried to talk her ears off about a book that would probably be better while read on drugs. Something was strange, but he was distracted too quickly to figure out exactly what.

"Nny!" Devi called, instantly energized as she dashed over to him to avoid the stranger. "HI." She said, overly loud. "Let's go HOME, okay?!"

Nny blinked, very confused, but nodded. The stranger looked slightly disappointed, and turned away without telling Devi goodbye, a fact for which she was rather pleased. "Devi, are you okay?" The pain in his chest had gotten worse, and he tried to ignore it. 

"Yes." She said sullenly, slowing her pace to an even tread. "That creep has been hanging around my register all day long, trying to get me to pay an iota of attention to him so that he could push brain-numbingly stupid pick-up lines on me. AHH!" She ranted, tossing her hands up. "I don't know why I put up with them."

"I'm probably not the best person to consult about that…" Nny told her with a small smile. "I don't have the best track record for leaving assholes alive." His fingers itched to go back for guy, to gut him like a fish and explain nicely to him that it's not polite to hit on people who don't want that kind of attention. The pain in his chest only furthered his wish to kill, and he controlled himself only to keep pace with Devi. He pressed a hand to his chest and tried to take a deep breath, but there was a stabbing pain as he did so, and he thought better of it.

Devi slowed down a bit with him as his step staggered slightly, and she gave him a nervous, worried glance. "Nny… is something wrong?"

"It's nothing." He said carefully. "Really. Let's just get home, okay?"

Johnny lay on his bed, thin arm over his eyes to block out whatever light managed to get into his room. He could hardly recall any of the walk home as the pain had intensified. Devi suggested that perhaps he was having a heart attack, but he had insisted that he was not. The most he could remember was Devi forcing him to lay down and drink some icy water. He had turned his consciousness over completely to relaxing and forcing himself to calm down. A few minutes ago Devi had entered his room and left another glass of water on his small dresser. She had said something about going home for a bit, call her if he needed her to come back. He hadn't heard anything since and was forced to assume that she had indeed gone home. Rolling over forced his arm away from his face and allowed him a semi-clear view of the alarm clock near his bed. Its harsh red numbers glared at him from the small black box, seeming spiteful of the time it was required to keep.

"I've been out for a bit…" He mumbled, sitting up and taking a sip from the water, the ice more than half melted. Apparently it had been more than a couple minutes since Devi had departed. "What the hell happened?"

Gently he set the glass back on the table, brows furrowing as he noted that his crystal was no longer around his neck, but laying curled on the dresser-top by the water. He reached over, picking it up to slip it around his neck. The metal was freezing against the skin of his chest as he put it under his shirt. He lay back against the wall, eyes glazing as he stared through the table and the floor beneath them all, settling into his deep thinking state of mind. There was a link somewhere that he was missing, and he was sure it was more than important. He just didn't know what it was.

"I'm seeing things floating around, mostly different colored ribbons. I guess there aren't more than three or four colors, really, but all sorts of shades of each kind. I saw mostly pink and green though. So I'm seeing pink and green mist-ribbons floating around. I'm still homicidal, so I know my brain is still… not-fixed. So it could be a hallucination. Then there's always that I would have hallucinated long before now."

"You hallucinated about hearing voices."

"Shut up." Johnny quipped sharply, trying to think. His head snapped up less than a second after he said that, and he threw a searching gaze around the room. "Fuck. Who's there?"

"You know me, Johnny."

His skin prickled and he narrowed his eyes slightly. There was a long silence, the kind he was familiar with from when he used to muse for long hours alone with his thoughts. Finally, his shoulders dropped a tiny bit in defeat as he came to the only logical conclusion. "Nailbunny?" He queried in a soft voice.

"Yes."

Johnny reached over and gently tugged open the first drawer on his small dresser. On top of the thin pile of black clothes was the dried head of a rabbit, front teeth sticking out prominently. He picked it up and set it gently on the bed in front of him, and studied the small form for a long moment. "You're back?"

"I'm not staying. You won't need me, because you've done what I'd always hoped you would do. You've found friends, started recovering."

"Devi… she-"

"I know." There was a silence before Nailbunny took up the conversation again. "So you're mired in a situation you're unsure about."

"Yes. I'm not a waste-lock, I'm free, but there's so much changed and yet… nothing at all. I'm still just like I was, at least, I think so."

"What's changed?"

"I see these strands of green and pink drifting around, trailing around behind people. Like they're leaving something… like…" Nny's eyes glazed over as his brain fed him a memory from not terribly long ago.

"_If you had proper eyes you would see more than just the act of the human negative, you would see the residue of it, sewage in a sense. People leaving trails of slime, like slugs._"

Johnny paled and the silence that blanketed the room was broken only by his ragged breathing. "What have they done to me…" He whispered in a strangled rasp. "The Divine…"

"They've given you proper eyes. You're starting to see things the way they see them, just like you asked. You asked, remember. Do you remember?"

"All those trails… are the residue of the human negative."

"All of them?"

"No." Nny responded after another long silence. "No, I don't suppose so. Everything would leave a trail of some sort, even the good. Some way to be traced. They all drift around, though, all over."

"Not all of them."

Johnny digested that suggestion for a while, not saying a word. The minutes ticked by on the alarm clock, one after another until he was ready to speak again. "No, not all of them. Some places didn't have the residue as badly, and some of it was heading to a specific point. Drifting, but…" His gaze unfocused as Senior Diablo's voice rang in his ears once more.

"_It must be managed, and it is stockpiled in specially cleared out "spaces", prisons, almost, since pure aggression is a rabid thing, eager to breed, and coat everything in itself. These cells can be anything- objects, points in space, pimples, etc._"

"So all the negative goes to someplace, the waste-containers. Like the wall monster was…"

"So where is it all going?"

"I don't know…" He whispered, thinking furiously. The image of the fire hydrant flashed behind his eyes. The clear area around it, the pink hanging at the edges of the space, the thread of green linking it to… "The fire hydrant!" Nny gasped, mind racing. "It was connected to its lock! Everything was filtered through the lock, first, condensed so that it could be stored in the container!"

Nailbunny was silent as Johnny thought about this new epiphany for a long time. Finally, Johnny seemed to snap out of it and look to Nailbunny for guidance. "How do you know?"

"I don't know. I mean, I'm just guessing here, but I'm pretty sure I'm right. What else could it be? I have to call- I have…" He paled, his heart failing him as it skipped a beat and his breath caught in his throat. "Devi…" His voice was choked.

He had been in too much pain to pay attention to all detail around him while she walked with him, and she had been acting so unlike herself when she first emerged from the bookstore that he had not had time to think properly about anything around himself. Thinking back to those moments he recalled finding something strange about the situation, something he couldn't place- he placed it now. The strands of pink mist that had been all around him had peeled away from her as she moved, as though they were deathly allergic, forming a thick band at the edges of his vision. The green had drifted in closer until that was the only color around them. Spree's voice split through the pounding of his blood in his ears.

"_Your duties as waste lock have been removed, dispensed to others with new waste-containers_."

"FUCK!" Johnny shouted, fist slamming into the bed. "**FUCK!**" He shouted louder. "SPREE! Bitch-boy! SPREE!!!!" He screamed until his voice was hoarse, until despair set in and he had to strain to force the name past his lips.

"What?" Came a somewhat irritated voice from the end of his bed.

Johnny shot into an upright position, eyes fixing on Spree like a lion's piercing gaze fixes on a deer. "What the FUCK did you do?"

There was no room for debate on whether he would get an answer or not. "I didn't do anything…" Spree crossed his arms and put them lazily on the footboard of Johnny's bed, looking straight at him with a hint of a smile. "What do you mean?"

"Devi. She's the new waste-lock, isn't she."

Spree nodded. "Yep."

"Change it."

"Can't do that, you know that. It's not my fault, anyhow. You can only blame yourself. Though I suppose you couldn't have known."

"Known **what**." Johnny growled, his tone indicating that if Spree didn't give him an answer he wanted to hear there was going to be more than just hell to pay.

"Well, you nominated her to be a waste-lock."

"You've got about three seconds to explain before I take your liver out with a pair of sharpened salad tongs."

Spree sighed, and put his chin on his arms as he spoke. "You did it yourself. You were the old waste-lock. You gave her a vial of your blood- It's like a giant beacon saying 'pick me next' to have the blood of a previous waste-lock. Especially _your_ blood after everything you put the Divine through. On top of that it was as if you prepped her yourself- I mean, she turned rather intrinsic for quite a while after you tried to kill her. She didn't go out much at all, tried cutting contact with the outside world. Our first attempt at turning her into a lock didn't exactly work…" 

Spree winced, recalling the very failed attempt at bringing Sickness, the second living waste-container they had intended to introduce, into the world. That was where things had really started to go downhill, though he would not admit it to Johnny. "We would have lost her after that, because she was strong enough to resist… But you gave her the perfect container, filled with your own blood, to boot, and called her back to you, and subsequently, to us. I don't think it could have been any easier."

Johnny's mind reeled as he took all of that in. He had set Devi up, that was the worst part. He had turned her into the one thing he hated most. There wasn't really anyone to blame for it except himself. It stung.

"There was a minor flaw, though. Nothing to worry about, really, in the giant scheme of things. I suppose you'd want to know about it."

"What. What else could possibly go wrong."

"Well…" Spree drawled in a thoughtful way, "You see, I'm not sure they meant for this to happen, so please understand when I tell you. That crystal was the perfect waste-container, unfortunately it still had your blood in it. Enough to affect you, at any rate." Nny's eyes narrowed dangerously, and Spree sighed and continued. "It's rather unexpectedly connected you to the waste-container. In such a way that you've sort of… **become** a partial waste-container. Oh, not completely," Spree said quickly, "You're not containing anything, we don't think."

Nny's thoughts raced. It made sense. "That's why it hurts to be around her, isn't it? Because it gets confused and tries to filter things into me."

Spree nodded, almost looking regretful. "Yeah, pretty much."

"Well SHIT!" Johnny ground his teeth, "So basically you're telling me that the one thing I love I'm going to be kept away from or die painfully trying to stay close to."

"I… Well, I guess so."

"FUCK!" He put his face in his hands, tears welling and a lump forming in his throat. I can't escape this shit no matter which way I turn, can I? He sighed. "And that's also why I can still call you to me, isn't it. Because I'm still attached to your little fucked up game."

"Yes." Spree said rather sourly. "I still have to show up when you call because you're still connected."

"Sucks to be you." Johnny sneered sarcastically, still pissed at having been involved. There had to be a way out of it. There had to be a way to save Devi, to keep her from going through all of the shit he went through. A thought finally occurred to him, and he looked up to fix Spree with a steady gaze. "Trade me."

"No. What? No! Why would I do that?"

"Because it makes sense!"

"How the hell do you figure? Yes, let's give you the power and protection to kill whomever you please all over again. Sounds like a plan. What's wrong with you? Why would we do that?"

"I figure like this- you make me into the waste-lock for the container that she's got. It's my blood, I won't be affected then, and she won't have to be a waste-lock. Filtering that shit can do bad things to you, if I'm not the classic example. Please, just do it."

"You **hated** being a waste-lock. Why would you do it again?"

"Because. I don't want that happening to her. I know you can do it, so do it."

"I can't."

"Spree." Johnny said dangerously, pleadingly, catching the child-demon's eyes and holding them with his own. "Please. Make me a waste-lock again."

Spree searched Johnny's eyes for the conviction he heard in the man's voice, and found it readily enough. He truly wanted to be a waste-lock, to try to save the girl. Spree shook his head slowly, closing his eyes with a troubled sigh. He bowed his head and faded from sight. Johnny's eyes slid closed, the tears that had been threatening finally spilled over, and he collapsed onto the bed, crying.

End Chapter Four, Part Four

Notes:

Um… Yes. *sigh* I promise I will do good things with this, because Spree never plays fair. Then again, neither does Nny. Did you know that this is the longest JTHM fic on fanfiction .net? O.o scary.


	23. Part Four: A Play On Words

I still do not own JTHM, the characters therein, or any of the ideas behind it.

Cause and Effect

Chap 5: A Play on Words

His tiny form materialized in the great council's room, childishly blue eyes blinking to adjust to the dim lighting. The mist that floated around the room murmured around him, not quite taking solid shapes. He saw the vague mist-forms of the council members, the Divine, all over in the space. A small giggle escaped his lips as he thought of everything going on. Finally, he stretched, falling forward onto all fours as his did so. His bones lengthened and his skin toughened, splitting into scales and plates. His jaws lengthened out, teeth sharpening and extending into a vicious mockery of a smile. Horns formed from his ears, hardening and curling slightly upwards, away from the skin of his neck. His fingernails grew into curving talons, hands lengthening into strong paws. He snorted and his wings peeled away from his sides, bony protrusions with black fire for webbing... Only his eyes remained the same, endless pools of ocean-blue.

"Anyone home?" He fluted, his draconic voice delicate and faintly musical, in stark contrast with the horror of his form. He perfectly matched the demon Nny had dreamt of so many times.

Mist separated from the clouds around him, swirling to a pause at the top of the judge's podium before him. It solidified, coloring into the red form of one of the elder Divine. It stared stonily at him for a moment before sighing. "_Hello, Spree._"

"I have something to discuss with you, it won't take long."

"_We recall you saying that the last time._"

"Hey, it's not my fault you can't keep your system in order."

"_If you do not remember, allow us to remind you. Who chose Johnny C. as the lock for Amedaiius?_"

Spree ground his teeth, having known it would come down to this, and was somewhat irritated that it came up sooner rather than later. "Me."

"_Who insisted that we switch everything to one container, so things could be more efficient, easier to clean?_"

"Me."

"_Who neglected to tell us that things with their charge were out of control until it was far too late to do anything but wait for it to crash and burn?_"

"I know this one! It was me!" Spree said sarcastically, resisting the urge to clack his wings together at them. "Okay, so I admit I may not have the best track record. However, you have to admit that it did work out all right, nothing was harmed by the experiment, and it **was** working before all that. Honestly, I thought I would do you a favor. If you're not interested though…"

"_Your favors do not favor others unless they favor you, as well._" There was a pause as the elder seemed to be considering something, listening to the others. "_Very well. You may speak._"

"I found you a willing waste-lock! I'll take care of all the paperwork myself, if you want, because I know there can be a bit of it, sometimes. I'll even find a good container! I know how busy you are and all that."

"_And what would you gain from such an action?_" It questioned dully.

"Nothing but your good favor."

"_That's a load of nonsense!_" Piped a higher voice from behind him. He turned one dark eye to the Divine that had materialized. It was young, small, barely able to even materialize itself. It's form was almost translucent, and a pastel purple instead of the deep red or black of the elders. "_That's not like you, Spree. You're only interested in gaining for yourself._"

"Aye, that's true, but, Greatness, if I were in your good favor would that not be a gain for myself as well as you?"

"_There is more too it, I am sure. There is some way that you are messing with things again._"

"Does not everyone have a chance to redeem themselves, Greatness?" Spree asked politely.

The Divine huffed and faded back into the mist it had appeared from. He turned to face the Divine perched on the podium once again. He settled his wings gently against his body and sighed. "Honestly, I really just want to help. He practically begged me to become a waste lock. Do you want proof?"

"_A memory._"

"Aye." His head bent slightly so that his nose was pointed downwards. His eyes misted over and cleared of all color. Johnny's voice spilled from his mouth when next he spoke. "Spree… Please. Make me a waste-lock again."

Silence fell over the area and Spree's eyes flashed and returned to their normal blue. He hated having to do that, abandon his body to a recording like that. He had purposely not allowed them visual, something they may or may not get suspicious about. He knew how short they were on waste-container-lock combinations at the moment, as the crisis that had called for a reboot of their system had removed one of the only ones they had left. This was going to seem like a god-send.

Ha. God-send. I crack myself up! Spree kept from laughing by concentrating on the issue at hand. This could go either way- he could be caught now or they could have better things to attend to than one waste-container and its lock. He was rather hoping for the latter, and preparing for the former.

"_Permission is…_" The Divine replied after a long moment of conversing, "_Granted. You have been put in charge of creating the container-lock bond and watching it. Dismissed, Spree._" Spree bowed, his snout touching the ground for a split second, controlling his breathing so as to hide the fact that he had nearly panicked when they paused in answering him. He grinned, just barely, and turned to leave. "_And Spree…?_" Called the Divine after him.

"Yes?" He replied, pausing.

"_Don't mess this up._"

Spree was unsure if that was a warning, a threat, or an instruction, but he didn't like the tone. He clenched his formidable jaws and faded from view. He'd show them who was in control, whether they liked it or not.

Johnny lay on his side, sprawled like a cat on top of his bed sheets. His eyes were more than glazed over with thought as he tried to escape into the prettier parts of his mind… Until he had finally come to the realization that there were no prettier parts. Now he simple lay there, staring into space without thought. It had been hours since Spree had disappeared, but there was no change. Devi had called once, or at least he guessed it was Devi. The phone rang for several excruciatingly long minutes before finally abandoning the house to silence once again. Nny wasn't sure which he preferred- the silence or the companionship- and it took too much energy to think about it right now. The phone lay dead in his hand.

He hoped that his actions had saved Devi from a life she would never want. She had been strong enough to fight them off the first time, but she had no idea this time. He supposed the worst part of the situation was that he would only be saving her from a danger he put her into in the first place. He wanted to call her, to tell her everything, but he knew he couldn't do that until after he was sure she was out of the danger zone. He would have to tell her eventually, because he would have to get the crystal back. His eyes shifted to the phone, but he didn't move. Living was, apparently, much harder than he had thought it could ever be.

His eyes roamed upward, to the ceiling. The red paint that had covered it was gone, scraped clean by something he supposed resembled a cheese grater. The rough edges made pits and valleys that gave way to shadow that was darker than shadow. The surface was clean, ready to be painted. He closed his eyes, remembering how he had thought of it as a new beginning, a way to finally start over and do things right, do things normally. A chance at a life where not everything was tainted, where not everything was stained with blood. He didn't want to have to see any more ruined dreams.

The phone began to ring.

Nny nearly jumped out of his skin at the noise, though it didn't show in his body language. He clicked the talk button on and off, effectively hanging up on whomever had called. Whatever it was it could not possibly be important enough to interrupt his reverie.

The phone rang again, more insistent this time.

Nny shifted only slightly, more of a flopping roll than an actual controlled movement. His eyes settled on the phone and he tried to decide if he should pick it up or not. It rang again, and he remained motionless. He didn't have the words to say all he wanted to say, not yet, and he wasn't sure he would be able to talk now, anyhow. He wasn't sure he still had a voice with which to speak. As it rang a third time, he clicked the on button and put the phone to his ear.

"Hello…" He said weakly.

"Nny? God, you sound awful." Came Devi's voice, slightly tinny over the connection. "I was just calling to check up on you. Feeling any better?"

He tried to decide how to answer that. He felt fine at the moment, at least physically. That was how he supposed she meant it, so he gave her the best answer he could think of. "A bit. Are you okay?"

"Yeah. Yeah, I got home fine." She replied, the worry still very evident in her voice. "So what happened?"

"I'm not sure, entirely." He rose, walking slowly out into his main room. "Um… Devi…?" He started, not certain on how to phrase what he wanted to say.

"Yes…?" She prompted after a moment.

He had gotten to the phone base. He stared at the blinking red three on the answering machine, telling him he had three new messages. Finally, he broke the silence. "Devi… I'm sorry." He yanked the phone cord from the wall and dropped the phone carelessly upon its cradle. The walk back to his room was unusually painful.

"You don't even greet your guests anymore, Johnny?" Came that sinister child's voice from across the room.

Johnny didn't even bother looking up from the television. It was off, the black screen a deep void before him. He was making up his own shows, watching his life on videotape. The movie was perfect- everything had turned out the way it was supposed to turn out. Everyone was happy. "Well?" He asked.

"Well what?"

"Did it work or not?"

"Hm?" He was being rather frustrating.

Johnny turned his attention away from the television set and fixed Spree with an icy stare. "Am I a waste-lock again or not."

"Oh, you're a waste-lock all right…"

"Why do I sense that there is a but? What are you not telling me…" Nny questioned dangerously. A feeling of cold dread gripped him.

"Um… Your waste-container…"

Nny touched the crystal around his neck, paling. "Is…" Spree nodded and Johnny put his face in his hands. "You've reversed the situation! It does no good if I still can't be around her because now she's in the same place I was in! She's normal but I'm a waste-lock with a container that will confuse her and her blood!"

"Well…." Spree wheedled.

"Well WHAT." Johnny said threateningly.

"It's not exactly reversed, per say."

"Not exactly? There had better be a good explanation, if nothing else."

"How to say this… You see, you're a waste-lock too, now, and-"

"Too?" Nny grated, not liking where he saw this going.

"Um… Yes."

Johnny closed his eyes and took a few deep, calming breaths to try and control himself. That failing, he leapt from the couch and grabbed for Spree. His hands closed around thin air, and he toppled to the ground, thrown off balance by the unexpected lack of support. His skin throbbed where it had come into fast contact with the floor, and he allowed himself to collapse into a rather unceremonious sprawl as he began to sob. He just wanted this nightmare to be over now, so that he could have a normal life. There had to be a way out.

Nny lay on the floor where he had fallen. It had been over half an hour since Spree had disappeared, leaving him with the bad news. There was nothing he could do, now, his plan had failed miserably. Not only was Devi a waste-lock, but now he was as well. He brought this down on both of them, even going to far as to ASK for his own fate to be changed back to the parody of life he had been living. He couldn't believe how easily he had been tricked into that. The thought briefly crossed his mind that he should call Devi and at least let her know what was going on, that perhaps they could come up with a solution to this… but he seriously lacked the strength of will he knew it would take to move from where he lay.

The doorbell buzzed.

Johnny rolled over slightly, turning his head at an odd angle to get a skewed view of the door. Who on earth ever visits me? I really hope it's not a salesperson, they won't survive this… He sighed as it buzzed again, and got to his feet slowly. It became obvious that they were not going to be going away anytime soon as the doorbell started buzzing constantly. Nny reached for the cable that led from the button to the buzzer, and ripped it out. Silence fell and he stalked over to the door, flinging it open.

"Nny!" Devi started shouting before he could even begin to comprehend what just happened. "AHH!" She closed her eyes tightly and dropped to one knee, clutching at her chest. Pain washed over both of them and Johnny only just had the sense to close the door and stagger across the room before he, too, collapsed again.

Long moments passed before Johnny could hear anything over the pounding of his own blood past his ears or think of anything but the pain in his chest. He lay back gently against the wall, using it to support himself. The pain was still present, but he was overcoming thinking about it by sheer force of will. Taking a deep breath, he called to the girl behind the closed door. "Devi?"

"Yes…?" Came a weak reply.

"Go home."

"What just happened?"

"Go home and call me."

"Nny, what the FUCK is this?"

"Please, Devi… I'm asking you to trust me, leave."

There was a silence for a short moment before he heard the faint rustle of her rising, carefully. "Fine." She sounded pissed and confused, but there was nothing he could do about it here and now. As long as she was still close he could hardly do anything but dwell on how much it hurt.

Roughly twenty minutes later, the phone rang. Reaching over, he clicked it on before it reached his ear, and greeted Devi. "Hi." He said faintly.

"Well?" The anger had faded from her voice, but the confusion was still present. "What's going on."

"If I start talking, can I get you to promise me that you won't interrupt until I'm done?"

"I'll try."

"Best I can ask for, I guess. Okay. So this little demon-kid-thing named Spree is the one who has been taking care of all the waste-lock business for me. He works for these big demon things called The Divine, who called me to them to tell me everything was taken care of. I got into a little tiff with them… *ahem* and they ended up giving me what I'm going to call 'proper eyes.' They let me see the world differently. I get to see the residue of, I'm guessing, the human negative and positive. This in turn allowed me to figure out that I can tell where waste-locks and waste-containers are… And that is when I figured out that they had turned YOU into a waste-lock for a waste-container and your container is your crystal, the one I gave you. So I asked them to trade me for you only the bastards just made me into a lock again and left you one, too."

There was a stretching silence and he was not sure that their connection had been kept. Finally, she took a breath and he could almost see her shaking her head. "That doesn't explain earlier, really."

"The crystals contain our blood and they get confused when we get near each other and start trying to filter the residue into us, trying to make us containers. Apparently it's a bit painful."

"Well, I suppose it isn't as bad as it could be."

Nny held the phone away from his ear just enough to give it a look that said "I thought _I_ was crazy…". "I fail to see that."

"We can still talk to each other, right? That's still something. So tell me the story. The whole story, unedited. I need details if I'm going to think this out properly."

Nny sat silently for a long while after telling the story, as everything really processed inside his brain. Devi was content to let him think, as she was running the scenario over and over in her head, looking for a way out. There didn't seem to be a whole lot of options. Obviously the Divine didn't want to lose the waste containers they had gained, and it would be more than difficult to change a lock on something like that. Something that they didn't seem like they would be willing to do easily, not of their own free will. However she knew from experience that there was ALWAYS a way out, always a way to control a situation to some degree. So how do you force an all-powerful being into doing what you want them to do? 

"Hey, Nny. I think I have an idea."

End Chapter Five, Part Four

Notes:

Um… I have no idea why I haven't posted… my muses are having a lot of fights at the moment and my editor and I have run into a major flaw that we are currently trying to find a way around. It may mean some re-working of the storyline thus far. I hope to have another part soon but… who knows. Let me know what you think so far. If you're even still reading. I'm probably talking to myself by now. *sigh* I am alone…


	24. Part Four: Phone Tag

I still do not own JTHM, the characters therein, or any of the ideas behind it.

Cause and Effect

Chap 6: Phone Tag

Nny entered the small store. It was… deathly silent. Mostly grey. Entirely wired. He wasn't sure if it was okay to speak, and the bored looking young woman behind the counter wasn't helping him make a decision. The air was somewhat stale, as though no one ever entered or left, and Nny was not entirely sure that wasn't true. The lights flickered dangerously and his skin twitched in response. This was… so not right. He approached the small front desk and stood about a foot from it, careful not to actually touch it. He wasn't sure what he would catch if he did.

"Um… I need… a phone."

"Congratulations." She said flatly. "Which one?"

"I… um…" He glanced around. "I don't know. What is there, I guess…?"

"Horizon Wireless offers a great selection of phone and service packages as well as many, many accessories. What kind of plan where you looking for?"

"Um… One where I can talk…"

"Yes, that much is gatherable from your entrance into our store. Did you want unlimited text messaging or unlimited minutes?"

"Yes."

She gave him a very impatient look. "Which one?"

"Both…?"

"Fine. It's a monthly fee."

"Hopefully I will only need it for less than a month."

"Whatever. This or that?" She held up two phones. One was solid black but looked pretty chunky and the other was an off-silver color but looked as though it would be a lot better companion.

"That, preferably…"

"Did you want it in flip top or solid case?"

"Flip top, I think."

"Color changeable or not?"

"Ooo, changeable."

"Did you want a view screen or digital?"

"View screen would be nice, but digital would be okay."

"Pick one."

"View."

"Here." She handed him phone with a small, blackened viewing screen. He stared blankly at it for a long moment before looking up at her.

"I need two, actually."

She rolled her eyes and handed him a second one. "Whatever. Fill these out." She handed him a clipboard with some papers and he glanced them over. No real commitments, and unlimited minutes. He would have to pay for this 'text messaging' but he doubted he would be using it, anyhow. So after a long while he had completely filled out both forms for the phones and walked out with two brand new cellular phones.

Once in the parking lot he threw a glance around for Devi's car. In the far corner of the parking lot he saw her, and waved quietly. She would watch where he left the phone and just pick it up after he drove off. She could then call him and they could commence their plan. He wasn't sure how foolproof their plan was, but at least they would have fun along the way.

"Where, I don't see him!"

"He's heading right down your way. With the blue coat."

"Nevermind, I see him. Okay, hold on."

The phone fizzed in Nny's ear and went dead and he slipped it back into his pocket. He watched as a young man about twenty years old was stopped by a purple-haired girl. Only just barely could he make out who they were, Devi was doing her job nicely. Eyes roaming upward he traced the thick green line from the man to the man's building. He was really hoping Devi would be able to get him inside the café across the street, because Johnny knew he wouldn't be able to successfully break in without the man noticing if he were **in** the apartment. Leaning against the wall he watched her lead him into the café, a smile lighting her features.

God, she is beautiful… He thought quietly. They had spent the last day planning and plotting everything out over the phone. There was a LOT to plot. He realized that there would not be very much they could do staying in their own city, so this was their last day here. Traveling was about to commence. He hadn't the faintest clue how exactly they were going to work that, because they had to end up in the same place, but they would have to be traveling apart and still be able to find one another in strange places. He trusted they would make it through this, though.

He slipped into the building silently, moving like a cat. For once luck really seemed to be with him as no one was in the halls. He started climbing the stairs, stopping once on a landing to look out the window. Seeing that the green ribbon entered the building a floor above him, he continued upward. He threw his gaze around the hallway, trying to see the string and was suddenly faced with a dilemma. The strand was no longer visible, and there were eight doors in this hallway. The end, the waste-container, could be behind any of them.

"Door number one… door number two…" He shook his head and knocked on the first door.

A little old lady opened the door. She stared hard at Nny as he tried to see around her, into her apartment. The green strand traveled straight through her room and into the next apartment. He smiled somewhat scarily and tried the fires ruse that came to mind. "Can I interest you in buy-"

*SLAM*

Nny blinked. She had slammed the door in his face… His anger spiked and vicious thoughts of mauling this woman swirled through his brain. Just as his hand touched the doorknob, his phone rang. He froze, trying to determine what it was as he came down off his blood-lust. He reached into his pocket and flipped the top open, holding it to his ear carefully. "…Hello?"

"Nny! Get out of there, the guy's coming up!"

"You lost him?"

"Some old lady just yelled out her window at him that there was a creepy sales-person at her door, could he please come save her!"

"Fuck!" Nny whirled to the second door and knocked once before the pounding of someone running up the stairs was clearly audible, echoing through the hallway. He slipped to the side of stairwell's entrance, and his tazer fell into his hand from the sleeve of his trench coat. The man burst into the hallway not a second later, and Johnny jabbed the two sharp points into the base of the man's skull as he passed. Electricity crackled loudly in the enclosed space as the man dropped.

Nny rifled through the man's pockets, producing an apartment key. He opened the second door, the one that the green strand clearly lead to. The door swung silently open and he stepped carefully inside. The man could be living with someone, though he hardly thought so. The lights were all off and the cat sitting on the windowsill gave him only a cursory examination before returning to sleep. He picked his way quickly across the room to a small music box that lay on top of a cabinet beside the man's couch. It radiated green. Nny could imagine his fingers simply BURNING if they were to touch all that bottled evil, but they only met cold metal and stone as he picked up the box. This must have been the container that had filtered residue directly after Johnny died, catching the rebound of his own bottled negative.

It made a rather lovely smash when it hit the floor and shattered into hundreds if not thousands of tiny pieces.

Johnny opened his eyes, expecting SOMETHING other than what he found. An explosion, immediate transference to the Divine, a great burning wave of evil, SOMETHING. Instead, the green strand that had previously been connected to the intact music box… had splintered. It unraveled, as a thread made of many, many tiny threads would do, each tip leading to a different broken piece of waste-container. He stared stonily at the container, trying to derive any possible meaning other than what this obviously meant. Their plan was already failing. He kicked at the remains of the music box and pulled out his cell phone.

"Devi?" He said quietly when she picked up. "We've got problems. Head home, I'll call when I get back."

"Everything okay? Nny, what happened? Did you find the container?"

"Oh yeah. I found it. It's taken care of. See you at home, sort of."

"…Okay." She didn't sound like she liked the idea, but she hung up anyhow.

Nny made his way back to the man's prone form outside the apartment. This… would never do. There was no way that he could let Devi in on this, no way that he wanted her hands stained in any of the same ways that his were. He already had enough blood on his hands… what's one more body to add to the roster? He reached behind himself and pulled out a jagged looking blade from his belt, under his trench coat. One fluid motion tore out the man's throat, bright red blood staining the carpet. The cord that connected the man to the music box faded and there was only a moment of pause before Johnny saw the wave of bright green, felt the vast quantity of negative energy that filtered through him an instant after the man was dead.

He thought the backlash was going to kill him. Overlooking that one detail- that he was STILL a waste-lock filtering residue into a container- felt like it was going to cost him his life. It felt oddly much like he figured a massive heart attack or his lungs imploding might feel. His chest constricted and he was momentarily unable to breath, dropping to his knees. Through the pain he wondered briefly why he had never felt the residue being filtered before. Then it was gone, and Johnny dropped limply to the ground, laying on his back as he gasped for air. The wave of green had moved on, pulled apart, leaving him only with residual feelings of malice and negativity.

Conscious thought finally returned to him, and he opened his eyes slowly. "Ouch…" He whispered, afraid that speaking would crush his lungs. There was no actual pain, only the memory of it now. He again wondered why he had never felt the filtering before. It may have been because I was never looking for it or it was always too faint for me to feel. If that **was** one of the containers that caught the backlash from when **I** died, there must have been quite a lot in there… Plus whatever it's gathered since… Shit, I'd better get out of here before this guy wakes up. If he wakes up…

Johnny rolled over and crawled to his feet, rather surprised that no one had found him yet. If he was right, and he was counting on the fact that he was, the man would wake up, albeit in a puddle of his own blood, just as well as if he had slept for a while. He was hoping that although he had been a special waste-lock, the circumstances of his return to earth would not be special. If all waste-locks returned to life as non-waste-locks, this man should be waking up very soon and would likely be unhappy with Nny, should he still be waiting in the hallway.

One last glance behind him at the man, and he was ready to go. Before he could turn to leave, a shadow fell across the fresh corpse, as though the figure casting it had popped into existence rather than walked to stand by him. Nny turned to face the new arrival.

"Hello, Spree."

The child stared helplessly at the man bleeding all over the floor. "This is seriously… treason or something. The Divine are NOT going to be pleased, Johnny."

"So don't tell them." Johnny said tiredly, really not in the mood for dealing with the demon-child. He was almost certain that Spree would not have to tell them and that they already knew.

"Don't tell them? I HAVE to tell them. I can't KEEP it from them."

"Say, why was I able to kill him?" Johnny asked suddenly, jumping completely off topic as he was so prone to doing. As long as Spree was here, might as well make use of him.

"GEH- What?!"

"Well, he's a waste-lock, right? Why could I kill him? I thought we weren't supposed to be able to be killed. Not by anyone."

"You killed yourself once, didn't you?"

"Well, yes, but…"

"Same concept, I suppose. The Divine probably didn't predict this little loophole, and they aren't going to be pleased if they find out."

"If they don't already know." Nny pointed out. "So they AREN'T perfect."

"They never claimed to be. The Divine merely run things by a system that has thus far worked. I suppose this couldn't be going much… worse." Spree sputtered, his eyes rising from the corpse to Johnny's eyes. He had to fight to contain himself.

"All I'm looking for is to get noticed. If they want to go and turn BOTH of us into waste-locks instead of changing her back, fine. But I intend to cause a lot of trouble for them for as long as I can see properly. Till they realize it and take away this sight."

"Oh, I wouldn't worry about that." Spree said, allowing himself a small, smug smile. He had forgotten that Johnny didn't know the rules Immortals lived by.

"Why?"

"Well… You see, they granted you a power that only immortals have. In our world, the immortal world, no immortal can be controlled. You cannot simply strip away power or life from an immortal or we wouldn't survive. You'd have immortals killing immortals for killing immortals and so on. Or the evil immortals just picking each other off and what not. That can't happen or the balance would be COMPLETELY ruined. Everything is under a consent law- you must consent to something before another can do anything about it. They can't simply TAKE that power away once they've given it to you. They probably expected you to ask for them to take it away- It's a heavy burden for most normal mortals."

"They seem to misunderstand what it means to be insane…" Johnny mused.

"Yes, well…"

"Okay, so then how does any immortal control any other immortal?"

"There is a lot of trickery involved."

"Is that how you ended up being the Divine's bitch?" Johnny snickered.

Spree's temper flared internally, but he bit his tongue long enough to calm down. "Yes. That is how I came to serve the Divine. I was tricked."

"Well, look. I'm not giving this up, and I'm going to keep going after waste-locks until they notice me and turn things normal again with Devi and I. You can tell them I say fuck off for all I care, just so long as they notice enough to want to do something about it."

Spree shrugged. "I'll give them your regards when they ask who is responsible." With that, he vanished, leaving Johnny alone with the corpse of the late waste-lock. Nny sighed and headed for the stairs just as the man groaned and began to stir. He didn't want to be around when the guy realized what had happened. He wondered how he was ever going to explain this to Devi.

Hours later found him no closer to the answer. He had been wandering the city, wondering what to do, trying to find some great clue that would just give him the answer he needed. No such luck as all the wandering had gotten accomplished was to find him standing before the fire hydrant that had started everything in motion. The little red hydrant before him was black with the shadow of night. To his eyes it was surrounded by an almost glowing green halo of threads, all balled around it. The same thread that had lead around the corner still lead around the corner to something Johnny had never seen. Slowly, he reached into his pocket and pulled the cell phone from his pocket. He bent his knees slightly and sat on the fire hydrant, bringing his feet up almost under his so that he could perch comfortably. His fingers never touched the numbers.

There were a million ways for this to go, and very few of those ways seemed truly appealing. He could just be digging himself a deeper grave, getting himself into a mess that he had no idea how to get out of. The Divine could be truly pissed if he continued killing off their waste-locks, releasing the negative energy from inside it's container and causing more work for him than he was worth. It could go the other way, as well, that they would simply choose another waste container and assign it another lock, without bothering to notice that they were doing it more often. This might not help Devi in the least and he might be the only one to be set free if they even did notice.

"No…" He told himself quietly. "If I go, she goes, we go together." He closed his eyes, thinking.

Spree had said that they weren't going to be pleased. Nny was not entirely sure he trusted the demon-child, but there was not a whole lot left in this world that he COULD trust, why not give some to the kid- after all, he'd been mostly right all along, and he HAD helped Johnny realize how he wanted life to be, which was good. Although it **had** started all this trouble, it had been good. Johnny was sitting right on top of another waste-container at this very moment, and not doing a thing about it. He felt as though he were standing on the edge of a very steep cliff overlooking very sharp rocks. He could get up and walk away right now, turn away from that metaphorical edge, and try to lead as normal a life as he could. Or, he could follow that tenuous string of green around the corner and open another container of nasty things, releasing a load of negative energy back upon the world, take a flying leap into the unknown.

He turned the phone on and dialed Devi's number, waiting for her to pick up the phone.

"Nny?!" Came the tinny, near frantic answer before she even knew who was on the other end of the phone. "Where have you been? Where are you? Why didn't you call earlier?"

He was a little confused. He hadn't realized it had been so long. So used to sitting around in his house, oblivious to the time of day or night because he didn't sleep, hours had passed without so much as a blink of the eye for him. He didn't know how the phone had ended up being turned off, so he hadn't known that she couldn't contact him. "I've been out. Wandering, I guess. I'm in the city, sort of, in a quiet part of the city. I lost track of time."

"Well, it's been hours. I was afraid you'd been arrested or something. I mean, I know that's silly, because you can't be caught, but still. And your phone wasn't responding, either! So, what happened?"

"Destroying the container doesn't work. It was an ornate little music box and I smashed it. The strand leading between the box and the lock splintered right along with the box and just started filtering into the pieces instead."

"Shit. So what do we do now?"

"You don't do anything but wait." His voice was a little darker, more tinged with regret than he would have liked.

"Nny…" She said dangerously, "Why…?"

"Don't worry about it, please…"

There was a long silence on both ends, though how long it lasted Johnny could not say. It could have been seconds, minutes, days, years, he would not have noticed. He knew there must be a million things running through her head at the moment, and he wondered how long it would take her to consider that he **had** been a killer not very long ago. In fact, he knew, he was waiting for her to consider that he was indeed **still** a killer. Apparently, time was not as skewed for her because he didn't think he waited very long before he heard a sharp intake of breath from the other end.

"Nny! You didn't kill him, did you?! Johnny, shit! You're going to go back to killing people?!"

"No, Devi, please, I'm not… I'm not…" He couldn't tell her that he wasn't going to be killing people- he WAS going to be killing people, "Not forever, just until we get this worked out. Besides they don't-"

"Worked out my ass, you listen right now- I'd rather be a waste-lock than be turned into a killer, I'd rather both of us be waste-locks than either one of us be killers, Johnny. Come right back to your house and we will find another way around this WITHOUT killing people-"

He spoke over her, so he was not sure that she heard him, and was very sorry that he had to be as blatantly rude as he was to do so. "Goodbye, Devi. I'll fix this, I promise. Somehow. Good night." The phone clicked on her rapidly increasing volume level, and he stretched his feet down to the ground. If there were ever a time to be brave about something, he supposed now would have to be it.

He pulled the knife from its sheath by his spine. Its blade was crusted over with the blood of the last victim, but it was just as sharp as ever. He tried once to slice through the ribbon of green leading to the container, but it had no effect what-so-ever, and only made him sigh. Walking around the corner, he spotted the source of the thread- it was a pile of clothes. Somewhere within that pile was one of the many homeless people who roamed the streets of the city, looking for someplace to stay, someplace to get food, water, shelter. He wondered how long it had been since this person had left this spot, as the thread had lead here last time he had visited the hydrant. He carefully pulled the clothes and rags aside and found the person beneath the pile. It was an older man, perhaps in his sixties, with a long, scraggly beard. Compared to most of the bums on the streets, he was very clean, the beard fairly well kept.

It was another neat job, a simple slice across the throat. Nny didn't see the point in trying anymore, because it was not the manner of the death that mattered, it was the event of death itself. The thread connecting to the hydrant fizzled and died out and Johnny was washed over with a silent explosion of green as the waste flew outward around him, covering everything. His phone began to ring rather insistatly, but he didn't touch it. He could almost feel the waste burning at his skin and could definitely feel it tugging at him, trying to turn him, to force him into things he would have normally done- find the first asshole he'd come across and torture him or her, for instance. Furiously biting his lip and keeping a white-knuckled grip on his knife with closed eyes, he was able to ignore the urges and simply sit until the waste had moved on. It hadn't hurt as much this time, and he wondered if that were because there was less waste or he was blocking it out or whether he was just going to get more and more used to it.

His phone, ringing until just now, cut off sharply, a harsh silence following it. He slowly opened his eyes and looked around himself. Once again he found himself in the marble-tiled room, standing before the large podium, a demonically beautiful creature perched atop it. All around him the murmuring mist floated, and he could almost see patterns this time, almost see the shapes of the rest of the Divine's bodies. Before him, at the base of the pedestal, was a creature he recognized all too well.

From his nightmares, the creature who had haunted many a night for him sat sulkily in front of him. It's firey wings were folded back neatly to it's side, claws flexed out as though to rip something apart. It's breath was rasping, making it painfully obvious that it was furious, but it was being held back from acting upon its rage. A fierce gaze at least drew Nny's attention, and his own eyes narrowed in response. Johnny's resolve hardened as he finally placed the true nature of the creature. It's blue eyes had given it away.

"Spree."

"Johnny." The creature ground through clenched teeth. It gave him a smile that was far more insane and menacing than a fanged snarl would have been. "So nice of you to JOIN us." Nny was surprised Spree could keep his jaws shut that tightly and still speak. It occurred to him that he'd rather see Spree's teeth bared than see that smile ever again.

"Didn't have much choice, really." He lightened up a little bit as he realized that Spree wasn't going to harm him here. "Say, that form you're wearing is pretty neat. You should wear it more often- it suits your personality."

Spree let out a hissing snort, as a cat often does when royally pissed off at a human who has offended it. "You're here for a reason. Let's make this short. Stop picking off the waste-locks."

"Let me think… No."

"You HAVE to!" Spree's almost commanding tone instantly put Johnny on the defensive. There was something he was missing, some reason for Spree to be as insistent as he was being. He **could** be being forced by the Divine, seeing as he was their 'pet', but this had a different sort of ring to it, an undertone that this was something personal to the demon-child.

"Mmm… No, still."

"Why." Spree ground, remaining stock still, Johnny was sure, only because the Divine held him there.

Nny turned to look up at the Divine perched atop the stand. "I don't want to talk to him, I want to talk to YOU. YOU fucked things up, set them right again. I don't want to be a waste-lock, and I don't want Devi to be a waste-lock. Change us BOTH back."

"_We cannot._" The Divine's voice inside his head made him want to vomit with the intensity, but he only closed his eyes and waited for the throbbing in his brain to settle before he spoke again.

"Why the hell not? It can't be that hard to pick another two people to play your little games with. I am sure there are plenty of other people able to contain a bunch of shit unknowingly for years and years. Go mess in someone else's lives."

"_You are a waste-lock. As such our powers hold no sway over you any longer, we cannot bring you to harm. We were, unfortunately, maneuvered into making you a waste-lock once again._" Those words were spoken while the Divine glared directly at Spree, eyes dancing with white flame. Spree winced, closing his eyes and attempting to look as invisible as demonically possible. "_While we apologize sincerely, there is nothing we can do for you._"

Johnny thought he was going to die. His head felt as though it were going to be crushed or explode or otherwise be irreparably damaged. He fought off the urge to drop to his knees in the fetal position, and brushed away the involuntary tears that had sprung to his eyes at the voices. "Then there is nothing I can do for you and we're kind of at a stale mate. I suppose you'll just have to either send me back and I'll keep killing waste-locks until you change us back, or you'll just have to keep me here for all of eternity. Either way kind of pisses you off, doesn't it." He said weakly.

"_We can no more hold you here than you could cup water in your hands. When you first arrive here we hold the most power, for perhaps seconds. However, after that the power slips away as water would pass through your fingers should you try to hold it. You have the freedom to leave whenever you wish._"

"Oh." Johnny said when he could think again. There had been far less voices, but it was still rather painful to listen to. He thought about that for a moment. "All right. You're sure about the changing back thing? None for us?"

"Absolutely, now get out!" Spree cried, straining against the will that held him in place. He was nearly panting with the energy he was exerting in his escape attempt, but it did him no good. Finally, his claws flexed into the floor, which turned to mist beneath his claws, avoiding the damage that would have been done to a normal floor.

Johnny almost chuckled at the sight of the helpless immortal. "So why that form, Spree? Why not that innocent little child's body that you like so much?"

Spree snarled, lashing his spiked tail behind him in fury as he bristled in a very indignant way. "I do not have the power it takes to retain that form as well as battle for control with the Divine." Nny promised himself that he would learn Spree's entire story some day, but teasing the immortal now was too good of an opportunity to pass up.

Johnny laughed, an almost alien sound to him as he so rarely gave a true laugh. "Sounds… weak. See you around." He turned, looking for a way out. The same, ornate door that had guided him out on his first visit had appeared behind him at some point, and he stepped through it. His front room was around him instantly, and he whirled to try to see the door again before it vanished. Too late, he realized with a sigh.

What the… Oh. The phone was ringing again.

End Chapter Six, Part Four. End Part Four.

Notes:

Dear GOD this took a long time to finish. I am SO sorry it's taken so long to get this part out, and to finish the fourth part. The next part SHOULD be the last part. Hopefully. But, I have no idea. Sigh. Oh, I **WILL** say that ONE side of muses HAS won out for how this will end, but I won't say whether it was my happy muses or my unhappy muses. I just graduated from high school (hoorah! *dancedance*) so I promise I will have more time to write and will be posting MUCH faster than I have been. In fact, I'm already started on the next part! See you soon, hopefully. Reviews?


	25. Part Five: Information Exchange

Series Title: Enough to Stay

Title: Take Your Chances

Author: CONTACT _Con-4922D8771 Sparkle Itamashii

Warnings: This is STILL a rated R fic for a reason.

Disclaimer: I still do not own JTHM, the characters therein, or any of the ideas behind it.

Take Your Chances

Chap 1: Information Trade

Nny stood before the phone, watching it ring as he tried to decide if he should answer it. The laws of logic told him that it was most probably Devi on the other line and weighing picking up versus letting it ring was a heavy task. If he picked up he was likely to get an earful like the one he had gotten just before leaving to find himself- a conversation he'd rather never have to repeat. However, letting it ring would be a million times worse because he KNEW that she knew he was home and just wasn't answering. Finally, his hand fell on the phone and he put it to his ear. 

"… Hello…"

"Johnny…?" Devi said carefully. 

Nny felt the small flicker of hope that tone brought to him. "Yes."

"Are you okay?"

"…I'm fine."

There was a long silence in which the two contemplated the meaning of that phrase. Johnny was waiting for an explosion. She knew he had killed at least once, and he gave her more respect than to think that she thought he had killed ONLY once. A slight fear had arisen in him that she would think that he would go completely back to how he had been and perhaps even go after her again. Being honest with himself Johnny could not be entirely sure that he **wouldn't** revert to his former self. Knowing what he knew now, though, having been through everything that he had been through… he held on to the belief that he could overcome it, somehow. Finally, he heard her take a small breath and sigh.

"How many?"

"May I tell you something, first?"

"If it's quick and involves telling me how many people you've killed this time."

Nny allowed his eyes to slip closed. He was almost certain that he had lost her trust again, a consequence he was not sure he could deal with. "As waste-locks, they should come back. At least, I'm hoping so. I don't really know for sure. The apartment guy, he was already waking up when I left…"

"How many others?"

"I could only find one other, and I didn't get to see how that turned out. I talked to the Divine again, no luck on the changing us back thing."

There was another silence. Nny was used to them, sitting alone with his own thoughts for so many years. His mind wandered aimlessly through memories and invented things until reality drew him back. Devi was deep in thought as he listened to her breathing on the other end of the phone. He really wished that they could be having this conversation in the same place, in the same room, on the same couch. Hell… He thought, It wouldn't even have to be THIS conversation. ANY conversation. No conversation at all I'd just like to SIT with her…

"So what happens if we die?" She said suddenly, snapping Nny from his reverie.

"What?"

"Well, you died, right? When you came back you weren't a waste-lock anymore. You… That man died, and when he came back can we assume that he wasn't one again, either? What if… I mean…?"

"No." Johnny stated. "It's too risky. We don't have a guarantee that we'll come back at all, and we've no way of knowing that even if we do both make it back intact that we won't just be made into waste-locks again. I think I can get both of those agreements from the Divine… it'll just take a bit of creativeness."

"And death."

"Yes, we mustn't forget the death." Nny replied, hiding his grin from even himself. He **was** trying to be serious.

"Nny! Don't tell me you're seriously going to keep killing people. What if you can't stop, what if it's not just waste-locks you start killing again?"

"I don't know. I guess there isn't any real way to know…" He knew very well that that would do nothing to ease her fear of his turning on her, but there was nothing else he could tell her that would be the truth and he didn't want to add lying to his list of inadmirable things to have done. "I won't lie to you and tell you I absolutely won't start killing others, too. I can't know that for sure."

"Then don't kill anyone. There's got to be another way around it."

"There isn't."

"You're not even going to TRY to find one, are you? Do you **like** killing people, Nny? Because you're certainly acting like it."

There was a long silence in which Nny could think of nothing to say to that. Reflecting back on all of the people he had killed there had been very few he had killed with any regret. Edgar Vargas was one who stood out starkly in his memory as one of the only people he had ever actually regretted killing. Had he killed Devi he was certain that he would have deeply regretted it, as he hadn't wanted to kill her. So how do you tell someone that yes, you **do** like killing the people who deserve it.

The dial tone that followed the silence was more painful than a bullet would have been.

Nny lay on his bed, the covers intact from when he had last made them. The ceiling was still bare, scratched up white, the memory of the blood-like flakes that used to fall mocking him in his reverie. Devi had hung up on him hours ago, but the near-shock was still painfully present. He had never wanted to hurt her, but everything was pretty much his fault. He had tried to kill her, he had indeed stalked her afterwards. He had marked her for a new waste-lock, he had gotten her into a scheme that could have dirtied her hands as his were. He had scared her, worst of all, a second time. Was there anything left to live for if she was gone?

"Johnny?"

He tuned his head only slightly until a skewed view of the demon-child was provided to him. Spree seemed much less threatening right now. "Yes."

"I'm sorry about earlier, I mean, being angry. I guess it's just a lot. Are you mad at me?" He asked tentatively, his voice oddly child-like instead of the normal undertone that Nny had supposed was his demon side.

"Not really. I'm mad at the situation, I'm mad at the Divine for fucking up like they have and then not fixing it. Dying was fucking PAINFUL the first time around and the prospect of ending up in hell permanently is less than appealing, should they decide not to send me back a second time."

"You probably would get stuck there, you know. They don't really like sending people back more than once if they can help it." Spree informed him. "Um… Would you mind if I stayed and talked to you for a bit?"

Johnny's senses tingled, as though something were horribly wrong with the current situation, but he didn't suppose talking would do too much harm and there WERE some things he would like to ask Spree, should he get the chance. "I guess. About what?"

Spree clambered onto the bed, sitting Indian-style at the bottom. Johnny rolled over and sat up, putting his back against the headboard so that he could watch the child and the room around them. "I dunno."

"You could tell me your story, or there are things I want to know that no one seems particularly inclined to answer."

"Okay, I'll try to answer you, then."

"Firstly, though… why? I mean, why come here to talk to me now?"

"To piss Them off." There was no need to ask whom Spree meant by 'Them'.

"All right, makes sense. Hm." He had to think about it for a while, but an idea finally occurred to him. "I want to know about the wall monster. I want to know more about that, since it made up so much of my life."

"Amedaiius. That was his true-name, anyhow."

"How did it end up… I mean…"

"In the lizard?" Spree chuckled. "Oh, it's not hard to do. The thing that eventually came out, I believe you have sketches of it someplace from before you lost your memory, wasn't the lizard. It was a halfling demon. It's demon parent was bound to the Divine for a long time, but it were the first to volunteer when the Divine decided to switch all the filtered waste into one container. Amedaiius' parent had given it over to the Divine in exchange for it's freedom, a fact that it was never pleased about, so it was kind of spiteful. Anyhow, demons often feed on the negative that is all over. Think about it- it's a constant food source."

"So the wall monster- Amedaiius- was **eating** the negative being filtered into it?"

"Essentially. At first, there wasn't a lot- you weren't filtering a planet's worth of waste yet. He could consume all of the negative you filtered directly into him. It's demon parent fed on blood and although it didn't need it, it craved blood as well, which seriously negated the need for it to consume all of the negative- so there was a lot of excess."

"Which made him grow- the blood or the negative energy?"

"Both. Now, being given to the Divine makes Amedaiius theirs as I am theirs. I must obey them. There are ways to break free, however, and Amedaiius intended to find them."

"Why do you keep calling Amedaiius 'it'?"

"Demons don't have gender. We can choose a gender form, like this child's body you've seen me in, but I am neither male nor female. I could just as easily take a small female's body or any other I chose."

"Oh. I always thought of the wall monster as a he."

Spree fixed Johnny with a slightly withering stare. "I'll spare you and call it a 'he' for now, then."

"So, why didn't he?"

"Didn't he what?"

"Didn't he find a way to break free?"

"He almost did. There were few restrictions on that kind of demon- they cannot pass through wood, they do not like the sunlight much, and they hate peanut butter. Other minor things, but you get the point. Their kind used to live in a liquid environment and as such lost control over land-based elements like wood and fire. Sunlight is basically light from a really huge fire. The prison you locked Amedaiius in was made of wood. Smart thinking, that."

"So then how did he get out?"

"Though he was locked, effectively, behind a bane, if an external source were to temporarily lend him the power to escape he could. In this case he did what any desperate immortal would have done- he warped the closest mortal into helping him. You. If I recall correctly you were already fairly well gone, fetching blood for him. It would not have been a hard task to remove aspects of your personality and place them into inanimate objects. Once you were… effectively out of you, those inanimate objects could be made animate and as such could help him escape. Which is exactly what they did."

"And Nailbunny?" Nny asked weakly.

"A distraction. A way to remove your will from yourself. You took it back, however, toward the end."

"Nailbunny disappeared…"

"Only because he was a part of you again."

"So what happened to the parts of me that were taken out- the doughboys?"

"They were absorbed into Patch. Tell me, how often have you thought of killing yourself after you came back? How often have you killed people in the ways that you used to?"

"I… haven't tried to kill myself… But I **have** killed since I came back."

"Was it the same?"

"No."

Spree nodded.

"I guess I see your point. I guess that's why I'm not really driven to be killing or killing myself. Why did he want out so badly, I mean, it sounds like he had it made other than being locked up. He wanted out before that, too."

"Pure aggression is a rabid thing, eager to breed and coat everything in itself. Amedaiius was a born of a blood-wrath demon, pure anger and out for blood. The Divine have rules enough that it was not allowed to hunt on it's own."

"So… what happened to him, once he disappeared?"

"He himself was eaten by other demons. It happens only on rare occasions and must be sanctioned by Senior Diablo himself and only when a demon has caused significant trouble. He finds it rather humorous to watch, when it does happen, however."

"You're afraid of that, aren't you?" Johnny asked, looking at the demon-child closely. He had seen the reserved sense of fear before, but it was different seeing it on someone who should have no fear.

The silence that followed gave him answer enough.

"My messing with the Divine is causing 'significant trouble' and it's getting blamed on you, isn't it." It was not a question but a statement. "Spree, I'm sorry, but I can't stop now. I'm just as afraid of dying as you are."

"There's someplace for you to **go** when you die, even if it **is** Hell. For demons… there is nothing. It ends. We have eternity and when we bore of that we want nothing but the peace of total oblivion. Leaving before one is ready is terrifying. Even worse when you have to watch it happen to another."

Silence fell again and Nny watched Spree stare intently at the bedcovers. The human guise was not entirely intact for any human might have cried in a similar situation. Johnny was sure that Spree didn't have quite enough control over his human form for the correct facial expression, but he came very close to that of a hurt child. A change of subject was in order, but Nny had no idea where to go from here.

"So… how'd you end up working for the Divine?" He asked quietly, hoping it would at least get Spree talking again.

"It's a long story."

"We have all night. Devi's pissed at me and I don't know where to start looking for the waste-lock even if I **did** have the energy to go looking. Who tricked you?"

"Cierth.[1] A full-blood demon a lot older than me. Hated me bitterly."

"Demons know much about emotion?"

"Oh, we know plenty. If we didn't we wouldn't know how to use them well against humans. Love is not an unknown thing for demons, rare though it is."

Johnny studied Spree closely for a moment, wondering at the sudden change in behavior. Something had definitely happened that was striking a little too close to home for the demon. "Did you love this demon, Cierth."

"No." Spree spat, face almost a snarl, "I hated him bitterly, as well. If I ever find him again there won't be second chances."

Johnny waited until the anger bled from Spree's expression and it seemed that it would be safe to talk again. "So…what happened?"

Spree sat in silence and Johnny didn't interrupt. Both figured were stock-still, as though frozen in time as they waited for an answer. Finally, Spree's shoulders dropped in a move that almost looked like a defeat, and sighed. "I fell in love, once, with a demon named Kiera.[2] God was she ever beautiful. You remember what I look like in demon form? That same dark quality of beauty. She was far more of a draconic demon than I ever was, and she had the most beautiful song-voice you'll ever hear. She wasn't sure what she wanted to do, wreak havoc or attempt ascension, to try to get back to heaven, so she did a little of both and I helped her. For maybe a hundred years, we were happy, doing as we pleased, wreaking a bit of havoc, but fixing it again afterwards."

"Sounds good."

"It was, until Cierth came along. He had always lived on the outskirts of demon society, mingling with mortals and such. Kiera got in his way one day, messing up one of his plans. He'd been trying to establish a core of followers to provide a constant food-source. People who would draw negative energy to themselves. She had been playing with one of the mortals for a while and didn't realize it. They got into a fight and he killed her, outright."

"I thought immortals couldn't kill immortals."

"They can't. Or at least, they aren't supposed to be able to. Cierth was a hunter. A full-blood demon that actually hunted those demons who were not of full blood. Everyone thought Kiera was a half-blood dragon and demon, because she was almost as old as time."

"Dragons aren't real."

"Not in this reality. In most they existed, back when time supposedly began. They died out a lot, as almost all of the realities feared them enough to hunt them to extinction or into hiding. There are few realities left with dragons in them."

Johnny thought back to when he skipped realities to view himself as he would have been, had he not been made a waste-lock. With a shudder that he repressed, he remembered that Spree had been able to jump realities, too, seemingly at will. "So, demons can cross breed across realities?"

"Yes, because we are originally from the lowest reality. It's kind of hard to explain. Picture a sphere, like an orange. You could conceivably cut that orange into an infinite number of slices. Each slice is it's own reality. Take a slice, cut it in half. Take that and cut it in half. Do that forever and ever and that's how the realities work. Except Heaven is the highest one, the starting point, and hell is the one right next to it- the last one. Since it's a sphere, though they are first and last they are next to one another. They are paradoxes in and of themselves, but it's hard to explain to mortals."

"I sort of get it, but anyhow. What happened next?"

"Oh. Um… I was pissed when I found out, but that wasn't until much later. I had been caught and asked to run an errand for Senior Diablo earlier, so I didn't know she had gone missing. When I returned I heard a rumor about a demon killing another demon without permission. I wasn't too worried about it, under the same belief that Kiera was not full demon. I sought her out, and was so happy to see her again that I didn't listen for her songs. Cierth had taken her form to hide from the Divine, who would inevitably cast him out when they caught him. In her guise he told me that she had given her service to the Divine, so that she could aid in the hunt for the demon-killer and help out from now on. She asked me to join with them, as well, to pledge service to them."

"And you did. Because you loved her." Johnny said, feeling a little sorry for the demon.

"Yeah." Spree said quietly, a pained look crossing his features. "Crazy things have been done in the name of love, through the ages."

They sat in silence once again, the shadows in the room shifting around them in the flickering light. Nny really didn't know what to say to that. He wasn't exactly sure there was anything he COULD say to that. Spree had been tricked into devoting his immortal life to the Divine because he had fallen in love. Johnny knew the feeling.

"Well, the next day she was gone and someone came to tell me that Kiera was dead, that she had been the true-blood that had been killed. I was crushed, and could not help be anything but bitter, sarcastic, and nasty to everyone around me. The Divine didn't let me off the hook, but they gave me a break for a while. I got small tasks at first, but I did them spitefully. I always completed what they asked for, but never in the way that they wanted. Cierth had been on the run for years by that time, and they didn't think they were going to even try looking."

"Ouch."

"I wouldn't give up. I've spent time looking for Cierth, trying to call him to me so that I could get some sort of revenge, or be killed in the process. That's why I suggested they make a waste-lock in one centralized area. The demon never could resist staying near waste-locks, so if there were only one, he'd have to turn up eventually."

"So you planned the wall monster."

"Yes. I knew what kind of demon I needed, one that would not eat all of the negative- there had to be enough spilling out or hanging around that it would be easy pickings for other demons to come by and feed from. I believe you met one, actually."

"I don't think so."

"You did. Reverend MEAT, I believe he told you. A demon almost never gives someone their True-Name. It would give you control over them. MEAT was hanging around only long enough to collect whatever negative residue was left over after you died. There was an awful lot of it and not all got sent to other waste-containers."

"So why tell me all this now? Why tell me at all?"

"Because, you're messing things up, a lot. The killing yourself thing wasn't nice to deal with in the first place. By picking off the few waste-locks They've managed to collect in the immediate blast area, you're not only messing with the Divine's plans, but you're screwing my chance of finding Cierth again. I had hoped, in all honesty, to appeal to your own emotion."

"I won't stop, I'm sorry. I wish you luck but…" Nny gave Spree a tiny, apologetic shrug. "There isn't anything I could do. I don't think you'll find him if you haven't already."

Fury danced like fire behind Spree's eyes. "Fine!" He spat, leaping from the bed. His hands hit the floor first, already morphed into the claws of his demon form. "Don't THINK I'll forget this, Johnny C. There are far worse things than death." He faded from view as he sprung into the air, wings spreading.

Johnny lay back on his bed, terrified beyond all reason. In the area of the Divine, Spree's demon voice had been lyrical, almost flute-like. Here, his voice was like that of the demon in his dreams- a mixture of nails on a chalkboard feeling and the sound of pebbles rolling in the bottom of a wooden barrel. Somehow Nny had managed to alienate himself from pretty much everyone. Devi was pissed at him for killing people again. Spree was pissed at him for killing waste-locks. The Divine were pissed at him for messing up their plans. Nailbunny was a figment of his imagination, MEAT was a demon from another plane of existence… Pretty much the only person willing to talk to him anymore would be Squee.

"Speaking of whom…" Nny said to himself as he slipped off the bed, "I haven't seen the kid in a while. I should pay him a visit. I should clean out that tunnel, first, while I can still hide bodies without being caught. Then I've got some planning to do…" The room fell to silence once again behind him.

End Chapter One, Part Five.

Notes:

[1] Seerth

[2] Keer-ah

Well. That was long. I'm almost CERTAIN half of this chapter will end up getting changed by the end, so… bear with me. Any guesses as to what's going to happen next? Let me know, you know I love hearing from everyone.


	26. Part Five: Rematch

I still do not own JTHM, the characters therein, or any of the ideas behind it.

Take Your Chances

Chap 2: Rematch

taptaptap

Squee opened his eyes slowly, wondering what was making the tapping scratch at his door. Hugging Shmee tightly to his chest, he tossed the covers aside and sat on the edge of his bed. There was no one in the room, and the window was still closed, though it was unlocked. He waited to see if there were lights anywhere that shouldn't be there, like when the aliens landed. It wasn't a Tuesday, so they shouldn't be here. After a moment, the tap repeated itself, and Squee slithered from his bed and padded quietly to stand before the door.

"Be brave, Shmee." He whispered to his companion, "Who is it?" He asked, only a little bit louder.

"It's me, Squee. Johnny."

The name would have sent Squee into a near panic earlier, but only a small fear remained. He opened the door and it creaked open with little protest. Johnny was standing in his doorway, covered in muck. Luckily only a small amount of it was still wet, and Squee would only have to vacuum up whatever fell off. Nny looked rather tired, the gleam that normally lit his eyes dull. Squee backed up a few paces, scared now. Johnny only ever came over dirty if he had killed someone.

"Squee!"

"Don't be scared. I was burying the bodies from the tunnel. It needed to be cleaned so that I could use it properly. Were you sleeping?"

Squee nodded, backing up and climbing onto his bed. Johnny moved jerkily over to sit beside him. They sat in silence for a moment before Johnny shrugged. "I'm sorry. I guess I just couldn't sleep, and needed someone to talk to."

"Why didn't you call Devi?"

"She's mad at me."

"What did you do?"

"It's a long story. I'm going to apologize tomorrow."

"You didn't start killing people again, did you…?" Squee asked, a little suspiciously. He hugged Shmee tighter to him unconsciously.

"A little bit, but they come back, like I did. They're in a bit of the same predicament I was in." Squee squeaked and moved another foot away from Johnny, who sighed. "Don't bother being scared, because it's just a certain type of person, not you."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. And if you don't believe me, ask Shmee, I'm sure he'll grudgingly tell you I'm not lying."

"Shmee?" Squee asked, holding his bear a little bit away from him in question. He listened intently while Johnny glared at the bear. Finally, Squee nodded. "Okay." He turned his big eyes to Nny. "You need to apologize to Devi. Why don't you go see her?"

"I can't." Nny said sadly. He pulled out the crystal from under his shirt. "This keeps me away from her."

"So leave it at home…"

"I can't… I don't know what it is." He said, realizing for the first time that he wasn't sure he had the **ability** to leave the crystal behind. Something compelled him to keep it near him, a feeling he couldn't shake. "Besides, she has one that keeps me away, so it wouldn't make a difference."

"Well, Shmee says you never know unless you try."

"You're right…" Johnny stood slowly, shaking off the hesitant feeling that had been building within him at the thought of visiting Devi. He started heading for the door, but stopped suddenly a few feet away. He turned slightly, looking over one shoulder with a small smile. "Thanks Squee."

"Thank Shmee, I didn't do anything."

Johnny was silent for a moment. Finally, he smiled. "Thanks, Shmee." Johnny could have sworn he heard a whispered response, but he dismissed it as he walked through the house, heading home.

Nny slouched on his beat-up couch, lost in his own thoughts. He was supposed to be headed to Devi's apartment building, but he had thought about it time and again. Even should he find a way to leave the crystal behind, Devi still had hers and Nny had no doubts that it would try to filter a load of crap into him should he get close enough. He wondered, briefly, what would happen should they talk from a safe distance, perhaps a room away like they had through his door that first painful day they had both been waste-locks. He supposed a tolerable amount of pain wouldn't be so bad. 

There was, however, the issue of filtration with his own crystal. He couldn't be sure if it were the crystal doing the filtering or if he, himself, were doing the filtering. Was the system on his shoulders or the waste-container? Seeing as one had to kill the waste-lock to disperse the effects, he supposed it was the waste-lock's responsibility. That meant that even should he leave the crystal behind it wouldn't make a difference and would, in fact, make it worse. He wondered if the pain would be worse for just Devi, because it most likely would filter everything directly into her, or if it would hurt both of them worse because he was filtering over a longer distance and then switching waste-containers.

Eyes slipping closed, he put his head back and tried not to think about it. There was so much happening right now, and he was terrified of returning to his older ways of life- not because he truly saw wrong with them, but because he didn't want to scare Squee, and he didn't want to lose Devi's friendship. Without the voices that would normally give him a course of action, things were harder to decide, but they were more clear. He was beginning to see that perhaps not everything he had ever done was entirely justified. At least, with everything else going on, he didn't have hungry walls.

At the thought, he started, eyes opening. He hadn't really sat down and THOUGHT about his recent past- the wall monster's cravings, the doughboys, his basement, all of that. He still had literal tons of equipment down there, most of it stained with blood or other bodily fluids, and almost all of it sharp. He didn't know what he was going to do with the devices locked down there. Everything was so rigged to drain and collect blood, he wasn't even sure that he could remove half of it without tearing up the floor and damaging the house's foundations. Not that they were not already damaged from the wall monster's escape.

Which brought to front that there were going to be a lot of repairs to his house that he was going to have to live through. The walls that had been smashed through, the walls that hadn't would have to be cleaned, the ceiling in his bedroom had to be painted or at least smoothed, the front room needed some serious repair and needed windows, and the broken room still needed to be sorted through. Because he would no longer have the money from his victims, he would have to get a job somewhere, but he was clueless as to where he could find a job, when he had no real work experience. It would seem that his work would be cut out for him, as soon as he shook this waste-lock ordeal and attempted life.

There were some things that needed taking care of, first, and at the top of that list was apologizing to Devi. Nny climbed to his feet and stepped over to the door. His hand rested lightly on the doorknob for a moment as he debated on taking his crystal or trying to leave it at home. With a sigh, he shook his head an opened the door. Better not to leave it to chance, he didn't want to cause any permanent damage just to see if it might work. The door clicked shut behind him as he left.

Devi sat alone in her apartment, a small bowl of cottage cheese in front of her, practically untouched for eating purposes. Her spoon was swirling around inside of the bowl, mixing the food around with a brainless hand. Focused attention had escaped her for the moment as she stared into space, eyes slightly glazed over with thought. She hated having to hang up on Nny, but she hated him killing people, more. That familiar fear of leaving her apartment was resurfacing and the fact that she could not get hold of Tenna was driving her even more nuts.

Speaking of nuts… She thought after a moment, I wonder… She seemed to pull herself from her daydream and she cast a glance around the room. She spotted what she was looking for in the corner.

It was a small, blue book-bag. The zippers were faded and the tie on top looked like it was fraying. There were a couple of pens, some paperclips, and a pair of bloody screws inside, but otherwise it was unused. She rose, finding herself kneeling by the bag before she had even thought about it. The screws were in her hands, the blood dry and flaking onto her skin, rust-colored. She stared at the screws for a while, mind devoid of any real thought. Finally, she sighed, and turned the screws so the tops faced her.

"Hello, Sickness." She said flatly. "I know you can still see me. I don't know how. I can still hear you in my dreams sometimes. You scream a lot."

She had burned the painting, doll pinned to it and everything a while ago. Sickness had screamed and screamed and Devi had only laughed. Buried somewhere in the ashes of the burned part of the building where the remains of the painting that had caused her so much trouble. She had no doubts that Sickness' spirit hadn't died, was indeed still watching her, or something to that extent. Sometimes she could almost feel the little demons presence. It scared her, often times, but it made her stronger because she knew she had beaten Sickness.

Nny still had his personal demons to fight, and it scared her. She couldn't be certain that he wouldn't come after her. She knew that for now, at least, she was safe. Unless he wanted to feel an un-godly amount of pain, he wouldn't get close enough to her to be able to kill her. It was odd how some things just work out, but she was glad she could at least take that comfort. Even if he were able to remove his own crystal by way of getting an agreement, hers would still keep him away.

And then she was kicking herself. God, how stupid can one person be?! Her internal voice cried, He's going through a rough time and here you are hiding like a dog with your tail between your legs. Call yourself his friend…

She put her head down on the table. Great. She really wished that she could think of these things BEFORE she said stupid things. Instead of offering to watch over him, to make sure that he didn't kill with any kind of malice, didn't slip up and kill someone other than who they thought would come back, she chose to yell at him. Now he was alone in this business, and there was no one to catch him should he start falling into that pit again. She had to find her phone.

The chair staggered behind her as she jumped to her feet, but before she could start searching for the phone she was interrupted by a sharp, stabbing pain in her chest. She clutched at her shirt, closing her eyes as she realized it was gradually getting worse. Her chest constricted and she felt as though she couldn't breath. Choking on the pain, she dropped to the floor, any rational thought drained from her mind. Only one thing came to mind. Nny was close.

And then it was gone. She dropped to the floor, rolling onto her side to take the pressure off of her lungs as she started breathing with a gasp. She lay, panting, for a moment as she regained thought. Her phone began to ring a moment later, and her eyes rolled to where it lay, the color case a few feet away from it. It had fallen off when she threw it across the room when he hung up on her the first time. She made her way over to it and managed to pick it up on the third ring.

"Hello?" She said weakly, surprised the phone still worked.[1]

"Devi?" Nny's voice rasped from the other end. "Are you all right?"

"Yeah." She said, feeling suddenly tired, and she really didn't feel like fighting with him or anyone else. She just wanted it to be done. She wondered how many times he had felt that, over the years, and not had someone else to share that feeling with.

"I'm really sorry, Devi." He said quietly. "I didn't mean to make you angry again, I just want to get us out of this."

She sighed, closing her eyes and leaning against the wall, the phone pressed tightly to her ear. "And I just want to BE out of this. I'm really sorry too. I want out of this just as badly and it was pretty low of me to expect you to try to get us out without my help. I guess I'm just… I'm not used to letting people help."

"Me either." He sounded rather surprised, as much so as she was sure he could muster.

She was beginning to regain some strength of muscle. "Did you try to come over to see me to apologize?" She asked hesitantly.

"Yeah." He said after a moment and she could hear him breathing. "I think the space between us, that we have to be apart, is getting bigger."

"How close did you get?"

"I was at the driveway to the parking lot, but I kept driving straight past it because I didn't think it would be healthy for me to pull in. I wasn't sure I'd make it out again."

She added that up in her head. They had been about four feet apart last time the pain was that intense and it had dispersed when they had been a room apart. About fifteen or sixteen feet had seemed safe. From her apartment to the driveway was about fifty feet, a bit more depending on where a person would be standing. Fifty feet would have been the closest he could have gotten driving past on the street. The pain had been just as intense as that first time, but the distance had grown to nearly a dozen times what it had been. She closed her eyes, fighting back a feeling of dread. "Nny, that's insane. Are you sure you weren't closer?"

"…Yeah, pretty sure. I'm driving home right now."

"Nny, that's over twelve times a bigger distance."

Silence blanketed the line between them for a moment and she could hear him driving. Briefly she wondered how safe it was for him to be driving while on the phone. There was a slight rustling noise and she knew he was switching ears. She could hear his breath whisper across the phone as he sighed. "Shit."

She closed her eyes. Somewhere in her there had been a hope that she was wrong in her calculations, or that he would have a solution that made sense. His acceptance of the truth crushed any hope that she could have had. "So… Now what?"

"I don't know. Will it keep increasing?"

"It's only been a few days, less than six. It's about doubling every day. How long before one of us won't even be able to stay at home?"

"We're what, three or four miles apart?" He was quiet for a moment as he tried to calculate how far that was in feet. She grabbed the pad of Sticky-It's by her home phone, and scribbled out the equation.

"Eight days." They said together.

"A little more if it's more than three miles." Devi pointed out.

"I don't think it is." Nny contradicted quietly. "Shit." She could hear him leaning back, could picture him closing his eyes tiredly.

"What do we do?"

"Eventually there isn't going to be anything we can do, if we leave it. There's only so much distance we can put between ourselves."

"So… now we're on a time limit."

"I guess. Do me a favor. Stay where you are, please. If I know where you are then I will know where I can't be, and I can move around easier. I've GOT to get back to the Divine and make them agree to my terms."

"Okay…" She didn't sound pleased to be cooped up in her apartment, but she supposed there would be something to keep her occupied. She could always paint. "Nny, if I send Tenna over, could you call Squee's house, or go over and get him? Tenna was going to come over later anyhow, to try to get me to go out. She'll stay here if Squee's here, and it would be something to do. I actually miss him, y'know?"

"He's a sweet kid." Nny said quietly. "I'll get him, send Tenna here."

"You're home?"

"I've been home. Sitting in the car talking."

"You're a big freak, you know that?" She said lightly, smiling, "Go inside and call me later, okay?"

Nny waited patiently outside Squee's house, shifting his weight from side to side in an almost nervous way. He could hear someone inside, but they weren't coming to the door. Wondering if perhaps the doorbell were broken, he knocked. There was a halfhearted shout and the response and a moment later Squee opened the door. He blinked, looking Johnny up and down once before tilting his head slightly to one side.

"You… used the front door." He stated.

"Um… Yes. Yes I did. Devi and Tenna want to know if you'd like to come visit for a while. Something about pizza."

Squee instantly smiled. "Okay, let me ask my parents."

The door shut and Nny was left alone again on the front step. He couldn't hear them very well and certainly couldn't understand them, but he had a fair idea of what was being said. Sometimes he wondered why Squee bothered to keep trying, his parents obviously didn't want him around. Half of the time they didn't know where he was and the other half they didn't care. Johnny wished there were something he could do for the child, but there wasn't. Footsteps approached the door and Johnny backed up a pace, just in case. Squee exited, though, and Johnny relaxed.

"So?"

"I can go. Are you going?" Squee asked as they started walking to Johnny's house. It wasn't far, seeing as they were next-door neighbors, but they walked slowly.

"I've got some stuff to do. Tenna says she'll come get you."

"Oh. Okay. You talked to Tenna?"

"Well, Devi. I don't think she's mad at me anymore."

"That's good then. Shmee says "Told you so." Um, Johnny?" Squee paused at Johnny's front door, and turned to face him. "What's going on? Shmee's worried and I am too. Are you and Devi in trouble?"

Johnny sighed, closing his eyes and weighing telling the truth versus lying to the child. Finally, he shook his head with a small shrug. "Yes, Squee. We're in a bit of trouble, and we're working to get out of it. I just don't know if we'll be able to."

"Is it my fault? A lot of bad things happen to people who know me." Squee said quietly, almost accepting of the thought that he could have been the cause.

"Oh, no, Squee, it's not your fault. In fact, it's my fault. It's all my fault." He reached forward to open to door, and Squee reluctantly moved out of the way. "I have to go and get some things from inside, and then I have some stuff to take care of. Tenna will be over really soon, do you think you'd be okay waiting here for her?" He didn't really want to leave Squee, but time had just become a very precious thing that he could not waste.

Squee nodded, hugging Shmee tightly to him. "I'll be okay."

"Great." Nny disappeared into his house.

Squee sat down on the front porch and turned Shmee to face him. He stared at the bear for a long time before he sighed in a way that only small children can. "Shmee, we have to help them. Let's ask Devi tonight, maybe she'll tell me. If not, I'll ask Pepito, I'm SURE he knows exactly what's going on."

The door opened a moment later and Nny breezed past. He waved the Squee as he headed for his car, and called behind himself "Be good, see you soon, hopefully!" Squee wasn't so sure, but he really hoped Nny was right. Squee was actually beginning to **like** his new friends. It would be just his luck to lose them now.

Nny drove through downtown, trying to follow the strands of green that were floating about. It seemed like they were floating slower now, not as much force was being exerted to draw them to a destination. He wondered if that were because he had killed off the other waste-locks and their containers or if the lock he was heading for was just not as strong. Perhaps, again, he was just imagining things and the strands of green were moving just as slow or as fast as they had been the first time he'd watched them. They could seem slower because he was in his car. He didn't know, but the traffic was beginning to bother him and finding a parking place was not going to put him in a better mood.

After circling a block twice he spotted someone leaving. Waiting patiently was not something he particularly wanted to do, so he waited impatiently. Finally, they had removed themselves from the spot and rejoined the flow of traffic and Nny was able to park. He dropped four quarters into the slot and watched the time jump to two hours. He hoped this wouldn't take two hours, but he would probably be going over that if he wanted to get the job done. With a sigh, he headed after the strands once more.

Tenna pulled into the driveway and spotted Squee on Nny's front porch. She wondered how anyone ever knew how to get to this street, the entrance was practically invisible! She had told herself over and over on her drive down the street that she would ask Squee how they had found the house to move into anyhow. She parked, not bothering to turn the car off as she rolled down the window. The boy looked like he was deep in conversation with his bear, and Tenna knew how that was.

"Squee?" She called over her own engine.

The child started, and looked up at the girl. He waved as he leapt to his feet and padded over to the car. Climbing in, he smiled at her. "Hello."

"How did you EVER find your house?"

"I know where it is…" He replied, confused.

"No, I mean… the street is so hard to find I missed it three times before I found it! How did you find it to move in here?"

"Oh." Squee thought back to when he had first moved in. "I'm not sure. I think my dad's work sent us to the town, and my mom didn't want to be around people. When they asked about houses in the area the guy said there was a house they were just DYING to sell. Knowing Johnny, I'll bet they really were dying…" Squee said, eyes wide. "But it was really cheap and dad's always complaining about having to pay for everything, so we just got it. Someone took us out here the first time and so we knew where it was."

"Oh, I guess it wouldn't be hard to find again once you've found it once."

"Most people that don't already live here haven't had to find it again because they visit Nny. I haven't seen a lot of people leave, and I sleep outside a lot."

"Why's that?" Tenna asked, confused and ready to be angry if his parents made him sleep outside.

"Because there are scary things inside, like monsters and ghosts and bugs." Squee told her very seriously.

"I see." She moved the car into gear and headed down the street toward home. "You need some seriously better people, you know that? We've got pizza to pick up on our way back. Don't let me forget."

*SQUEEEK*

Nny stood again at a front door, waiting for someone to answer his knocking. He knew there was someone home, there were cars in the driveway and there were lights on in the front room. He heard someone heading to the front of the house, and wondered if he should try to get inside first, or just kill the guy right at the front door. He pulled his knife from behind him and watched the doorknob turn. The slight noise as the door swung open seemed almost deafening, and he didn't give the guy time to register his presence or greet him before the knife was in his left eye. The man dropped with a throaty noise of pain and a somewhat muffled thump as Nny helped ease the man to the ground.

He steeled himself for the wave of pain and nausea that accompanied the backwash of unlocked negative energy, but there was nothing. He couldn't see a strand anymore, and the guy was definitely dead. He was bleeding all over the front porch, but the blood was slowing as the heart had stopped. Something was definitely wrong. He heard a curse and the sound of someone stumbling inside the house. A few choice words escaped him as he stepped over the fresh corpse and into the house. Apparently, there were two people living here.

He maneuvered himself until he was just around a corner. He could hear the person moving in his direction, but he didn't know if they would actually go past him or not. He hadn't brought more than one knife with him, and there was no way for him to get into the kitchen without being caught, first. Although he **could** kill people by hand, it was rather distasteful and left him with a bad feeling on his skin, as though death clung to him still, like a disease he couldn't see or touch. There wasn't much of a choice. He could see the strands floating into the other room and wondered how long it would take the person to notice that the man was dead in the front entrance.

"Aeron?" The person called. It was another man.

Footsteps approached him and he tensed his muscles to spring. A man almost identical to the first stepped around the corner. Nny realized, as he seized the man from behind, that these were identical twins.

Before he had a chance to snap the man's neck with a twist, his muscles seized up and he was unable to move. In the time it took to blink he was standing before the Divine once more. They were in solid form this time, thousands if not millions of demons like the one still perches atop the podium. It was still by far the oldest looking demon, the toughest skin and wisest face. Spree was tethered to the base of the podium, a length of silvery chain attached to a leather collar around his neck making him look much like a big, demonic puppy-dog. The snarl was evident on his features, though, and Johnny knew better than to tease him about it.

"_Drop it."_ Came the voice of the Divine.

Devi loosely closed the door behind herself. Tenna was sitting on the edge of Devi's bed, staring intently at her best friend. Spooky was resting on Devi's dresser, to Devi's eternal thanks. They had set Squee up in the main room with a movie, after having eaten pizza and made a mess of the entire kitchen while trying to make and eat ice cream sundaes and banana splits. Devi was going to have to scrape that banana off of the ceiling later. She had to talk to Tenna, because her friend would kill her if she kept the rest of the story secret.

"So, **details**!" Tenna exclaimed when Devi had taken a seat at her desk. "What's going on that's so secret you couldn't even tell me on the phone before?"

"It's long. Remember how I told you about all that stuff, and what happened with me and Nny being waste-locks?"

"Yeah. Freaky shit like that."

"Yeah. Well, Nny figured out how to get the attention of the Divine, who are apparently responsible for this shit."

"Before you go on, I have a question. How do you know any of that all exists? I mean, you're trusting this guy after everything he put you through the first time. Now he comes up with some huge story about waste-locks and Divine demon things, and you're taking it all in. Why?"

"Because I know he isn't lying. I didn't mention it before, but when we get close we start filtering negative into one another and it really hurts."

"Why would it do that?"

"Because my blood's in Nny's crystal and his is in mine."

She stared. "That's so unsanitary."

"Shut up, that's not the point." Devi said, sticking her tongue out. Tenna pretended to be offended while Devi continued. "Anyhow, now the distance we have to stay apart is growing. Nny's taken to killing waste-locks that he finds to try to catch the attention of the Divine so he can make them agree to un-waste-lock us and not bother us again."

"So, he's killing people again."

"Yes. But they come back. We think. I certainly hope so."

"So why don't you kill yourselves and just come back?"

"I have a feeling that won't work. I don't think they'd send Nny back a second time- he's already caused a buttload of trouble."

"…" Tenna stared silently for a moment, eyebrow raised. "And, Devi, Exactly how big IS a 'buttload'?"

"…Pretty big on some people." Devi grinned.

"So you're afraid for him."

"Yeah, pretty much."

"There isn't anything you can do except hope for the best, I suppose. What about that demon you mentioned, what was his name?"

"Spree?"

"Yeah. Can't he help?"

"I don't think so. He hasn't been exactly helpful at all."

"Demons… well, so just don't worry so much. Go watch um… ah… what movie are we watching?"

Squee stood outside Devi's bedroom door, listening to Devi and Tenna talk. They had just started in on a discussion about "The Fox and the Dog", the movie they had rented for him to watch. He wasn't interesting in that part of the conversation, but he had an idea now about what was going on and why Devi and Nny were in so much trouble. He padded back to the couch and climbed on. The lights from the TV danced over him and on the walls as he turned Shmee around to face him.

"Shmee… they're really in trouble, aren't they…? We gotta help them somehow. Johnny can't keep killing people, and I want Devi to be okay. Why does everything always seem to go so wrong?" He hugged Shmee and buried his face in the soft fur on top of the bear's head. Shmee may have looked scary to anyone who saw him, but his fur was soft as a kittens. "So what can a little kid to in all of this?" He wondered quietly to Shmee. He didn't get a response.

Nny didn't move. The pain in his head was excruciating, but he remained on his feet and gripped onto the man's lower jaw. His left arm was holding the frightened man in place so that all Nny would have to do would be to jerk his right hand quickly to the right and the man's neck would snap. He had regained motor functions, but was unsure of how fast he could move just yet.

"You want to work out a deal to agree to my terms?"

"_No. Release the mortal._"

"You sure?"

"_Drop it._"

There was a sickening crunch as the man's neck broke, and Nny dropped the limp body to the floor of the Divine's room. He stepped over it even as it dissolved into mist, and kept his eyes trained on the eldest Divine. "If you insist." He said slowly, "But I really think we should talk."

End Chapter Two, Part Five.

Notes:

[1] Verizon Wireless makes good phones.

*cry* My kitty is sick… She got attacked by a raccoon because my STUPID parents let her go outside. Now she's got big old open wounds on her back leg and she's all sick… she's sleeping next to me like she has been for the past two days. That's why I'm so late in updating, I've been paying attention to her as much as I can. Let me know what you think of this chapter, where you think it's going and if you want to request I find an adequate explanation for something in the real books, let me know and I will try as best I can to find a reasonable explanation.


	27. Part Five: Getting to Know You

I still do not own JTHM, the characters therein, or any of the ideas behind it.

Take Your Chances

Chap 3: Getting to Know You

The Divine around him that had been in solid form dissolved, their demonic faces twisted in various shades of fury or disbelief. Only the eldest and Spree remained, the mist swirling angrily at the perimeters of his vision. The murmur that had previously sounded curious, thoughtful, breezy, seemed to buzz with indignation. Spree didn't look at all surprised as he stared sullenly from his leashed position. His tail lashed angrily from side to side and he glared with an unfocused gaze, as though he couldn't see what was actually going on. His eyes burned brilliantly blue.

"I told you so." He spat vehemently into space. It almost seemed as though he were talking to the mist, and Johnny wondered if it could hear him.

"_You did._" Replied the eldest, in one, single voice. There was a quiet, almost silent uproar from the mist and parts of it looked as though it were going to solidify right then and there. Nothing happened, and Johnny only shrugged.

"People keep telling me I'm insane. I think I'm beginning to believe them. Are you going to talk with me and be civil or are you not up to that level of intelligence yet?"

"Consorting with MORTALS!" Screeched Spree, furious as he whirled to his feet, fiery wings snapping open in emphasis. "You ask us to reduce ourselves to cutting deals with beings whose lives are but the flicker of a candle!"

"I don't recall asking your opinion, Spree." Johnny said calmly. "I like your wings. With the fire… Anyhow." He turned to face the eldest again. "What's it going to be? Do we discuss this or do I head back and keep dirtying the universe?"

"_It is only a matter of time. Eventually you will die and order may be restored._"

"Can you keep things intact that long?" Johnny questioned.

There was a sullen silence for a moment before the Divine shifted in place and adjusted it's own wings. Spree was still panting with the trouble of trying to break free of the leather that bound him to the pedestal. "_We have survived worse. It is not worth fighting with you over it. You shall tire eventually. We have brought you here to ask you once more to stop._"

"No. Why would you even bother asking if it doesn't matter what I do? Why bring me here at all?"

"Because it's easier to ask you to STOP than to try and make you stop or to mutely deal with the waste you've been releasing! Seven years of an entire universe's waste was filtered through you and now you're releasing it back into the open! Don't you realize?! It's all grown rabid, it feeds off of itself while it is in the container and becomes a rabid thing. You're not releasing LATENT negative energies!" Spree cried, his tone suggested that anyone who didn't know that was a moron. "It actively breeds and ferrets out mortals to breed in! Why don't you just STOP? It's useless!"

Nny finally turned his gaze onto Spree, anger sparking, "Because I don't want to die again, I don't want to stay in Hell this soon. Because I am being kept away from the first real friend I've ever had, the person I love. Because I want to save her from being killed by this, because that's exactly what's going to happen. I DON'T WANT TO LOSE HER. Surely you, of all people, Spree, would understand that." Nny said coldly.

Spree looked as though someone had jabbed a knife into his gut. His expression was washed over with a mixture of anger, guilt, and sorrow and Johnny was almost sorry that he had said anything about it. Spree shook his head, his haunches dropping to the floor as though he suddenly lacked the strength of will it took to even stand. His eyes were latched firmly onto nothing, as though he were watching something far away. Johnny wondered how good a demon's memory was, if Spree were reliving the moments in his mind. While he did not envy the demon, he didn't pity him. He finally seemed to come to his senses, and fixed Johnny with a glare. Apparently he had remembered that Johnny was the person to destroy his plan for finding Cierth.

"Let him burn." Spree spat distastefully, and disappeared from view, the collar and leash dropping to the floor in the wake of his sudden absence. They dissolved into mist before they made a noise, however, and the eldest sighed and settled lower on the podium.

"You've caused so much trouble in my life, I'm sure there is SOMEthing we can work out. Please. Something beneficial to both parties?"

The Divine were quiet then, and Johnny wondered if they were discussing things mind to mind. It would appear so. So, He wondered, Do they think in words or pictures or something else entirely? Like maybe music? Interesting. He opened his mouth to ask when the eldest shifted again and the voice of the Divine rang in his head.

"_We need time to complete a plan. Give us your word that you will not kill until that time._"

"No. You could spend millennia planning and then it wouldn't do me any good at all. I'll give you twenty-four hours. If I don't hear from you, I find the next waste-lock and we start over. I don't have TIME to dally around waiting for you. The distance between Devi and I is growing, and pretty soon it's going to be too much."

"_Agreed that your time is short. We accept your deadline._"

"You do?" He said, surprised. He didn't know what he had expected, but it was certainly not anything agreeable. "Okay then." As he turned to leave he suddenly had an idea. "Um, wait, one more thing. Did it hurt Patch to have waste filtered into him?"

There was a moments pause as they considered this. "_Most likely, yes. Demons feed off of pain and suffering, even if it is their own. They are bred for it._"

"So why don't you just… breed some demons and use them to eat the negative energy, instead of making these complicated little systems?"

_"Demons are unpredictable, as you have seem. Many of them are ambitious and wish for their freedom. Freedom, for a demon, entails allowance to do as they please. This results in more harm done than good._"

"Oh." He blinked, considering that. There had to be a way to use that, sometime. Finally, he shrugged. "So um… Why is the distance that Devi and I have to stay apart increasing?"

"_In your world we have compared it to a microphone and an amplifier. A human speaks into this microphone and places the device next to the amplifier. It amplifies the sound, returning it to the microphone, which gives it to the amplifier, and so on. Eventually the sound would be ear-shatteringly loud, even if the distance between the microphone and the amplifier were increased. By meeting your mortal face to face you set off a chain reaction. You each have a 'microphone' and an 'amplifier'. The waste you filter into the other mortal is returned to you, louder, and you return it to her louder still._"

"Wow." Nny said, a little confused but on the way to understanding. "You spent a long time thinking about that, didn't you?" He accused with a slightly insane grin. "That's amusing. Let me know when you've worked something out." He turned, stepping through the doorway to his house before they could respond.

"Devi?" Nny questioned when the phone finally picked up.

"No, I'll go get her." Came Tenna's voice from the other end. A loud but muffled racket could be heard from Devi's end, and Nny waited patiently for her to reach the phone. Hopefully in one piece.

The phone rattled and he heard a sharp intake of breath, a brief scuffle over the phone and Devi apparently as it was her voice that spoke next. "Nny?"

"Yeah. Everything okay?"

"Yes!" She stated pointedly, as though speaking for someone's benefit other than his, "If SOME people would BEHAVE for THREE SECONDS."

There was an outbreak of laughter and giggling in the background and the pounding of receding footsteps. Nny heard her take a seat and he smiled as he wondered how Squee was doing over there. "Having a good night?"

"Relatively, I suppose. We're having fun now, at least. Something wrong?"

"I saw the Divine again." He said quietly. He was sure that she heard him, even over the music playing in the background. The desire to hear a response battled with wanting her to know what had happened.

"Pleased, were they?" She asked as lightly as she could.

"Less so than you would think." He sighed. "At least they sort of agreed to listen to us. I guess they're working out how to get around whatever is blocking them, or something. I gave them twenty-four hours and they actually agreed."

"So, twenty-four hours and everything will be all right again?"

"Maybe. I get the feeling that they are stewing more than we think. More than we're really ready for, y'know? I want to be really careful, because I don't know what they're plotting."

"For all we know they're going to try doing something worse than making us into waste-locks, eh? Well, I suppose it can't really get much worse. So what do we do until then?"

"Have fun at your party, I'd say. I'll call back tomorrow and we can arrange to do something. Or just talk. Who knows when we'll have a chance to after the time is up."

"Yeah…" Devi agreed sullenly, reluctant to admit to the fact that she may never see him again. "I'll call when I wake up, okay?"

"Okay. G'night."

"Night. And Nny?"

"Yes?"

"Get some sleep." He could hear the smile in her voice and it almost made him want to cry. The phone clicked off and he was blanketed in silence once again.

Devi closed the connection between their phones and sat back in the chair she had managed to wrestle from Tenna moments before. Her friends lurked at the edge of the room, watching her with curious expressions. They were both unsure as to whether or not Devi would be approachable at this point, so they hung back, muted whispers the only form of comminication.

"Is she going to be okay?" Squee asked worriedly, his tone barely audible.

"Devi's always okay. Just sometimes she's not. It's freaky like that."

"Tenna, do you know what's going on? All of what's going on?"

"Yes, but you don't need to worry about it. I'm sure Devi and Johnny will work things out."

"Shmee always tells me 'everything will be all right in the end. If it's not all right, it's not the end.' Is that true?"

"Squee… I really hope so. I really do." She raised her voice, finally, and made to move over to Devi. "Hey, things fine?"

Devi appeared to come out of a daze. "Yeah, fine. Um, we've got a waiting period, but things should be okay after that. But tonight's a party, what are we doing looking so glum?"

"I don't really want to party," Squee piped up, "I want to know what's going on. You're all acting like I don't know anything and that I'm no help at all. I want to know what's going ON." He insisted, hugging Shmee.

Devi and Tenna exchanged glances before Devi sighed. She knew Squee would have to know eventually, or he would lose whatever trust he placed in them. She didn't want to be another grown-up Squee added to his list of bad people. "Okay. Then sit down, this may take a while."

Nny lay on the floor of the very last level of his basement. It was cold and dark and there were jagged pieces of metal and bone all around him. The darkness surrounding him was complete, not a trace of light escaping into the enclosed space. It felt like an entirely different plane of existence, where nothing but darkness and thought existed. Nny figured this was what living inside a thought would be like.

There were, of course, a million thoughts racing through his mind, yet it was curiously blank. He felt thoughts run through him but they slipped through his mental fingers before he could latch on or register anything of importance. This bottom room had always haunted him. The dead always seemed to be watching him and he swore he could hear whispers all around him. It bothered him that he had stained his hands in blood once more. The waste-locks were one story, but he had killed an innocent tonight, as well.

Perhaps not innocent, Nny thought sourly of humanity once more, But he hadn't done anything to me, personally. Never bothered me before, why now?

Oh, but it HAD bothered him before, he remembered. He had managed to drag home an unwary bystander who hadn't been paying attention. The wall monster hadn't been fed in nearly a week, as Nny was even then trying to resist letting it control him. It was eating through the blood that he had already painted on for it, and was angry at having to eat old blood. It tried again and again to push through and Nny was afraid that some day it might be able to. For then, however, it had been too tired and hungry to attempt real escape, and Nny's body was beginning to hurt in a parody of sympathy pains for the monster.

Edgar Vargas had done nothing to deserve being fodder for the wall monster. He had been a decent human being, as a matter of fact, and Nny had slaughtered him as a butcher would have slaughtered a lamb. The boy still haunted his dreams on occasion, and he was now left wondering if Edgar had been telling the truth. Did he actually **have** family and friends whom he was protecting by lying about them? He wondered if he should find out, and perhaps anonymously apologize for Edgar's death and send them his wallet. Johnny had kept it, to remember the brave man by.

The thought was dismissed before he could properly latch on and develop an actual plan from it. He sighed, sinking into a sleepless state of oblivion once again, letting thought flow over him rather than through him. What would the Divine be planning so carefully? Why did Spree's mood constantly swing and takes leaps and dives in no logical order? Was it a demon thing or was Nny missing something that was going on? Was he going to be able to work this all out without more people dying? How did Squee fit into all of this mess? He didn't have answers, and he wasn't sure he would want to know the answers should he find them.

His mind slipped into quiet again. Distantly, he could hear a noise that some part of his brain recognized, but it was dismissed several times before becoming clear. The phone was ringing upstairs, all the way at the top of his house. He rolled over, knowing he was never going to make it even as he started dashing up the levels. Stairs thudded so loudly under his feet that he almost didn't hear when the cell phone in his pocket began to ring. Skidding to a stop, he wrenched it out of his pocket and answered it.

"'lo?" He questioned, breathing with difficulty.

"Nny, is everything okay? Something happen?"

"No," Nny said with a faint grin as he calmed his breathing to a normal rate. "I was in the basement, trying to get upstairs."

"…" There was a suspicious, stunned sounding silence on the other end and Nny had to fight to figure out why that would surprise anyone. His eyes fell on the torture devices in the room and it dawned on him where he was.

"Oh!" He cried suddenly, "Oh no, I was just thinking, is all. It's colder downstairs, so… um… Are you still there?"

"Yes." Devi replied after a moment, obviously regaining her composure. "What's going on?"

"I was waiting for you to call." It was quiet and Nny slowly realized she wanted either an elaboration on that or another topic of conversation. "How was the party?"

"It kind of stopped being a party. I let Squee in on everything that had been happening, and we had to take him home. He's fine with it all, it was just tiring. I had an idea, by the way." She started, "You and I could have a picnic of sorts."

"We can't get close to one another anymore, Devi. It's what, going to be about a hundred feet now."

"Well, I know. We could bring stuff to a park, I'm sure we'd at least be able to see one another, and we could talk over the phones. Anyhow, it seemed like a nice idea, but if you don't want to-"

"Oh, I do." He said hastily, "I just don't want to get you hurt, or anything. We can try it. What time do you want to meet, and where at?"

An hour later found Nny sitting on the grass in the middle of a wide-opened grassy area. It was one of the only actual parks that was made and maintained, but hardly anyone was there. People, He thought bitterly, are probably too busy running around their pointless existences to notice such beauty around them. Devi was a little later getting there, but she sat down by the pond, under a giant willow tree that must have been a million and two years old. At least Nny thought so. He could just barely see her stretched out on the blanket, blocking to sun from her eyes by throwing an arm over them instead. His phone rang.

"Nice of you to join us." He said when he picked up. Her laughter made him smile involuntarily.

"Yeah. I guess Squee called Tenna (I don't know why he has her number, the brat) and said he thinks he left Shmee at my place. I had to search all over and I didn't find it. He was pretty upset."

"I'll help him look at home later tonight." Nny promised, "I'm sure he left it someplace in his house."

"Yeah, I think he had it when he left." She sighed. "It's a beautiful day. Tenna's right, I need to get out more."

"Impending doom seems to make it even more worth seeing…" Nny said quietly, his eyes trained on her small form too far away. "Gives a new sense of life to things. I wish I had brought my canvas and some paints. This is a day worth remembering, I think."

"Definitely. I wish I'd thought to bring something to draw with." She replied wistfully. "So what do we do if the Divine screw us over again?"

"Eventually there's going to be a point where we **can't** get any further apart. I don't know what happens then. I suppose we die."

"So you've said." She sat up and he could see her looking in his direction. "What happens if we don't come back?"

"I'm pretty certain I'll be heading to Hell again. It's a really boring place, a lot like Earth without the good people like you and Squee. There isn't a whole lot to do. They do have good bagels, though. Probably good food, at least. So what did you bring for lunch?"

"Doom seems to make me not-hungry. I actually didn't bring anything. You?"

"Nothing, I don't really eat much. I'm sure you noticed, going through my house while you were there." He grinned. "I found all the food you bought and I thought you were crazy to want all the food on that list. Most of it's just sitting in there."

"You need to eat more. That's top of the list of things to do when this is over, got it?" She ordered, a small smile sliding over her features.

Nny closed his eyes sadly, attempting a smile even though she couldn't see. "And what does the rest of that list say?"

She chuckled, and there was quiet between them as she thought. Nny kept his eyes closed, relishing in the ability to hear her breathe. He wondered if they would get this worked out and he would be able to see her again. He didn't want to be separated forever only to die painfully, so he really hoped the Divine could at least hold to their word for one thing. Otherwise he was going to be throwing a fit rather shortly. He started when he heard Devi come back to reality.

"It says…" She said slowly, "It says that you're going to finish sorting through the Broken Room. You're going to fix that ceiling of yours. It says that you are going to get some new windows and repair the basement so that you can do things with it like make a TV room. You're going to get rid of all that crap in the basement. It says that you are going to get out more, stop killing people, and maybe get a cat."

He grinned at that, thinking of the cat-pillow he had made once. "Does it say anything about the people I know?"

"It says that you're going to have some very good friends who are willing to stick with you through this. They really do care about you and want this to be over and better just as much as you do." Her voice dropped to almost a whisper, "They love you."

Nny squinched his eyes shut and kept from crying. "I love them, too." He said quietly. "I'm going to try as hard as I can to solve this, Devi. It's gone on long enough."

The front door creaked open in front of him as Nny entered his house. He and Devi had talked for a long time, about nothing in particular after that. Dusk had finally fallen and Nny could already feel the effects of the reverberating negative between them. He supposed staying just at the edge of the affected range was not the best idea, it was only moving the metaphorical microphone and amplifier closer together for an extended period of time. But it had felt good just being able to see her, to confirm that she was indeed still alive.

Before he could close the door there was a flurry of small footfalls and Squee pounded up to his door, Shmee in hand. Johnny waved. "You found him, eh?" He had almost forgotten his promise to go help the kid look for it.

"Yeah." Squee said, looking briefly at Shmee. "I… don't remember where. Weird. I heard about everything that's going on. I came over to say, um… good luck. Shmee says good luck, too. He's really worried."

"Me too, but don't tell anyone. If nothing else I will at least get Devi out safely." Nny smiled. "Check back tomorrow night, okay?"

Squee nodded. "Okay." He turned to leave, but paused to catch Johnny before he closed the door. "Nny? Have some hot chocolate. Sometimes it helps." Squee took off for his house at a pace only little kids can create.

Johnny smiled again and turned to head into his house. Instead, he found himself facing the Divine again. "God damn!" He said as he started. "That's getting really annoying!" He nearly shouted. He calmed down almost instantly when he noticed something was different this time. Spree was no longer present. The mist had vanished and was replaced with solid walls. There was a man standing in front of him, elderly but with an air of strength that almost made Nny shy away. His eyes burned with the same fire the eldest Divine's had.

"We have a plan."

End Chapter Three, Part Five.

Notes:

Woah. My kitchen is getting DONE. This is taking WAY longer than it should. What has everyone guessed so far? I'm at 164 pages of writing thus far. Fun, eh? *sigh* It's almost done. Any guesses at the ending? @.@ I hope it works out all right.


	28. Part Five: Take Your Chances

I still do not own JTHM, the characters therein, or any of the ideas behind it.

Take Your Chances

Chap 4: Take Your Chances

"We have a plan." The Divine's voice was curiously devoid of other voices, and spoken aloud this time. Nny wondered at the change.

"So you're human now?"

"No. We find it easiest to handle mortal objects in a solid form, one that will not break what we hold."

"Okay, so what's the plan?"

The Divine produced two heavy-duty lockets. They looked like they were metal, but the dark, steel-like colors moved and shifted constantly, as though they were flowing. There was an odd sound that came with them, like a muffled, far of scream of construction equipment. Johnny accepted when they were handed to him, though he held them as though they were made of glass. He had no idea what they were or how these were going to help him.

"They are blocking devices. They can lock around your crystals and allow you to get close enough to the other mortal you wish to free so that you may share whatever part of the plan you wish with her."

"We have phones." He stated, but only got a weird look from the Divine. "Anyhow… So just lock these on whenever I want to get close to her?" 

"The spell upon them works only once and take a great deal of time and effort to cast. It's effects last for approximately fifty of your minutes."

Nny turned them over in his hand wonderingly. "So what **exactly** do they do?"

"They will keep waste from filtering into your waste-containers. It temporarily converts itself into a container."

"Why would you even invent something like that?" Ny said incredulously. He could see no logical use to expend the kind of energy that must take.

"They are created and used in repair of waste-containers and waste-locks. The stream will eventually find its way around the block, but it does buy time enough."

"Oh. So, what's the plan."

"It's going to be tricky for you, mortal. If you have doubts about your ability to complete the tasks you will be asked to complete please inform us beforehand."

"I'll do it, so long as it keeps Devi and I safe."

"It shall keep you, Devi, and the other two mortals you surround yourself with, safe. Do you accept?"

"Yes."

"Then here is what you must do."

Nny stumbled into his front room through the disappearing doorway, and fell. He rolled to his side and lay there, quietly in numb thought. They had not been lying when they had said it was going to require a lot from him. He clutched the two devices tightly in his hand and wondered if he would be able to pull it off, when the time came. There were things to take care of, first. He rolled over and stood, walking to the phone.

It rang several times before Devi finally picked up. "Nny?!" She said instantly, before he had been given a chance to say hello.

"Yes?" He said curiously.

"I've been worried. Squee says he came over and you were there, but then you weren't when he came back a few minutes later. We called your house and your cell phone, but you didn't pick up either one. What happened?"

"I paid the Divine another visit. It seems they've come up with a plan."

When he didn't seem to feel the need to elaborate, she spoke up. "AND?" She prodded impatiently.

"Um, I will have to tell you in person, really."

"Nny, don't joke around, you know we can't get that close." She sounded hurt that he would mock the seriousness of that situation.

"Well, they gave me a way around it, but only for a short time."

Again the need to elaborate seemed to be a foreign thing to Nny and Devi could only wait patiently for so long. "What is it?!"

"Oh." He said as though it hadn't occurred to him to tell her, "Um, little locket things that clamp over the crystals and it filters into them instead of us. But it only works for like… Fifty minutes."

"And we're already almost two hundred feet apart. So what do we do?"

"Come to my house. I'll go down the street and leave it on the porch. Just pop it on and I'll head back. Then we can talk. Go now, before it gets worse."

They hung up and Johnny sighed, clamping the device over his crystal. This was going to be hard to explain. He rummaged briefly in the kitchen before finding what he was looking for and stuffing it into a holder at his back. Heading off down the street he wondered if Devi were going to be willing to help him pull this off or not.

Devi pulled into the drive a short while later. Nny saw her from the low tree-branch he had been sitting on, a little more than 200 feet down the street. She waved to him and watched as he hopped down and headed over. The device was shut firmly over her crystal before he was even near enough for it to have started to effect him. She met him almost halfway and they stopped in the middle of the street. Her smile was plastered to her face and she was unable to stop.

"It's nice to see you up close again, Nny."

"Same to you. I'm sorry that things have worked out like they have."

"I'm just glad they're close to being over." She said, obviously relieved. "So what's the big deal? Why couldn't you tell me over the phone? Not that I'm complaining!" She corrected hastily, "I'm just curious."

"Well, I would have, but it gave me a good excuse to see you."

"Good enough!" She laughed.

"Thirsty?" He inquired politely, with a small smile.

"I could use some ice water about now." She turned to head back to his house, only a pace ahead of him. It was great to be able to see him again.

They entered the house and Johnny disappeared into the kitchen for a moment. Ice water was brought back quickly enough that she almost hadn't noticed that he had left. He gave one to her and took a sip of his own. His eyes flickered to the clock by the door. "I guess we don't have much time to talk, so I'll get to explaining this. Basically I think they have been looking to trick someone into servitude so that they can get Spree to do something very specific for them. Demons are weird- they have to give their permission before you can do something to them. UNLESS," He corrected himself, remembering Spree's story, "You have their Truename. Then you just have blatant control over them. I'm not sure anyone knows Spree's Truename."

"So what did they want?"

"His permission for something. I'm not exactly sure what."

"Any ideas?"

"Not really." They sat in silence for a few moments, each trying to consider what the Divine would need someone ELSE to get permission for. Nny finally spoke up. "Obviously they think he won't let his guard down around them. I already know he's willing to at least talk to me, sometimes. Maybe I can convince him of whatever it is, maybe not. I guess we'll find out sooner or later."

"So… they really didn't give you a complete plan." Devi said flatly.

Nny didn't respond for several minutes. He had gotten one part of a complete plan, but he really didn't know how to explain it. Devi needed to be there for the second part of the plan to work, but they hadn't actually said that to him.

"Not really. I think they may have wanted to see both of us at the same time."

"And they couldn't have just pulled both of us up there?" She asked sarcastically.

"Apparently not. Maybe it takes effort to pull TWO mortals up there. They really don't like to expend effort into anything. Kind of like God, if I think about it. He was pretty lazy, too. I wonder if all higher beings are like that. I'll have to ask."

"Did they just ask you to sit tight, then, and wait for them to figure out what they actually do want?" She somehow couldn't believe that.

"Sort of. I guess not." His eyes flickered to the clock and he braced himself as discretely as he could. "Devi," He said quietly, earnestly, "I love you. I hope you can forgive me. Please don't be angry."

She opened her mouth to ask why when the wave of excruciating pain hit her. If she had thought it was bad when he brushed the edges of the bearable distance, sitting next to him when the distance was already so great was a million times worse. Her lungs felt as though they had collapsed, her heart skipping a beat as her brain faltered. All conscious thought was driven to the back of her mind, replaced by mindless, roiling pain. She gasped, dropping her glass as she tried to breathe, clutching at her chest hoping her heart would survive it's inability to pump. Her nerves were burning and in that moment she truly wished she could die. It would be less painful.

The bullet to her head when it came was a relief.

Johnny stood over her, his face and front splattered in her blood. "I'm sorry." He said regretfully. "See you in Hell." He turned the gun on himself. His body made only a muffled, unnoticed thump in the wake of the second gunshot. Blood seeped silently into the floorboards, and silence fell over house number seven, seven, seven. 

End Chapter Five, Part Four. End Part Five.

Notes:

Hee. I don't know how expected that was. I hope it wasn't expected. If you're not gaping, I haven't written this well enough. There's only one last part, with a couple of chapters. So am I horrible enough to leave them in Hell, or where-ever they do end up? Was that the Divine's plan, to just have the dead and out of their hair? Or do they still have further trials to survive through? I'm feeling unusually evil. Let me know what you think and tell my kitty that you love her. She's still not feeling well.


	29. Part Six: One More Time

Series Title: Enough to Stay

Title: Bittersweet

Author: CONTACT _Con-4922D8771 Sparkle Itamashii

Warnings: This is rated R for a REASON if you are not old enough or do not want to read this do me one of two favors: Don't get caught or don't read it.

Disclaimer: I still do not own JTHM, the characters therein, or any of the ideas behind it.

Bittersweet

Chap 1: One More Time

Nny sat alone in the middle of a room. The wooden stool beneath him was slightly off balance, so he was leaning to one side or another whichever way he shifted. The lighting was dim, casting shadows that didn't exist on the walls and floor as though there were things in the room with him that he could not see. There were no doors, no windows, no lights from which light would enter the room. It was deathly silent save for the shifting of the stool as it squeaked into a new position. Oddly enough a soothing feeling of calm had overtaken him, a withdrawn, peaceful nothingness. This was what it was to have no emotion, just like he had always wanted, to have nothing inside him good or bad.

Panic overtook him suddenly as that realization hit him- he didn't **want** to feel nothing anymore, he had learned better by now! He struggled from his seat, vision blurring as he stumbled toward the wall, looking for an escape from this room. His hands met only the smooth, white surface. It was cool beneath his palms, no reassurance to his racing thoughts. He pounded once on the wall, the stinging sensation of hitting solid material making his fist throb in reaction. It hadn't sounded hollow, it had sounded as though there were only solid rock behind the wood. Briefly he rested his forehead against the wall, closing his eyes. He stiffened when he felt another's presence behind him.

He turned slowly and his eyes fell upon the twin that he had murdered, Aeron, as the man's brother had said. Somehow giving a name to his victim made it more real, hit closer to home. It meant that this person was someone else in the world and Nny had no proof that this man had done anything wrong short of being in the wrong place at the wrong time. Neither moved, and Nny shifted nervously before the man. The man's front was covered in blood and the wound in his throat was open and oozing blood. Glassy eyes stared blankly at Nny, free of accusation but also free of forgiveness.

"Yes, what is it?" Nny said miserably, wondering if this were some kind of cruel joke, if this were really what Hell was going to be like.

Even as he watched, Aeron's pale blonde hair and freckles shifted, blurring as though someone had dipped a stick in a still pond. His glasses changed, the blood cleared and vanished, and his face lengthened. Nny closed his eyes, wishing against everything that he was not seeing what he was seeing. Of all the people that could possibly have appeared before him, this one was unexpected and broke emotions in him. The circumstances of the new-comers death were all too familiar to Johnny, as he had played them over and over since the man's death so long ago. When he opened his eyes there was no mistaking the tall, semi-gaunt figure who had appeared.

Edgar Vargas was standing before him, glasses perched on his nose as when Nny had first met him.

"Hello, Edgar. Nice of you to drop by. This is Hell, though I suppose you wouldn't know much about it. You seemed like a nice person." Nny said quietly, the regret in his voice plainly audible.

"And you killed me, even so. I have to say, Nny, I didn't expect that. I was kind of hoping you would let me go, even up until the point where you had your hand on that lever. I would have liked to believe there was a scrap of decent human left in you, but I was wrong to assume."

"I truly am sorry for it. I still envy your conviction in life and everything that matters. I wish I could feel so strongly that things would turn out for the better."

"You've gotten yourself into quite a spot." Edgar commented, blood beginning to seep through his clothes all over.

Nny tried so very hard to ignore the red stains that were slowly covering Edgar's body. " I have, at that. Say, I was thinking about you the other day. Have you got any family? I'm dead now, so I wouldn't be going after them. I was curious, however, about exactly how selfless you were. If you didn't have a family or friends, that's sad enough on it's own, something I can understand. If you had a family left, though, and lied to keep them from coming to harm, I'd like to be able to respect that even… more… and…" Nny trailed off, eyes widening.

Outlines of deep rents and puncture wounds were beginning to trace patterns all over on the visible skin, and they too bled. Edgar shook his head and looked regretful. "Even while you're in Hell you can't stop thinking about killing people…" He said as he began to fall to pieces.

"No, that's not…" Johnny started. It was too late, however, for Edgar had fallen apart and disappeared into a sickly green looking mist. Through the mist he saw another shape appearing, and took a closer look.

The mist was blown away, replaced by the form of a small child. Squee was seated before him, holding Shmee tightly to his chest and staring at Johnny with wide eyes. His hair was tousled and his hands were covered in blood. Instantly Nny was put on guard and started worrying. He took a step forward, but stopped at the frightened look he receive. He couldn't bear the small squeak Squee had made, it felt as though someone had slapped his face. A quick retreat was in order, and his back pressed against the wall.

"Squee… what happened?"

"I f-found you…" Squee said shakily. "You k-killed D-Devi…"

"No, Squee, it wasn't like that." He tried to think of how to explain it, "I did kill her, but she'll be coming back."

"People don't come back when they die… I've seen you burying the bodies at night… There are so many of them…"

"It's going to be different, there's things that are changing…" Nny tried to sound hopeful, but it was not having the intended effect at all.

"Like they did before when you came back?" Squee said somewhat bitterly, somewhat wistfully, "You said you changed then, too. But you started killing people again. You killed innocent people again. I've got blood on my hands, now."

Nny's faced screwed up in confusion. Devi had said that to him, once before, and something clicked on as horribly off about this. "But… You never killed anyone." Nny stated simply, as he had replied so seemingly long ago.

"It's been too much for me, now. Everything you've ever thought to preserve in me has been tarnished and… now I have followed your footsteps. They're awfully bloody, did you know?" He pointed to his shoes.

Nny's eyes traveled down to Squee's feet. It looked as though the small child had been wading through a shallow pool of blood. "But… but WHY, Squee?"

"You seemed to think it was enough fun." Squee stated plainly as his image was replaced by another small form.

Nny did not recognize the figure by sight, but his heart knew who it was- the demon Spree had been hunting, the one who had caused this whole ruddy mess in the first place. His heart hardened and he glared fiercely at the child who had appeared. "And what do YOU want." He spat venomously.

The child gave him a huffy look and a scoff. "Things are never as they seem. Don't forget that." The child lay back, the mist that was drifting around the floor from Edgars strange melting swirled around him and dispersed completely, so he was left in a clear room again. It had made no sense what-so-ever, like a random commercial in this little television show of past pains.

Nny desperately wished that the mist would return. Where Cierth had lain back was a mockery of Devi, the bullet-hole in her skull gaping. Nny turned around rapidly, closing his eyes and retched, though he could not bring himself to be sick here. He managed to calm his stomach with deep, shuddering breaths and a constant stream of thought about anything other than the corpse laying behind him. Slowly, ever so slowly, he turned to face it, hoping that by now it had gone and would be replaced by something less traumatizing.

There was, however, no break in this room. Devi had stood during the time he had been turned around, and silently drifted to his side. She stared pleadingly at him, as though silently wondering why. The accusation and betrayal in her eyes was worse than anything he had ever experienced in his life. Tears sprung to his eyes and he could not move to brush them away. It was too much, it was a breaking point.

"Please, Devi, please forgive me. You are supposed to come back, you're not supposed to be here with me, you're supposed to get better."

"People don't get better from dying." She said hollowly, as though rot had gotten to her vocal chords already. "They just die. You killed me, Nny. Dead, as in forever."

"Please…" He croaked weakly, "Please don't hate me. I was trying to fix things, I was trying to set things right again."

"You messed them up. You always do." Her tone was piercing, despite the grate that accompanied it.

He shook his head and closed his eyes, shaking and shaking his head until he thought it were going to fall off. Tears strained through his eyelashes and slipped down his cheeks and he was unsure of how long he stood there. When he opened his eyes he was relieved that at least Devi was no longer in the room. He supposed, now that he was looking, there were indeed worse things.

"So you've landed yourself in Hell!" Spree said cheerfully, his voice lyrical and sweet once again, despite the demonic appearance he had assumed. There was no leash, no collar, nothing to restrain the demon from killing him. In Hell, Nny wondered with a bit of fear, Is it like in heaven? Whatever damage done is repaired? Could he kill me again and again for the rest of eternity? … Don't I deserve that? He thought miserably.

"Yes…" Nny muttered weakly in response.

Spree chuckled. "Not exactly burning, but we can change that quick enough," He suggested, waggling his flaming wings into being slightly open. He seemed to take delight in the blanched look that appeared on Johnny's face. "Though that would be fairly rude. It serves you right, after all the trouble you've caused. I should kill you right here."

"So do it." Nny taunted as bravely as he could. Perhaps he would be lucky and only die once before he obtained oblivion.

Spree chuckled, "Oh no. It's more fun to talk you into killing yourself, isn't it."

Something was clicking in Nny's brain, but he couldn't figure out what. "You could kill me a couple of times and I'd probably just come back anyhow. Then you could talk me into killing myself a few more times. Wouldn't it be amusing?" Nny managed to say snidely.

"Oh, it would." Spree agreed, taking a seat and using his back leg to scratch at his jaw, much like a dog or cat would. "But I haven't got the time."

"The time? You're immortal. You've got eternity."

"Yes," Spree replied, "But thanks to you I've still got eternal service to the Divine, who have pretty much lost it for me. It'll be a long time before I gain favor again. I've just come to thank you for that." He smiled nastily, baring his serrated fangs.

Nny had been about to reply something particularly witty when Spree's demonic form gave only one, slight warning ripple before shattering into hundreds of tiny butterflies. Their colors softly flashed and glittered in the sourceless light. The sound of their wings filled the room, slow, slightly musical as though each different color insect produced a different note. It was almost a symphony. Nny stood perfectly still, mesmerized by the utter beauty of it. A single silver butterfly drifted in front of him on a non-existent breeze. Floating there it seemed to be waiting for something. Nny extended a careful finger, wondering if the small creature would take to landing on it.

Before he even had his finger out the entire way the butterfly had darted in and Nny felt a stinging sensation on his fingertip. He cried out, pulling his hand back close to his body. The noise seemed to set the rest of them into a flurry of activity, as though he had somehow disturbed their orchestra. They swirled around him in dizzying patterns and Nny felt sting after sting on his skin. He tried ducking, but it was no good. They were flocking around him, as a hive of bees might. There was nowhere to hide in the room. He remembered with a certain amount of clarity that this was still Hell and no beauty should be henceforth trusted or taken at face value.

As soon as it began it stopped. Everything froze and the butterflies seemed to stiffen and float in mid-air, as though stunned. There was only a slight pause before they zipped to the center of the room as though tugged on strings. A shape was taking place, made of butterflies. The 'statue' was replaced by one of the Divine in the flesh, a smaller one that Nny had never seen before. The murmur that was always in the background could faintly be heard, as though it were through soundproofed walls this time. He was startled, blinking once as he took that in. It folded its wings carefully, preening for a second as though it were worried about looking just right before speaking. Finally, it looked up at him and a wry smile and Nny heard its voice inside his head, a single voice where there were normally million. It rose above the continuous murmur with crystal clarity in an insistent voice.

"_Get UP._"

Nny woke with a start. Sound was drifting to him from a far away place, slightly muffled and distorted. The smell was pretty bad, as though someone hadn't cleaned in ages and didn't intend to. He could hear something just to one side of him, but he couldn't see what. His muscles were frozen up so all he could do was stare straight upward, into what he supposed was the sky. There was a dim blob above him that he couldn't make out a definite shape. He sat so suddenly that at first his eyes were unfocused as the blood rushed. As they cleared he could make out the words on the sign-arch above him.

_This is Heaven, you can stop praying now._

He had only just enough time to register that he had seen that sign once before when something heavy hit him over the back of the head and sent him tumbling. He lay where he had landed, stars dancing across his vision for a moment before he was able to think properly enough to roll out of the way of a second swing. He got to his feet as quickly as he was able, but lacked the ability or strength to move to avoid being broad-sided by the dirty skillet that was being swung at him. When he landed whatever survival instinct he had left forced him to his feet and away more than just a couple of feet. His eyes widened when they fell on his attacker.

Devi was standing before him, holding the handle of the skillet in both hands. She was slightly bent over, breathing hard though from exertion or anger Nny was not entirely sure. The skillet was dirty as hell and blood had joined the mixture, Nny was sure, from the back of his head. He gingerly touched the back of his head and sure enough his fingers came away sticky with blood. His vision swam slightly as he tried to blink away the pain. She looked as though she wanted to do something more though at this point whether that 'something more' would be to tear into him verbally or physically remained to be determined.

"What the FUCK was that for?!" She accused, shaking the weapon dangerously in front of her, "What the HELL were you THINKING?! WHEN DID YOU GET STUPID?!" Her voice was rising with every word she said and the threat of being only verbally confused was rapidly giving way to the threat of being attacked once more.

"I hardly think you would have LET me KILL you!" He replied rationally. "Devi, THINK. Think **reasonably** for a moment…" He pleaded.

She stared hard at him for a moment, her rage a fiery almost blinding force just behind her eyes. Slowly did his words penetrate her fog and she felt herself relax a white-knuckled grip on the skillet. She deflated only slightly as some of the initial anger seeped from her. "You could have discussed this with me, you could have given me some kind of warning. Something. ANYthing. But you let me go through THAT before I died."

Nny knew very well what 'that' was. The pain, he knew, had to have been close to unbearable, and he was surprised that that alone didn't kill her. It was something to be said about her strength of will to live. That, or the Divine had had some sort of intervention willing or unwilling. "I apologize, then, but I could not be entirely sure that you would make it unless I made the decision for you."

"Are you saying I couldn't kill myself?" She asked incredulously.

"Yes, actually. You were angry with yourself when you cut your hands up a while back. You didn't even mean to do that."

"How did you know about that?" She accused.

"Ah…" He stared guiltily at her. "I was following you and was worried when you had your hands bandaged for so long."

"ERH!" She growled, turning her back to him. "I'm blaming you. What now?"

"What?"

"Well!" She barely restrained herself from shouting at him as she turned around to face him once again. "We're DEAD, Nny. Brilliant. Really brilliant. What are we supposed to do now?"

"I… oh. Hm. I'm not entirely sure. They said they would find us."

Devi stared at Nny as though he were growing antlers instead of hair. "You- you WHAT?" She said dangerously, temper riding roller coasters inside of her, "Do you mean to tell me you've killed us both and you don't even know how to CONTACT them?!"

"…Essentially, yes, but-"

Devi shouted a growl at him again before turning in a circle and casting her gaze about in all directions. Her eyes settled past the sign, to a small podium with a man standing behind it. "There." She said, forcing herself to calm, "Let's ask him. Maybe he can give us directions."

Nny looked over and spotted St. Peter, with whom he had spoken on his first visit to Heaven. "Oh… Sure. Just don't let him find out who you are. He'll probably remember me. They ah… they don't really like me here."  
Devi shot him a look as she started stalking off to the angel. "You can't even stay out of trouble in HEAVEN?"

"Apparently. We're not technically in Heaven yet, though. Don't worry, you're not missing anything. It's a whole bunch of people sitting around in chairs."

"I remember you saying." She stopped by the angel's podium and folded her arms over the top, smiling politely at St. Peter. "Hello." She said as calmly as she could. "We're looking for directions to… um… well, a certain… people. Things. Demonish looking things, from what I hear."

"Who are you?"

"Dev-"

"No!" Nny hissed. "Make something up!"

"-on."

"Devon?" The angel asked her, eying her suspisciously.

"…Yes. Don't bother looking me up, I'm leaving shortly. I just need to find the…"

"Divine." Nny filled in. "We're looking for the Divine."

The angel stared at him for a long moment as though he were totally and completely insane. Nny shifted uncomfortably, wondering if St. Peter did indeed remember him from the last visit. It hadn't been very long and he supposed the angel would have a rather good memory, having to sit here for so long. Finally, St. Peter shrugged helplessly. "I have no idea what you're talking about."

"You- What?!" Nny said disbelievingly. "Of course you do! The Divine. The demon-like spirit things that run the show until God's done resting? The… with the big… and the… oh shit."

It had just occurred to Nny that perhaps no one KNEW what ran the show- they were so content that the show was still running that they didn't ask questions. Senior Diablo had said "_I don't claim to know who runs this operation, but they must have been ill upon choosing you._" That meant that he, the devil himself, hadn't known who was running everything. It was likely that the only other person in the universe that knew about the Divine without working for them was God himself. Nny groaned, closing his eyes in sudden exhaustion. Could this GET any harder?

"Nny…?" Devi asked quietly, anger leaving and a slight amount of panic setting in. "What…"

He stepped to the side, motioning for her to follow. When she reached his side, he sighed. "No one knows. Senior Diablo said "I don't claim to know who runs this operation" referring to the waste-lock system. If Satan doesn't know who's running things, I doubt anyone else aside from God, will."

"Great." Devi said flatly, shoulders dropping. "So are we just supposed to wait? Just sit here and-"

"Johnny C.?" Questioned a timid voice from their left. "And…?"

"Devi." Johnny said absently, "Who are you?"

"I am here to show you the way." The little birdlike creature said. It's huge eyes filled most of it's head, making Johnny wonder how much room there was for a brain. It greatly resembled a crow with four eyes, two large ones and two smaller ones in front of those, a large, sharp, black beak with a versatile enough tongue. There were long feathers cresting it's head, the shaft bare until the tips, where about two inches of feathery wisps resided. The bend in it's wings were topped with clawed fingers in which was grasped a small clipboard-like instrument. It's taloned feet sliced into the ground as it shifted flittingly from one foot to the other, as though frightened witless at being in a wide-open space. "Please hurry this way."

It spun around neatly and zipped over to St. Peter, apparently presenting some sort of identification to the angel. Peter gave it a disproving look, but let it pass with Johnny and Devi in tow. It ran a lot like a road-runner, it's feet going one in front of the other with lightning speed. Stopping every couple of seconds to make sure they were still following it, they eventually reached a small, rabbit-hole looking entrance. It was covered by a thin looking piece of cardboard. The bird-creature threw a wild glance about but upon seeing only small winged blob-bunnies floating about, it turned back to them.

"Please step here." It said, indicating the piece of cardboard.

"Somehow I don't trust you." Johnny said, not-moving.

"Please, I assure you it is safe. The Divine await you on the other side and they will become impatient should you keep them waiting." It said nervously, glancing between the two of them.

Devi rolled her eyes. "Nny, we're already dead. Just go."

He took a deep breath, as though he were unsure that he would be able to breath on the other side, and stepped onto the piece of cardboard. He expected anything but what happened. Zipping upwards suddenly into the room of the Divine, falling wildly into the same room, stepping into a hole and breaking his leg and having the crow-creature laugh insanely at him and run off. Instead, he simply stepped into the room. From the moment he set foot across the invisible barrier, he was in the Divine's courtroom. He looked around and Devi appeared beside him, blinking in from thin hair. The crow-beast followed a second behind her.

It bowed to the Divine. "My debt?"

"_Paid. Beware of where you fly, Alastar._"

Devi dropped to her knees, pain flooding her senses for the second time and a very short span. She clamped her hands over her ears only in time to realize it did no good what-so-ever. The voice was actually inside of her head instead of out loud. She stayed where she crouched, eyes squinched shut as tightly as she could make them in an attempt to rid herself of the lingering feeling of dizziness. She didn't hear the crow's response, or see him leave when he did.

"Yes, I shall. Thank you." It turned and shook, fading from view even as Johnny watched it. Devi turned her eyes to the Divine poised on the podium, finally able to open her eyes without feeling nauseous. She stared, unable to look away from the impressive form. She wondered how Nny had not been awed every time he had been here. She had no idea what they were fighting and Nny's description hardly seemed suitable to what she found before her now.

"Owed you one?" Nny asked rhetorically. "Well? So what now?"

They spoke in less voice this time, only bringing a dull ache to both Nny and Devi. "_As promised we have a task for you. Should you successfully complete this task, we shall free you permanently._"

"By permanently you mean forever, right? No more 'oops' right?" Devi clarified carefully, with enough respect in her voice.

"_Yes._" The Divine said, turning its burning eyes upon her. "_It will be as though you do not exist to the worlds outside of your own._"

"So, what is it?"

Johnny had never seen a smile contain more evil than the one the Divine now wore.

End Chapter One, Part Six

Notes:

Sorry this wasn't out sooner. Five more chapters! WHOOT! O.o Any ideas?!


	30. Part Six: Turn Around's Fair Play

I still do not own JTHM, the characters therein, or any of the ideas behind it.

Bittersweet

Chap 2: Turn Around's Fair Play

"SPREE!" Johnny called from his perch at the foot of his bed. His house was empty once again and he supposed that although Devi had exited through the same door as he, she must have been returned to her own house. Again he had failed to catch sight of the door, but it was ceasing to bother him as much as it had. After making sure Devi was all right, Nny had retired to his room. The Divine were working on the 'paperwork' already to set him free. He was in the same transition stage as before- no longer a waste-lock, but still under the same protections. "SPREE!" He called for the fifth time.

The demon child appeared rather irritated when he finally materialized. "What." He stated grumpily, not bothering to make it into a question.

Johnny smiled. "I wanted to say thank you, by the way. After this I really don't think I'll be seeing you, so I thought I would say goodbye, seeing as you've been pretty constant through this."

"So have you- constantly messing everything up." Spree replied angrily, obviously still pissed that Johnny had refused to help him.

"Look, I honestly would love to help you catch that demon, but not at the risk of losing her or letting her die. I'm sorry…" He tried his hardest to sound apologetic.

Spree sighed, shoulders relaxing just a bit. "I know. It's just going to be hard. I got so close."

"Well, if it's any consolation, it was working really well. Maybe mortals just can't stand being locks for something like that. I mean, I could have died before Cierth ever got to me and consequently you."

"That's true, but I doubt he could have lasted that long."

"Well, so try again."

"I can't."

"Why not?"

The Divine won't go for the same thing twice. At least not for a while."

Nny smiled slightly and they sat in silence for a time. The candle in the corner of the room sent flickering shadows all over, dancing and weaving trails of light that colored the walls. Finally, Nny grinned. "YOU could be the waste-lock."

"NO." Spat Spree, baring teeth that were normal for a human and not very threatening. "I'd rather-"

"Well," Nny spoke over him, not wanting to hear what Spree would rather, "Let me explain. I mean, you can't die and nothing can warp your mind, right? If you got everything transferred through you, you could easily draw Cierth to you no matter how long it took. Eventually he would have to come right to you, like… right near you, right?"

"Yeah, I guess…"

"And don't demons eat negative energy anyhow? You've have all the food you could ever want."

"I doubt that the Divine could find a waste-container that would suit an immortal waste-lock."

"Hm. They might be a little hard-pressed, but I'm sure they'd come up with something. Really, you'd be getting the best end of the bargain."

"How do you figure?"

"Well… last I heard waste-locks weren't able to be controlled by the Divine. You'd be essentially free of them, which means no more taking orders. Right? Don't tell me you wouldn't like to be a waste-container if just for that!" Nny said reasonably.

"I **would** like to be a waste-lock for that reason, but I doubt that the Divine could find a waste-container that would suit an immortal waste-lock, and if they did I would be stuck as a waste-lock forever."

Spree finished the sentence in the courtroom of the Divine even as he shifted to true form in momentary panic. Mist swirled up around his leg, locking chains around them and bolting to the floor. He strained against them suddenly, as though realizing his mistake a moment too late. Just before he flared his wings in an attempt to escape, the mist drifted further up, entangling his fiery wings in a net-like substance. He trumpeted, his full form writhing to get away but to no avail. He was eventually wrestled to the floor where he lay, panting and twitching weakly every couple of seconds in a half-hearted attempt.

Nny smiled. "So, how's this run?"

The Divine perched atop the podium spoke alone. "_You have proof of this demon's wish to be a waste-lock?"_

"I do… sort of. I mean, I heard it."

"_We require a recording. Please hold still._"

Johnny felt a tingle overtake his body and then it was no longer his own. He could hear Spree's voice emanating from HIS mouth, repeating his wish to be a waste-lock. As soon as the words were spoken Nny was released. The floor rushed to meet him, and he stayed where he fell as he tried to feel less dizzy than he was. The Divine were staring intently at Spree, who seemed to have lost the will to live and was laying limply on the ground, unmoving. His eyes were closed and Johnny was sure that if the demon could cry he would be. Nny almost felt bad for Spree. The demon-child vanished from sight and Johnny bid him a silent farewell and good luck.

"_It will suffice. We thank you for your service, Johnny C. We shall return you home now._"

"Wait!" Johnny cried before they could send him anywhere. "Ah, one last thing. My eyes?" He said, pointing to said organs.

The Divine seemed to remember. "_We can do nothing until you request the removal of proper sight._" They informed him.

"Please can you remove the proper sight from me so that I may see as normal humans see?" He asked politely, the first time he had ever been polite to the Divine. "And my head, too. Please fix what the wall monster messed up."

"_The eyesight we can repair. As for your mental capabilities, there is nothing we can do. We did not change it nor would we undo what was done._"

"_Remember, Johnny C,_" Came the voice of another, more feminine Divine, "_That the past makes us who we are. What we decide to do with the present continues shaping us, creating our futures. And it is the future that we have to look forward to. You are the only one who can change yourself._"

He was quiet for a moment before he nodded. "I suppose. Well, thank you at any rate. So, we're done then? I'm removed from all those possibilities? Devi, too?"

"_As well as the girl, Tonja, and the boy, Todd. They too, have been freed._"  
"Save yourself the trouble of dealing with me again?"

"_Something like that, you could say._"

"Well, it's been… surreal. I'll try to change for the better. Wish me luck… I'm probably going to need it."

"_Your friend._" The eldest caught his attention before he left.

Devi materialized in the room, once more looking all around herself in awe. "There are going to be some GREAT drawings out of this…" She murmured. She spotted Nny and waved, walking over to him. "We're free, I hear?"

"Yeah. Home?"

"Yes. I want to head to YOUR house, tho. Maybe we can pick up Squee and have a celebration."

"You should call Tenna, then, as well." Nny suggested as the door faded into view in front of them. "There's a lot to tell, there's some story I've not been really telling everyone. Technical stuff."

"You should turn it into a story. Like, a real one. People might like it."

"They wouldn't believe a word of it." Nny said as he followed her through the door. He had not stepped two feet past when he turned around to catch sight of the door and found himself staring down the short barrel of a pistol. Spree's charming, if slightly grown, visage smiled at him from the other end.

"Welcome home."

End Chapter Two, Part Six

Notes:

WHEEE. Now I am REALLY almost done. Just a bit farther! How on earth am I going to work this out in such a short period of time?! @.@ *dies*


	31. Part Six: Nature of the Beast

I still do not own JTHM, the characters therein, or any of the ideas behind it.

BitterSweet

Chap 3: Nature of the Beast

Johnny's every last muscle stiffened at the sight of the demon. The front door was ajar to his right, the breeze whispering around them in the silence. Spree had to have rushed to get here before they did and still have the captive. Squee, held to Spree's left by his hair, was furiously latched onto Shmee and whispering a jumbled phrase over and over again. Johnny couldn't understand what it was, but he thought the child was talking to his bear. How had he gotten here so FAST?

"What's the matter, you don't greet your guests anymore Johnny C.? Ah-ah!" He chided Devi, turning the gun on her as she shifted to move "There will be none of that." His sparkling blue eyes were alight with delight as he looked back to Johnny. "That was clever, very clever of you indeed."

"Squee, are you all right?" Johnny asked carefully, keeping his eyes trained on Spree. There was a small affirmative noise from Squee, and part of Johnny's mind relaxed.

"Oh please." Spree said, making a face, "With how many people you've killed don't tell me you're getting soft on this kid? He doesn't even have the sense to run from demons on the street." He cast a spiteful look at the child. "Although taking him home led me to your house, so I suppose he's useful."

"Why are you even here? Going to kill us?" Johnny asked, voice taking a slightly mocking tone. Demons were vain if nothing else, Johnny thought perhaps he could appeal to that side of Spree. It would at least keep him talking if he were preening over his wonderful plan or whatever. Johnny was glad he had never been the type to explain to someone everything that was going to happen to them.

"Yes, actually. I'm going to enjoy it, too. It will accomplish nothing useful, but it will be a lot of fun."

"With a gun. Say… Isn't that **my** gun?" Johnny asked suddenly.

"Well, yes. When you leave destructive things just laying around- Why on earth did you leave that arm set up, anyhow? You'd already killed yourself with it once, did you have plans to try again?"

"I just never got around to it." Johnny repeated, brain working on how to get out of this. He took a small step forward, hoping to get close enough to grab to gun.

His plan backfired as the gun was switched from being aimed at Devi to being aimed at Squee. The child squeaked and shut his eyes as tightly as he could, repeating his muffled mantra even faster than before. "Ah-ah!" Spree almost snarled, "Don't even think about it." He looked around the house for a moment before baring his teeth as though he were still in his true form. "We're wasting time. So who's first?"

"Kill the kid, first." Devi said, looking coldly at Spree.

Spree's eyebrows raised and Squee's eyes opened wide as he looked at Devi. Their eyes met seconds before Spree caught sight of her, so Squee was the only one to catch her wink. "What?" Spree asked.

"We don't care about the kid. I'd just laugh if you shot him."

"Maybe I should shoot you?"

Devi shrugged. "Enh."

"You do know that if you die now, you die. That's it. Right?"

"Devi…" Nny said dangerously, his shock having switched his attention to her a moment before. His brain worked differently than Spree's. His mind understood courage, stupidity, and selflessness. "Don't do anything stupid."

Spree stared between the two of them, unmoving. Like a dear who had gotten a predator's scent he knew something was wrong but he couldn't see it. Demons would never draw pain to themselves if they could watch another suffer. Because Spree spent so much time in and around humans he had grown to at least recognize most situations, and when it finally occurred to him what was going on his smile turned savage. 

"Oooh…" He said knowingly, "Your a self sacrificing git. Do you think I was born yesterday?" The gun turned on her now, Spree's eyes gleaming. "If you're so eager to die first…"

"Devi… Devi…" Nny was trying to coax her out of the course of action he could see her planning.

The gunshot was deafening in the enclosed space. For once the gun was not turned on Nny. He watched in slow motion, sound temporarily overtaken by the ringing in his ears. Red blossomed from Devi's chest as she bolted toward Spree. He was already moving forward before the second and third shots rang out faintly, as though far off. He could hear himself screaming, could hear Squee scream. Pain flushed through his arm and white washed over his eyesight for a moment.

Then everything stopped. There was a flash of light and Nny heard screaming in a language he had no hope of ever understanding. It was like listening to large, predatory birds squabbling. There was a bright flash of light and Nny dropped to the floor, sudden exhaustion roiling over him in waves. He rolled onto his back, the dark colors and mist of the room notifying him that he had returned to the Divine. A frantic glance around himself told him neither Devi nor Squee had made it here with him. His eyes slipped close as he fought off tears and failed miserably.

"Johnny C.?" Came a quiet, questioning voice.

He didn't acknowledge the Divine that had ambled down to him. It had spoken aloud this time and Nny barely registered that the voice was beautiful. The words were like a musical note that was perfect. Nny almost felt as though if he could keep listening to that voice, everything could be fixed, could be right again. All he could see, though, was that sick, red color spreading like a disease over Devi's heart. The pain in his own arm didn't even register anymore over the pain in his heart. Everything was supposed to be worked out now. They were supposed to have a chance at a normal life, a chance to recover from a forelife spent in quite a bit of misery. This was not how things were supposed to go.

Johnny could faintly hear arguing in the background, though he could not make out many of the words. The same, screeching language he had heard before was being used for at least half of the argument, which appeared to have been going on for some time. He could feel the presence of the Divine sitting next to him almost as if it were already touching him. Thus far it had waited patiently for him to make some sort of movement. Johnny wondered if bleeding all over their floor counted as movement enough. Probably not, considering nothing further had been done.

"Johnny C." The Divine prompted again.

He opened his eyes and turned weakly to stare at the demonic figure perched delicately next to him. It was on the tip of his tongue to ask what had happened. Where was Devi? Where was Squee? Why had they brought him back here? Were they going to fix things and bring Devi back with him? Instead, he stared mutely at the Divine, tears threatening to spill over again. When nothing further happened, he closed his eyes. "This is your fault." He spat quietly.

The Divine sighed. "Somewhat. We had not anticipated Spree moving as quickly as he did, nor did we expect certain other events which have yet to work themselves out." There was a note of irritation in the Divine's voice, flawing the perfection.

"Like what?" Johnny questioned, more than a little irritated.

"At any rate," The Divine continued, ignoring his question, "We are returning you to your home. You will wake as if nothing at all has happened."

"Does that mean you're sending Devi back, too? Everything's fixed?"

"No." The Divine said simply, "You will not remember any of this. It will be easier for you to handle a new life that way, and you won't have to remember the girl."

Nny gaped, horrified. Not even remember Devi? "I'll LOSE all memory of her?! What about Squee? Will I forget him too? Excuse me but even should I lose her entirely I would much like to keep the memory of having known her! What's wrong with you? It's obvious you've never loved someone…" Nny ranted quietly, seething. "Where is she now?"

"We are unsure, we lost control a moment before you arrived. She is most likely being handled by either Heaven or Hell."

"Why am I here, then?"

"Unlike the girl you were not fatally hit. We did not bring you here, which is why we were startled to see you again."

"Well, I certainly didn't bring myself here, so how did I get here?"

"Another Demon, who was in the area at the time, brought you here. It's strictly against the rules, but I suppose it doesn't matter to this one- he was already outside of obeying the law for earlier incidents. They are working an agreement out at this very moment, I believe."

The Divine turned to look toward the podium it normally perched upon. At the base there were two figures, but Nny did not have time to catch much of a glimpse of them before they disappeared in a bright flash of light. Nny blinked away the spots now dancing before his vision and returned to the conversation. "So… Devi's not coming back." Some it seemed unreal still.

"She has died. She was indeed out of our protection and very mortal when Spree shot at her. She shall return to one place or another and remain there."

Nny closed his eyes again, holding back tears once more. He really didn't want to believe that Devi was gone, but there was no other possible outcome to this. "Bring her back." He said suddenly. "You've got to have the power."

"It is not within our power to do so."

"Yes it is! It has to be! Do SOMETHING!"

"We cannot. There is nothing that can be done."

"You can bring her back."

"It is not done."

"But it CAN be. You owe us that much for screwing up royally."

"We owe you nothing, mortal." The Divine said indignantly. "We shall return you to your home with, as per your request, your memory intact. Squee has been assigned a proper guardian, so he shan't bother you again. Try to behave yourself."

Johnny didn't even get a chance to reply before he was laying sprawled on his floor, arm bleeding fresh with the almost impact of returning to life. He was asleep almost instantaneously, fatigue washing over him stronger than it ever had before.

End Chapter Three, Part Six

Notes:

Wheeee! Three more chapters left! Do I work this all out properly? Anyhow, sorry for the long wait. My computer fritzed out and ate it's operating system. I thought I'd lost the story entirely, but I was able to get it. Bwuaha. Anyhow, stay tuned, the rest should be out shortly.


	32. Part Six: Bittersweet

I still do not own JTHM, the characters therein, or any of the ideas behind it.

Bittersweet

Chap 4: Bittersweet

Nny at last opened his eyes. He was sitting in his room, though he had no recollection of how he had gotten there. The small lamp that sat in his corner lay dormant, the room lit by the soft moonlight from outside. The ceiling was just as rough and scratchy as ever and for the first time Nny had no desire to fix it. He could hear whispers of people in his memory, could hear laughter and quiet crying, screams of anger and screams of pain. He could hear the footsteps of people, being alive in the world around him, moving about the day and night… And he had never wanted to die as badly as he did right then.

"How can they walk around like that," Nny whispered, his throat tightening into a knot, "When good people are gone? When there is so much shit still left in the world… When God and Satan and the fucking Divine are so corrupted…"

"Nny, they're not." Came a soft voice from his doorway. "There are rules to everything. They are bound by the rules that have always run things."

Nny gaped at Devi's slim form, standing only a few feet away from him. He was fooled only a moment before he shook his head and groaned, throwing himself backward onto the bed so he could stare straight up at the ceiling. "I'm in another fucking dream. Goddammit. Will I never get a break?"

He felt the tug of gravity as part of his bed dimpled when Devi sat next to him. Her face came into view a second later, and she smiled sadly. "Yes, it's a dream, Nny. But it **is** me. Sort of a way to say goodbye, I guess…" She trailed off.

"So you're allowed to give me a fucking goodbye, but you're not allowed to come back?" Nny growled angrily at the ceiling. There was a quiet pause in which neither of them could think of anything to say. Finally, Nny rolled slightly onto his side so that he could at least see her. "So… what happened?"

Devi shrugged helplessly. "I was mortal. I couldn't let Squee die, which is where it looked like it was going to go. I didn't think Spree would kill Squee first because he knew that there wouldn't really be anything stopping you after that, but I didn't want to take chances. You got hurt, too, y'know. You're bleeding all over your floor again."

"I know. I don't care. I hope I die before I wake up. Then I won't have to deal with this. Where did you end up?"

"Same gates. They weren't really sure what to do with me. They said they would let me visit you here until they figured it out. So… here I am. Still don't know where I'm going."

"Come back here."

"Nny, I can't. I've already asked. There isn't anything they can do, there really isn't. Pushing the matter will only hurt you and me more. I hate leaving, but if it's going to happen anyhow, I'd rather not make it any worse than it already is."

"They've sent us back once before."

"We were waste-locks! We fell under the Divine's jurisdiction then. Now, we don't. I don't."

"So you're not even going to try?"

"I have. It's no use."

"You asked me once if I loved you enough to stay with you to work things out. Do you love me enough to work things out to stay with me?"

Devi gave him a pained look before turning to glance at the doorway. Something he could not hear was calling her, for she rose and walked toward the exit. She stopped in the doorframe, and looked over her should at him. "Nny… I don't have an answer for you. If I could work things out and stay… I would. You know how things work, though. But…" She smiled just a tiny bit and left the sentence hanging in the air as she disappeared from his view.

"GodDAMMIT!" Nny snarled, throwing his pillow against the wall as tears leapt to his eyes once more. "FIX THIS!" He shouted into thin air.

End Chapter Four Part Six

Notes: 

Well?! Any ideas? Two more chapters! I'm being a writing fiend, so there should be more shortly.


	33. Part Six: Letters of Late

I still do not own JTHM, the characters therein, or any of the ideas behind it.

Bittersweet

Chap 5: Letters of Late

Nny stirred slowly, his surroundings fuzzy in all respects. There was a distant hum of noise from all directions, foggy and faded as though through soundproofed walls. He tried for a moment to make them out, but failed. There was bright light beyond the darkness of his folded arms, where his head was cradled, but he couldn't seem to open his eyes long enough to find it. The air around him smelled clean and sterile, but stale as well, as air in an enclosed space would be. Realization crept up on him as he heard his name being utterly softly, quietly from close to him. He was sitting somewhere, as though he had fallen asleep on a table. A padded table…

Sound and light came rushing back into his reality as he snapped awake and jerked up. Hospital! His mind thought frantically, I'm in a hospital!

"Nny…" Someone said weakly from the hospital bed he had been resting his head on. "Nny?"

Johnny's eyes focused in on the girl in front of him. Devi smiled weakly back at him. In the white light of the hospital room the thin traces of scars over her eye were faintly visible, from when she had been scratched by a cat. New bandages covered a portion of the left side of her jaw, where it had been split from the very brief struggle she had had with Spree. She didn't wear a hospital gown, but the bandages covering her entire chest were more than enough. He couldn't see them but he was sure there were staples under the bandages, over her heart. His own heart skipped a beat upon seeing her.

"You… you're alive…" He whispered. "How…"

"I'm not sure. I was on my way back from visiting your dream-world when a Divine caught me. Asked me where I wanted to be, and I told them. Next thing I remember was waking up here in a hell of a lot of pain. But I'm back… I came back."

Nny started to say something when Devi's eyes slipped closed and it was obvious she had lost her grip on consciousness. He stood, startled, wondering what to do, if he should call someone in for her. The decision was taken from his hands when a nurse entered the room and hustled him into the lobby. He was met by an elderly looking gentleman who was most obviously a doctor. Johnny's brain had ground to a stop, barely functioning, so he missed the first couple of things the doctor said.

"-Three days now. Sir? Sir…?"

The glassy glaze Johnny's eyes had obtained faded as he attempted to focus on the man sitting next to him. He didn't remember sitting down. "Huh?"

"I said, your son has been in the child care unit for the past three days. You've got a lot of paperwork to fill out, but I suggest you visit him first, mm?"

Johnny stared blankly at the doctor before him. "My… Child?" He questioned, completely clueless.

"Yes. Todd." The doctor squinted at Johnny as though he had just considered something. "Have you been checked for trauma induced amnesia yet?"

Johnny shrugged. "I don't remember. Where's Squee?"

"Squee?"

"Todd. We call him Squee. Where is he?" The urge to see the child unharmed suddenly became overwhelming.

"Oh." The doctor stood. "Right this way."

The doctor led him down a dizzying maze of hallways that Nny was sure he would be unable to find his way out of if his life depended on it. The lights around them buzzed with a certain flourescent nature and everything seemed almost too clean. Nny feared what would happen should he dirty something. At last, they came upon a colorful little doorway with a small, square window near the top. Just above the window was a hand-colored sign that read "Child Hole". Nny blinked and opened the door when the doctor indicated.

"Squee!" Johnny smiled.

Squee was sitting in the corner of the room on one of the bean-bag chairs. A notepad was perched on one of his knees and he had been scribbling furiously only a moment before Johnny entered the room. Squee glanced between the doctor and Nny for a long moment before he put his pad and pen down neatly next to the chair. He rose and walked quietly over to Johnny, and smiled a bit. "Hi. Is D- um…" His eyes flickered to the doctor, "Mom okay?"

"I think so." Johnny turned his head to look at the doctor. "Could we be alone, please?" The doctor started and turned to leave as though something terribly important had just occurred to him and he had elsewhere to be immediately. "So?" Johnny asked when they were alone, "Any idea what's going on?"

Squee sighed and walked back to his beanbag. "Yeah. Shmee left this for you and told me not to open it. I think he knew what was going on better than we did." Squee pulled an envelope from inside the pad and handed it to Johnny.

It was still sealed and marked with elegant script reading 'Johnny C.' on the back. Nny took a seat in one of the real chairs in the room and peeled back the lip of the envelope. There were several hand-written sheets of paper inside, all in the same flowing writing. There was no way Squee could have written it himself. The letter seemed to almost unfold itself and Johnny began to read.

_Dear Nny_,

_Hello. This is Shmee. I suppose there is a lot of explaining to do. You've known me by the name Shmee for a long time but I have reason to believe that you may have heard my Truename before. I am sure Spree mentioned me, at least, although any mention of me was bound to be skewed even if based around truth. I'm Cierth._

_ Before you jump to conclusions, as you so often have, give me a moment or two. Things did go down a lot like I'm sure Spree explained. I **did**__ outright kill Kiera. She was a thief and a cheat. I had been organizing a group of people much like Squee- they were trauma magnets. Negative things, evil things, just seemed to be drawn straight to them. Spree's version of this story will have had me collecting them for slaves or for a personal feeding ground, but that's not true. I had a core group of followers that had agreed to help me protect the mortals I had gathered from the evil that was naturally drawn to them. Kiera was actually drawn to the group and was caught in an attempt to kill us off so that she could keep the mortals we had thus far managed to find and protect. It was a life and death battle I still regret to this day._

_ So why go after Spree? That was an attempt to redeem myself to the Divine. I knew that I was going to be cast down when they found me. Spree had caused me many a grievance before. I was bitter toward him. Once upon a VERY long time ago when dragons were common, I fell in love with one. Her name was Naiya. Spree killed her for sport. It was a quiet sort of revenge to leave him in the service of the Divine without his love by his side._

_I will not pretend it was honorable, any of it, but demons rarely are. I know I was not. I went into hiding as soon as I knew I was in danger of being caught. I took many forms and roamed a wide range of places before I was once again drawn to the aura of a trauma-magnet. I assumed the form of a Teddy bear and have been with Squee ever since. He has taught me a lot about how I should be living… I'm going to miss him._

_ It was convenient, as well, to be living next door to you, though I hated you bitterly when we met. I was already learning better behavior by that time and I was afraid that you would taint Squee before I knew everything I should. I do apologize for the rude things I said when we met._

_ The point, however, has finally been reached. I know you are wondering what happened. I heard the story, from Devi, while Squee and I were at her party. I visited the Divine that eve, a fact which I almost had to regret, as Squee noticed my disappearance by the next morning. I offered them a plan that was… essentially… perfect. You pulled it off splendidly, on your end. They botched it, however, by leaving Spree in your town where he could find you. When I realized the mistake, I drew everyone out of the situation. Devi was gone, I had no control over her. I left Squee with instructions to call the police. You were taken directly to the Divine's Courthouse with me, and Spree was taken directly into a holding cell. I proceeded to have a drawn out argument with the Divine, which I am certain you heard parts of. I apologize for the wait you had to endure, no one was sure of what was going on. I ended up in a holding cell as well for losing my temper._

_ After you were returned, they released me. By their word I forced them to comply to my wishes. My terms had been that you and Devi cease to be and cease to have the chance at ever being waste locks again. You, Squee, Devi, and Tenna were all to be under protection and remain safe. That meant utter protection. In return, I had volunteered to become a waste-container for Spree._

_ There's a lot you don't know about that demon. In his set-up to catch me he hand-picked you to be the waste-container for his project. During that time he sent Amedaiius (your container) any and all information it ever knew. Spree fed you nightmares to aid Amedaiius in destroying the sane parts of your mind. Because you foiled his plan he was the one to suggest Devi as a replacement. He tricked the Divine into making you a waste-lock and not trading Devi off. I don't think I have to tell you that he tried killed Devi._

_ Please, tell Squee I miss him. I have insisted that Spree and I be transported somewhere far away from you and yours. So long as I do not leave, Spree cannot leave either, so you are safe. The Divine will no longer bother you, nor will anything else. You've a free life to live now, Johnny. Squee asked me to help and I have done all that I can to make him happy, as I have wanted to do for so long. Make sure he is taken care of. I didn't have long to say goodbye. Take care of yourself and Nny… try to do something useful._

~_Shmee (Cierth)_

The bottom of the letter was signed in a blood-like substance and appeared to have been written with a claw of some sort. Johnny refolded the letter and carefully slipped it back into the envelope. The image of the child Cierth that he had seen in his dream surfaced, the faint echo of "Things are never as they seem. Don't forget that." Rang in his mind. The letter explained so much, but it left something to be answered. What now?

"I knew." Squee said quietly, his paper and pen back in hand.

"You knew what?"

"About Shmee. I mean, that he was a demon. He told me once that he was a trauma sponge and I was a trauma magnet. I let him stay. I thought I could teach him to be good. I think he turned out all right."

"Definitely…" Nny said slowly. "Did you get to say goodbye?"

"Not really. He told me to call the police to get you and Devi to a hospital. He said to make sure I went with you, so that's why they think I'm yours."

"How did you get the letter?"

Squee shrugged and started doodling again. "I found it when I woke up. Shmee got to say goodbye while I was asleep, and he told me a little bit of what was going on. He's keeping Spree away from us now. I think he was sad he couldn't keep the bad things away from me anymore."

"You're gonna miss him…" Johnny said sadly.

"Yeah. I think it will be okay. I'll just be careful."

Nny nodded. "I should probably take you home."

"You don't have a car. They brought us all here in an ambulance."

"… Oh. That's right."

"You should let them change your arm and then take you home."

Nny looked startled and his eyes flew to his arm. It was wrapped tightly in gauze all around the shoulder area and now that Squee had pointed it out a dull throb inched into existence. He remembered being hit with a bullet right where his collarbone hit his shoulder. It amazed him that he hadn't even noticed until just now. "Yeah… I'll be back to get you."

"Press the call button. You'll never find your way out otherwise."

Johnny sat next to Squee in the courtesy van. They had been driving for about fifteen minutes now and Nny knew that they must be getting close to home. He wondered how the ambulance had ever found his house in the first place. The van rumbled to a stop and the door opened a second later. The two stumbled into the light and bid the driver farewell. The door to Nny's house was closed, the run-down building looking like a million bucks to him. He had been so afraid he would never see home again.

"I don't think my parents are home…" Squee said quietly. "The car is gone."

"Maybe they are just out. C'mon, you can at least wait in your room until they get back. I'm going to see if I can't go wait with Devi for a while."

The two walked in silence to Squee's house. The front door was slightly ajar, so Nny only had to push lightly to get inside. The place was bare. Everything that was not nailed down (and most of it that had been) was taken, whisked away. Squee made a small noise and Johnny stared about himself in disbelief. It was obvious that someone had made short work of moving everything in the house to somewhere else. The two split up on a silent agreement and searched the house over. Nny entered Squee's room only a moment after the child, and found Squee sitting sedately on the edge of his bed. It looked so wrong to see him sad and scared without a teddy-bear clung tightly to his chest.

"They're gone…" Squee said quietly.

"I know. They must have left because you've been gone."

"No notes?"

"I didn't find any."

"What do I do?"

Nny thought about this for a moment. There was no way he could take care of Squee, especially not right now. Devi was in the hospital, so there was no way she was capable of taking care of Squee. The only other person Nny could think of that would take on a child for even a short period of time was… "Would you mind staying with Tenna for a bit?"

Squee seemed to ponder the idea for a few moments, his face dark. "I guess not. She was nice. Are you going back to Devi?"

"I'm going to stay there as long as I can, until they kick me out at least. I'll bring her home safely and I guess everyone will just have to go from there. How do we got hold of Tenna?"

Squee slithered off his bed and walked to his dresser. Opening the top drawer, he pulled a small, folded piece of paper from inside. He handed it to Nny. It was Tenna's phone number. "She told me to call her sometime. Spooky and Shmee liked to talk."

"Spooky's a demon, too?"

Squee nodded. "Yeah, sort of."

"Well then. Where's your phone?"

"Downstairs. C'mon, I'll show you."

A few moments later the phone was ringing. A sleepy sounding Tenna answered on the fourth ring. "Hell, how can I damn you?"

"Actually," Nny said, "I need some help. This is Johnny, Devi's friend?" He hoped she remembered him. "Do you know Squee?"

"Yeah, cute kid, big teddy bear? What about him?"

"Would you be willing to take care of him for a bit? I'll explain when I get there."

"Um… Sure. I guess that would be okay. How long is a bit?"

"A couple of days. Devi's in the hospital. I was too, but they released me. The kid came with, but he's not hurt. I'm heading back to the hospital to make sure Devi gets out all right, and I need someone to watch Squee until then."

"Where are his parents?"

Nny growled. "Skipped town. The bastards were just waiting for a chance. Look, time's short, I'm heading over."

"See you soon."

It was a couple of days before they allowed Johnny to take Devi home with him. They returned to her apartment where they were met joyously by Tenna and Squee, who were both thrilled to see their two friends again. Copious amounts of sitting around with good movies occurred for most of the first day that she was back. Nny stayed at her place the entire first night, too awake to go home and try to sleep. He didn't want to leave her alone, and she didn't object to having him sleep on the couch.

Nny was listening to her sleep as he wandered around the apartment. While there was not a whole lot around, it seemed so much like a home that he was amazed. His thoughts wandered more quickly than his feet, roaming over everything that had happened. The Divine had broken a rule they followed, had interfered with the way things were supposed to be. Devi should have returned to one reality or another and they had seen to it that she arrived back on earth. The doctors had said the bullet missed inflicting fatal damage to her heart by millimeters.

All of his wandering seemed to guide him to the mirror in Devi's bathroom. It was large, with little stickers in the corners of a robot and a little green alien and a little pig and another character in a green dog suit. He stared at his own reflection, eyes tracing over the place where his bullet had killed his the first time around, to the faint scar along his jaw where the bullet had killed him a second time. The bandages on his shoulder were fresh, and Nny was glad that he hadn't had to die a third time. It seemed a bit excessive to still be alive after everything he had endured, but he was glad he had finally made it.

His vision shifted past the image of himself and he found his mind drawn back to a time when he used to spend hours in front of the mirror, imagining a perfect life where nothing was wrong. His eyes unfocused as he stared, trying to imagine a perfect life. The reality he was in was the only one that manifested. Despite every hard thing that he had ever been through, every mishap, every demon and death that had happened… Nny could not think of a better ending than the one he had. Everyone was alive. They were being left alone for good. They were all safe from most of the trauma they had had to endure… The past had left them with a present- the gift of a hopeful future.

Blinking, he smiled and tapped on the glass, recalling that he had first seen the Divine in his own mirror. "I know you can hear me. I know you're there."

The mirror remained dormant. The beautifully demon features of the Divine were nowhere to be seen, no ripple in the glass let Nny know that he had been heard. There was nothing to acknowledge that they even watched his existence any longer. He wasn't sure if he preferred it that way or not. He sighed, and with a faint smile, turned away from the mirror to head back to the couch. He paused at the door, and turned just slightly to catch a glimpse of the mirror.

"Thank you." He whispered into the darkness.

The mirror rippled a moment after he had turned his back to it, and the image of the eldest Divine misted into view. It watched him exit the bathroom with a smile, as though pleased to see everything had worked out so wonderfully. It knew they would not have contact again, nor would it have wanted contact with the slippery human. Johnny had caused them enough strife to last a lifetime… But for one of the first times the Divine as a whole felt happy that things had turned out all right.

End Chapter Five, Part Six

Notes:

One…more… chapter…. @.@ So… close…


	34. Part Six: Metallic Cure

I still do not own JTHM, the characters therein, or any of the ideas behind it.

Bittersweet

Chap 6: Metallic Cure

Dear Shmee,

I got you letter yesterday. It nice to hear from you after so long. Northern Canada, you say? Sounds rather alone, I've heard there aren't a lot of people. Although, with Spree's attitude, I suppose that is the point. I know you aren't expecting a reply, since you don't have an address, but Spooky volunteered to the letter your way. Tenna complained, but Squee gave her his LOOK and she agreed.

They're sitting next to me right now, in my basement. It's pretty cold, but at least it's not lonely. Squee is on the floor, leaning against Tenna's knees. She's in a chair. She got him a real teddy bear for his birthday last week. No one could remember when his birthday really was, so he picked his own. Surprisingly he picked the day he met Devi. I'm surprised you knew to send a letter for him and for us.

The kid's doing all right. He really misses you, but he's getting along all right. I think there is less trauma since things died down- at least no one he knows has died. Did you hear? The Divine contacted me once more, through a really weird dream (something about llamas, though I don't remember…) and when I woke up I was holding an amulet. I gave it to Squee, like they'd told me to, and it seems to be a protection of some sort. Tenna was pleased, at least.

She had him for a while, a little less than a month, now that I think about it. We knew he couldn't stay, none of us could take care of a kid for any length of time, except for Tenna, and even her babysitting limits were stretched by the end of a month. Her refrigerator exploded while they were sleeping, the couch was set on fire (twice) and her pet gerbil named Thor had babies… and died (the babies too.) Since he got the amulet, though, there hasn't been a mishap greater than spilt milk. But then, Squee doesn't live with any of us anymore.

I know you don't remember him, but I met a good person once upon a time. I really regret killing him, because he really wasn't like other people. He was nice, courteous, and seemed to lack a sense of fear. He had a very selfless nature, and he tried to protect everything he held dear to him by lying about it. Devi and I managed to track down Edgar Vargas' fiancée, and she was able to give me the phone number to his parents. His parents don't have the same last name as he does! 

I explained to them about Edgar. Well, not in so many details. I said that I had seen him die, and I was very sorry for it, though I neglected to tell them I was the one to pull the lever that ended his life. I told them I was very impressed with the way they had raised Edgar- Listed all of the qualities I had seen in him in only the short while I knew him. When they heard about Squee's plight, they readily agreed to take him in. He's been living with them, since, but he comes over often to visit. From what I hear from him, he's got it pretty good over there, and they make much, much better parents than his did. He visits less and less nowadays, and I am split over whether I am happy for him or sad to see him go. He's growing up fast, and I feel like I'm going to miss it and look up one day and he'll be grown.

It's been nearly a year since Devi came home from the hospital. It didn't take her long to recover, and I think she may have had some help with that. Divine or other, I'm not sure, but it was such a fast recovery. Do you know anything about that? She's here in the basement, too. I'm sure you knew about all of the equipment I had in my basement. Most of it is stained with blood, so much so that I can't get the stains out. We were stuck for a way to get rid of it without drawing attention. Then one day I get this frantic call and Devi says she knows what to do with it.

The answer was metalworking. I've seen metal-works at museums before, and sometimes in parks and where-ever. They're usually pretty abstract. It took us months to take apart off of the machines I had built, but we finally had it apart and sorted through. Devi is working with the metals right now. The blowtorch is a little blinding, but it's fascinating to watch her. None of us can seem to take our eyes away. I'm surprised I'm still writing. She's been crafting things that are terrifyingly beautiful- I'm enclosing a picture of the four of us standing around the last one we sold. I think you'll get what I mean. Most people wouldn't understand everything it represents, but I have a feeling you'll get it.

Surprisingly enough the sculptures thus far have sold for quite a lot. There is a collector out there who sent someone to make an offer on our very first piece before we had even finished it. I'd be willing to bet this could make a living for a while, at least for someone.

I've picked up my art again. Devi has, as well. Squee asked us to paint his room- We got to paint a little likeness of you by his bed. Well, you in teddy-bear form. Devi is over a lot and we sit in my main room and paint for hours. If I had not spent so much time talking to myself and being alone in the past I would find it odd to sit silently for so long… but somehow I think that Devi understands that. There hasn't been much happening between us, if you're thinking that. We have all been too busy recovering lives or starting new ones to bother dealing with anything else.

I'm running short on paper, I have to make a trip soon. I've been writing down everything that happened, since the beginning. It's making for a nice story, really. Sounds completely fictional, but something like this… I wouldn't WANT to be true. Since I got your letter, however, I thought I would write back and give you a proper ending to the story. Or at least… A new beginning.

~With many thanks again, Johnny

Johnny closed the notebook he had been writing in. His signature had fit at the very bottom of the last page in the book. The pages tore with a noise that could not be heard over the sound of the blowtorch in front of them. His eyes drifted over Devi's form, watching her work magic with the metal before her. Squee giggled at something Tenna was telling him, and Spooky squeeked in response to the child's glee. For the first time in a long time, Nny smiled a true smile. Perhaps, finally, life would be worth enough to stay.

End Chapter Six, Part Six. End Part Six. End Enough to Stay

Notes: Too long to put here- go to next chapter.


	35. Afterword

Afterword:

Notes (aka Farewell):

Wow… I can't believe how long it's been. You have all stuck with this story for almost 200 pages of pure story not to mention all my notes and stuff. Almost four months after undertaking this project… It's come to an end. I'm almost going to miss it. Almost. My muses say differently. I was thinking of writing an epilogue… It would have been sweet, almost sappy… and I would have had to kill myself for writing it. So I didn't. I'm not sure what everyone expected for an ending. My muses battled for a long time. Half of them wanted to leave Devi dead. Nny would have tried to kill himself only to find that because he did not belong in heaven and no one wanted him in hell… he had to remain on earth, where Devi could not be. My happier muses won out, though not as much as they would have liked to. 

I wasn't sure I wanted this story to end typically from the stories I have seem- either someone dies and stays dead and everything's unhappy, or Devi and Nny fall in love and adopt Squee as their own. I cannot see Squee being adopted by Nny, Devi, or even Tenna, though I had first considered that. My editor hit me with the broad side of a plank of wood, and I came to my senses. I thought about it and the only people I could think of the Nny might entrust Squee to would be Edgar's parents, if they still existed.

As for Devi and Nny… Well, I can't see them falling in love like normal people fall in love. I can see them having a fun time, I can see them hanging out and painting or talking or going to a movie… But the love thing just doesn't seem to enter into it. Nny doesn't seem like the type to go for that and we all know Devi's views on people making moves on her. Even should they enter a relationship… it wouldn't be like normal peoples. So I've left them as friends with the potential to be more.

If you've managed to stay with me this far… Wow. I applaud you. *applauds* I can't believe you'd keep reading this long. Blink, please. But thank you, because people reading this amazes me. I would really like to say thank you to all of the people who reviewed this either on ff.net or through email or instant messenger. It all meant a lot.

A SPECIAL THANKS GOES OUT TO MY EDITOR, WHO MADE THE ENTIRE STORY POSSIBLE AND WORTHWHILE TO WRITE AND FINISH WRITING! THANK YOU DURICHAN!!!!!!!

Anyhow… since you're this far… drop me a note. I'd love to hear what you thought, as you invested so much time reading this. Hope you enjoyed it, keep your eyes peeled for a sequel, should my muses ever organize their insanity enough to try again. @.@ pray not, please.

BaiBai!!!

~ CONTACT _Con-4922D8771 Sparkle Itamashii


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